Dr. Tsu (Nancy Kwan, The World of Suzie Wong) and her army of women have captured 14 of the worlds greatest athletes, selling their organs, body parts and even bodies to rich old men who want to live forever.
Mike Harber (Ross Hagen, The Hellcats) is the insurance investigator who stumbles in on her mostly nude, all female, all karate kicking army while investigating a missing jai-lai player.
Roberta Collins (Unholy Rollers, Death Race 2000) is in this, which makes it worth watching. Shirley Washington, the first black Ms. America, is in this as well. She was also in Darktown Strutters. There’s also Sid Haig, playing someone named Gregarious. And one of the girls is played by Maria De Aragon, who was Greedo. Yes. That’s correct. And Vic Diaz! Oh man!
There are also cockfights — Hagen would later make Supercock — and something called brainsex. Ah, the Philippines. May the movies that come off your island always be so strange.
This was directed by Robert Vincent O’Neill, who was also behind the first two Angel movies. He also wrote Deady Force and Vice Squad.
If the theme song sounds familiar, you probably own a bunch of Vinegar Syndrome blu rays.
You can watch this movie with Rifftrax commentary on Tubi.
King Kong (Sam “God of Song” Hui) is a cat burglar who wants to make good, so he teams with Albert “Baldy” Au (Karl Maka), a goofball American detective, and Superintendent Nancy Ho (Sylvia Chang), who is driven crazy by both of these foolish, yet heroic men.
The first in a series of movies, Aces Go Places is very much a spy movie mixed with cop and comedy elements. Known as Mad Mission in the U.S., I hope that more people track this down and watch it. It’s utterly hilarious and heartwarming in the way that it wants to entertain you.
There are also some cool gadgets, like the exploding remote control cars and King Kong’s awesome alarm clock. And hey! The bad guy’s name is White Gloves. I thought that was pretty cool for some reason.
Bob Yari has produced plenty of films, but only directed two — this one and Papa: Hemingway in Cuba. I’ll have to add this movie to two of my potential Letterboxd lists: the films of Maxwell Caulfield and movies where psychopaths engage with RVs. So, basically, the first list has this, Empire Records and Prey of the Jaguar; the second has Race with the Devil, The Hills Have Eyes films, Hitcher in the Dark and The Toybox.
Yeah, I have some time on my hands.
Rita (Shawn Weatherly, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Baywatch) and Dana Lund’s (Edward Albert, Galaxy of Terror) marriage is in shambles, so to try and save things, they decide to go on an RV excursion to California with their son. Along the way, they pick up the flute playing, husband cucking Eric (Caulfield), a maniac who brings their son along as he vandalizes houses and threatens people’s lives.
I kind of love any movie that mixes happy-go-lucky music video sequences with moments of sheer terror, plus has some moments where the characters are some of the most moronic people you’ve ever met ever. Also, any film that has Maxwell Caulfield dragging a small boy along to bang on doors and do a bad Nazi impression while he screams, “It’s the Gestapo!” is a movie that I’m genuinely proud to have in my collection.
If that’s not good enough for you, this movie completely rips off Bruce Hornsby and the Range’s “The Way It Is” for its main theme. Also, whiskey is suggested as medicine for depression, which is pretty much right on brand for me.
You can buy the blu ray of this directly from MVD. It’s also available on DVD, if you don’t want all the bells and whistles.
DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us for review by MVD.
“It’s not creepy, it’s kitschy.” — famous last words of another desert clown-cult victim
Clown Fear (aka, Circus Road during production) is an affable, ‘70s retro-grindhouse flick that tears down the tents of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes and rips you through a Tobe Hooper Texas Chainsaw Massacre-inspired fun house—with a side-organ order of Steven Chiodo’s Commander USA’s Groovie Movies classic, Killer Clowns from Outerspace. Except these aren’t celestial clowns: they’re terrestrial. But for you modern-horror dogs: Rob Zombie’s House of a 1000 Corpses—only not so serious. But we’re also feeling a bit nostalgic for those good ol’ southern folks from Hershell Gordon Lewis’s 2000 Maniacs—only the clowns aren’t ghosts and Clowntown, U.S.A. is real and doesn’t plot-twist vanish into the wilds of Nevada.
Insane? Yes. A posse? A little bit.
“Hee-hee-hee! It makes me think of León Klimovsky’s Vampires Night Orgy*. You know, instead of stranded motorists with vampires, we got FUBAR clowns.”
“Hey! The Marvolous Mervo from Bill Rebane’s Blood Harvest*? I figured you’d show up. You’ll never let me rest, will you? “
“So, R.D., since Circus City is built over an ancient coalminer cemetery, any chance we’ll get a Paul Naschy-styled out-of-left field zombie siege, like in Horror Rises from the Tomb*, only with with zombie-clowns?”
“No, no one will ever match a Paul Naschy FUBAR joint. But we’ll add that to the review. Thanks, Merv. You’re the best horror clown ever, by the way.”
“Hee-hee-hee. You still have to keep your fingers crossed and hope no puppets or friggin’ stringless marionettes show up, R.D. Your suck-up is for naught. I know how you are with puppets.”
Oh, shite. Pampers alert.
Friggin’ puppets. I need a brewski. Courtesy of weirdca.com.
Anyway, Carlee (screenwriter Sadie Katz) is a runaway bride (the wedding fell apart amid her “cheating” being exposed) who decides that a Las Vegas road trip with her bridesmaids Amber, Mia, and Nicole is in order. (Tiffani Fest, of the recently reviewed Rootwood and For Jennifer, stars as Amber.)
Yep, they wreck the car in the middle of FUBAR, Nevada, near one of those old-fashioned theme-motif motels typical of the off-roads in middle and southwest America. You know the type of vaycay spot I’m talkin’ ‘bout, Merv. There were “Indian” and “Cowboy” western-motifs; ones that resembled old country German Tudors with a neon-blazing “Yodel” sign; in New Mexico they’d have an “Alien” or “Atomic” prefix. But we are in the middle of Nevada and this is Captain Spaulding country, with a bunch of inbreds carnies of years gone by who just wanted to be left alone.
Not in the film; just having some fun! Courtesy of Trip Advisor/Mia Maguire & Spy.com.
So to that end: our daisy duke and bikini-adorned quartet end up at the circus themed Clown Inn (Ha! I bought my first beater from “Circus Cars” back in the day), smack dab in the middle of Conal Cochran’s Santa Mira, Calfornia, of Halloween III. And these clowns, like the laddies pumpin’ out those Silver Shamrock masks, have deep, mythical roots in the region. And what exactly are they? Just your run-of-the-mill witch or devil coven donning makeup, or are they just your run-of-the-mill f’d up redneck off-spring of the coal miners who once lived there? Am I in the lands of Jack Starrett’s Race with the Devil or Robert C. Hughes’s Hunter’s Blood*?
Whatever in the Cirque du Soleil they are, there’s some a-sacrificin’ to be done to satiate their clown-God in a demon-cum-circus themed ceremony. And these four chicks will fit on the ol’ dunk tank and Wheel of Death altar just fine.
The only quirk I had with Clown Fear is, that for a dark-horror comedy, it runs a bit too long at almost two hours (all of these 80-minute indie direct-to-DVDs I watch these days have ruined my patience for anything that’s of a theatrical length). That presents a problem with post-VOD distribution on a SyFy Channel two-hour programming block; a tighter, 80-minute cut would have been to the benefit of this feature film debut by director Minh Collins. But let’s face it: Cable TV is going the way of terrestrial radio: it’s a dying broadcast medium and we live in a streaming world. So my critical piffle about the film’s length is just me being a, well, piffling critic. In fact, eh, I should delete this paragraph. . . .
“Hee-hee-hee, R.D. Nah, it makes you look snobby, like you know what you’re talking about. Image is everything, when writing film reviews, R.D.”
“Excellent point, Merv. You really are Marvolous.”
“Thanks for the suck-up, R.D. But I’ll still be seeing you at 3 A.M. And I’m bringing along the Blue Meanies from Pepperland. I’ve got a new twist for your recurring Yellow Submarine nightmare.”
Oh, shite. Pampers alert.
Anyway, on the plus side: We get a fair amount of blood and gore-kills. The set dressers and designers of the motel rooms, especially the demon-clown-circus ceremony-trial, went all out. All of the clown actors—leads and backgrounds—certainly relish their characters and are a having good time selling the “world” they live in. And for the lonely lads on a Friday night: there’s plenty ‘o skimpy outfits, and boobs, if you want ’em. And for the CGI-rejecting guys like me: the old school in-camera effects play nicely into the retro-grindhouse vibe. Nothing beats an ol’ fashioned prop knife to an eye socket. To quote our victim’s famous last words: “It’s kitschy.”
Great deals that won’t cost you and arm and a leg . . . only one internal organ. A clown’s gotta eat. Courtesy of Google Images/Shively, KY.
Mihn Collins currently has two new projects in the pre-production stages: Blackjack Mountain is a family-oriented adventure film. And Asphalt Jungle looks exciting, as it stars Bruce Dern of The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant fame. You can’t go wrong with Bruce Dern.
Clown Fear was released in mid-February as a VOD, PPV, and DVD courtesy of Lionsgate at all of the usual online and brick-and-mortar retailers. You can learn more at the film’s official Facebook page, which offers trailer (the one we embedded for an easy watch either ends up removed or “black boxed” age-restricted. We give up!).
* Retro-film reviews—as off the wall as they wanna be—by R.D Francis. And Clown Fear is pure retro-Drive-In love of the first degree.
Disclaimer: This movie was sent to us by its PR company and, as you know, that has no bearing on our review. Besides: R.D Francis likey this movie.
About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.
It’s the ‘80s all over again. It’s The USA Network’s Commander USA’s Groovie Movies and Night Flight (check out our “Drive-In Friday” tribute) all over again. It’s an ‘80s retro-dream of renting Frank Henenlotter’s Basket Case one too many times. And, based on the theatrical one-sheet’s tagline: “Everyone is a science project,” this is Weird Science (1985)—if John Hughes was a fresh-out-of-film school teen, ready to take on Hollywood with a sci-fi/horror on-a-shoestring comedy.
It’s a 16 mm-to-35 mm blown up drive-in flick and SOV retro-joint threaded on one sprocket and I like it.
Soft Matter is a film that I “get” because of my enjoyment of Ed Hunt’s The Brain, Peter Jackson’s Braindead and Bad Taste, and Adam Rifkin’s The Dark Backward, along with Surf Nazis Must Die, Severed Ties, The Toxic Avenger, and, going a further back, The Undertaker and His Pals. I’d even toss in those ’80s Big Box VHS/SOV horrors (but Soft Matter has a clever humor element they don’t) of Boardinghouse (1982), Sledgehammer (1983), Truth or Dare (1986), 555 (1988), Spine (1986), Things (1989), and Gorgasm (1990); however, I mention these SOVs in the context of their Ed Woodian heart, passion, and tenacity: the production quality of Soft Matter is far superior.
Soft Matter is one of those “WTF did I just watch” type of films—like our recently reviewed Michael Reich greymatter-screwjob that is She’s Allergic to Cats. And to that end: you’ll enjoy the washed out, retro-‘80s video touches of this film’s opening titles sequence in relation to Reich’s similar retro-romp.
So, before you hit the big red streaming button: If you’re not familiar with those movies, you may want to peruse those reviews, and maybe watch their respective trailers, to get yourself up to speed to enjoy Connecticut screenwriter/director Jim Hickcox’s feature film debut (he has six shorts under his belt, along with production credits on thirty others; he knows what he’s doing behind the camera).
But seeing Hickcox was born in 1982—and knew not the joys of growing up during the burgeoning cable television and home video store universe—I’d have to say Hickcox’s O.D’d on one too many hours of my nieces and nephews’ Nickelodeon kid-coms, FOX KIDS airings of the Canadian horror anthology Goosebumps (based on the tween novels by R.L Stein), and Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim (now that I watched, along with MTV’s Liquid Television; if this was the ’90s, and Soft Matter was a short, it would be Liquid-programming).
And that brings us to this: A one-too-many-hits-on-the-bong world where Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water collides with Lloyd Kaufman’s The Toxic Avenger as two immortality-obsessed scientists (like in the WTF’er Re-Animator) DNA-splice incognito in an abandoned hospice. And the secret of life lies in the aquatic helixes of sea creatures—all with the goal of re-engineering man as an indestructible cephalopod (hey, isn’t that what the god complex’d nerds in Underwater did?).
Of course, all mad scientists need to be stopped. So, to that end, two plucky graffiti artists decide to create an art space in an abandoned building—the same building where Squid-Man and Lobster Boy are bubbling in petri dishes. Together, they help defeat the mad scientists and rescue an ancient sea goddess from her mop bucket prison.
If you’re in the mood for lots of hammy glob n’ goo n’ squish n’ slimy retro-‘80s, or ‘90s, fun—depending on your age and pop-culture references—then you’ll enjoy the horror/comedy mash-up that is Soft Matter.
It’s out now on DVD through Wide Eye Releasing. And at a brisk 70-minute runtime, Wilcox’s work is worth a what-the-hell watch with its homages to 1951’s The Thing from Another World and 1954’s Creature from the Black Lagoon. And besides: look what happened to Peter Jackson after his early works . . . so watch Jim Hickcox’s feature film debut now, so you can brag to your friends were “hep” to him, then.
Disclaimer: This movie was sent to us by its PR company and that has no bearing on our review. But based on the trailer and its wacked-out premise, we would have purchased our own copy of Soft Matter.
About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
The Carry On series has 31 movies from 1958-1978, with another made in 1993), 4 holiday specials, a 13-episode TV series and 3 stage plays, all in the British music hall tradition of bawdy parody. Made on the cheap, they are the second-longest British film series, eclipsed only by James Bond. So it makes sense that during this month of Bond, we finally get to a Carry On movie.
From cowboys and horror to army films, cruises and even Emmannuelle, these films hit every angle. And now, it was time for Bond.
STENCH (the Society for the Total Extinction of Non-Conforming Humans) has stolen a secret formula, which means that agents Desmond Simpkins (Kenneth Williams, who appeared in 26 of these films), Harold Crump (Bernard Cribbins), Daphne Honeybutt (Barbara Windsor) and Charlie Bind (Charles Hawtrey) must get it back.
There’s also the evil Dr. Crow and SNOG (the Society for Neutralising Of Germs), which we all could use some more of right now. There’s also BOSH (The British Operational Security Headquarters) and SMUT (The Society for the Monopoly of Universal Technology).
Bond producer Albert “Cubby” Broccoli threatened a lawsuit over the character name James Bind agent 006½, which led to the change in name to Charlie Bind and his title Agent Double 0-Ohh. He also demanded that the poster be reworked as it was too close to From Russia With Love.
The STENCH henchman The Fat Man was the voice of SPECTRE number 1 — Blofeld — in From Russia With Love and two of the henchwomen have hair that looks just like Modesty Blaise.
Interestingly, this film’s cinematographer Alan Hume who would later work on the Bond movies For Your Eyes Only, Octopussy and A View to a Kill.
This film — the last Carry On in black and white — was the first Bond parody to hit the screen. So many jokes in it would become parts of other films, like the name Charles Bind being used in Lindsay Shonteff’s Bond ripoffs, the restaurant tape recorder being used in For Your Eyes Only and The Living Daylights outright replicated this film’s plot, including an enemy agent with exploding milk bottles.
I also love that this movie was inspired by the fact that a Bond picture was filming at Pinewood Studios at the same time.
The last film the classic Hammer made, Shatter was also their second film with the Shaw Brothers after The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires. It was directed by Michael Carreras (The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb).
It starts Stuart Whitman as Shatter, a hitman who is in the midst of international chaos after killing an African leader and heading back to Hong Kong.
Shatter then learns that he is the next target, as he’s being used by his client for a political agenda. He enlists the help of a martial artist named Tai Pah for help against the many killers coming his way.
This is Peter Cushing’s 23rd and final Hammer film. His scenes were shot by Monte Hellman (Cockfighter, Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!).
Lung Ti, who plated Tai Pah, would go on to appear in A Better Tomorrow and Legend of Drunken Master. Anton Diffring (The Iguana With the Tongue of Fire) is the bad guy.
This was intended to be a TV series, but it never really even makes sense as a regular movie. Oh well — it has some fun parts at least.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: An American living in London, Jennifer Upton is a freelance writer for International publishers Story Terrace and others. In addition, she has a blog where she frequently writes about horror and sci-fi called Womanycom.
Fans of James Bond all have their favorite era. Live and Let Die (1973) is the eighth Bond film in the franchise and the first to star Roger Moore. Having cut his teeth on the British TV shows The Saint and The Persuaders, Moore proved himself to be a perfect Bond and went on to play the character six more times.
Released at the apex of the blaxploitation era, the film features many African-American stars from films in that genre, some used to great affect and others not so much. Yaphet Kotto is great as Kananga/Mr. Big. The clever gangster who -through the use of an alter-ego- both produces and distributes heroin throughout the United States. Julius Harris plays the Henchman Tee Hee with snarling delight, using his sharp metallic hand to great effect.
As with most Bond films, Live and Let Die is filled with beautiful locations and beautiful people but has a terrible script. When several MI6 agents are killed while monitoring his activities, they send Bond in to investigate. It’s odd that crimes having nothing to do with the UK would interest them but it’s so entertaining that it suspends disbelief.
The female characters during this era were treated pretty badly as well.
Gloria Hendry plays Rosie Carter, a CIA double agent working for Kananga. Although the film’s Wiki proudly boasts her as being the first Africa-American to sleep with Bond in the series, the film wastes her talent. She’s given nothing to do other than look scared displays an astonishing level of ineptitude despite being a highly trained CIA operative. Frankly, it’s insulting. Not only to Miss Hendry, but to the audience. To see Gloria flexing her acting chops and her fists, watch Hell Up in Harlem (also 1973) or Black Belt Jones (1974). Films on which her salaries were likely smaller, but the material she had to work with was far better than what they gave her here.
Young Jane Seymour is perfect as the naive Solitaire, Kananga’s tarot-reading mystic ward whom Bond rescues from captivity (and virginity.) The film includes a lot of mixed references to occultism and Voodoo in a confused mash-up that services the study of neither. In the film’s big reveal, Bond discovers Kananga has been producing heroin and is protecting the poppy fields by exploiting the San Monique locals’ fear of Baron Samedi, butplayed here memorably by Geoffrey Holder but given greater depth of exposition in 1974’s Sugar Hill.
In the finale, Kananga strings Bond and Solitaire up over a pool filled with sharks (without frickin’ laser beams) and then expands into a comical balloon that floats up and explodes after a fight where James shoves a gas pellet into his throat. All accompanied by the best soundtrack of the entire series. Did I mention there’s a redneck sheriff? Yeah, it’s got that going for it, too. An over-the-top stereotype meant to amuse African-American and British audiences alike.
To sum up, the movie looks great and sounds great. The boat chase is still one of the best of the series and although Q does not make an appearance, his gadgets are still prominently featured. Pardon the pun, but the plot is literally a pale comparison of the actual Blaxploitation crime films it tries to imitate. An enjoyable way to kill time? Definitely. It’s ‘70s cinema junk food at its best.
The boys had some adventures and I fell behind sharing the links! Here is the rest of their journey. I hope to see them out here again soon when we can all get together, which I hope isn’t too long away.
The new Issue of fanzine Drive-In Asylum now available! Features include an interview with Terry Tenbroek from 1979’s Delirium (aka Psycho Puppet), filmmaker and electronic musician Dante Tomaselli delivers our “Guest List” column, and tons of reviews and ad galleries. Escape the shut-in doldrums with DIA!
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