I have no idea how to even start discussing this movie, other than to tell you that it’s all over the place narrative and insane concepts make it a film that seems created for a target audience of one — me.

Written and directed by Phantasm creator Don Coscarelli and based on the book by David Wong, this film feels nearly impenetrable and like the kind of movie that you need to be on soy sauce, the drug from the film, to comprehend.

Coscarelli found the story by accident. He says, “True story: I received an email from a robot on Amazon.com, and it told me if I liked the zombie book I just read, that I would like John Dies at the End. I read the little logline, and it was just amazingly strange. I thought, ‘Well this might even make a good movie.’ Plus, it had arguably the greatest title in motion picture history.”

The film begins with David Wong pondering whether an axe he has used to kill a skinhead who keeps coming back from the dead is the same axe because it has a new head every time. Immediately, you know that this film has no interest in slowing down or worrying if you’re not getting it.

David goes to meet Arnie Blondestone (Paul Giamatti, Private Parts), a reporter who wants to know about the strange events that make up David and his friend John’s lives. It turns out that awhile back, David saved his friend Amy’s dog, Bark Lee, after he bit a Jamaican drug dealer.

Later, John is given the soy sauce drug by that very same drug dealer. Soy sauce opens the mind to things no one else can see, as well putting whoever uses it into alternate realities. That’s proved right away when a past version of John begins calling Dave and guiding him. Then the syringe full of the drug bites Dave and sends him through a whole bunch of other timelines.

Soon, Detective Lawrence Appleton questions John and Dave, because everyone that was at the drug dealer’s house has either disappeared or died violently. The reporter says that everything is a lie at this point, but Dave shows him a monster that convinces him to stay.

What follows is an adventure that includes celebrity exorcist Albert Marconi who gives the boys an LSD bomb to stop Korrok, an ancient biological superintelligence that has become a god inside another reality that prefers to communicate via cartoons, as well as a side journey to a future where John and Dave are the messiahs that will free Earth from a deadly plague. However, our heroes want nothing to do with any of this, preferring to play basketball.

And what happens with that newspaper interview? Does John die at the end? Can a dog save reality? I really don’t want to spoil any of this for you.

I was completely entertained by this movie, but it’s one of those ones that I have trouble telling others about. There are long stretches of talky dialogue that demand that you pay attention to the film. This isn’t background noise, but something that demands to be experienced. For those looking for something original and willing to make the commitment, I can offer no higher recommendation.

Check it out streaming now on Shudder!

Director Joseph Zito really cranked ’em out in the 1980’s, with films like Invasion U.S.A., Red Scorpion, the original Missing in Action and 1984’s Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. This one’s an interesting tweak to the slasher formula, plus it has what all gory movies need most: the imaginative grand guignol artistry of Tom Savini.

June 28, 1945: World War 2 may be coming to an end, but Rosemary Chatham is also ending her relationship with her boyfriend. The war’s gone on too long and she can’t wait for him any longer. As she attends the Avalon Bay graduation dance with her new boyfriend, they decide to slip out and make out at the point. Mid-tryst, a man in an army uniform impales them both, leaving behind a rose.

June 28, 1980: Pam McDonald has finally convinced the town to have a graduation dance, the first since Rosemary was murdered. Her boyfriend, Mark London (Christopher Goutman, who went on to be a soap opera director) is the town’s deputy and in charge as his boss, Sheriff  Fraser(Farley Granger, Strangers on a Train, What Have They Done to Your Daughters?, Amuck!) is heading to his cabin for the weekend.

Pam has some help — or well, she did — in Lisa, Sherry and Carl. The latter two are killed by The Prowler from the opening — Carl with a bayonet through his brain and Sherry by pitchfork. The blood is copious in both murders and the murderer leaves behind a rose.

At the dance, Pam gets upset when Lisa dances with her boyfriend and she gets a drink on her dress. Back at her dorm, the Prowler chases her, but at the last minute, she runs into Major Chatham (noted Hollywood crazy person rulebreaker Lawrence Tierney, who was arrested a dozen times in seven years and claimed he “threw away about seven careers through drink.” You may know him as the boss of the Reservoir Dogs and as Elaine’s dad on Seinfeld. During the shooting of that episode, he stole a butcher knife from the set and when Jerry Seinfeld asked him about it, he made threatening motions toward him while claiming he was just imitating Psycho. I could — and can and will and do — go on about Lawrence Tierney), a war veteran who grabs at her.

That’s when Pam realizes that the major’s daughter was Rosemary, the girl killed 35 years ago. Right around then, Lisa and Paul argue and he gets arrested for public drunkenness. Lisa decides to go swimming and gets her throat cut by The Prowler. Another girl, Allison, tries to find her and is killed as well.

Mark tries to call the Sheriff, but can’t get through. A shopkeeper tells the deputy that there are some kids up in the graveyard and when he investigates, Lisa’s body is in an open grave. They go to the major’s house to investigate and Mark is attacked and left for dead. Pam is chased through the house, learning that none other than the Sheriff is the Prowler. She is able to turn his gun on him and blow his head his shoulders.

After its all over, Pam returns to her dorm and discovers the bodies of Sherry and Carl. Carl comes to life and grabs her, but she’s just in the end of the movie hallucination shock scene that we all know and maybe love from Carrie.

The Prowler is mostly worth it for the extended gore sequences. It came out in the middle of the slasher cycle, so it has plenty of the hallmarks (maybe that’s not the right word) of the genre. You can catch it on Shudder and marvel at Savini’s handiwork for yourself. PLUS! They have it with Joe Bob Briggs commentary now!

I’m always searching for movies. After the April Ghoul’s Friday night, I headed back to our room and watched this movie on TCM and wanted to add it to my collection. It’s out of print, with prices going anywhere from $90 to $120 for the DVD. Imagine my happiness when I found it for $4 at an antique store!

The film opens with a dream sequence where Byron “Preacher” Sutcliff (Martin Landau, forever Bela Lugosi and John Koenig to me) finds himself in a diner where he is chopped in half by a demented short order cook (Donald Pleasence!).

That cook turns out to be Dr. Leo Bane, who runs a psychiatric hospital that is able to reach the unreachable. Sure, his methods are practically surreal and he randomly smokes weed during the day. But they work.

Dr. Dan Potter (Dwight Schultz, Murdock from TV’s The A-Team) is the new doctor in town, the replacement for Dr. Harry Merton who has moved to another hospital in Philadelphia. He’s brought his wife Nell and daughter Lyla (Elizabeth Ward, who played the original Carol Seaver in the pilot for TV’s Growing Pains before Tracey Gold won the role) to town and is preparing for a visit from his punk rock, post-nervous breakdown having sister Toni.

The really dangerous people in Dr. Leo’s care are all on the third floor. We already met the preacher, who loves setting things on fire. Then there’s the paranoid prisoner of war Frank Hawkes (the transcendent Jack Palance), child molester Ronald Elster (Erland van Lidth, Dynamo from The Running Man who was also in Stir Crazy) and John “The Bleeder” Skagg (Phillip Clarke, The Reincarnation of Peter Proud ), a killing machine who bleeds from the nose when he kills. No one has seen The Bleeder’s face, as he hides it from everyone but his close friends.

Dan learns from security guard Ray Curtis (Brent Jennings, Witness) that the third-floor men all believe that he killed Dr. Merton and want revenge. He blows this off.

A night at the punk rock club — a place that Dan hates — ends after the power goes out, as a nuclear power plant has caused a regional blackout. Lyla is at home with Bunky, her babysitter. And the men from the third floor kill their way out of Dr. Leo’s hospital, with all three but The Bleeder staying together.

Preacher makes the first move, trying to deliver a telegram to the Potter house. Then, Nell and Toni go to protest the nuclear power plant but are arrested, forcing them to bring in Bunky to babysit. However, Ronald gets there first and teaches Lyle origami. As for Bunky, well, she calls over her boyfriend Billy for some sex, but Preacher and Ronald kill them in a scene that has a disconcerting bit with a knife emerging from the bed.

When Dan bails out Nell and Toni, they bring along Tom Smith, a man they met in jail. The police are all over the house, investigating the murders of Bucky and Billy. Luckily, Lyle was in bed sleeping the whole time after playing with Ronald.

What follows is a night of murder and mayhem, with cops getting killed by crossbow bolts, Dr. Leo trying to reach out and hug the Preacher (he had previously told him that if he didn’t settle down he would cut him in half, leading to the nightmare we saw at the start of the film) before getting killed with an axe, a fire in the basement, the reveal of The Bleeder and so much more.

“It’s not just us crazy ones who kill,” says Dan at one point. The end of the film and the closing scene are harrowing. I’m not giving it away. You need to hunt this down for yourself.

Co-written and directed by Jack Sholder (The Hidden, the near franchise realigning of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge and The Omen TV movie remake) along with additional writing from producer and New Line co-chair and co-CEO Robert Shaye (who worked on the first two Elm Street movies), this was New Line’s first release. It also features a quick effect from Tom Savini.

One of the members of the band in the movie, The Sick Fucks, said that he ran into Jack Palance years after the movie. He told him he was one of The Sick Fucks from Alone in the Dark and Palance replied, “We were all sick fucks in that movie.” He’s right — Palance is awesome in this. He went so far into character that he refused to film a scene where he would kill the driver outside the Haven. He said that the audience didn’t need to see him kill the man to know how dangerous he was. He was totally right.

Alone in the Dark was written off as just another slasher in the early 1980’s. It’s basically disappeared as there hasn’t been a major re-release by a label like Shout! Factory or Arrow Video. That’s a shame — it’s an intelligent film that is as comfortable discussing the existential philosophy of R.D. Laing as it is with showing people get skewered.

UPDATE: You can now stream this on Shudder.

Night of Fear and Inn of the Damned are two of Australia’s first horror films. Their director, Terry Bourke, would go on to create this film, a quasi-slasher stalker film that’s packed with plenty of weirdness.

Gordon Mason is a handyman that’s obsessed with Marie Coleby, a young singer who treats everyone around her with snarling contempt. The film starts with what seems like him taking care of her needs, but he really just has a blow up doll that he pretends is her. She treats everyone around her like garbage, but Mason demands an apology from her, unlike everyone else. Later, he spies on her being tied up by a boyfriend.

Later that day, he breaks into her apartment, continually plays one of her songs and rapes her, thinking that it’s what she wants from what he watched before. Oh yeah — this dude also spends much of the film wandering around in mirrored shades, wearing a speedo and showing off one hell of a porn mustache.

After all that, she ends up biting Mason, so he holds her upside down and drowns her in a fish tank. Welcome to Australian film!

Mason gets caught by a neighbor, so he kills the man and his dog, too. But the killer had no idea that Marie’s sister, Jenny, is coming to visit. She instantly finds Marie’s jewels in the fish tank and the neighbor’s dead dog. Soon, Mason has transferred his stalkerly affection to her and only two policemen (the younger one being Roger Ward from Mad Max and Turkey Shoot) can save her.

What follows are the kind of antics that set Australian films apart: cops being set on fire, dead bodies being hidden in sheds, people being shot over and over, cops trying to drown their suspects and so much more.

This film didn’t come out in the US until 1986 and has never been released on DVD or Blu-Ray in this country. Is it worth a release? There have certainly been worse films put out. It’s cheesy and not a little ridiculous, but it ends up being pretty tense by the end.

Children of the Corn started as a short story first published in Penthouse Magazine that was later collected in the 1978 book Night Shift. It’s a story incredibly similar to Tom Tryon’s novel (and the film) The Dark Secret of Harvest Home. You could also draw parallels to Narciso Ibáñez Serrador’s Who Can Kill a Child? or Village of the Damned.

Did you know that Children of the Corn was filmed once before? A short film called Disciples of the Crow was made in 1983 that’s an abridged version of this story.

This one was produced in 1984, with Gor and Tuff Turf director Fritz Kiersch at the helm. Burt and Vicky (Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton) are on their way to California when they drive through the cornfields of Nebraska and accidentally hit a young boy. However, when Burt exams the kid, it turns out that his throat had already been slit. Uh oh.

As they examine the boy’s suitcase, they discover a crucifix made of twisted corn husks. They head to the next town, Gatlin, to alert the authorities.

They come across a mechanic who refuses them service. The truth is that he is the last adult in Gatlin. He’s agreed to supply the children with services and fuel for his life, but the enforcer of the town, Malachai breaks the pact and murders him, angering their leader Isaac.

When Burt and Vicky get to town, everything is out of date and there’s a bad feeling in the air. Even worse, no one seems to be in town. They find a little girl named Sarah alone in a house, where Vicky stays while Burt explores. Malachai soon appears, capturing Vicky and taking her to be sacrificed in the cornfield.

The only thing in town that’s in shape is the church. Inside, Burt learn the truth of Gatlin — twelve years ago, everyone over nineteen was killed and the children took Biblical names after their murders.

Now, they live under this religious order that demands that everyone over nineteen must be sacrificed. During a blood-drinking ritual, Burt starts to yell at the children. They chase him until another young boy named Job rescues him and they hide in a fallout shelter.

Isaac and Malachai argue, with the older boy taking over and ordering his leader to be sacrificed. Isaac warns that this will anger their covenant with He Who Walks Behind the Rows and the children will be severely punished.

That night, Burt goes to rescue Vicky and a horrible special effect devours Isaac. Seriously, this weird chroma key fuzz looks incredibly dated.  Anyways, Burt fights to save his wife and a possessed Isaac reappears and breaks Malachai’s neck.

A storm appears as Burt, Vicky and the two children decide that they must destroy the cornfield with gasoline and fire. They escape the town, taking the kids with them, their marriage somehow saved and they even discuss adopting the kids (but not before a sneak attack by Ruth is foiled).

This overly happy ending stands in marked contrast to the downbeat tone of the novel, where Vicky is sacrificed and Burt is killed by the creature in the cornfield. The creature punishes the town by lowering the sacrifice age to eighteen, so Malachi and the elders all walk into the cornfield to die as Ruth wishes that she could kill He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

If you’re wondering where Gatlin is in regards to King’s connected universe, the next town over is Hemingford Home, where Mother Abagail gathered her forces in The Stand.

There are eight sequels to this film, as well as a Sy Fy remake that aired in 2009 with an ending much closer to the King novel. Seeing as how we have every single one on DVD, it seems like I’ll be reviewing those soon.

Christine was not a film John Carpenter had planned on directing, as most of his films were personal projects, not just jobs. But after the poor reception that The Thing received, he needed a project that would jump-start his career. It may not be frightening. But sometimes, you need to make money to live on.

Richard Kobritz, who produced Salem’s Lot, was given some two unpublished manuscripts from King to consider for their next film adaptation. He chose this one over Cujo, as he felt that story was silly. One was “Christine” and the other was “Cujo.” Korbitz chose Christine because he thought Cujo was too silly.

This film was already in production as the book was being published. In its original prose form, it’s made clear that the original owner of the car, Roland D. LeBay, is the one possessing it. But in the film, from day one, there’s an evil force that powers this 1958 Plymouth Fury (a ’57 and two other Plymouth models, the Belvedere and the Savoy, were also used to create the car).

That malevolent spirit shows up on the assembly line, when Christine cuts a man’s hand off and then kills another worker who dares to ash his cigar on her upholstery.

Fast-forward 21 years and Arnie Cunningham (Keith Gordon, Dressed to Kill) has only one friend — Dennis (John Stockwell, who became a director and helmed Blue Crush, Turistas and Crazy/Beautiful, amongst others). His life gets better when he buys Christine for $250, an action that no one understands.

Arnie not only restores the car, he restores himself. Tossing his glasses, he begins to become more arrogant and dresses like a 1950’s greaser. That allows him to hook up with the new girl in town, Leigh.

Dennis worries about Arnie, so he begins to study the dark past of his car — like how it killed its previous owner and his family. It tries to do the same to Leigh, jealous of anyone who gets close to its owner.

After a fight with Arnie leads to him being expelled, Buddy Repperton and his gang completely destroy Christine. As Arnie watches, it comes back to life, repairing itself and hunts the gang down, one by one. There’s an incredibly directed scene here where a flaming Christine (obviously this scene influenced the close of The Strangers: Prey at Night) chases Buddy to his death.

The murders don’t stop there, as Christine even kills Darnell (Robert Protsky, Grandpa Fred from Gremlins 2), the owner of the garage where Arnie fixed up the car. This leads state policeman Rudolph Junkins (Harry Dean Stanton, always a welcome face) to investigate Arnie.

Dennis and Leigh try to save Arnie by luring Christine to Darnell’s. They think it’s just the car coming to battle them, but Arnie is behind the wheel as it crashes, sending him flying through the windshield to his death. They finally get the car into a crusher, but even as it’s deposited into a junkyard as a cube, it’s already reforming to the tune of “Bad to the Bone.” If you look close enough, the singer of that song, George Thorogood, is working in the junkyard.

There’s a lot more that was jettisoned from the book, like how crooked Darnell was, the romance between Leigh and Dennis, Junkins getting killed by Christine and her coming back and hunting down the rest of the gang after she’s crushed.

There’s just enough Carpenter (and a great score alongside frequent collaborator Alan Howarth) to make this movie worthwhile. It’s not the best of his films. Nor the best King film. But it’s an enjoyable enough way to pass ninesome someodd minutes.

Ōkami no Monshō was a two-volume manga published in 1970 and then re-created in 2007. This film version — which wildly differs from its inspiration — hit Japanese screens in 1975 and stars Japanese actor, singer, film producer, film director, and martial artist (and the inspiration for a marijuana nickname) Shin’ichi “Sonny” Chiba. And it’s one of the wildest, strangest films I’ve ever seen.

Let me see if I can come close to summarizing the batshit insanity that is this movie: Akira Inugami (Sonny Chiba, of course), our hero, is the last survivor of a clan of werewolves. As a child, he watched his village and people get destroyed. Today, he uses his werewolf abilities to help him solve crimes — but never transform into a wolf.

His new case begins when a man is yelling in the street about being attacked by an invisible tiger that soon tears him apart. At the center of his investigation is Miki, who was abused by The Mobs, an evil rock band, and now only cares about heroin and killing everyone who hurt her. Now, a phantom government agency uses her to kill those they deem necessary of elimination.

Along the way to solving this mystery, Inugami will battle ninjas, the Yakuza, the Japanese CIA, assassins and more. It’s also worth noting that Wolfguy sleeps with more women in this movie than James Bond, but everyone he touches usually ends up dead. There’s one bonkers sex scene near the end with his true love, Taka, that has him remember sucking on his werewolf mother’s breast while doing the same to the woman he claims is his wife. Alright there, Wolfguy.

Sonny Chiba didn’t form the Japan Action Club for nothing. This group, created to develop and raise the level of martial arts techniques and sequences used in Japanese film and television, has him at its center. In this film, he has a multitude of battles and even gets thrown down a cliff and somehow front flips directly onto his feet, a stunt that completely astounded me.

Directed by Kazuhiko Yamaguchi (Sister Street Fighter) and written by Fumio Konami (Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion), this is the only Japanese werewolf that’s not a werewolf scored by Japanese jazz noise rock that sounds like Goblin featuring blood gushing FX that I have — and probably will ever — see. Imagine Wild Zero but played completely straight. I’ve also never seen a movie where the hero is able to control his intestines and pull them back into his body.

Imagine this: loud guitars, neon colors, dizzying camera angles, werewolf fistfights against ninjas and a love scene every fifteen minutes. This is a gloriously scuzzy, scummy, silly and majestic piece of film. It blew me away from start to finish and I can barely comprehend much of what I watched!

Credit for getting this movie back into the pop culture consciousness belongs to Arrow Video, which put out a gorgeously cleaned up release. You can grab that at Diabolik DVD. Even better, if you have Shudder, you can watch it now! It’s streaming and ready to blow your fucking mind.