Tag Archives: 1994

USA UP ALL NIGHT MONTH: The Companion (1994)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Companion aired on USA Up All Night on December 31, 1996.

Of all the Terminator clones, who knew that I’d be watching one with Bruce Greenwood — Pike from the later Star Trek movies — as a male companion named Geoffrey?

Romance novelist Gillian Tanner (Kathryn Harold, Raw Deal and Yes, Giorgio) has her agent Charlene (Talia Balsam) inform her that perhaps she should give up men — she just got cheated on by Bryan Cranston! — and get with the future. Yes, she is embracing the fourth point of the Church of Satan’s five-point program for Pentagonal Revisionism: Development and production of artificial human companions: The forbidden industry. An economic “godsend” which will allow everyone “power” over someone else. Polite, sophisticated, technologically feasible slavery. And the most profitable industry since T.V. and the computer.

At first, she’s cold to Geoffrey who is too perfect, too good looking and too willing to cater to her every need. It even puts off her friend Ron Cocheran (Brion James, cast as a reference to Blade Runner?*) and his way too young girlfriend Stacey (Joely Fisher). But when she allows Geoffrey to mess with his programming so that he can become more surprising and therefore her perfect man, Gillian learns that maybe she likes men that are bad for her whether they’re human or machine.

Director Gary Fieder would go on to make Things to Do In Denver When You’re Dead, Kiss the Girls and Don’t Say a Word. You can see he was meant for bigger things when you watch this. It was written by Ian Seeberg, who also wrote and narrated The Naked Peacock, a documentary on nudist camps, and the movie Temptation.

The cast also has James Karen, always a good thing, as the robot salesman, and Earl Boen — as a holographic talk show host — and he was in Terminator, which is a nice reminder that this is referencing that movie.* Plus you get a quick roles for Stacie Randall (Lyra from Trancers 4 and 5), Courtney Taylor (Mary Lou in Prom Night III: The Last Kiss), Brenda Leigh (Scanner Cop) and Bob the Goon himself, Tracey Walter.

It was shot by Rick Bota (who also worked with Fieder on Kiss the Girls), who directed a few movies of his own, including three Hellraiser movies: Hellseeker, Deader and Hellworld. He was also the director of photography for twenty-three episodes of Tales from the Crypt, House On Haunted Hill and Valentine.

The special effects at the end — Scott Wheeler (300, Big Fish, Us, The Mangler, Demon Wind and so many more movies — look really good. Understated and very T800-like, but for a TV movie, it looks great. I had no expectations of The Companion when it started and I ended up really liking it. It feels like the kind of movie that a studio would make today and here it is, a low budget made-fot-TV movie that played on USA.

*Kind words to Matty Budrewicz from the incredible The Schlock Pit site for pointing this out.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Mirror, Mirror III: The Voyeur (1994)

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With Mirror, Mirror III: The Voyeur, the filmmakers finally smartened up and said, “If we’re going to keep making movies where people fuck an evil mirror, maybe the movies should be erotic thrillers.”

Directed by Rachel Gordon (Animal Attraction 3, Dungeon of Desire) and Virginia Perfili (who wrote the last Mirror, Mirror movie) and written by Steve Tymon (Ring of Fire II: Blood and Steel, Witchcraft 5: Dance With the Devil), this is the story of Cassandra (Monique Parent, who was in Night Dreams for Playboy as well as several other movies you watched on Cinemax on Friday after 11 PM). She’s a witch who wants an artist named Anthony (Billy Drago). She’s killed by the drug dealer she was really with (Richard Cansino) and is trapped by the mirror, only leaving to have gauzy candlelit sex with Billy Drago and have you seen Monique Parent? Anyways, good for you, Billy.

The problem is that Billy’s art career takes off and he ends up making love to his agent (Elizabeth Baldwin), which brings Cassandra out of the mirror and killing anyone and everyone.

For some reason, David Naughton is a detective and Mark Ruffalo shows up for his second Mirror, Mirror movie but isn’t the same character. All he does is make a sandwich, the most dramatically edited sandwich making scene ever committed to VHS.

I really believe that this movie had nothing to do with the series originally, then they decided to work in the mirror angle, because it was called Dreaming of Angelica and there’s no Angelica in this.

This movie waits 17 minutes for the opening credits and I love it for making that call.

How did this movie get “Fish, Chips and Sweat,” “You and Your Folks and Me and My Folks,” “Music for My Mother” and “I Wanna Know If It’s Good to You” by Funkadelic in it?

This is the kind of movie that tests the patience of normal movie watchers and you have to know that I’m watching every moment just in pure glee, sheer joy, feeling the occult magic trapped in a movie that was once locked on the five dollars for five nights wall in a mom and pop store and now it’s streaming where everyone can be obliterated by scene after scene of Billy Drago’s butt piston pumping like those oil wells in the beginning of Dallas.

No one fucks a mirror, though.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Mirror, Mirror II: Raven Dance (1994)

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If this week teaches you anything, it’s that the ddirect-to-videosequels of the 90s had nothing to do with the film they come after, usually other than one element. The element here is the mirror from Mirror, Mirror, of course.

Director and writer Jimmy Lifton produced the first movie — he also composed the music and worked on the mechanical effects — and this time, he’s telling the story of where that mirror has been, starting when Nicolette (Sarah Douglas) uses it to blind Sister Aja (Veronica Cartwright), at which point the sisters just decide to keep it and cover it with canvas. There’s no way that mirror would ever cause another problem, right?

An S&M-influenced metal band shows up and the mirror goes shithouse on them, nearly killing off our heroine, Marlee (Tracy Wells, who has left Chippewa, PA and Mr. Belvedere far behind) and putting her into the horrifying grip of her sister Roslyn (Sally Kellerman) and her boyfriend Dr. Lasky (Roddy McDowall), who hire a handyman named Roger (William Sanderson) to make her crazy — she’s already blind and can only see around the mirror — so that she can get the money that rightfully belongs to Tracy and her brother Jeffrey (Carlton Beener).

Well, you know who can help her? Christian (Mark Ruffalo). And he’s a ghost.

Also: Will someone has sex with a mirror again? I mean, yes. I think it’s in the legal paperwork for all of these movies.

This movie goes for it, as Kellerman gets aged really fast, McDowall gets pulled into the mirror, toys come to murder-filled life, Sister Aja cries Michael Myers tears, a stained glass window comes to life and kills someone, there’s way too much dancing or not enough, and then Ruffalo battles the monster in the mirror.

Mirror, Mirror 2 is absolutely dumb and I demand my 90s direct to video store sequels that way.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Ghoulies IV (1994)

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It took this long to get an actual Ghoulies sequel.

Jonathan Graves (Peter Liapis) from the first movie was once an occultist and is now a cop. He has a necklace that can bring his evil doppelganger into our world and that evil side is worshipped by Alexandra (Stacie Randall, Puppet Master 4, Trancers 4), who wants that necklace so she can bring him full-time into our reality by sacrificing Graves’ lover Jeannie (Raquel Krelle). Jonathan is helped by his ex, Kate (Barbara Alyn Woods), who is also a cop. And yes, Johnathan used to be with Alexandra as well. No wonder he needs a second version of himself.

For some reason, the ghoulies are now split into dark and light forms — dark is Tony Cox and light is Arturo Gil — and they’re just little people in suits. That said, they get the best line: “See you in the sequel… Ghoulies 4… Part 2!”

Why were they just costumes? Cinetel Films couldn’t afford to use the puppet props of the original Ghoulies. The budget is so tight that the same exact car chase from 976-EVIL II is used. Director Jim Wynorski makes a play for being the American Bruno Mattei here, but for some reason, I see Mattei’s thievery as more pure. He also rewrote the script from Mark Sevi (who also wrote Dream a Little Dream 2 which has Randall in it) with the help of Liapis.

The beginning is great, as Alexandra breaks into a museum and goes full on Ninja 3 on a bunch of security guards. I wish this had more moments like that. It’s cheap and messy, but for some reason, I watched all four Ghoulies movies in one day so I wasn’t bored.

Ring of Steel (1994)

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Alex Freyer (Robert Chapin, who was born into a family of puppeteers and now does visual effects) is arguably the hero of Ring of Steel, even if you want to hate him throughout the movie. He whines, he cries, he screws up and kills someone in a fencing match, yet he still gets to have a sweaty near-Amityville: It’s About Time sex with nice girl Elena Carter (Darlene Vogel, Spike from Back to the Future Part 2 and also the fourth person to play Angel in  Angel 4: Undercover).

Alex is out of the Olympics and has no idea what to do with his life when he meets the Man In Black (Joe Don Baker) when he pulls a sword cane on some backstreet toughs. He tells Alex that he’s the best and that he wants to bring him together with his trained fighters to be even better.

This movie has everybody in it, and by everybody, I mean people whose name I yelled when they showed up like Carol Alt as the bad guy’s girl Tanya, Don Stark (Bob Pinciotti from That 70s Show) as a cop and, as you knew he would show up, Judo Gene LaBelle as, well, Judo Gene LeBelle.

This was written by Chapin too, working with David Frost (not the famous British TV personality), and it’s pretty much every martial arts movie except with swords. And pirate shirts. Supposedly, Chapin’s original story was way too dark, as Alex would fall into a world of drugs, money, women and bloodsport and not even want to be with Elena anymore. When MCA/Universal picked it up for home video distribution, they lightened it up. And set up a sequel, which I think we could still fund, you know?

The fact that I love this movie more than any that will ever win an Oscar for the rest of time is why I will never be a serious and respected film personality.

You can watch this on YouTube.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Color of Night (1994)

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April 26: American Giallo — Make the case for a movie that you believe is an American giallo.

“Erotic mystery thriller.”

That’s 1994 for giallo.

Dr. Bill Capa (Bruce Willis) is color blind after an unstable patient named Michelle (Kathleen Wilhoite) jumps from his window and explodes on the street below, her bright green dress covered in deep red blood. This is a total giallo moment that can only happen in one of these movies but I love this movie for that. That and the fact that this movie starts with her literally sucking off a handgun. What kind of therapy session is that?

His friend Dr. Bob Moore (Scott Bakula) invites him to Los Angeles and to sit in on his group therapy sessions. But in a few days, Bob is dead and Bill is at the center of trying to find out why, all while cajoled by Lt. Hector Martinez (Ruben Blades). Martinez thinks that everyone could be the killer in that group, even Dr. Bill. And what a group of suspects he’s looking at.

There’s OCD-suffering lawyer Clark (Brad Dourif); suicidal ex-cop Buck (Lance Henriksen); Sondra (Lesley Ann Warren), who wants to sleep with everyone or steal from them; BDSM painter Casey (Kevin J. O’Connor) and Richie, who is a teenager drug addict with gender dysphoria. There’s also a reason why I’m not telling you who plays Richie, because it gives away the entire film.

What’s amazing is that it turns out that everyone in the group — including Dr. Bill — ends up involved with the same woman, Rose (Jane March). And her brother Dale (Andrew Lowery) has messed with her head to the point that she’s not even sure who she is any longer and oh yeah, they used to have a brother named Richie who killed himself after being sexually abused by his psychologist.

Director Richard Rush hadn’t directed a movie since 1980’s The Stunt Man. Despite a past making Hells Angels On Wheels, Freebie and the Bean, Thunder Alley and Psych-Out — and being paid to walk away from his last project Air America — Rush couldn’t get producer Andrew Vajna to agree with his vision for the film. They went to war in the press, with Variety on the side of Rush, The Los Angeles Times on the side of Vajna and the Director’s Guild trying to fix things. It took Rush having a massive heart attack before everyone calmed down.

The sex scenes in this movie are, well, volcanic. So much so that MAXIM Magazine — remember that? — picked one as the best sex scene ever. What’s wild is that Carmine Zozzora, who was Bruce Willis’ best friend and associate producer on the film, ended up dating and marrying her during the pre-production of this movie. Well, once filming started, you can imagine how he started to react to the making of those scenes. In the end, Rush kept his Best Sex Scene from MAXIM in his bathroom. He reportedly loved that thing.

Someone goes through a glass door as if they’re in an Argento movie, the group therapy session feels right out of Schizoid minus the wild eyes of Kinski and the sex scene lasts so long that they take a break to eat a steak and salad that Rose cooked naked (I mean, have you ever?) and then have sex again and hey, there’s Bruce Willis’ penis in the pool.

In 1994, people spent lots of money to make movies like this, absolute messes of movies that may not always work, but wow, they’re so vibrant and full of memorable moments even if flawed that we’d never see on screens today.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Backstreet Justice (1994)

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April 12: 412 Day — A movie about Pittsburgh (if you’re not from here that’s our area code). Or maybe one made here. Heck, just write about Striking Distance if you want.

This movie is so close to being a Yinzer giallo. So, so close.

The rules:

  • The movie must be true to its Pittsburgh roots, meaning that the movie must be filmed here while speaking directly to the experience of growing up in the city. Well, there’s a scene where they discuss the many serial killers in town (tahn) in neighborhoods like Mount Washington and Homestead.
  • If it’s filmed here, it must reference Pittsburgh and not have the city stand-in for another town. That’s true, as there’s even a fight scene inside the Incline.
  • It must feel authentic, which helps several films on this list as they are movies with moments that only make sense when you’re a lifelong Pittsburgher. Honestly, the movie could be filmed anywhere and they’d adjust some neighborhoods and be fine, but it’s still nice to see that it’s made here.
  • Bonus points for featuring Pittsburgh landmarks, Steelers jerseys and local brands. Trust me, seeing a can or bottle of Iron City in a yinzer giallo is like a J&B bottle in a traditional example. Well, there’s a scene shot at the LeMont up in Mount Washington (a fancy place that working class types use as a reference toward eating something fancy; using it in a sentence: “What yinz millionaires and gonna eat at LeMont?”), Steeler Rocky Bleier playing himself and, just when I was wondering, “Will Bingo O’Malley show up in this?” he ends up playing a bad guy at a construction site.

Unfortunately, while it is a murder mystery that plays on family dynamics and past crimes, it lacks a black gloved killer — not to say that numerous people aren’t killed but mostly with a gun — and any psychosexual or fashion-centric moments. So, neither a giallo or Yinzer giallo.

But how is it as a movie?

It stars Linda Kozlowski from the Crocodile Dundee movies as Keri Finnegan, a tough Yinzer PI whose father was a bad cop, a fact that Captain Giarusso (Paul Sorvino) never lets her forget. Or any of the other cops, as the only one who seems to like her is her ex-boyfriend Nick Donovan (John Shea), who she still sleeps with (this is Kozlowski’s first nude scene; she was also naked in Zorn, made the same year, then retired after 1995’s Village of the Damned and the 1996 TV movie Shaughnessy until making 2001’s Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles). She also has a father and daughter relationship with Nick’s stepfather, District Attorney Steve Donovan (Hector Elizondo).

Kozlowski proves herself a formidable action heroine in this, giving her all in some rough and tumble fight scenes. And hey, maybe this is a giallo as the real killer ends up being the person least likely to be the murderer.

If I were the Pittsburgh Police, I’d start looking into all the dirty cops, though. Between this movie, Striking Distance, Street Corner Justice and Alone in the Neon Jungle, the boys in blue, black and yellow are not faring well on film. If you want to see some actual cops working on the streets of the Steel City, check out season 3, episode 23 of cops where someone tries to jump off a bridge, just like Jimmy Detillo.

I really love that this film’s heroine is based in McKees Rocks, which if you’re looking for a rough neighborhood for a hardscrabble lead in Pittsburgh, well, you can’t really do better. Tammy Grimes shows up as Keri’s mother and Vivica Lindfors (Creepshow) plays an older woman who has evidence important to Finnegan’s case and her father’s supposed crimes.

You can tell this was made in 1994 because of this dialogue, said by the heroine, no less, to her black friend: ““Where the hell were you anyway? What did you do, pass a watermelon stand you couldn’t resist?” He answers, “Colonel Sanders.” Come on, beyond how racist this is, if he was a real Yinzer, he would have replying, “I was at George Aiken.”

Director and writer Chris McIntyre (Gang Warz, Hell to Pay) was at least smart enough to hire Tom Savini to do the special makeup effects. Also, I am sure that former Mayor Sophie Masloff is in that dinner scene, which would make a lot of sense as she held the office from 1988 until the year this was made.

You can watch this on Tubi.

APRIL MOVIE THON 2: Model By Day (1994)

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April 2: Forgotten Heroes — Share a superhero movie that no one knows but you.

There was actually a Model By Day comic book which ran all of two issues from Rip-Off Press by creator Kevin J. Taylor before somehow getting to be a Fox TV movie. Even crazier, one of its writers, Jeph Loeb, would go on to write comics like Batman: The Long Halloween, Superman for All Seasons, several issues of X-Men and oh yeah, the Heroes Reborn Captain America, Avengers, Iron Man and Onslaught Reborn. His writing partner on this, Matthew Weisman, also wrote Commando and Teen Wolf with Loeb.

Look, after Tim Burton made Batman, Hollywood was crazy for anything superhero. How else can you explain The Phantom and The Rocketeer and The Shadow — I love these movies, but you know, I may be the only one — getting their own movies?

Airing on October 12, 1993, Model By Day stars Famke Jannsen — one day she will be Jean Grey of the Uncanny X-Men — as Lex, who is, you guessed it, a model by day and Lady X, a superhero vigilante of the evening. When her photographer roommate Jae (Traci Lind, Fright Night 2) nearly loses an eye in a carjacking, she uses the Tae Kwon Do she has learned from Master Chang (whitewashing warning, actor Clark Johnson is not Asian) and gets some revenge which means going up against the Russian mob. There’s also another Lady X causing problems, which seems like something you do in the second chapter not the first.

Toronto plays New York City, Kim Coates is a bad guy, Von Flores is the kinda maybe not a bad guy, Stephen Shellen plays love interest Lt. Eddie Walker and I feel like I cast this because Sean Young and Shannon Tweed are both in it. I mean, this is a movie about a comic character who uses handcuffs as her weapon and it’s like, so male gaze that I wondered if I should feel bad about liking it so much but then again, I do watch a lot of Joe D’Amato so I think I’m beyond forgiveness.

Director Christian Duguay also made Scanners II: The New Order and Scanners III: The Takeover, as well as Screamers. The Phillip K. Dick one. Not the one that promises that you will see a man get turned inside out.

MILL CREEK BLU RAY RELEASE: Epic Showdowns – 4 Action Movies: The Cowboy Way (1994)

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Rodeo riders and ropers Pepper Lewis (Woody Harrelson) and Sonny Gilstrap (Kiefer Sutherland) have traveled from New Mexico to New York City looking for their friend Nacho Salazar (Joaquín Martínez) and staying to find his killer along with police officer Sam “Mad Dog” Shaw (Ernie Hudson).

Directed by Gregg Champion and written by Robert C. Thompson and William D. Wittliff (Legends of the Fall, The Perfect Storm, Lonesome Dove‘s TV script), this reminds me of the 90s when high concept buddy movies kept coming out. “So Woody and Kiefer are from Texas and come to the big city and stuff happens! We’ll even have Woody order a steak, you know, because he’s vegan! It’s kind of like Crocodile Dundee.”

Bad guy John Stark (Dylan McDermott) is the reason they’re in town, as Nacho was coming to buy his daughter Teresa’s (Cara Buono) freedom. The outcome is never in doubt, but there is a nice bit of character work as Hudson really wants to be a cowboy, which is supposed to be funny because the movie assumes audiences believe there were no black cowboys when history informs us that up to 25% of all cowboys in the settling days of the west were African American.

The Mill Creek Epic Showdowns – 4 Action Movies set includes  Kull the Conqueror, The Jackal and End of Days. You can get it from Deep Discount.

JESS FRANCO MONTH: Downtown Heat (1994)

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I never think of the world of Jess Franco existing in the same universe as the Hard Rock Cafe and their shirts, which were once everywhere, but here we are as the hero of this movie plays mournful jazz as he laments the death of his wife. Also: when they find the body of his wife, it’s in a junkyard and covered with mice and it turns out that she was having an affair with Melissa, who is Lina Romay and man, just when I was bored by this movie being a police sort of action movie, Lina shows up with a mohawk and eye makeup and a gang that looks straight out of the Bronx by way of Italy.

Oddly enough, this has some American names in the cast including former 20th Century Fox contract player, star of Desilu’s Whirlybirds and alleged early boyfriend of Rock Hudson Craig Hill and Mike Connors (I have no idea how Joe Mannix ended up in a Jess Franco film).

It’s also the last movie of Charlie’s daughter Josephine Chaplin, who was also in Pasolini’s The Canterbury Tales, Franco’s Jack the Ripper and Chabrol’s Cop Au Vin.

Unlike nearly every Franco movie, this was made in sync sound.

So yeah. Cop action. Dead wife. Evil drugs. Somehow the only movie that Jess made in 1994, which kind of blows my mind as much as this not being dubbed.

You can watch this on Tubi.