RETURN OF KAIJU DAY: Attack of the Galactic Monsters (1983)

I have no idea how and why this exists, but I’m ready to find out.

Supposedly made for Hawaiian TV, this 55 minute movie is made out of parts of War In Space and Godzilla scenes from the TV show Zone Fighter. And it’s a mess, a glorious mess, nearly an hour of footage of space ships, aliens yelling and kaiju beating one another up.

Or maybe it’s an elaborate hoax, a bootleg put together to sell at cons and post to the internet.

Does it matter? This does what I have always wanted: Chop out the boring exposition and human drama and just give the audience what they want: explosions, kaiju combat and destruction.

I could tell you that this is about Hell, the Supreme Commander of the Empire of Galaxy kidnapping the daughter of Captain Takigawa and holding the Earth hostage.

Meanwhile, Zone Fighter was a Toho tokusatsu show that took place — in continuity! — between Godzilla vs. Megalon and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. It’s all about the zone Family, whose planet Peaceland was destroyed by the evil alien race known as the Garogans. The children of the family are Zone Fighter, Zone Angel and Zone Junior, powered by toy-like weapons.

King Ghidorah and Girus show up, as does Godzilla, who has a special cave built for him by the Zone Family so he has a place to relax. It lasted for 26 episodes before poor ratings ended the show, even with the appearances of Toho’s most famous monsters. Also: Every bad guy monster dies horribly on this show.

For an example of that, Godzilla sets Wargilgar on fire in this, as we watch that poor kaiju dance around ablaze. Burn, Tokyo, burn! There’s also a magnetic kaiju named Jikiro that gets torn apart. In America, we only saw fights between monsters. Kids in Japan demanded blood.

This also ends as so many Japanese movies do with one of the heroes bravely sacrificing his life to save everyone else. I didn’t understand the idea of nobility as a child and it just made me sad. It still does. But then again, did I really want. these antenna aliens telling me how to live my life? Today, I’d do the same thing, but it’s not as cool to drive a minivan into a spaceship as it is to drive a big flying battleship.

Anyway: This movie goes good with drugs.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

ARROW VIDEO SHAW SCOPE VOLUME 3 BOX SET: Bastard Swordsman (1983)

Director Chun-Ku Lu (Holy Flame of the Martial World) is here to tell us the story of Yun Fei Yang (Norman Chui), an orphan who is given the worst tasks at Wudang, a martial arts school. Every privileged student abuses him, but he remains there, studying and working on his kung fu when he isn’t being treated like trash. There’s a real problem, however, as the rival Wu Di school and their best fighter, Kung Suen Wang (Meng Lo), is coming back to duel the school’s master swordsman Qing Song (Jung Wang) after having already defeated him twice.

Yun Fei Yang also is in love with the daughter — Fang Er (Yeung Jing-Jing) — of the leader of the school, Chief Dugu (Alex Man Chi-Leung), who has left for two years. As Dugu rests as a tavern, he’s attacked by four killers — Wind (Yuen Tak), Thunder (Wong Lik), Rain (Yuen Qiu) and Lightning (Kwan Fung), in case you ever wondered if John Carpenter watched these movies — and is saved by Fu Yu Shu. Yet after he’s attacked a second time, Yun Fei Yang is blamed and the school starts to tear itself to pieces A new master shows up, Fu Yu Xue (Tony Liu), and he soon steals away the school.

Yun Fei Yang starts to train with a stranger — Shen Man Jiun (Chan Si-Gaai) — and begins to master the signature style of the school, the Silkworm, all while running for the law, who thinks that he is a murderer. Yet despite the odds being against this “bastard,” the only way the true Wudang style will live on is through him.

Don’t think that this movie is rooted in our world. After all, Yun Fei Yang soon learns how to spin himself into a cocoon and emerge as a silver armored superhero who can shoot webs and emit blasts of energy. By the end, the final battle takes place inside his cocoon and it ends with the bad guy turned into a skeleton.

Based on a TV series, Reincarnated or The Transformation of the Heavenly Silkworm, this would be followed by a sequel, Return of the Bastard Swordsman.

The Arrow Video Shaw Scope Volume Three box set has a brand new 2K restoration of The Bastard Swordsman as well as commentary by Frank Jeng and a trailer.

You can get this set from MVD.

The Creature Wasn’t Nice (1983)

Also known as Naked Space and SpaceshipThe Creature Wasn’t Nice was directed and written by Bruce Kimmel, who is probably best known for his other movie, The First Nudie Musical, as well as his acting career. He’s also worked on numerous stage plays, written twenty-five books and even put on production of a musical, Levi, that was based on the story of Levi Strauss with a book by Larry Cohen and a score by the Sherman Brothers. He also came up with the idea for The Faculty.

Kimmel’s director’s cut was only seen twice before producers cut it to pieces. Kimmel loved the old science fiction movies but thought that slashers were evil and despicable.

Beyond Leslie Nielsen — which explains the Spaceship and Naked Space titles being named after Airplane! and The Naked Gun — this has a great cast with Cindy Williams, Gerrit Graham and Patrick Macnee, all of whom seem to be having a wonderful time. Along with Kimmel, they make up the five-person crew of the Vertigo, which is looking for new life when they must land on a planet.

Soon, a goopy red alien is on board and singing “I Want To Eat Your Face” and there’s also a series of parodies, like a cooking show and an elderly Dirty Harry. There’s also footage from This Island Earth and Spectreman, as well as a talking computer that was supposed to be played by Broderick Crawford.

It’s all over the place and frequently falls apart, but Cindy Williams is so plucky and Leslie Nielsen is always funny even in sub-zero parody films and this doesn’t reach those lows.

This feels like if no one on Dark Star smoked grass.

88 FILMS 4K RELEASE: The Project A Collection

88 Films has been releasing some incredible things this year, but The Project A Collection is the best set yet. It features both Jackie Chan films in a 4K UHD presentation with both the Hong Kong and Taiwan versions, as well as English and Cantonese-language options. There are so many extras, including a perfect-bound book, six lobby cards, a double-sided poster, a slipcase with brand-new artwork from Kung Fu Bob and interviews with Jackie Chan, Lee Hoi San, Mars, Yuen Biao, Dick Wei, Michael Chan Wai-Man, Michael Lai and Edward Tang. There’s even more, such as new audio commentaries by Frank Djeng and FJ DeSanto, making-of videos, outtakes, trailers, still galleries, the Japanese ending and more!

You can order this from MVD.

Project A (1983): Project A has a clock tower stunt in it, but Jackie Chan had not seen the films of Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd when he made this movie, as they were not available on home video. He saw this as the evolution of comedy, action and martial arts that he’d been working on since The Young Master.

This movie and Dragon Lord were the first films since Jackie came back from his initial failed time in America and he had something to prove.

Sergeant Dragon Ma (Chan) is part of the Hong Kong Marine Police, which is battling both pirates and their Hong Kong Police rivals. After one fight too many, the Marine and regular police have to join forces.

Beyond Dragon Ma, Project A also has Sammo Hung as Zhuo “Fei” Yifei and Yuen Baio as Inspector Hong Tin-Tzu. In time, they all join together to face pirate lord Sam Pau (Dick Wei), who is smuggling guns directly from the cops.

Up until Project A came out, Hong Kong movies didn’t have the large sets and attention to period detail that other movies did. It’s also a film that isn’t all fighting, but instead a mix of action and combat.

Project A Part II (1987):Sergeant Dragon Ma (Jackie Chan) is back and has been sent on a new mission, far from the pirates who have pledged to kill him at the end of the first film. He soon learns that his new assignment, Sai Wan Police Station, is full of corrupt police like Superintendent Chun (Lam Wai), all except for one officer. He takes that man, Ho (Kenny Ho) and three of his friends to try to arrest gangster Tiger “Awesome Wolf” Au (Chan Wai-man) and is nearly killed. He’s saved at the last moment by his friends in the Marine Police.

Once he gets through that challenge, Dragon gets set up for a jewel robbery and must work with revolutionaries to clear his name. If that’s not enough, he also has three incredibly attractive women to deal with in Yesan (Maggie Cheung), Miss Pak (Rosamund Kwan) and Carina (Carina Lau), who gets kidnapped by the same criminals who have tried to ruin Dragon Ma’s reputation.

Yuen Biao and Sammo Hung only have cameos in this, allowing Chan to take center stage. Who knew that a martial arts movie could pay tribute to the Marx Brothers and Buster Keaton while changing the way fights would be filmed? Instead of lining the bad guys up one at a time, Chan battles numerous opponents at once.

By the end, even the pirates love Jackie. This movie is worth watching so many times as the sets, costumes and action has to be savored.

VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU RAY RELEASE: Forgotten Gialli: Volume Seven

This is the seventh Forgotten Gialli set from Vinegar Syndrome. ou can check out my articles on the others here:

This box set has the following movies:

Mystère (1983): 1983 is pretty late for the giallo, but hey — I’ve been trying to expand into the period before and after the major years for the genre.

Also known as Dagger Eyes and Murder Near Perfect, this film was written and directed by the Vanzina brothers, Carlo and Enrico. They loved the 1981 French thriller Diva, a film that moved away from the realist 1970s French cinema to the more colorful style of cinéma du look. Carlo also directed Nothing Underneath so he gets a forever pass from me.

Mystère is divided into chapters, starting with a prologue, then each section is one of the four days that follows, then an epilogue. The producers demanded this happy ending, while the brothers wanted something more cynical.

Mystère (Carole Bouquet, For Your Eyes Only and the face of Chanel No. 5 from 1986 to 1997) is a high class call girl in Rome who comes into the possession of a mysterious lighter when her friend Pamela (Janet Ågren, City of the Living Dead) and one of her customers are killed over it, as inside the lighter are images of a political assassination.

Unlike the normal giallo — or adjacent giallo or whatever this is — the hero, Inspector Colt, ends up killing the assassin (John Steiner, Shock) and his bosses and then leaves behind our heroine, who ends up tracking him down to Thailand and making up with him. He was good with nunchucks, maybe?

I mean, how many movies are you going to see that somehow take the spirit of the good parts of 1970’s giallo, mix in the Zapruder film, throw in some Eurospy and still end up looking like a super expensive perfume ad?

Also — thanks to BodyBoy on Letterboxd who called out that Mystère’s apartment looks like something straight out of Messiah of Evil.

Obsession: A Taste for Fear (1988):  Pathos: Segreta Inquietudine, the original Italian title for this movie, means Passion: Secret Anxiety. That pretty much sums it up, as this giallo feels closer to one of those Cinemax After Dark films that mixes up murder with softcore sex. Well, this movie also has Lou Gramm’s “Midnight Blue” in it, which is a first for any giallo I’ve seen.

This is the only movie that writer/director Piccio Raffianini’s ever made, which is pretty astounding, because the guy obviously had talent.

Diane (Virginia Hay, The Road Warrior and also the blue skinned Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan from Farscape) is a photographer whose favorite model — and lover — Tegan (Teagan Clive, who was also The Alienator) shows up bound and dead, just like the adult photos that our heroine is famous for. Imagine — a Skinemax The Eyes of Laura Mars and you’re not far off.

Lieutenant Arnold (Dario Parisini) is on the case and suspects both Diane and her ex-husband, particularly after other people close to her are tied up and stabbed, as if they were doing some knifeplay and then gave their lives up.

Eva Grimaldi, who was in Demons 5 and Ratman, is in this. And look out! There’s Kid Creole, from Kid Creole and the Coconuts, probably the last dude I expected to see walk on to a giallo film*. What is happening?

I love the first club that shows up in this film, with little people dancing, muscular folks dancing, mirrors covered with coke, quick cuts and improbably synth Gershwin songs.

Obsession: A Taste for Fear is a completely deranged film, one that supposes a world where everyone wears sunglasses at night, where colors come straight out of the brainstem of Dario Argento, where softcore porn photographers are huge celebrities, cops shoot laser guns, hovering cars are a dime a dozen and no one bats an eye.

Imagine if Rinse Dream made a giallo and had the money to get legitimate recording artists to appear on the soundtrack. Now, do some lines. And then, you will have just some of the strangeness that is this movie, which demands to get a release from a boutique label so that maniacs other than just me can obsess over it.

*To be fair, Kid Creole is also in Cattive ragazze, which is at least an Italian movie with hints of giallo made at the same time.

Sweets from a Stranger (1987): Caramelle da uno sconosciut has the elements of a giallo — a masked and black-gloved killer is slicing sex workers with a razor and then killing them with a bolt gun — but it’s just about how the women decide to stop taking it and empower themselves, which may not have been what audiences were looking for.

It was directed and written by Franco Ferrini (PhenomenaNothing UnderneathDark Glasses), who worked on the script with Andrea Giuseppini and got the idea while writing Red Rings of Fear. It’s the only movie that he ever directed.

Stella (Mara Venier) and Nadine (Athina Cenci) are a high end call girl and an older experienced prostitute who learn of the death of Bruna, a mutual friend. They organize their fellow sex workers Lena (Barbara De Rossi, Vampire In Venice) and Angela (Marina Suma) with the goal of finding out who the killer is and stopping him while the police are fumbling in the dark.

Ferrini has spent a lot of time working with Argento — as has editor Franco Fraticelli — so the film looks good. The first kill is totally Bava with a woman being killed while surrounded by sculptures of angels. In fact, it’s nearly one of the scenes from Blood and Black Lace. Thanks for noticing, Giallo Files. Steal from the best, right?

Yet it’s also a serious movie that doesn’t exploit the woman and shows the reasons why someone would sell their body, as well as the abuse and trauma that often comes with this profession. It’s an intriguing way to use the giallo form to tell a story about real life. Of course, the first two girls are simply to get you in, using the exploitative nature of the giallo trappings to whet your appetite for more mayhem and then making you consider the actual people who are often only presented as victims.

You can get all three of these in this new box set from Vinegar Syndrome.

CANNON MONTH 3: Rescue Team (1983)

EDITOR’S NOTE: For the last two days of Cannon Month, I’m going to cover movies that weren’t produced by Cannon but which were distributed by them on one of their various home video labels including Cannon / MGM/UA Home Video, HBO/Cannon Video, Cannon Video, Cannon / Guild Home Video, Cannon / Rank Video, Cannon Screen Entertainment Limited, Cannon Classics, Cannon / Warner Home Video, Cannon/VMP, Cannon Screen Entertainment, Scotia/Cannon, Cannon International, Cannon/ ECV, Cannon / Showtime, Cannon / United Film, Cannon / Isabod, Cannon / Mayco and so many more.

Jim Goldman is also Jun Gallardo, the director of fifty plus movies like SFX Retaliator and The Firebird Conspiracy. Are you surprised that he’s recruited Richard Harrison for this film mission? If you’ve watched as many movies where the Philippines become the new Vietnam, you’re not.

Also known as Operation Coleman — Frank Coleman is the man who needs to be rescued — and featuring the same cast as Intrusion: Cambodia (coming later this week) this one finds Harrison as CIA agent Robert F. Burton. He’s offered a hundred thousand dollars to save the POW and uses a government computer to choose the best men for the job.

Between pretending to be archaeologists and spending the night before their mission getting drunk at a strip club may not be the best move for these soldiers. Plus, in any gathering of thirteen — or however many people go to Vietnam to get a treasure or rescue someone in an 80s VHS rental movie — expect a Judas.

Somehow, Tetchie Agbayani — who plays Kara in this movie — would also appear as Princess Rubali in Gymkata, get to be in The Money Pit and Disorderlies (of all movies!) and was the first-ever Filipino woman to appear in Playboy (even if it was the German version). She’s still acting today.

This has all your favorite soldiers in VHS films like Mike Monty, Romano Kristoff (who was in a few Mark Gregory movies including Just a Damned Soldier and Tan Zan: The Ultimate Mission), Jim Gaines (Strike CommandoCop Game), Korea war orphan and writer of this movie Don Gordon Bell (Enter the NinjaStryker), Mike Cohen (The One Armed Executioner) and more.

It’s not the best one of these movies you’ll find, but it’ll pass the time. And no, we don’t get to win this time.

Also…

It’s a Cannon (international) movie!

CANNON MONTH 3: Samon’s Hell Revenge: Unauthorised Jutte Records 2 (1983)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Samon Kamiyama is a yoriki, one of the helper class samurai, working for the Minami-machi magistrate. He’s been sent to investigate the Denzû-machi prison by chief elder Abe Isenokami and is nearly killed when he’s thought to be Mushuku Sahêji, a jailhouse snitch. He’s saved by another prisoner, Sanji, and gets back to learning about shipping improprieties conducted inside the jail by organized crime.

A series of Japanese TV movies about “Samon from the Hell,” this somehow ended up in the ownership of 21st Century. How and why, I have no idea. It was directed and written by Tokuzô Tanaka, who directed several Zatoichi movies and plenty of TV movies, as well as The Whale God.

Has anyone else seen this?

You can watch this on YouTube.

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama 2024 Primer: A Blade in the Dark (1983)

September Drive-In Super Monster-Rama is back at The Riverside Drive-In Theatre in Vandergrift, PA on September 27 and 28, 2024. Admission is still only $15 per person each night (children 12 and under free with adult) and overnight camping is available (breakfast included) for an additional $15 per person. You can buy tickets at the show but get there early and learn more here.

The features for Friday, September 27 are The RavenThe TerrorThe Little Shop of Horrors and Attack of the Crab Monsters. Saturday, September 28 has The BeyondOperaCemetery Man and A Blade In the Dark.

Known in Italy as La Casa con la Scala nel Buio (The House with the Dark Staircase), Lamberto Bava’s A Blade in the Dark was originally intended to be a four-part TV mini-series, with each segment ending with a murder. However, it was too gory for regular audiences, so it was released as a film. It was written by the husband and wife team of Dardano Sacchetti and Elisa Briganti, whose script was often at odds with what Bava wanted to put in his film.

Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti, The New York Ripper) is a composer hired to create the soundtrack for a horror movie. He’s been having trouble concentrating on the job, so he rents a house to sequester himself. He meets two women who used to know his rented villa’s former tenant, but when they disappear, he’s forced to watch the movie he’s scoring closer, as there’s a clue to the razor-wielding killer’s identity hidden within.

Bava worked as Dario Argento’s assistant for the movie Tenebre two years before this movie was made, so that has a big influence on this work. This is a movie unafraid to wallow in gore, feeling closer to the American slasher than the giallo. Then again, Lamberto was an assistant on the movie that predates the slasher, his father’s A Bay of Blood.

For the killer, he had difficulty finding someone who could convincingly appear to be a man and a woman. He turned to his assistant, Michele Soavi, who went on to direct plenty of great horror on his own.

For those that care about these matters like me — Giovanni Frezza, forever Bob from The House by the Cemetery — shows up in the movie within a movie that Bruno is writing the music to. He’s taunted by voices that chant “You are a female! You are a female!”

Also, in the true spirit of giallo and what the word means, every victim — and then the killer him or herself — is called out by the color yellow.

CANNON MONTH 3: Survival Zone (1983)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

The world ended in a nuclear war that happened in 1989.

The Fabers — Ben (Gary Lockwood), Lucy (Camilla Spav) and Rachel (Zoli Marki) have been isolated from the end times, as they work their farm and just concentrate on the harvest. They lose all that when Bigman (Ian Steadman) and his cannibal motorcycle gang attack, but thanks to their knowledge of guns, as well as the mysterious stranger named Adam Strong (Morgan Stevens) who has been living with them, they get it all back.

Director and writer Percival Rubens also made The Demon, which is so much better than this. This is a rare boring after the bomb movie. Where is the facepaint? Where are the crossbows? Where are the cool cars?

Gary Lockwood made a career of playing doomed astronauts, like Frank Poole in 2001 and Gary Mitchell on the Star Trek episode “Where No Man Has Gone Before.”

Nothing in this movie feels like it’s post-apocalyptic. The farm family drinks tea and have family nights while the rest of the world is dead. It’s hard to be on their side.

Originally released by Commedia Pictures in 1983 and also known as Haunted Planet, this was re-released by 21st Century.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON MONTH 3: Dragon vs. Needles of Death (1983)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Thanks to Temple of Schlock, I now know that this movie — originally known as Long Hu Feng — was also titled The Needle AvengerDragon Tiger Phoenix and under the title Dragon vs. Needles of Death was released on both Planet Video and licensed to Continental Video for a double feature with Snake Fist Ninja/Shake Fist Fighter.

Directed and written by Kuo-Heng Chung, this is all about Chung(Kou Feng), a martial artist who skips training to teach himself how to throw needles. After running off with his master’s daughter Mei Lei (Wang Ping), he falls out of favor with the school — obviously — and starts smuggling salt before he has to work for the triads battle his former romantic rival Sammy (Chu Jun).

“Deadly Spikes Challenge Super Kung-Fu!” “A New Kung-Fu Demon is Unleashed!” Yes, this got all the 21st Century hype.

I’ve never seen a movie where someone learns how to throw nails at people before or one that presents him as the anti-hero, forced by his station in life to have to work for the enemy. Much like several other 21st Century kung fu releases, if you saw this in the theater, you may have been given a disco album

You can watch this on Tubi.