Seeding of a Ghost (1983)

A black magic sorcerer is just trying to dig up some bones for his latest spell when he’s chased by a group of angry citizens, right into the cab of our hero, Chau. He lives through getting hit by the car, but tells the cab driver that he’s about. to go through some bad luck.

And just like that, Chau’s wife starts sleeping with a gambler who really doesn’t care about her, even leaving her in a bad part of town where she’s assaulted and killed, falling out a window to her death, her spirit calling to Chau via his CB radio.

That’s when Chau decides that it’s time to find that black magic dude and get some horrible, horrible revenge.

The spell that ensues is so powerful, it blows the lid off Chau’s wife Irene’s coffin. There’s also corpse sex and a monster baby sent to destroy the two villains who dared to ruin Chau’s life. And he also learns that the more magic he uses, the more his body pays the price.

Look, a ghost has sex with a reanimated corpse over a black magic altar, a tentacled demon baby runs around and a toilet blows up real good. It’s not the best movie you’ve ever seen, but it may be the goopiest, the kind of film that tells The Thing, “Oh yeah? Hold my San Miguel.”

The Boxer’s Omen (1983)

Screw the Snyder Cut. Whatever drugs the Shaw Brothers had access to, release them to the rest of the world.

After being crippled in the ring, boxer Zhen Wei asks for his brother Zhen Xiong to avenge him, which will take finding the key necessary to release their family from a horrible curse.

Simple start, right?

Buckle up, because this is the kind of movie that will make your brain bleed. Seriously and without hyperbole, The Boxer’s Omen is a phantasmagorical thrill ride into how much insanity one can pack into 105 minutes.

Sure, your movie may have a crocodile in it, but does it have a reanimated corpse that’s been sewn into the mummified body of a dead crocodile? I don’t think so.

Then, let’s add in spiders drinking from people, demon bats, flying heads, goo, gore, gristle, black magic wizards, maggots, a sexy zombie, spiritual monk training montages, caterpillars, eels coming out of peoples’ mouths, neon magic, vomit magic, intestines and more.

You know when people use silly terms like fever dream and madness to describe a movie? They are only dreaming of a movie like this, one that takes you on a life-changing journey and repeatedly makes you wonder exactly what the hell you’re watching and just how they captured all of this on celluloid.

After making movies like this, Corpse Mania and Hex, director Kuei Chih-Hung quit the business, moved to America and started a pizza restaurant. He’s sadly no longer with us, but I have no doubt that his pizza was a messy, greasy, gooey and delicious dish that was most definitely spiked with all manner of Taoist magic and the most potent LSD known to man and demon.

The world is a better place for this movie being in it.

Through Naked Eyes (1983)

John Llewellyn Moxey really knew how to make the made of TV movie work for him. This time, he has Pam Dawber and David Soul as high rise neighbors who fall for one another when they start spying on one another via binoculars and telescope. The crazy thing is, this movie is made in 1983, and the female lead is the one that initiates the voyeurism.

Writer Jeffrey Bloom also wrote and directed Blood Beach and Flowers in the Attic. Here, he makes a tense script that brings in a killer who might just be the flute-playing Soul.

Through Naked Eyes also has John Mahoney, Donald Moffat, Dennis Farina and Ted Levine in small parts as police officers.

Much like nearly every TV movie that was made in the 70’s and 80’s, this is better than anything you’ll watch made in 2021.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Lee Majors Week: Starflight One (1983)

We ballyhooed the TV career of Jerry Jameson in our review of one of the few times the prolific director was called up to the bigs with the 1974 A.I.P release The Bat People. Jameson was also behind one of the ‘70s quintessential box office “disaster” smashes: Airport ’77, which was backed by Universal Pictures. And since this ABC-TV “Movie of the Week” was known during its overseas television and theatrical runs as Airport ’85, you know why Jameson is here . . . and where this film is heading. Of course, Lee Majors is here, and the reason he’s here is because Jameson directed Majors in several episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man. The duo previously worked together on High Noon, Part II: The Return of Will Kane (1980) and The Cowboy and the Ballerina (1984). (Jameson also gave us the TV movie knockoff of 20th Century Fox’s The Towering Inferno with Terror on the 40th Floor (1974).)

The brains behind this production is Henry Winkler — and “The Fonz” made sure John Dkystra’s contributions to the film were front and center in those promo materials. And the Airport series* of films were box-office hot in the ’70s and, as we learned from our 2020 end of the year “TV Movie Week” tribute, the Big Three networks relished stuffing their disaster hangers with a slew of low-budgeted airline action flicks**. So, Star Wars meets Airport, it is!

And to whip that pitch into shape, TV scribes Robert Malcolm Young and Peter R. Brooke didn’t take any chances in concocting their Star Wars TV cash-in: they simply pinched from the 1969 Gregory Peck sci-fi borefest that was Marooned (1969) — and changed out the “Ironman One” capsule from that film with Starflight One, an SST-styled supersonic jet successor, and the Doppelganger Rescue shuttle with the Columbia. The script also bears striking similarities to the 1982 novel Orbit by Thomas Block (Amazon Kindle), but those similarities were chalked up to coincidence and not plagiarism. And if it all seems a bit familiar, like ABC-TV’s SST Death Flight familiar from 1977, then it probably is.

As is the case with the Big Three network flicks of the pre-cable epoch, the passenger cabin is loaded with lots of familiar character actor and TV series faces, in this case we have Hal Linden, Lauren Hutton, Gail Strickland, George DiCenzo, Tess Harper, and the always game Ray Milland — who you’ll remember was in ABC-Universal’s Battlestar Galactica feature film, but opted out of the series. And yes, that is Terry “Uncle Bernie” Keiser on board — who also co-starred with Majors in Steel (1980; also reviewed this week).

So, the poster . . . along with the Star Wars and Airport connections says it all, right?

Distributed by Orion Pictures in the overseas markets, where it was also known as Airport ’85 and Airport 2000.

Okay, so we have the big, media-covered maiden flight for Starflight One, a hypersonic jet that can travel from Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia, in two hours. Of course, there’s romance and corporate intrigue on the flight, with Cody Briggs (Lee Majors) two-timing his wife Janet (Tess Harper) via Erica Hansen (Lauren Hutton), a media relations rep with the airline run owned by, you guessed it, they ubiquitously gruffy Ray Milland. And we’ve got a greedy crook using the flight to transport some stolen gold out of the country, and Terry Keiser is on board as an equally greedy communication magnate stressed out over launching that crucial Saturn V stock footage (off the cost of Australia!) to put his satellite into orbit to corner the world’s TV market.

Uh, oh. The Saturn V goes FUBAR and the rocket debris scatters into Starlight One’s flight path. To avoid disaster, Briggs climbs the jet — and stumbles into orbital velocity. And the Starlight has no heat shields . . . thus the film’s alternate VHS home video titling as Starlight: The Plane That Couldn’t Land. So, while Dykstra’s on his union-mandated lunch break, it’s time to cue that shuttle Columbia stock footage (not once, but twice!) to deliver emergency fuel on the first flight, and some flimsy flexible conduit to save the 70-plus passengers on the second flight. Bottom line: If you want to see a very game Hal Linden drifting through a flexi-space tunnel to safety, then this is your film.

Truth be told, in spite of its low-budget, Dykstra’s effects are pretty good . . . well, those those outer space scenes of astronauts drifting about is more of the Salvage I variety, really. And more like when Battlestar Galactica: TOS tanked in the ratings and the effects went to cheesy feldercarb courtesy of budget cuts. So, sorry, please leave those “Star Wars” claims at the spacegate, Kubrick. This was certainly fun-filled when we were Lucas-drunk in our tweens and early teens, but this — unlike 2001: A Space Odyssey, Silent Running (which Dykstra also worked on), and Star Wars — doesn’t hold well to the test of time. But it’s still a hell of a lot better than that stranded-in-space hokum Murder In Space (1985) starring the not-even-they-can-save-it-cast of Wilford Brimley, Michael Ironside, and Martin Balsam — a detective-cum-murder mystery-in-space TV movie plotting trope that didn’t get better with the likes of Murder by Moonlight (1989) and Trapped in Space (1994).

You can stream Starlight One on Amazon Prime or through EPIX’s own Amazon platform. You can also check out the trailer and TV promo.

* We reviewed all of the Airport movies with our “Watch the Series: Airport” feature.

** You can catch up with all of those TV movie airline disaster flicks with our “Airline Disasters TV Movie Round-Up” feature.

About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook. He also writes for B&S About Movies.

WarGames (1983)

Let me tell you, eleven-year-old me thought WarGames was awesome.

Written by future Sneakers co-writers Lawrence Lasker and Walter F. Parkes and directed by John Badham*, who would gift us with the ancient future movies Blue Thunder and Short Circuit, is about a young hacker (Matthew Broderick) who unwittingly logs on to a server that allows him to simulate wargames with a computer called WOPR that really thinks that it’s time to start a nuclear war.

For many, WarGames was their first mainstream exposure** to hacking and formed the idea that one lone kid in his bedroom could take over so many major computer systems. That may be fantasy, but the real dream here is that someone that’s on his computers for weeks at a time without leaving his bedroom could score Ally Sheedy.

Shout out to Dabney Coleman in this, who continually raised the bar when it came to playing, well, Dabney Coleman roles in a variety of 80’s films. He’s one of the first actors I remember consciously thinking, “This is that guy.” Between 9 to 5Cloak and Dagger and Tootsie, he’s always dependable.

The tunnel to NORAD in this movie may seem familiar. That’s because it shows up at the end of Back to the Future Part II and is the entrance to Toontown in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

The funniest thing to me is that they made a music video for a Crosby, Stills and Nash song made for the movie but edited out. That’s what kids in 1983 wanted to see, right?

*Martin Brest was the original director for all of 12 days. His next three films — Beverly Hills CopMidnight Run and Scent of a Woman — probably erased the pain of this movie. Then he got stuck making Meet Joe Black and Gigli.

**It’s the reason for the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1984. Representative Dan Glickman opened the legislation by saying, “We are gonna show about four minutes from the movie WarGames, which outlines the problem fairly clearly.” The ensuing House committee report claimed WarGames showed a realistic representation of the automatic dialing and access capabilities of the personal computer.”

Brainstorm (1983)

2001: A Space Odyssey and Silent Running will — always and forever — be two of my favorite science fiction movies. Douglas Trumbull did the mind-blowing special effects on the first and did the same on the second, but also directed it. And he gave us the effects in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. He turned down Star Wars and Star Trek: The Motion Picture. But he made my beloved syndicated Canadian TV series, The Starlost, so all is well.

In between his special effects gigs, Trumbull developed other films in the wake of Silent Running: all ended up in “development hell.” The only one to make it out of the La Brea Celluloid Pits was Brainstorm: a film known more for the controversy of Natalie Wood dying during the course of the film’s production.

Watch the trailer.

At the time of its release, Brainstorm was ballyhooed as a “cinematic event” as result of its planned release as the first film shot in Trumbull’s newly developed Showscan process (the development of the cinematography process is why he backed out of Star Wars and Star Trek) that shot 60 frames-per-second on 70mm film. Sadly, MGM back out on the plan at the last minute; Trumbull shot in the usual 24 frames-per-second on Super Panavision 70 used on other films.

Two years after Wood’s much-publicized death, the film finally opened on September 30, 1983. Even with the publicity as “Natalie Wood’s last movie,” no one went. My family went to the film as our weekly Sunday event; my parents both hated it. Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun Times thumbed it down and gave it a reluctant 2 out of 4 stars.

Produced for $18 million, the film cleared just over $10 million in U.S. box office. Trumbull vowed to never make another Hollywood feature film again, ever. And he hasn’t. In addition to less than a dozen, self-produced shorts, he’s only, just recently, executive produced the 2018 feature-length indie The Man Who Killed Hilter and Then the Bigfoot.

Again, I am a fan of Trumbull. And I love Ken Russell’s somewhat-similar psychological thriller Altered States (1980) dealing with scientists plying themselves with psychoactive drugs and floating in sensory deprivation tanks.

But not this movie.

However, as we dig into this movie’s backstory (online) and the fact that Trumbull “quit” Hollywood as result, we know it’s not his fault. And besides: Trumbull’s influence gave us the likes of Steven and Robert Lovy’s Circuitry Man and Andy Anderson’s Interface — films which I really like, even more so (reviewed as part of this week’s “Ancient Future” theme week). We’d also have to thank Trumbull for the Brat Packer sci-fi’er of cheating-death scientists in Flatliners (meh; Brainstorm is looking better to me now).

Micheal Brace (Christopher Walken) heads a team of computer researchers and engineers that also includes his wife, Karen (Natalie Wood), Louise Fletcher (forever remembered as Nurse Ratchet in 1975’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest), and headed by Cliff Roberston (Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben in Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man). They’ve invented a “brain-computer interface” that enables the recording of a person’s brain sensations, commit them to tape, then play the tapes back for others to experience. When a team member decides to get cute with the invention — i.e, have sexual intercourse while plugged in — the playback “sensory overloads” another colleague’s brain.

At that point, the financial backers of the project (in steps our character actor favs: Alan Fudge of Are You In the House Alone?, and Donald Hotton of One Dark Night fame) sees the “military applications” to profit.

As you can see by the theatrical one-sheet: Trumbull — with the taglines of “The Door to the Mind is Open” and “. . . The Ultimate Experience” — was promising us an extrasensory ride into the human brain with a 2001: A Space Odyssey twist.

Nope.

What we ended up with was the recording of “memory bubbles” by Louise Fletcher’s Lillian Reynolds’s fatal heart attack (scene clip). You would think a recording of death itself — promising a “journey through hell and the afterlife and into the universe beyond” — would be, well a mind blowing, extrasensory ride. It wasn’t. At only 106 minutes (one hour and 45 minutes), Brainstorm played a lot longer, since it was boring, not the least bit mind blowing, and just a bunch of fizzy bubbles popped by romantic dramas between Walken and Wood’s estranged scientists. “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite,” denied.

Look, it’s an expertly put together, well-produced effort and the acting is on the green (expect for Louise Fletcher’s overacted death scene; it’s still cringy all these years later; the chain smoking — around all of the electronic equipment — is annoying, for there had to be a better way to set up her heart attack), but the film around all of that is sub-par and it just doesn’t make it to the cup — or skull cap, if you will. (Especially the whole pseudo-comedy set up with the two security guards up against the malfunctioning robotic production line; it looks like it’s dropped in from another movie. What were you thinking, Mr. Trumbull?) So, slag me for not like Brainstorm: I can deal. Just like I can deal with those who “can’t believe” I recommended them 2001: A Space Odyssey and Silent Running.

But, to quote our favorite, existential PhD bouncer, Dr. James Dalton: opinions vary . . . down by the roadhouse or movie theater. You may like it. And, like that other, not so existential wrestler I respect, Shirley Doe: films are funny that way.

About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook.

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)

If this movie had been made a few years earlier, it would have been a Star Wars ripoff. Instead, it’s a post-apocalyptic Mad Max-influenced film and for that, I love it that much more.

To be honest, I’ve been dying to see this movie for, oh, forty years. Why did I not choose to watch it on HBO or rent it or, you know, watch it online? It’s a mystery because this is a movie that is beyond up my alley, between starring a pre-stardom Molly Ringwald to the special effects, the fact that it was in 3-D and the fact that Michael Ironside plays a character named Overdog.

Director Lamont Johnson’s career went the whole way back to TV in the 50’s and here he is making a low budget blockbuster with Ivan Reitman producing and a script by six writers, including Jean LeFluer (who was the original director when this was to be called Adventures in the Creep Zone and was also the editor of Rabid), David Preston (The VindicatorAre You Afraid of the Dark?), Edith Ray (Breaking All the Rules), Daniel Goldberg (Heavy MetalStripesMeatballsCannibal Girls) and Len Plum (Private Parts).

Three women have been taken by pirates, which sends Wolff (Peter Strauss) and his engineer Chalmers (Andrea Marcovicci, The Stuff) to Terra XI, a colony that was destroyed by a plague and internecine battles.

After his partner is destroyed — turns out that she was a robot — Wolff gets help from Niki (Ringwald) and meets up with his old friend and now rival Washington (Ernie Hudson).

Seeing as how most of the crew was fired two weeks into filming and the script and tone of the film changed as the movie was being made, what ended up on screen isn’t all that horrible. I kind of like its shaggy dog nature, as this is a perfect 3D movie in that you don’t really need much of a story, just an excuse for lasers to blast and things to be shoved in your face.

That said, this is a drive-in movie as well, which is kind of funny, because drive-in screens aren’t usually silver-coated, which means that they would have to show the 2D cut of this film.

Also, you may have confused this with Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. We’ll get to that soon enough.

Disciples of the Crow (1983)

A year before Children of the Corn was released, director John Woodward took Stephen King up on his offer to film makers and independent filmmakers. He’d allow them to adapt any of his short stories for just $1*.

Originally appearing in March 1977 issue of Penthouse before it was printed in the short story collection Night Shift, this is the story of the darkness in a small town, particularly the cornfield.

Taking place in Jonah, Oklahoma instead of Gatlin, Nebraska in the novel, this version of the story shows more of the events that take place before a couple on the edge of divorce roll through town.

Made for a sliver of the budget afforded the Hollywood version and with around a third the running time. Disciples of the Crow is an effective slice of horror made by folks from around the very same region where the story was set. It also changes the film and instead of trying to explain exactly why things went so wrong, it takes a more chilling approach: who knows why things happen?

Woodward also appears as Bobby, the adult leader of the children who is a mix of the characters Isaac and Malachai.

I’m always a big fan of smaller budget affairs that take place in broad daylight. This would be a great example.

*Other King $1 shorts include Jeffrey C. Schiro’s The Boogeyman — not the 1980 Ulli Lomme slasher — and Frank Darabont’s The Woman in the Room.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Still Smokin (1983)

As Cheech and Chong would make their fifth movie in five years, they went back to the routines that had made them stars on their old comedy albums, with a story that they were in Amsterdam for a Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton festival, with the promoters believing that Cheech is Burt.

After a series of skits, including a parody of The Harder They Come, the last twenty minutes of this movie is concert footage from Cheech and Chong’s show at the Tuschinski Theatre.

Susan Hahn, who played the hotel maid in this, was only in one other movieMassacre in Dinosaur Valley, which is a very strange film trajectory. You can also look out for cameos from Kay Parker (yes, from Taboo), Linnea Quigley (her second Cheech and Chong appearance) and Victoria Wells (in her third Cheech and Chong appearance; she’s the woman who discovered the body of Bob Crane).

I can be honest and say that this is not the team’s finest work, but as films made to fulfill a contract or get a free trip to Amsterdam go, it’s not the worst.

THE EXCELLENT EIGHTIES: Savage Journey (1983)

This movie made this entire month worth it.

That’s because it unlocks another part of the saga that is my fascination with the utterly strange and mysterious Night Train to Terror, a movie that I have written about more than once.

While this movie is listed on IMDB as a 1983 made for TV movie, the truth is that this movie was originally released six years earlier as Brigham. I love this comment on the movie from Mormon Literature and Creative Arts, which stated that the film came about as David Yeaman wanted to “create a film billed as authentic and sympathetic to the LDS view. Top Hollywood brass was involved, primarily Oscar-winning screenwriter Philip Yordan, and the LDS public grew excited to finally see themselves depicted accurately on screen.”

Oh man. Let’s take a break from this quote just to remind everyone who Phillip Yordan was. In The Phillip Yordan Story, a Hollywood urban legend is just part of his legend. It was claimed that Yordan hired someone else to go through law school for him so that he could get a degree without doing the work.

While Yordan is the listed writer on nearly a hundred movies, including DillingerDetective Story and Broken Lance*, the jury is out on what films he actually wrote. Some believe that many of the movies he wrote were actually a front for blacklisted writers, who still wanted to make films, giving Yordan all the credit and half the paycheck.

In the late 1950s, Yordan finally got caught. He mixed up two scripts, delivering a Fox script to Warner Brothers and vice versa. Seeing as how he was under contract at Fox, Darryl F. Zanuck threatened to get him blackballed at all the major studios. A few years later, his secretary would claim that she was the real writer of The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond and things got so bad that Columbia demanded that he have an office on their lot where they could watch him write, guaranteeing that he was the author. Despite this new contract, he was still hustling scripts at other studios and was fired and forced to return his paycheck. This time, he really was told you’ll never eat lunch in this town again.

Yordan then showed up in Spain, working for Samuel L. Bronston, using folks like Ray Bradbury, Ben Barzman Arnaud D’Usseau, Julian Halevy and Bernard Gordon, who really wrote The Day of the Triffids, not Yordan.

By the mid 60s, he was back in Hollywood, a survivor of everything from being blackballed to going bakrupt, working as a script doctor on movies like Horror Express — also a horror movie set on a train — and Psychomania.

At the end of his life, he worked as an adjunct screenwriting instructor at San Diego State University and was writing scripts for movies like The UnholyMarilyn Alive and Behind Bars (which is also part of Night Train to Terror), Cataclysm (ditto), Cry Wilderness and this movie.

Back to our friends at Mormon Literature and Creative Arts, who wrote that “Unfortunatley, when released, Brigham proved a critical fiasco. It was criticized for poor acting, incomprehensible chronology, sensationalized violence, incredibly poor casting, lack of dramatic focus, and even for recycling wagon train footage from earlier films like Brigham Young itself. The film was quickly withdrawn, reedited, and re-released early the following, billed as The New Brigham. Similar attempts at repackaging continued as it was apparently again revamped and christened Savage Journey a few years later (perhaps to parallel the 1983 handcart film Perilous Journey). Despite this, Brigham remained a critical flop, and modern Mormons, if they remember it all, do so with humor or derision.”

Yes, this was a movie that Yordan made specifically for the Mormon Chuch and along the way, he brought director Tom McGowan, who — yes, you got it — also directed Cataclysm, and Richard Moll, who would star in that film and Marilyn Behind Bars. Seeing as how both movies are segments in Night Train, it gets really disconcerting watching Moll have hair, not have hair and be played by a double with astoundingly hairy arms.

Other actors who appear in both films include Maurice Grandmaison, who plays Brigham Young himself and Papini, the homeless Catholic priest who attempts to help the heroine Claire Hansen; Stephen Cracroft, Phineas in this one and a first AD on Night Train; Lou Edwards, Brother Becker in Mormon times and a production manager on Night Train; Faith Clift, who was Claire Rudley in this movie and appears as Claire Hansen in Night Train (she was also Yordan’s wife, showing up in his movies Captain ApacheHorror Express and Cry Wilderness); an uncredited Marc Lawrence (yes, the very same man who made Pigs and appears in Night Train as Abraham Weiss) and most importantly, Yordan’s son Byron, who is the song and dance man doomed to die on Satan’s Cannonball, but not before he sings “dance with me, dance with me” more times than you can count.

I’m astounded that this film exists. Actually, I’m so into the fact that Yordan did, a flimflam man who claimed to have never read a newspaper before the age of fifty, yet somehow was a lawyer who became an Oscar-winning writer, a producer and the connection between so many movies that are just plain strange.

So how’s the movie?

Moll, who used the named Charles Moll for this film, sums up Savage Journey best in the movie The Work and the Story, saying “All independent films suck, all Mormon films suck, and, ergo, an independent Mormon film must royally suck.”

*A movie he won an Best Original Story Oscar for, despite it being a remake of 1949’s House of Strangers and the fact that he probably didn’t write a single word of the actual script.