Spagvemberfest 2023: Chino (1973)

I guess picking Chino for a month of Italian Westerns is a cheat, even if this is an Italian/Spanish production.

Based on the book The Valdez Horses by Lee Hoffman, it was released in Italy as Valdez, il mezzosangue (Valdez the Half Breed). It was directed by John Sturges (The Magnificent SevenBad Day at Black RockThe Great Escape) and Duilio Coletti, who producer Dino Laurentiis hired to do inserts and reshoots. Sturges was unhappy with the film, feeling that casting Jill Ireland as the love interest was a mistake. That said, once Bronson and Ireland got together, she was often his on-screen lover.

Chino Valdez (Bronson) is a horse breeder who suddenly has Jamie Wagner (Vincent Van Patten) in his life, an orphan who needs raising as much as the horses of Maral (Marcel Bozzuffi) need broken in. He also falls for the rich man’s sister Catherine (Ireland), a forbidden relationship between an entitled white woman and a half-breed poor horsebreeder.

European film lovers will enjoy seeing Fausto Tozzi (Cry of a Prostitute), Corrado Gaipa (the Italian voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi), Melissa Chimenti (Papaya, Love Goddess of the Cannibals), Diana Lorys (Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll) and Annamaria Clementi (Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals).

I was struck in this movie by the Spanish countryside, as well as the fact that despite being an expert on horses, Chino has no idea that Catherine would never leave her rich life to live with him in a shack with no money in the middle of nowhere. His idea of love — and even making love — are basic ones that he’s taken from being raised in a harsh world of taming animals and surviving on your own instead being taken care of. He can make love to her, but he can never truly provide for all the other things she truly needs. Jamie understands that, even if he’s barely a man.

At the end, after it all goes wrong, Chino realizes that if he can’t have the life he wants, no one can have his work. He releases his horses into the wild instead of letting anyone else take them. Even his enemy Maral recognizes and respects that.

You can watch this on Tubi.

MILL CREEK THE SWINGIN’ SEVENTIES: Jory (1973)

Robby Benson is Jory in a movie about a kid in the West. Yes, he’s a fifteen-year-old boy who joins a horse drive after his father Ethan (Claudio Brook) is killed by a drunk who is killed by Jory. What a happy little film!

The young man gets hired by Roy Starr (John Marley), has a bad influence in Jocko (B.J. Thomas), becomes friends with saloon girl Dora (Anne Lockhart) and falls in love with Amy (Linda Purl). Did the get B.J. Thomas in this because he sang “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head” in the soundtrack for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? And hey — Howard Hesseman is in this very quickly as a bartender.

Based on the book by Milton R. Bass, this was directed by Jorge Fons, who would go on to make Red Dawn. The 1990 one, not the one you’ve seen! It was written by Gerald Helman and Robert Irving.

Don’t have the box set? You can watch this on Tubi.

MILL CREEK THE SWINGIN’ SEVENTIES: Hannah Queen of the Vampires (1973)

Also known as La Tumba de la Isla Maldita (The Tomb of the Cursed Island); Young Hanna, Queen Of The Vampires; Crypt of the Living Dead and Vampire Woman, this Spanish film was originally directed by Julio Salvador with new footage added by Ray Denton (DeathmasterPsycho Killer). TV western-bred scribe Lou Shaw, who wrote The Bat People, tweaked the Spanish dialog for the less-gory U.S.-version.

Andrew Prine (Simon King of the Witches) stars as Chris Bolton, a man who has traveled with his sister Mary (Patty Shepherd, The Werewolf Versus the Vampire Woman) to attempt to remove his father’s body from where he died. It turns out that there was a heavy sarcophagus that he found inside a hidden tomb but now his body lies smashed under it. The townspeople refused to help, as inside that coffin lies Hannah (Teresa Gimpera, Lucky the Intrepid) and they don’t want her ever coming back.

The 70s were filled with female vampires of all shapes and sizes, from the Hammer lesbian-tinged vampires of The Vampire Lovers, the Satanic Twins of Evil, Jean Rollins’ sexual starved bloodsuckers, Daughters of Darkness, the fairy tale world of Lemora, Lina Romay as Jess Franco’s Female Vampire and the future vampires of Thirst. Every one of these films makes me happy despite the darkness and gloom of these days.

Don’t have the box set? You can watch this on Tubi.

MILL CREEK THE SWINGIN’ SEVENTIES: The Borrowers (1973)

The Clock Family — Pod (Eddie Albert), Homily (Tammy Grimes) and Arriety (Karen Pearson) — are Borrowers, small people who live in the houses of human beans, as they call big people, and stay out of view. Arriety, unlike any Borrowers before, becomes friends with the eight-year-old (Dennis Larson) who lives in the house they have turned into their world.

Based on the book by Mary Norton, this was directed by Walter C. Miller (who mainly worked on the Grammy, CMA and Tony award show broadcast, as well as directing several Rodney Dangerfield specials) and written by Jay Presson Allen, who wrote the screenplays for MarnieFunny LadyCabaret and Death Trap. She was a screenwriter when few women were.

The Borrowers was also made into two BBC TV series, a 1997 and 2011 movie and an anime in Japan called Karigurashi no Ariettii that was produced by Studio Ghibli.

Don’t have the box set? You can watch this on YouTube.

Spagvemberfest 2023: Those Dirty Dogs (1973)

Those Dirty Dogs is also known as Campa carogna… la taglia cresce, Los cuatro de Fort Apache and Charge! It’s late in the Italian Western genre, so it has the slapstick ingredients of other latter cowboy films. It also has a song, “The Wind in My Face,” that was written by star Stephen Boyd and composer Nico Fidenco. Boyd even sings it.

Captain Chadwell Williams (Boyd), Lieutenant Junger Kohl (Howard Ross) and Sergeant Washington Smith (Harry Baird) have been assigned to get back the hundreds of rifles that Angel Sanchez (Simón Andreu) has stolen. They’re joined by Korano (Gianni Garko), a bounty hunter who carries a pink umbrella and the Koran.

It’s a weird cocktail here because fight scenes have sound effects and slaps, while the film starts off with a brutal massacre by Angel and his gang. And Sanchez isn’t even the main villain. That’s the general, played by Alfredo Mayo. He’s not frightening at all, so we start to realize that this is a post-Trinity Italian Western. At least Garko is still kind of Sartana here, having a machine gun hidden inside his umbrella.

But hey — I’ll watch anything Helga Liné is in. And this also has Teresa Gimpera (The People Who Own the Dark) and Gabriella Giorgelli (the mother of Lou Ferrigno’s Hercules) are in the cast.

It has a pretty great tagline on the poster: “The preacher of death who calls himself a follower of Mohammed; The virile Mexican revolutionary to whom every married woman is his to take; The insane General who believes he is Napoleon, destined to conquer America … and Chadwell – the dirtiest of them all!” And you know, at least a hundred people get killed, so if you’re into the more violent side of the Italian West — along with some hijinks — you’ll find something to enjoy.

LIONSGATE STEELBOOK 4K ULTRA HD AND BLU RAY RELEASE: The Wicker Man (1973)

The Lionsgate steelbook release of The Wicker Man is gorgeous. Just look at that illustrated package and then marvel at what’s inside it: the final cut of the film in time for its fiftieth anniversary, reborn in 4K. Plus there are exclusives like “Revisiting the Locations of The Wicker Man,” “The Wicker Man at 50,” the lost ending of the movie, an interview with Britt Ekland, an archival interview with Robin Hardy and Christopher Lee and a series of features that will reward fans of the movie. The edition I have is exclusively from Best Buy.

The Wicker Man begins with Christopher Lee, a Hammer star, talking to writer Anthony Shaffer about more interesting roles. Shaffer had read the David Pinner novel Ritual — which had first been written as a script for Michael Winner, and I can’t even imagine what he would have done — and turned that inspiration into his own story.

Shaffer’s vision for the film was unique. The story delves into the intersection of modern religion and ancient pagan practices. It departs from the typical blood and gore of horror, opting instead for a creeping, unknown terror that lurks in the shadows. This unique approach is what we now refer to as folk horror.

The Wicker Man stands at the crossroads of art and horror, somewhere between movies like Performance and The Devil Rides Out, but with a twist, as the traditional rules of horror no longer apply. The concepts of good and evil, as defined by Judeo-Christian beliefs, are absent in this story. Instead, it’s a journey into the unknown, exploring ancient ways that have existed long before the modern era.

Christian Sergeant Neil Howie (Edward Woodward) is initially presented as the virtuous hero. He is on the island of Summerisle investigating Rowan Morrison’s disappearance, yet the villagers refuse to admit that she ever existed.

He’s shocked at these people’s ways, which include putting frogs in their mouths to cure illness and dancing around phallic maypoles. He finds images of past May Queens. He meets Lord Summerisle (Lee), who leads this village. And he sees the answers that he seeks, despite perhaps not liking them.

There’s also tempted by Willow MacGregor (Britt Ekland, who was three months pregnant; she was dubbed by Annie Ross, and her body double was dancer Rachel Verney), and there’s a scene where she dances with a wall between her and Howie that is volcanic. It has no nudity, but it’s filled with sensual energy.

Director Robin Hardy also made The Fantasist and The Wicker Tree, a very loose sequel to the original movie. Hardy first published the sequel as a novel, Cowboys for Christ, about American Christian evangelists who travel to Scotland and end up in a similar situation. Lee plays the Old Gentleman, who is either Summerisle or not.

Shaffer also wrote The Loathsome Lambton Worm, a direct sequel that begins immediately after the ending of The Wicker Man. In it, Howie is saved by his fellow police officers. The movie features a fire-breathing dragon and is much more fantastic than the first one.

I love that I am still discovering things in this movie even so many years after I first saw it. The 4K version gives you a deeper and more beautiful experience as you explore Summerisle. I’ve found myself just staring at the cover in joy and wonder.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: Death Smiles on a Murderer (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is another movie that I can’t believe was on Chiller Theater. It was on the show on July 7, 1979 at 1 a.m. and December 26, 1981.

Once you watch this film, you’ll wonder — just how did this play on TV? It was part of the 13 titles included in Avco Embassy’s Nightmare Theater package syndicated in 1975 (the others were MartaManiac MansionNight of the SorcerersFury of the Wolfman, Hatchet for the HoneymoonHorror Rises from the TombDear Dead DelilahDoomwatchBell from HellWitches Mountain, The Mummy’s Revenge and The Witch) and several of these films aired intact on regular television! I can’t imagine — nor will you once you read this — what people thought! I even found a mention that the scene where Klaus Kinski inserts a pin into a girl’s eye aired uncut on Pittsburgh’s beloved Chiller Theater (indeed, it played on  July 7, 1979 and December 26, 1981, thanks to the amazing listing on the Chiller Theater fan site).

1906. Austria. Greta von Holstein (Ewa Aulin, Candy from Candy as well as Death Laid an Egg) has been used and abused by all of the men in her life, including Dr. von Ravensbrück, a rich cad who knocks her up and leaves her to die in childbirth.

Three years later. Her hunchback brother Franz, besotten with incestual love, brings her back to life with a magic medallion inscribed with the secret of life over death. He tries to get back into her pants, so she throws a black cat at his face. It eats his eyeballs, because, well, this is a Joe D’Amato movie. She then escapes into the world where she seeks revenge on the von Ravensbrück’s family.

Walter, the son of the doctor who done her wrong, and Eve, his wife, take her in after an accident outside their home. They both fall in love with her, which gives D’Amato license to shoot long lovemaking scenes. You may know him on one hand for his horror films, like Beyond the Darkness, Frankenstein 2000, Absurd and Antropophagus. But you may also know him for his adult films like Porno Holocaust and the Rocco Siffredi vehicle Tarzan X – Shame of Jane. Here, he combines his love of the female form with his eye for murder and insanity.

Eva is becoming jealous of Greta. But what he doesn’t know is that her new lover is wiping out people left and right, just for fun. The butler in the gallery with a razor. The maid in the woods with a shotgun. A lab assistant in the lab with a metal club. Even the family doctor (Klaus Kinski, do I need to say more or tell you he was in Schizoid, Crawlspace, Marquis de Sade: Justine and more? Or that he was also maniac who was drafted to the German army, spent time as a POW and drank his own urine to get sick and get home earlier? This is not the craziest Kinski story, by the way…) is strangled right after he learned how to use her amulet to bring back the dead that he had been experimenting on (as you do).

Eva’s jealousy wins out, so she walls her up alive in the rooms beneath the castle, killing her. But Greta isn’t done yet. She shows up as a ghost at a party and lures Eva toward falling off the roof. That night, Greta’s ghost gives Walter a fatal heart attack in bed. And all of this was just to lure her old lover, Dr. von Ravensbrück, to the funeral, where she leads him to a vault and suffocates him.

A police inspector wonders if he’ll ever add up the case, as he finds the corpse of Greta’s brother near her empty grave. She’s gone and he wonders whatever happened to her. The person he has been telling the story to? Greta.

I was really struck by Berto Pisano’s music in this. He also contributed the strange soundtrack to Burial Ground. Here, his music is jazzy and then atonal, with sharp stings to call out the action.

I feel like I need to take a long shower after watching this movie. Which isn’t a bad thing, really. It’s an effective mix of giallo and gothic romance, with plenty of sleaze and gore for those seeking those thrills.

In the book Spaghetti Nightmares, Massaccesi said that he used his real name on this film because he was “encouraged by the budget…and by the presence of two important actors like Ewa Aulin and Kalus Kinski, who were appearing at the time in several Italian films, and whose presence was opposed on me by production and distribution. Kinski, in spite of everything, is an excellent professional actor.”

When asked how he felt about the movie, he wasn’t kind to himself: “Not many fond memories there. I’m afraid it’s a very imperfect film, pandering and mechanical, but this is due to the fact that I wrote the script on my own. When you don’t work with someone else who challenges your ideas, stimulates them and corrects you where necessary, helping you to make what you write credible, it’s much harder to come up with a good product.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: A Bell from Hell (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: A Bell From Hell was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, July 14, 1979 and August 29, 1981.

What happens when a young man is released from an insane asylum and returns home? Well, he goes for revenge on his aunt and her three daughters, the ones who stole his insurance when they claimed he had gone crazy.

This is another part of the Avco Embassy’s Nightmare Theater package syndicated for television in 1975. The others are MartaDeath Smiles on a Murderer, Maniac MansionNight of the SorcerersFury of the Wolfman, Hatchet for the HoneymoonHorror Rises from the TombDear Dead DelilahDoomwatchWitches Mountain, The Mummy’s Revenge and The Witch).

Bell from Hell isn’t an easy watch. It’s dreamy at times, brutally realistic at others, particularly the slaughterhouse scene. Juan wants revenge against Marta (Viveca Lindfors, Creepshow) and her three daughters (as well as anyone connected with them), but there are times when he could easily kill them and he lets them escape. A good chunk of this movie feels thrown together. But there’s a reason.

Director Claudio Guerín fell — or jumped — from the tower housing the title bell on the last day of shooting and was killed. The film was completed by Juan Antonio Bardem. One assumes that Bardem did the best job he could to combine all the many parts that Guerín into some whole. Throw in the fact that this movie is translated from Spanish to English and you get a swirling dervish of confusion.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 24: The Devil’s Plaything (1973)

October 24: A Swedish Horror Film

Monica (Ulrike Butz) and Helga (Marie Forså) are the guests at a huge castle where a will is about to be read. The girls will need to stay there for a year to claim the estate of Baroness Varga, who was burned at the stake for being a vampire hundreds of years ago. They’re joined by folklore scholar Dr. Julia Malenkow (Anke Syring) and her brother Peter (Nico Wolf) crash in the woods nearby. They are descendants of the women who killed Varga, which probably won’t go all that great with the castle’s maid, Wanda (Nadia Henkowa), who conducts nightly lesbian rituals devoted to the fallen blood countess.

Also known as Vampire Ecstasy, this feels like it fits right in with Jess Franco and Jean Rollin’s vampire women. I say that as a compliment. Unlike many of his New York City-shot movies, director and writer Joe Sarno shot this in an actual castle owned by the relatives of producer Christian Nebe.

Other titles include The Curse of the Black SistersPlaything of the Devil and Veil of Blood.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Night Gallery Season 3 Episode 17: Room for One Less (1973)

As much as I hate to admit it, this is the last chapter of Night Gallery.

If you thought it’d be an incredibly poignant story from Rod Serling, you’d be remiss.

No, the last thing of the show is…a Jack Laird directed and written black out comedy tale.

“Room for One Less” takes place in a crowded elevator that stops to let in several more people in. A monster (Lee Jay Lambert) points to a sign that says “Occupancy by more than 10 passengers prohibited by law” to the elevator operator (James Metropole), which used to be a thing up until at least the 90s, as my art school had them. The monster has a sophisticated accent when he says, “Quite.” He then blows up the elevator operator.

The end.

Ah, it’s been a journey watching all of the Night Gallery episodes and writing about them for you. Did you have a favorite episode? Did any of these bring back memories for you? This gave me a sense of joy as there is so much good here, as well as some sadness, as by the middle of the second season you can start to see that Serling wasn’t getting to tell the stories that he wanted to. Commerce always conscripts creativity but my memories before now were so rose-lensed that I forgot that even a show that I consider great has moments of not being all so good. That said, the great is enough to forget all of the one minute silly sketches that Jack Laird threw in which prove that sometimes, something extra can ruin the recipe.