You may wonder why this movie is also called One-Armed Boxer 2 and The One Armed Boxer vs. the Flying Guillotine. That’s because it’s pretty much a sequel to One-Armed Boxer, but man, the name Master of the Flying Guillotine was just too awesome not to use.

It’s also one of the few martial arts movies that for some reason has a nearly all Krautrock soundtrack, with “Super” and “Super 16” from Neu!’s second studio album, Neu! 2 played as the opening theme and Master Fung’s theme; “Rubycon, Part One” from Tangerine Dream’s sixth studio album Rubycon used as The One-Armed Boxer’s theme; and three songs from Kraftwerk’s fourth album Autobahn — “Mitternacht,” “Morgenspaziergang” and “Kometenmelodie 2” — appearing.

If you can’t guess already, this movie is straight-out incredible.

Yu Tien Lung, the One-Armed Boxer, is stalked by the blind Fung Sheng Wu Chui who was the master of the two Tibetan lama he killed in the first movie. Unlike those men, this villain has the flying guillotine, a bladed hat on a chain that can take its victim’s head completely off their body.

Before the battle you’ve been waiting for, our protagonist must battle a Thai boxer, a yoga master and a kobojutsu — the martial arts of Okinawa — master. And yes, you get a satisfying battle between the enemies by the end.

With a tagline that claimed, “It’s A Mean Machine – Cuts Your Head Off Clean!” this film lives up to everything you dreamed that it would be. Jimmy Wang Wu wrote, directed and stars in this. He made The Chinese Boxer, a movie that moved martial arts away from weapons and into the bare-handed combat that Bruce Lee and so many others would make into a worldwide phenomenon.

Obviously, so much of Kill Bill — and even the video game Street Fighter — owe a debt to this movie. You should check it out.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a Golden Harvest movie! Oh well! I already wrote it.

With one arm tied behind his back, Jimmy Wang Yu had already played the One-Armed Swordsman in two films for Shaw Brothers, One-Armed Swordsman and Return of the One-Armed Swordsman. He also became incredibly popular after The Chinese Boxer, the movie that kickstarted the unarmed combat genre. Then, he broke his contract with Shaw Brothers and lost the lawsuit that resulted, which meant he needed to go somewhere other than Hong Kong to work.

That’s where former Shaw Brothers executive Raymond Chow comes in. He started the rival studio Golden Harvest in 1970 and Wang Yu became his star, writing, directing and playing the main role in One-Armed Boxer.

Yu Tian Long (Wang) is the best fighter to come out of his local martial arts school. However, when he stops the Hook Gang from roughing up customers in a restaurant. The evildoers are part of the Ching Te school, which is the most prominent martial arts academy in town. Yet more than that, they run all sorts of businesses, legal and illegal.

After being defeated in combat twice, the Hook Gang return to their master Chao Liu (Yeh Tien) and tell him that Tien and others from the Ching Te school attacked them for no reason and insulted their group. Chao heads off to the school and is easily defeated by Master Han Tu (Ma Kei).

Chao has no honor and uses his money to get revenge, hiring a group of martial artists from Shanghai that includes Okinawa karate expert Erh Ku Da Leung (Wong Fei-lung) and his students Chang Ku Chua and Pan Tien-Ching, two lamas from Tibet (Ko Fu and Cho Lung, who are the disciples of the Fung Sheng Wu Chi from Master of the Flying Guillotine, which is about him trying to get revenge for his students against Yu Tian Long), Muat Thai fighters Mi Tsu (Blackie Ko, who went on to be a car stunt expert) and Ni Tsai, judo master Kao Chiao, Taekwondo master Chin Chi Yung and yoga fighter Mura Singh. They murder every single student in the Ching Te school, as well as the Master, leaving only Tien Lung alive yet only with one arm after Erh Ku Da Leung chops his arm clean off.

Hsiao Yu, a nurse, and her father bring our hero back to health and explain a special sklill that could help him get revenge, a method that will make his fighter super powerful even with just one arm. He only has to destroy all the nerves in his arm so he places his arm into an open flame in an incredible scene that shows just how devoted he is to avenging his master.

The end of the film is an example of why I love martial arts movies. Tien Lung fights every single one of the killers in a quarry while the Hook Gang throw bombs at him. There’s blood spraying everywhere and non-stop kicking, punching and violence.

When this was released in the U.S. by National General Pictures, it was called The Violent Professionals and used the theme from The Big Boss, a Bruce Lee film that was also made by Golden Harvest. As for the original film score, it outright takes the theme from Shaft — minus the talking about Shaft — over the opening credits, which is pretty much as outlandish an act of theft as it gets.

This movie is just magical. I was on the edge of my seat throughout and was astounded by how intense the fights were and I was beyond on the side of the hero, despite how brutal and cool Erh Ku Da Leung is, a man who takes an arm when someone breaks an arm. If you haven’t gotten into kung fu yet, this is a great place to get started.

Consider this movie highly recommended.

This is the first movie from Dark Arts Entertainment, a new label run by Brian Yuzna (Re-Animator, Society) and John Penney (Return of the Living Dead III, The Kindred).

Struggling artist Lola (Faye Tamasa, Ringworms) has nowhere to stay. She decides to visit her brother Louis (Burt Thakur), who she hasn’t seen for years, and he offers her a place to live. His roommate Cage (Robert Brettenaugh) seems strange but it isn’t for long, right? Well, that’s when the city goes into lockdown for reasons unknown. Is it another pandemic? War? And why are seeds showing up in the mail? Lola plants the seeds, which end up creating a psychedelic plant that warps her brother into another reality and makes Cage even more sinister.

Directed and written by Jake Macpherson, this is a unique feature that creates its own world for the characters, as mostly it’s Lola and Cage on screen with Louis lost somewhere in-between. The plants that grow appear otherworldly, beyond the strange happenings outside like helicopters constantly flying overhead and the TV turning to static. This feels like the worst trip to a drug buddy’s house that gets bad, you get stuck and there’s no way you can leave. It’s tense, gripping and a great first feature from this label and Macpherson.

The MVD release of Terror Firma has a director’s commentary, an extended director’s cut, a gallery of behind the scenes photos and a trailer. You can get it from MVD.

There was a time — let’s call it 1978 — when HBO first entered my life. Unlike predictably scheduled network television, many of the movies ended at odd times. In between, there were all kinds of unplanned content, like Video Jukebox, Arcade Attack, Bambi vs. Godzilla, The Mild Ones and Hardware Wars. As a kid who couldn’t get enough Jedi content in 1978, the fact that this aired every few days on our TV made me overjoyed. Every time it came on, whoever had on HBO would yell for everyone to run into the TV room and watch.

It’s a treasured memory.

I’d like to tell six year old me that I now own a copy of it and can watch it any time that I want. This is a magical feeling, the kind of power that young me never guessed would ever be my reality.

Hardware Wars — and another HBO favorite Porklips Now — came from animator Ernie Fosselius. After making twenty shorts for Sesame Street, he wrote several screenplays that never got filmed, including a Zippy the Pinhead movie. In his career, he’s done everything from foley work on Ed Wood, Serial Mom and The Unbearable Lightness of Being to making props for RoboCop 2, being a founding member of The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo and providing the voices for the pilots in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Poggle the Lesser in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, the Rancor Keeper in Return of the Jedi, writing the song that “Lapti Nek” that the Max Rebo Band performs, contributing one of the voices of the arcade game Gauntlet, doing the “Ack! Ack!” Martian voices in Mars Attacks! and performing the voice of Trantor the Troll in Ernest Scared Stupid.

Shot in four days for $8,000, this is George Lucas’ favorite parody of his film. When it was re-released in 1997, Fosselius didn’t take part, as he didn’t see the need to add in digital effects. He was also unhappy with the 2002 re-release that saw animators take out the strings on the puppets, which was intentional.

This movie was obviously made by a fan of the source material, as even Paul Frees — who voiced the Star Wars trailer — is used, making this feel real. His voice warmly reads “Hardware Wars! A spectacle light years ahead of its time! Starring: Fluke Starbucker, intergalactic boy wonder. Augie “Ben” Doggie, venerable member of the Redeye Knights. Princess Anne-Droid, interstellar damsel in distress. Ham Salad, ace mercenary pilot and intergalactic wise guy. Darph Nader, villain.”

Yes, Fluke Starbucker (Scott Mathews) must learn to master The Farce with help from Augue “Ben” Doggie (Jeff Hale, an animator on Sesame Street and Heavy Metal), Artie Deco, 4-Q-2 (Frank Robertson), Princess Anne-Droid (Cindy Furgatch), Ham Salad (Bob Knickerbocker) and Chewchilla the Wookie Monster.

If this line doesn’t make you laugh, this isn’t for you.

Fluke Starbucker: Jeepers! What is it, Augie Ben Doggie? Did you feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced?

Auggie Ben Doggie: No, just a little headache.

Being a grown up is not the fun that I hoped that it would be when I was six. At least having this helps.

The MVD release of Hardware Wars has a brand new 2K HD transfer from the only known surviving element, a 16mm Reversal Release print. There’s commentary by Ernie Fosselius, a director’s cut, a prequel featurette, a foreign version, an interview and three other movies: Hardware Wars Saves Christmas, Porklips Now and Plan 9.1 From Outer Space. It has a limited edition slipcover and a collectible mini-poster. You can get it from MVD.

Originally made as Agowa gongpo (Crocodile Fangs), this is the story of Tony Akom (Nat Puvani) and John Stromm (Min Oo), two workaholic doctors always at odds with their wives, who are angry that they work so much. They decide to make up for it and take them on vacation, which is a major mistake, as they are dragged underwater by a crocodile mutated by nuclear testing into an unstoppable creature of wife chewing destruction. Now, they must destroy it and join up with fisherman Tanaka (Manop Asavatep) and a photographer named Peter (Robert Chan Law-Bat) to make it happen.

When the English language version of this film was created by producer Dick Randall, all sorts of cuts happened. Out was the hurricane that opened the original film. In was a new beginning shot by Randall in which a crocodile eats two naked women. This one movie didn’t have enough crocodile human feasting for Randall, who added in a scene from Krai Thong in which three kids turn into a snake. And the ending, in which Tony threw dynamite into the crocodile’s gullet was edited with Peter strapping himself with the TNT and swimming right into the giant mouth of the croc. Above all else, all Jaws rip-offs must end with the beast being blown up. That’s the rules.

What breaks the rules is that much like The Ghost Galleon, I can only imagine that some of the effects in this were created by a toy boat in a bathtub. Yet going even further, this has a reptile crawling all over it.

Original director Sompote Sands also made the aforementioned Krai Thong, as well as The 6 Ultra Brothers vs. the Monster Army, Hanuman and the Five Riders (a bootleg Kamen Rider) and Jumborg Ace & Giant.

A warning: This movie was condemned by the American Humane Association for a moment where a real crocodile is murdered on screen. This isn’t Italian, mind you. It’s from Thailand.

The Synapse release of Crocodile has an audio commentary with dearly departed film historian Lee Gambin, an  interview with original director Won-se Lee, the original theatrical trailer, and deleted and alternate scenes. You can get it from MVD.

The final of the three movies that adapt Louis Cha’s The Legend of the Condor Heroes, this starts with Guo Jing (Alexander Fu Sheng) and Huang Rong (Niu-niu) following Yang Kang (Yu Tai-ping) to the home of the Iron Palm Sect. Huang Rong is critically injured and a swamp woman named Yinggu (Ching Li) tells Guo JIng that only a monk named Duan Zhixing (Ti Lung) can save her.

After defeating the bodyguards of Duan Zhixing, they learn that Yinggu was once his lover. She told them to find him because to save Huang Rong, Duan’s healing powers may cost him his life. That’s because he ignored her to become a master fighter and she had an affair with Zhou Botong, which led to her having his child. When the baby was born, a masked man attacked it and Yinggu begged Duan to save its life. Now, her revenge will be having him die.

Qiu Qianren (Lo Mang), one of the best fighters in the Iron Palm Sect, was the masked man and this brings Zhou and Yinggu back together. Zhou Botong appears and explains the weakness in Qiu’s martial arts and he is finally defeated.

How crazy is it that it took the third movie to finally explain who Duan Zhixing was? Meanwhile, the characters in this movie aren’t even the titular hero, so what’s going on here? Ah, Chang Cheh, you always surprise me. Also: a baby death? That’s how you prove that someone is the bad guy. Speaking of bad guys, when is Guo Jing going to get that revenge that this series of movies is supposed to be about?