Tim Burton didn’t want to make a sequel, but he agreed to return in exchange for creative control, which meant he got to change up the script by Sam Hamm and Daniel Waters, with Wesley Strick rewriting things to establish what the Penguin’s plan was. While this was a big success, it wasn’t at the level of Batman and that may be because of how dark, sexual and violent is became, which is one of the reasons why I like it so much.

It’s also totally a Christmas movie.

Unlike Bruce Wayne (Michael Keaton), whose rich parents loved him, the Penguin is born to Tucker (Paul Reubens) and Esther Cobblepot (Diane Salinger), who despite giving him the name Oliver (Danny DeVito) treat him like more an animal than a child. They dump him into the sewer, where he is raised by penguins. Yes, this really happens.

His Red Triangle gang kidnap rich man Max Shreck (Christopher Walken) and force him to work alongside his plan to take over Gotham City. It starts by kidnapping the mayor’s son and rescuing him, making the Penguin a hero. As for Schreck, he’s been planning to steal all of Gotham’s electricity, a plan that his secretary Selena Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer) learns about and is shoved out a window to her death. Well, it would have been her death, but she’s brought back from the dead by alley cats. Yes, again, really.

Bruce Wayne, being Batman, ends up fighting Penguin, Catwoman and Schreck, all while as Bruce he falls for Selena. This all sounds too ordinary for what the movie has happen, because this has so many wild ideas and actors in it, like the Red Triangle gang being made up of Organ Grinder (Vincent Schiavelli), the Poodle Lady (Anna Katarina), the Tattooed Strongman (Rick Zumwalt, Bull Hurley!), the Sword Swallower (John Strong), the Fat Clown (Travis Mckenna), the Thin Clown (Doug Jones), the Knifethrower Dame (Erika Andersch), the Acrobatic Thug (Gregory Scott Cummins) and the Terrifying Clown (Branscombe Richmond). There were even plans for a black Robin, to be played by Marlon Wayans, to the point that even toys were designed.

Everyone in this is a shadow of Bruce Wayne: Selena may be “the same, split right down the center” but she wants vengeance instead of justice; Penguin was born rich as a freak but Bruce became one; Schreck is the rich villain that Bruce could have been. Catwoman embraces her sexuality by covering herself in leather and embracing a BDSM-coded whip; even at the end, she chooses solitude instead of love with Bruce, as he’d be just another man dominating her. She’s content to see his Batsignal in the night and know that he’s close.

This is also a Christmas movie that hates the holiday; a cash-in sequel that hates that fact as well as merchandising, despite having a toyline out in stores in time for its release. It feels like a movie that took chances, back when superhero movies had no rules or template. Compared to the next few Batman movies after, it felt so right, so perfect and still feels that way today.

Directed by Lauren Montgomery and Sam Liu and written by Dwayne McDuffie, this is based on Grant Morrison’s JLA: Earth 2 and takes place between Superman/Batman: Public Enemies and Batman: Under the Red Hood.

On Earth-3, Lex Luthor (Chris Noth) is a hero, working with the Jester (James Patrick Stuart) to stop the Crime Syndicate. He escapes to our Earth and informs the Justice League of his plan to stop them from being the rulers of his planet.

Nearly every member of the Crime Syndicate has a duplicate on Earth-1.  Superwoman (Gina Torres) is Superman (Mark Harmon). Owlman (James Woods) is Batman (William Baldwin). Wonder Woman (Vanessa Marshall) is Ultraman (Brian Bloom). Power Ring is Green Lantern (both played by Nolan North), while Johnny Quick (James Patrick Stuart) is The Flash (Josh Keaton). The other Earth is so warped that instead of Deathstroke being a killer, he’s President Slade Wilson (Bruce Davison) and his daughter Rose (Freddi Rogers) somehow doesn’t become a mercenary, but instead one of the few good people on her world, falling in love with Martian Manhunter (Jonathan Adams).

Where the movie simplifies things is the revelation by Morrison that Luthor, no matter the world, is fated to lose while the Justice League will always win. When they switch worlds, this ruins the balance of this predestiny. That said, for a cartoon that has to make a quick version of this story, it’s pretty good. I loved how the Made Men show up, people given powers by the Crime Syndicate as almost mob henchmen, as well as getting to see Firestorm, Black Lightning, Black Canary and alternate versions of the Marvels, Vibe and Looker.

You can watch this on Tubi.

As a comic book reader since I was a kid, it’s so strange to see deep cut characters like the Demons Three and Black Orchid show up in an animated movie. This one takes place between Justice League vs. Teen Titans and Teen Titans: The Judas Contract.

Batman (Jason O’Mara), Superman (Jerry O’Connell), Wonder Woman (Rosario Dawson) and Green Lantern John Stewart (Roger Cross) start to realize that perhaps they can’t handle the supernatural crimes of the world, so Batman works to create a team alongside John Constantine (Matt Ryan) and Zatanna (Camilla Luddington) that includes Deadman (Nicholas Turturro), Black Orchid (Colleen Villard), Jason Blood (Ray Chase) — who is connected to the demon Etrigan — and Swamp Thing (Roger Cross).

As with any mystic issues in the DCU, Felix Faust (Enrico Colantoni) has to be involved, as is Destiny (Alfred Molina), but they never consider how underhanded Constantine can be.

Directed by Jay Oliva and written by Ernie Altbacker, this was followed by Justice League Dark: Apokolips War, which ended the New 52 timeline and brought about the Tomorrowverse that would start with Superman: Man of Tomorrow.

This gets in so many things of DC that I love, including the House of Mystery. You can talk superhero fatigue all you want, but if I keep getting to watch cool stuff like this, I’ll be happy.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Adapting the Frank Miller — with Klaus Janson and Lynn Varley — comic book is a feat. Other than perhaps Watchmen, no comic took hold of my imagination in 1986 the same way, reinventing — for better or worse — the way that many saw Batman and Superman.

Directed by Jay Oliva and written by Bob Goodman, this two-part animated movie has Peter Weller as Bruce Wayne, retired for years after the death of Jason Todd, who was Robin. As Commissioner Gordon (Dark Shadows actor David Selby) nears retirement, they both seem themselves as old men about to be put to pasture. The world is filled with mutants and killing machines; Harvey Dent (Wade Williams) has had surgery to heal his face and been forgiven for his crimes as Two-Face; The Joker (Michael Emerson) is locked up for good.

As crime increases, Wayne decides that it’s time to be Batman again, bringing Carrie Kelly (Ariel Winter) on as his new Robin. He’ll need her help to stop the mutants, who may not be his greatest enemy, as the public remains divided in the media-dominated world of the future. Or today, as this is taking a two decade old story and telling it when it would be happening.

It’s strange to hear Miller’s dialogue — the mutants dialogue reads good on the page, not out loud — and news breaks within a film. At the time, it was cutting edge and influenced other media. Today, it may feel trite, even if this is nearly where it all began. The internal monologue of Batman may seem silly to the audience of today; it’s strange to hear them in a voice that isn’t the one you had in your head when you read the comic.

So much of RoboCop took from the works of Miller, to the point that he wrote the original script to the sequel. If you told teenage me that I would get to see a movie of this someday, I would have been so surprised. As such, I can’t help but like this.

You can watch this on Tubi.

I hate the elf on the shelf. It creates an early message for children that we live in a police state, a place where you are constantly under surveillance and even the cutest things you see hide a way to keep you docile.

The Polonia Brothers directed this and it was written by Aaron Drake and Eric Wilkinson. An antique Christmas elf decoration is the way that a spirit communicates with the world, one filled with anger from beyond the grave. Three paranormal investigators — Damon Satchele (Titus Himmelberger), Lennie Barnes (David Fire) and Max Simonetti (Mark Polonia) — have been hired to cleanse the property of demonic entities so it can finally be sold.

This is a movie of Mark Palonia walking around with a thermometer trying to talk to the ghost of a child and nobody hearing anything correctly and enraging that ghost by sitting in his chair. I have a weakness for the Polonia films, as they’re more fun to make than watch, but then if you keep that in mind, you end up liking the movie more.

Seriously. Screw those elves. You put them on the mantle and they can become the conduit for evil, making your house up to six degrees colder in different parts, not to mention teaching your kids to hide stuff from you instead of building communication and trust.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Fitting in between Teen Titans: The Judas Contract and The Death of Superman in the New 52 DC Animated Universe, Suicide Squad: Hell to Pay has Professor Zoom (C. Thomas Howell) still alive, despite being shot in the head by an alternate world Batman in Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox. He wants a “Get Out of Hell Free” card, a magical relic that was being kept by a former Dr. Fate, Steel Maxum (Greg Grunberg), who was kicked out of the Tower of Fate when Scandal Savage (Dania Ramirez) and Knockout (Cissy Jones) stole the card.

Task Force X boss Amanda Waller (Vanessa Williams) wants that card, as she’s dying from a brain tumor. As Professor Zoom and his henchmen Blockbuster (Dave Fennoy) and Silver Banshee (Julie Nathanson) search for the relic, she assembles a Suicide Squad of Deadshot (Christian Slater), Harley Quinn (Tara Strong), Captain Boomerang (Liam McIntyre), Killer Frost (Kristin Bauer van Straten), Copperhead (Gideon Emery) and Bronze Tiger (Billy Brown) to get there first.

I really liked the way that this movie presented the Suicide Squad as criminals out to kill one another that can barely work together, other than Deadshot, who often finds himself having to become a hero. It’s way better than Suicide Squad or the sequel and feels like the closest that media has come to getting the John Ostrander comic book on screen.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed and written by Paul Tanter and co-written by Simon Phillips, this is a sequel to Once Upon a Time at Christmas. Courtney (Keegan Chambers), the daughter of the killer Santa, Nick, (Phillips), has left behind Woodridge and is living in hiding in the big city. Yet when her father and his wife, Michelle, (Sayla de Goede) return, she has to come back home to face off with him once and for all.

Now that Agent Natalie Parker (Kate Schroder) is on the case, she visits all of the survivors of the first movie, many of whom don’t make it to the end of The Nights Before Christmas. Like Courtney, who spoiler warning, dies thereby ruining. the father and daughter dynamic of the original. Also: the roles of Jennifer, Courtney and Lucy have new actresses, with Susannah Mackay and Brook Fletcher being replaced by Shannon Cotter, Keegan Chambers and Meredith Heinrich.

It also has the Santa go all Dr. Phibes and get revenge on the people who ran the sanitarium where he and his Mrs. Claus were mistreated, making him the hero, which didn’t seem like a direction I expected.

This does have drone footage, which makes it seem higher budget than the original, but the cops — defund the slasher, giallo and holiday horror police — repeatedly have the bad guys held down by their guns and are too afraid to shoot them. This goes wrong every single time. In reality, they would have no problem unloading full clips into these seasonal slashers.

There’s also a fair bit of homage — let’s be kind, it’s Christmas and not say thievery — to Silence of the Lambs. But that said, this looks better than it should and in the world of cheap Christmas killers, it feels like a better gift than you usually get.

You can watch this on Tubi.

VIDEO ARCHIVES NOTES: This movie was discussed on the December 10, 2024 episode of the Video Archives podcast. 

Following up his turn as Phillip Marlow in Farewell, My Lovely, Mitchum is back and he’s got Michael Winner directing and writing for him. Sure, Mitchum is twice the age he should be and this is in London instead of Los Angeles, but it’s got a mean edge that I love.

General Sternwood (Jimmy Stewart) is near death, but still wants to know who is blackmailing him. He hires Marlowe, who meets the military man’s daughters, Charlotte (Sarah Miles) and Camilla (Candy Clark). The case leads the detective to pornographer Arthur Geiger (John Justin), his employee Agnes Lozelle (Joan Collins) and finally to Joe Brody (Edward Fox), who Agnes is in love with. As for Camilla, she’s found at the scene of Geiger’s murder after posing for nudes, which would shock her dying father.

As for Charlotte, she is tied up with Eddie Mars (Oliver Reed), a gambler whose wife Mona (Diana Quick) ran off with Charlotte’s husband Rusty and who has several bills due thanks to Charlotte’s gambling debts. Meanwhile, Brody steals Charlotte’s nude photos and pays with his life.

Marlow tangles with a hitman named Lash (Richard Boone) and several red herrings to figure out exactly what the General wants him to look into. He actually never wants the old man to learn the truth about his daughters, particularly when he puts his own life on the line to draw one of them out.

Jimmy Stewart was having issues saying his lines on time due to hearing issues and possibly memory problems. Mitchum may have said, “The picture was all about corpses, but Jimmy looked deader than any of them,” but Stewart outlived him by one day.

Oliver Reed was only in this so he could work with Mitchum and was impressed that the actor could drink a bottle of gin in just 55 minutes. Meanwhile, Mitchum and Boone seemed to be having a drinking contest at all times and even fired live rounds close to one another in a gun fight scene.

As you can imagine, this was a set full of maniacs. When meetings some folks of Arabic nationality, Mitchum warned them that Winner was a Mossad agent, while Winner set up a porn photo shoot to ensure that “copyright issues” didn’t come up for the magazine in the film, which ended up with Mitchum hooking up with the model that was in that shoot, Lindy Benson. He was also being stalked by two women, who had a battle in his apartment at one point during filming.

Winner hated that Joan Collins wore wigs, so he demanded she use her real hair. When they wrapped,  Collins gave Winner a friendly kiss and as she walked away, she took off her wig, fooling him for teh entire production.

When that car blows up at the end, the effects crew had soaked rags in gasoline. Winner decided it would be a good idea to light a cigar around this — he had only been on film sets his entire life — and ignited a gas line, which set the crew tent on fire and nearly a house.

You can watch this on Tubi.