Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Mag Wheels (1978)

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July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Man, the 70s.

Steve (John Laughlin) has a van.

Steve wants Anita (Shelly Horner).

Steve’s girlfriend Donna (Verkina Flower, who was also in The Capture of Bigfoot, The Witch Who Came from the Sea and Drive-In Massacre; she was also the costume designer for Top Dog and worked in the wardrobe department for Midnight, Frightmare, They’re Playing With Fire and Silent Night, Deadly Night) gets angry and tells the cops that Steve is a cocaine dealer and tells his friends that Anita was the one who set him up. They decide to sexually assault her, and she’s saved by lady truckers. Yes, this happens. Anita was also roughed up by her boss at The Boogie Bowl earlier, and she still came to work the next day.

The 70s.

Keep in mind that the rest of the movie features van sploitation, sex comedy hijinks, and a pillow fight war. And then, you get the gang rape and an ending that serves chicken race gloom and doom. Well, it looks like Anita is dead when she drives her dad’s station wagon off a cliff, but Steve yells, “She’s alive!” which is as convincing as when that ADR told us that Duke was going to live in the animated G.I. Joe: The Movie.

This was re-released as Summer School, long after the culture had died out due to gas prices. You know. The 70s. Today, too.

Director and writer Bethel Buckalew was a production manager on Deep Jaws, The Love Butcher, Lady Cocoa, The Black 6, Miss Nymphet’s Zap-In, and The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet before directing Southern Comforts, Below the Belt, Country Cuzzins, A Scream In the Streets and Sassy Sue. George Barris, the maker of many custom cars, produced this one and also appears, along with several of his family members. He’s a shop owner; his wife, Shirley, is a housewife. Their son, Brett Barris, did stunts. The other son, Shotzi Barris, is a van driver, and Joji Barris is a van driver’s wife.

The skateboarders? Those are the Z-Boys.

The best character? Kim, played by Lynn Kuratomi, practices martial arts because it’s the 70s — did I say that before — and she’s Asian, but she’s still wonderful, despite this classic Hollywood cliche.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Tales from the Crypt S7 E13: The Third Pig (1996)

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The final episode of Tales from the Crypt was animated and directed by Bill Kopp and Patrick A. Ventura, with Kopp and Steven Dodd writing the script.

Hmm, Son of Dracula. Return of the Son of Dracula. The Son of Dracula’s Revenge? Is that all you can do? Vampire movies?! I’m afraid that’s not good enough. You’d have to be a bite more versatile to be on the fright-ing staff of Tales from the Crypt. Oh, hello creeps!

As you can see, we’ve got an opening for a story dead-itor. I’ve been conducting chop interviews all morning. No one seems to get what I’m looking for! Oh well, let’s see who’s next. (pulls a book closer to him) Interesting, a brother team. Grimm. I think I’ve heard of them. This has potential, boils and ghouls. It’s a twisted bit of gory-telling about three scare-acters you may recognize… at first. It’s called: “The Third Pig.”

You may have read the story of the Three Little Pigs, but these are different. There’s the intelligent Dudley (Cam Clarke), the aptly named Drinky (Brad Garrett) and the angry Smokey (Charlie Adler). Dudley lives in a sturdy house made of bricks, while his brothers live in a whiskey keg and a house made of cigarettes.

The Big Bad Wolf (Bobcat Goldthwait) blows two of their houses down, so Drinky and Smokey come to live with Dudley. They repay him by treating him horribly. Don’t get too used to them, as the wolf soon kills them and sets up Dudley, thanks to a wolf cop (Corey Burton) and judge (Jim Cummings). He’s sentenced to death by frying pan, but his fellow pigs come back from the dead as ghosts and show him how to combine their corpses to make a zombie Frankenswine. He gets his revenge, but feels as if he’s become as evil as the wolf. Well, the wolf comes back too and turns him into a sandwich.

Animated by Nelvana, which also produced the Tales from the Crypt Keeper kids cartoon, this series features the Crypt Keeper narrating the entire story and engaging in on-screen battles with some of the characters. This was initially planned as an episode of the children’s show, but it was rejected for being too violent.

This is the only episode not based on an EC Comics story.

Is that it? Not yet. Over the next few months, we’ll explore other EC Comics series that HBO aired, including Two Fisted Tales, Perversions of Science (based on the EC science fiction comics) and Weird World.

¡Dos grandes películas de terror españolas en el DIA DF!

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Bill and I are back with AC Nicholas this Saturday 8 PM EST on the Groovy Doom Facebook and YouTube channels.

Want to know what we’ve shown before? Check out this list.

Have a request? Make it here.

Want to see one of the drink recipes from a past show? We have you covered.

Up first — The People Who Own the Dark! You can watch it on Daily Motion or download it from the Internet Archive.

Every week, we watch movies, talk about the ads and have mixed drinks. Here’s the first cocktail:

The People Who Own the Booze

  • 1.5 oz. gin
  • 6 oz. lemonade
  • Fresh mint (to taste)
  1. Stir ingredients together over crushed ice.
  2. Top with mint.

The second movie is The Blood Spattered Bride, which is on Tubi.

Here’s the second cocktail.

Red Wedding

  • 3 oz. red wine
  • 3 oz. cola
  • .5 oz. lemon juice
  1. Mix things together over ice.
  2. Don’t get bit.

See you on Saturday!

CBS LATE MOVIE: Sol Madrid (1968)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Sol Madrid was on the CBS Late Movie on March 8 and November 9, 1972, September 26, 1973 and January 30, 1975.

Also known as The Heroin Gang and The Secret File of Sol Madrid, this is based on Fruit of the Poppy by Robert Wilder. Directed by Brian G. Hutton (Where Eagles Dare, Kelly’s Heroes) and written by David Karp, it stars Man from U.N.C.L.E.‘s David McCallum as the titular character.

Small-time crook Harry (Pat Hingle) is trying to escape with half a million dollars of stolen organized crime money, taking his girl, Stacey (Stella Stevens), to Madrid. Hitman Dano Villanova (Rip Torn, who replaced John Cassavetes, who was “sick” but really walked off the set; he would later say “Ricardo Montalban is to improvisational acting what Mount Rushmore is to animation.”) is hired to murder him, while drug dealer Emil Dietrich (Telly Savales) and a crooked cop named Jalisco (Ricardo Montalbán) are making a deal to move tons of heroin into the U.S. Sol Madrid must deal with all of them.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a Eurospy, but it doesn’t have the gadgets. It does have Stella Stevens.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Twilight of Honor (1963)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Twilight of Honor was on the CBS Late Movie on February 16 and June 5, 1972, April 11, 1974 and January 14, 1976.

Boris Sagal directed The Omega Man and died while making the miniseries World War III when he got out of a helicopter the wrong way in the parking lot of the Timberline Hotel in Portland — where The Shining exteriors were filmed — and the blades hit him in the head. He died five hours later. He also made this movie, which was written by Henry Denker and based on the book by Al Dewlen.

David Mitchell (Richard Chamberlain) is a widowed lawyer in a small city in New Mexico who is called in to be the public defender for an alleged murderer named Ben Brown (Nick Adams) who has been charged with murder. He’s up against Norris Bixby (James Gregory), with whom he shares a mentor, Art Harper (Claude Rains). No one gives Ben a chance, not even David, as he’s already confessed to the crime and in a small town like this, no jury will listen to him.

Harper reveals that he’s the reason why David got the case, as he’s too ill to try the case, but thinks that Ben deserves justice. Art’s daughter, Susan (played by Joan Blackman, also known for her role in Pets), serves as his secretary and love interest; she has pined for him ever since he was married.

After meeting the wife of the defendant, Laura-Mae Brown (Joey Heatherton), David learns that she was abused by him and hopes he dies in the gas chamber. But what is the truth? Yes, Ben may have killed off-duty cop Cole Clinton (Pat Buttram), but the cop was making time with Mrs. Brown, which could make this a justifiable homicide. But since the town loves Clinton and most of his wealthy friends are serving on the jury, there’s no way this can be won.

Mrs. Clinton (Jeanette Nolan) asks to meet David and reveals that yes, her husband slept around. If he drops the adultery charge, she will ask for mercy for the accused. She wants to keep her daughter (Linda Evans) from finding out what kind of man her husband really was. The lawyer refuses.

The truth is complicated, especially given that Laura received the reward for turning in her husband and is now sleeping with a member of the state’s legal team. Ben may have his issues — being suicidal, maybe loving the wrong woman — but he’s not guilty.

Chamberlain was a big star from the Dr. Kildare TV show, so this was his first role on the screen. It was controversial, as the novel was considered too adult for the clean-cut actor. As for Nick Adams, he excels in this role and was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. He went on one of the highest-profile campaigns ever, but lost to Hud actor Melvyn Douglas. The public embarrassment led to Adams being offered fewer roles, an increase in the actor’s depression and may have played a role in him ending his life.

In the UK, this was renamed” The Charge Is Murder and was paired with Children of the Damned for one weird double!

You can watch this on YouTube.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Where the Boys Are ’84 (1984)

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July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Twenty-four years before, Connie Francis, Dolores Hart, Paula Prentiss, George Hamilton, Yvette Mimieux, Jim Hutton, and Frank Gorshin learned about Where the Boys Are. There were no topless scenes in that movie. There are in this one.

The last movie directed by Hy Averback — who kept directed TV for a few years after this; he also made I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!, Chamber of Horrors and The Girl, the Gold Watch & Dynamite — and the first Tri-Stars Pictures release, this reimagines the virginal beach film for a post-sexual revolution world, as four girls — Carole (Lorna Luft), taking a vacation for her preppie boyfriend Chip (Howard McGillin); Jennie (Lisa Hartman), who has liasons with a classical pianist (Daniel McDonald) and a rock star (Russell Todd); Sandra (Wendy Schaal), looking for Mr. Right and Laurie (Lynn-Holly Johnson), who wants to make love to a real man — go to Fort Lauderdale and stay with Aunt Barbara (Louise Sorel) and her friend Maggie (Alana Stewart).

Yes, Judy Garland’s daughter, grown-up Tabitha Stephens/Cathy Geary Rush from Knots Landing, Bonnie Rumsfield from The ‘Burbs and Bibi Dahl/Lexie Winston from Ice Castles are trying to get laid, just like the boys in the other teen sex comedies.

One of the boys in this is the future Shooter McGavin, Christopher McDonald, and another is Howard McGillin, the longest-running Phantom of the Opera. This was produced by Allen Carr, who managed to continue making movies after Grease 2 and Can’t Stop the Music. There was a party every day and the weed smoked in the beach scenes? Real.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CBS LATE MOVIE: You’ll Never See Me Again (1973)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: You’ll Never See Me Again was on the CBS Late Movie on January 21, 1976, August 22, 1978 and July 4, 1978.

Many films have been made based on the stories of Cornell Woolrich: The Leopard Man, The Mark of the Whistler, Night Has a Thousand Eyes, Phantom Lady, Rear Window, The Bride Wore Black, Seven Blood-Stained Orchids, Cloak and Dagger and I’m Dangerous Tonight are just a few. This is another, directed by Jeannot Szwarc (The Devil’s Daughter, Jaws 2, Bug, Somewhere In Time) and written by William Wood (Haunts of the Very Rich) and Gerald Di Pego (Sharky’s Machine).

Ned (David Hartman) and Vickie Bliss (Jess Walton) are newlyweds who get into an argument. He shoves her, she leaves, yelling, “You’ll never see me again.” He expects her back that night. She never comes home.

The next day, he goes to see her parents, Will (Ralph Meeker) and Mary Alden (Jane Wyatt). Strangely, he’s never met them before. Yet they can’t answer any of his questions, whether it’s about where their daughter is or about her childhood. Are they even her folks?

The cops start to get the idea that maybe Ned killed his wife. After all, he’s constantly going into a rage. However, the truth is that he blames himself for Vickie leaving. He’s their top suspect, so he has to escape custody and try to find the truth, kind of like he’s trapped in a giallo. The ending? Amazing.

Hartman would go on to host ABC’s morning news show Good Morning America, so for me, he was the man who told me my news before school. It’s disconcerting to see him screaming at people and getting into fights with the police.

In 1986, Juan Luis Buñuel, Luis’ son, directed a UK TV movie based on the same story.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Brother On the Run (1973)

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Directed and written by Edward J. Lakso and Herbert L. Strock, Brother On the Run has Billy (Kyle Johnson) and Frank (Gary Rist) on the run — one is black, the other is white — and they hide out after a job gone wrong with Billy’s sister Maud (Gwenn Mitchell), who lives next to Professor Grant (Terry Carter). The title comes from, of course, these brothers on the run despite the teacher trying to help them. He also has sex with two women before he gets to that help.

Lasko wrote The Power Within, Back to the Planet of the Apes, Mr. Tease and His Playthings and tons of TV, while Strock directed Monstroid, The Crawling Hand, The Devil’s Messenger, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, How to Make a Monster, Blood of Dracula and, yes, so much TV.

What they made here is about as good as you’d imagine, as two middle-aged white guys try their hands at blacksploitation.

You can watch this on YouTube.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)

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Sam Peckinpah said, “For me, Hollywood no longer exists. It’s past history. I’ve decided to stay in Mexico because I believe I can make my pictures with greater freedom from here.”

With the exception of a few key individuals, Peckinpah made this movie with a Mexican crew, including cameraman Alex Phillips, Jr., who had a preference for wide-angle lenses and loved zooms. This setup allowed Peckinpah to essentially edit the film in his head as he shot.

It also allowed him a lot of creative freedom and to capture the bleak world he wanted. Shooting at a bar called the Tlaquepaque, he said out loud that this place was real. It was — the owner had once killed a woman on the premises and bribed the right people to make it go away.

And the results, sure, they ended up in the Medved co-authored The Fifty Worst Movies of All Time, but Roger Ebert said, “Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia is Sam Peckinpah making movies flat out, giving us a desperate character he clearly loves, and asking us to somehow see past the horror and the blood to the sad poem he’s trying to write about the human condition.”

Who is Garcia? He was once the man selected to be the successor of El Jefe (Emilio Fernández), but he messed up when he knocked up the boss’s daughter Teresa, putting a million-dollar bounty on his head. Two months pass before two hit men, Sappensly (Robert Webber) and Quill (Gig Young), walk into the saloon where Bennie (Warren Oates) plays piano.

He claims he doesn’t know who Garcia is, yet he surely does. He’s the man whose lover, Elita (Isela Vega), cheated on him with. He confronts her as to the man’s whereabouts and learns that he died in an accident. Easy money — he gets $10,000 for Garcia’s head, plus a $200 advance for expenses, and takes Elita along with him to dig the grave. On the way, he proposes to her, telling her that she can retire and they can live in peace. Still, we know that can never happen as the moment they get there, they’re attacked by bikers (Kris Kristofferson and Donnie Fritts) who nearly assault her before Bernie comes to and dispatches them both. As he starts digging the grave despite Elita’s protests, he’s knocked out. He wakes up buried alive with his girl dead by his side, the body of Garcia already missing its head. Oates took mushrooms before this scene, so he’s really living this experience.

Arguing with the head, which has been packed in a sack with dry ice, Bennie leads a death march across Mexico, with everyone in his way dying, death always at his side, waiting for him, as he begins to realize that the head means nothing at all to him or anyone else. The money was meaningless. The revenge doesn’t matter. Yet he must follow through.

Warren Oates copied Peckinpah to play his part, right down to borrowing a pair of sunglasses from the director. This was the only time that the maverick creator ever got the final cut on one of his movies. The twosome also bonded over cocaine, which only added to the air of paranoia and doom that fills every single second of this movie.

I can see why some would dislike and even hate this movie, but for me, it just plain sings. The song may be abrasive, filled with anger, but it’s a song nonetheless.