JUNESPLOITATION: Pandora Peaks (2005)

June 20: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Exploitation Auteurs!

At one point during this movie, I put my head in my hands and took the Lord’s name in vain because, well, I was actually thanking God for the fact that I lived in the same reality that produced Russ Meyer.

This is his last film — whatever it is, I guess a film will describe it — after Meyer’s Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens. From 1979 to his death in 2004, it was a time of announced and never-filmed or unfinished projects. As porn entered the video store and bedrooms, Russ — who had battle censorship for so long — was rich and lived off the sales of the movies he’d already directed. In Jimmy McDonough’s Big Bosoms and Square Jaws: The Biography of Russ Meyer, King of the Sex Film, Meyer said, “I got all the money I’ll ever need. You gotta be hungry to make a movie. I don’t have the desire, the urge.” You could call him and he’d answer the phone himself, ready to sell you a movie. He didn’t have to make Mondo Topless, Too or the color remake of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Reading about BlitzenVixen and Harry makes me wistful. So does The Jaws of Lorna AKA The Jaws of Vixen AKA The Bra of GodUp the Valley of the Beyond. Russ was selling old movies for $79.50, way more than other VHS, but he was the only person selling them. No more new films. No more fire, I guess.

Well, there was The Breast of Russ Meyer. Somehow, for the usual money watching Meyer, this cost $2 million dollars and went around the world to find the most incredible breasts Russ had ever seen. It seemed like a vision in his rapidly declining brain, mixing profiles of Meyer vixens who were doomed to later in life back problems, biographical moments of his Army service and even Kitten Natividad and Russ making love on screen. It was 12 hours long at one point and most of it was given to the Museum of Modern Art.

Other than some footage that aired on Johnathan Ross’ Incredible Film Show, the only way to see all this weirdness—just moments of it—is in Pandora Peaks, a movie that Russ shot throughout the 90s, keeping the actress—born Stephanie Schick—on a $9,000 a week retainer. She claims in this that she worked in a bank and had several businesses before making herself her business, expanding her measurements to 72HHH-22-36.

Russ keeps showing up to talk about his life and his past movies. Just when you think you may learn something, we’re back to Peaks dancing or a German girl named Tundi — who may have the Dr. Ruth voice you hear talking of sex throughout and who McDonough referred to as “truly freakish…a nineteen-year-old Hungarian who spoke no English and resembled a giant triangle made flesh” — as well as another cantilevered specimen named Leosha — that was a Russ word, as is gravity-defying — and Candy Samples, relating how much she likes using her breasts.

Another movie starring Meyer’s then-partner,  Melissa Mounds, was supposed to be made as well. Supposedly, longtime collaborator Jim Ryan oversaw this movie. The end of Russ’ life makes me sad — him losing the only person he cared about, his dog Harry; being physically abused by Mounds; the emotional loss of friends he served in the war with. He was a man abandoned by his lawman father, who never mentioned the mental illness his mother and sister battled or his worries that he had it. Instead, he invented himself. So if this movie feels all of the place, strange and perhaps a bit too overenthused by sweater meat, know that’s how its creator wanted it. He did it his way, even when it didn’t make sense.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: A Mighty Wind (2003)

June 16-22 SNL Week: Saturday Night Live is celebrating 50 years on the air, can NBC last for another 50 years??

Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer are Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins and Derek Smalls, but they’re also Alan Barrows, Jerry Palter and Mark/Marta Shubb. They first appeared on Saturday Night Live’s Season 10, episode 4, on November 3, 1984, when Guest and Shearer were in the cast and McKeen was hosting. I have no idea why Shearer would come back to SNL, as no one is more ruthless about the show in the Live from New York book.

Here’s a good Shearer quote: “I grew to quite loathe the producer of the show. The first words he said to me were, “I never hired a male Jew for the show before.” And knowing that he was Jewish gave it an extra tang.”

Anyways, that sketch — Shearer came back post-Lorne Michaels, I get it — “The Folksmen Reunion” was all about how America was into old folk musicians getting back together. The band also shows up in The Return of Spinal Tap and actually opened for itself, kind of, as The Folksmen opened for Spinal Tap, which didn’t always work out well, if you ask Guest, who told Wired, “One time, we had The Folksmen open for Spinal Tap because we always wanted to do a culmination of our entirely different personas. So there we were in caps playing folk music, opening for Spinal Tap, and the audience looked completely bewildered, like “What the fuck is going on here?” It was great. My son was at the show, and asked, “Mom, when are the old guys getting off and loud guys coming on?” That may have been a moment of weirdness for some people, but so what?”

They also played an actual folk festival alongside Arlo Guthrie, Joni Mitchell and Peter, Paul & Mary.

Anyway, The Folksmen started at The Twobadors, as Shubb and Barrows met at the University of Vermont in Burlington, Vermont—or did all three members go to Ohio Wesleyan University in Delaware, Ohio—and met Palter in Greenwich Village. After their single “Old Joe’s Place,” they somehow released five albums in 26 months before breaking up, forever known as “the group who were too popular to be purist and too purist to be popular.”

At some point, Mark became Mary — saying “After that concert (the one in this movie) I realized I want to spend as much of the rest of my life as possible playing folk music with these gentlemen. And I want to spend all of it as a woman. I came to a realization that I was, and am, a blonde, female folk singer trapped in the body of a bald, male folk singer, and I had to let me out or I would die.” — and they really did become Peter, Paul and Mary. Or Marta.

Sometimes, the silliest jokes are the best.

As for the movie, when their manager Irving Steinbloom dies, The Folksmen join up with The New Main Street Singers — led by George Menschell (Paul Dooley), who can’t play the guitar he carries, along with Terry Bohner (John Michael Higgins), his wife and former adult star, now a witch named Laurie (Jane Lynch) and Sissy Know (Parker Posey — and the folk duo Mitch (Eugene Levy) and Mickey (Catherine O’Hara) for a memorial concert.

Directed by Guest, who co-wrote it with Levy, this movie has almost everyone—well, not George Menschell—play their own instruments. Levy even learned to play guitar just for the film.

While not my favorite of the Guest mockumentaries, I still laughed throughout this movie. Maybe it’s because my heart is in metal, and I strongly feel these lyrics: “Working on a sex farm / Trying to raise some hard love / Getting out my pitchfork / Poking your hay.”

JUNESPLOITATION: Hammerhead Jones (1987)

June 19: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Free Space!

Director Robert Michael Ingria directed one movie.

You’re reading about it.

Manny Diaz worked as a dialogue coach on and wrote The Seven Minutes, was an assistant on Beyond the Valley of the Dolls and wrote the 1989 AIDS movie The Victims.

Somehow, they made a pro wrestling movie.

Hammerhead Jones is the champion of the American Council of Professional Wrestling, based in Miami, the literal heart of all wrestling in this real world. Kayfabe isn’t even a thing because all of the violence really happens to people. Hammerhead is played by Ted Vernon.

Vernon was a professional wrestler and manager for NWA Florida, D1PW and Future of Wrestling (all Florida-based promotions), but he’s done so much more. Let him tell you, in his own words, from his car dealership website, South Beach Classics:

“Ted Vernon has established worldwide recognition as an actor, writer and executive producer, since he played the title role in his own screenplay of Hammerhead Jones, which was released worldwide and still frequents HBO. Ted was the executive producer of the major motion picture of John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned with Universal Films starring Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley and Linda Kozlowski. Ted Vernon’s credits as star, actor and executive producer are in the all time cult famous film Scarecrows as Lead Role of Corbin, Mercenary. As an actor, Vernon filmed South Beach with Peter Fonda, Gary Busey, Fred Williamson; “Silent Hunter” with Fred Williamson and Miles Okeefe; The Unholy with Ben Cross and Trevor Howard; The Victims he played Arnold Cutter, Real Estate Mogul and Tough Guy; Deadly Rivals with Andrew Stevens and Margot Hemmingway; Played Kojak for Kojak Series Commercials on Channel 4 WTVJ; starred in commercial for Arequipena Beer.Vernon also appeared in the popular teen series S Club Seven, as the hilarious bodyguard wearing a dress. (Ted still insists he had the best legs in the group!) Vernon was also executive producer of a horror film shot in South Florida called Angel of Death.

Theatrical Performances include: Twice starring as The King in The King and I, Twice in Annie as Oliver Warbucks; Best Little Whorehouse in Texas as C.J. Scruggs;.Vernon’s additional ventures include two films by Accord Productions; Special Angelz and Death Print, both directed by Aiden Dillard, starring Ted Vernon. And of course, we can’t forget the worldwide hit SOUTH BEACH CLASSICS. Seasons 2,3 and 4 are available on Amazon Prime.

In addition, Vernon has done numerous music videos including “My Blue Angel” with Aaron Tippin; Miami High Boy Music video with Don Johnson and Andrew Hugger and has had his own Rock and Roll Music Band for many years and was lead singer of Ted Vernon and the Bulldogs, The Chromatics and The Autotones. Miami also followed Vernon back in his days of wrestling and boxing. As a boxer, he had a record of 21:1.”

Anyways, this movie.

Numbers Cooper (Anthony Albarino) has inherited the promotion from his kindly father. You know, like that kid in New York. He gets the idea to make all of his fights death matches where people fight with no referee until someone can’t move. Hammerhead retires instead of fighting in matches like that and supports an orphanage until his friend Mark Coleman (Joe Mascaro, the wrestling consultant; he’s also in Invasion U.S.A. and Dutch Treat, two Cannon movies) is put in a wheelchair. And now he has to fight. You’ve seen underground fight ring movies before, right?

The problem is that there aren’t many known wrestlers in this. Hammerhead is built like a car dealer who used to box when he was young because, well, that’s who he really is. But there are some real workers:

Rusty Brooks is in this. He had his own wrestling school and did enhancement matches for the WWF as well as wrestling as Super Duper Mario. Despite being born in Denton, Texas, the home of World Class Championship Wrestling, he was trained by “Gentleman” Jim Isler and Boris Malenko, spending most of his career in Florida.

Ricky Hunter is Butcher Block Barnes, a masked wrestler who wrestled under that name and as The Gladiator (I wonder if he gave that name to Florida wrestler Michael Lee Alfonoso, who wrestled as Mike Awesome in the U.S. and The Gladiator in Japan).

Joe Mirto was a lineman for the University of Miami Hurricanes, lettering from 1965 to 1967, and was a pro wrestler mainly known for doing jobs on WWF TV. He’s a tag team wrestler in this, along with Jim Young, who also appeared on WWF TV in a similar role. Crusher O’Brian is CWF wrestler Big Jim Haley; Joe ‘The Undertaker’ Markowitz is Bryan Carreiro, a former Mr. Jr. Florida who wrestled as The Terminator and The Thing.

Yet final boss Zarek is a very famous wrestler. It’s “Uncle Fred,” Fred Ottman, who wrestled as Tugboat and Typhoon in the WWF before leaving for WCW to become The Shockmaster. He fell face-first during the interview that introduced him, ruining everything. He also wrestled as Sigfried the Giant, Big Bubba and Big Steel Man. Today, he’s a WWE Hall of Famer along with Earthquake, his tag team partner as the Natural Disasters.

What amazes me most — look, I know you take any job — but this was edited by Angelo Ross, whose entertainment career started in the 30s as the dance partner of Rita Hayworth before he became an editor. Beyond this movie, he also worked as the music editor on The Hustler and edited Who Killed Teddy BearThe Cross and the SwitchbladeSmokey and the Bandit (he was Academy Award nominated for this!), Mr. No LegsJaguar Lives!Masterblaster and King Frat

Hammerhead Jones loves orphans and is prayed for by nuns, but if he wants to be seen as a man, he’s going to have to do a death match. Kids show up at these death matches — the credit “child at death match” is incredible — and this is the most carny wrestling movie ever, made by guys who would never make the big time, so they’re creating their own. A film where Rusty Brooks has better promos than the hero and little kids love him so much that they buy bald caps at the merchandise table so they can look like him. I bet Hammerhead is making all of that money and if he’s old school enough, he’s sharing a bit with the heel who puts him over strong.

You can watch this on the Crud Buddies YouTube channel.

11 Rebels (2024)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joseph Perry writes for the film websites Gruesome Magazine, The Scariest Things, Horror FuelThe Good, the Bad and the Verdict and Diabolique Magazine; for the film magazines Phantom of the Movies’ VideoScope and Drive-In Asylum; and for the pop culture websites When It Was Cool and Uphill Both Ways. He is also one of the hosts of When It Was Cool’s exclusive Uphill Both Ways podcast and can occasionally be heard as a cohost on Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast.

Official synopsis: In Kazuya Shiraishi’s action-packed epic, ten convicts are promised freedom in exchange for defending a small town in feudal Japan. Tasked with holding a fortress against encroaching government forces, they fight with the desperation of men with nothing to lose. But when the officials who recruited them renege on their promise, the warriors realize they’ve been used as pawns in a larger scheme. Betrayed and outnumbered, they must forge their own fate or die trying.

Director Kazuya Shiraishi finds an excellent balance of gripping period drama and violent action in his samurai vs. criminals epic 11 Rebels (11 no zokugun). The result is a superb feature that is sheer captivating entertainment.

The amount of characters is practically Shakespearean, and the cast members all acquit themselves strongly. Standouts among the leads include Takayuki Yamada as Masa, a man sentenced to death for killing the samurai who raped his wife; Taiga Nakano as local army member Washio Heishiro; and Sadao Abe as Mizoguchi Takumi, a heel army leader.

Jun’ya Ikegami’s screenplay has an interesting backstory, as it is based on a screenplay written by Kazuo Kasahara (Battles Without Honor and Humanity; Yakuza Graveyard) in the 1960s. Ikegami’s version and Shiraishi’s realization of the source material are absolutely current cinematic takes, including the severed limbs that fly throughout the film. The historical set designs are marvelous, and cinematographer Naoya Ikeda captures everything beautifully.

Carnage, court intrigue, allegiances and betrayals: 11 Rebels has all this and more. Highly recommended for aficionados of samurai films, period dramas, and Japanese cinema in general.

11 Rebels debuted on 4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray, and DVD on June 10 from Well Go USA Entertainment.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984)

Chester Novell Turner made this movie and Tales from the QuadeaD Zone.

It is enough.

He had been writing horror stories, doing home remodeling and attending a filmmaking correspondence course. Home video cameras had democratized movie making, and you can make fun of Turner’s films, but what have you done?

Well, people thought Turner died until 2013, when Massacre Video tracked him down and got permission to release his films.

With his girlfriend at the time, Shirley L. Jones, in the lead role, Turner pressed record and made some art, if by art you mean a movie in which a Rick James devil doll has sex with a woman, ruining her for other men, even when his head falls off mid-romping. A doll bought in a hobby shop with a tongue made from latex and a coat hanger, operated by Turner’s nephew.

This isn’t the kind of movie with fleeting sex scenes. These go on so long that they go from gratuitous to just plain demented, and there’s never really been anything else like it. What if Amelia hadn’t run from her Zuni fetish doll and spread for him? This is that. I can’t believe it either, but here it is, ready for you to be upset about. Or enjoy. Maybe somewhere in the middle?

Check out Jennifer Upton’s review.

You can buy this from Massacre Video for $10, but you should spend twice that on this one.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Black Force (1975)

Jason (Owen Watson, a two-tour Navy SEAL who was dojo brothers with Ron Van Cleff; his wife Sydney Filson is also in this), Billy (Judie Soriano), Adam (the best-named action hero ever, Warhawk Tanzania, who you may remember from Devil’s Express) and Eric (Professor Malachi Lee, an Isshin Ryu from the dojo of Master Ed McGrath; at 6’7″ he could hit a spinning kick without spinning; sadly he died the year this was made) are Force Four, the other name for this movie, or more to the point four butt kickers who come up against the evil Z (Sam Schwartz), who has stolen a voodoo icon of some sort. Whatever, we’re here for the fights, which have punches and kicks missing by quite a few inches, but again, who cares?

Directed by Michael Fink, who also made another Owen Watson movie, Velvet Smooth, and written by Leonard Michaels, who wrote those two Fink/Wilson movies as well as The Men’s Club, and Janice Weber, this is all about the funk from Life, USA. Which is life, really.

The credits also tell us that all of the kung fu is real: “All martial arts sequences in this film are authentic. No attempt has been made to enhance or alter actual fights by the use of special effects or trick photography. A slow-motion camera was used to capture certain techniques.” This should be no surprise because this looks as clumsy as can be.

The outfits are good, though.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Black Cobra (1975)

Do you think that when Jack Palance bounded to the stage, ready to do one-arm pushups and accept his Best Supporting Oscar for City Slickers after being nominated for Sudden Far and Shane, that he had a flashback and said to himself, “I’m in the A list tonight, but man, how can it compare to being in a movie where Laura Gemser dances with snakes?”

Seriously, the man who would become a star again at the age of 73 has a wealth of roles in aberrant movies in his past, but playing Judas Carmichael in a Joe D’Amato movie may be the pinnacle. Or the pit.

Gemser plays Eva, a snake dancer who obsesses Judas, because he has a snake collection at home — as you do — and he wants to show it to her. So she finally gives in and moves in with him while confining her horizontal dancing to the ladies — including Candy (Ziggy Zanger, who Gemser would go on to appear in Black EmanuelleWhite Emanuelle with, along with Nieves Navarro, and just writing that sentence made me a little faint). Judas’ brother Jules (Gabriele Tinti) wants Candy all for himself, so he messes around with the snakes with her — which seems ill-advised — and she gets killed by a mamba. And then he doubles up and kills off Eva’s lover Gerri (Michele Starck, Forever Emmanuelle) and ends up taking Eva from his brother!

Of course, that’s not the end of matters. Eva’s more devious than she looks. And so is Judas. I mean, if your mom names you Judas any time in a year that doesn’t have BC in it, you’re not going to turn out all that great.

Bruno Mattei edited this movie — a fact that makes me love it so much more — and it was also called Emmanuelle And The Deadly Black CobraHot Pants and finally and most awesomely Emmanuelle Goes Japanese, which makes no sense for a movie set in Hong Kong.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Black Caesar (1973)

Tommy Gibbs (Fred Williamson) was abused by a white cop named Captain Jack McKinney (Art Lund) before growing up to become the leader of Harlem’s black mafia. He ends up taking over the world for a while, but you know how gangster movies go.

Larry Cohen, who directed and wrote this, said that Sammy Davis Jr. wanted to be in it. He told Camera In the Sun, “Davis wanted to do a picture in which he was the star, instead of being a flunky to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. So I suggested that they do a gangster movie like Little Caesar, since he was a little guy, and so was Jimmy Cagney, and so was Edward G. Robinson. And I thought he could play a little hoodlum working his way up in the Harlem underworld.” Davis couldn’t pay, as he had IRS problems, so American-International Pictures was looking for a movie with a black star. The rest worked out splendidly.

Never mind that the movie ends with Tommy’s wife, Helen (Gloria Hendry), getting tired of all the abuse and helping rivals get the job on him. He gets shot a whole bunch of times but just won’t die, even beating the evil cop into gore with a shoebox. Then, he stumbled back into his old neighborhood where a gang beats, robs and kills him. Well, at least in Europe and then when it came to home video.

Never mind that Timmy was alive for the sequel, Hell Up In Harlem, which has him fall in love with religious woman Sister Jennifer (Margaret Avery) and learn that people close to him ordered the death of his wife Helen. I mean, sure. That’s a totally different reality from what I just watched.

It doesn’t matter. Larry Cohen could do no wrong, and Fred Williamson is the king of New York in this movie. Cohen was also bothered by real mobsters while making this, so he gave them parts in the film and put them on the poster. There were no problems after that.

This and Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off are the only movies with a James Brown soundtrack. It’s as amazing as you think it will be.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Black Angels (1970)

Satan’s Serpents and The Choppers are happy to coexist, but the cops start pushing racial tensions between them in the hopes that the two biker gangs will wipe one another off the face of the planet. Any wars these gangs had before this were about turf, not the color of their skin. But Lt. Harper (Clancy Syrko) hates bikers, and there you go.

What sets this beyond other biker films is that there’s a pet racoon who smokes weed, a mountain lion, snakes used to kill people, bikers pissing all over one another, screaming stuff like “It’s champagne! I just blessed you with my golden shower!” and people have names like Chainer (he has a chain) and Knifer (because he has a knife). They’re named like off-brand GI Joe lines, like America’s Defense and The Corps, used to name the bad guys. There’s also a go-go dancer who doesn’t let a full-on brawl stop the dance.

Mostly, people ride bikes. If you like to see people ride bikes, that’s good news. People ride lots of bikes.

This was directed and written by Laurence Merrick, who also made Guess What Happened to Count Dracula? and Manson. He was killed by a stalker in 1977.

Also known as Black Bikers from Hell.

JUNESPLOITATION: Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal (2001)

June 18: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Rock and Roll!

This movie is so much better than it has any right to be. The third movie in a series of air disaster movies with a Hot Topic aesthetic should not be this good.

Slade Craven (John Mann, lead singer of Spirit of the West) is the Marilyn Manson of this universe, set to play his final concert on a TransContinental Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Toronto that will be covered by Z-Web-TV, who has sent cameraman Ethan (Ben Derrick) and reporter Erica Black (Monika Schnarre, who of course we all know from Waxwork II: Lost In Time).

FBI agent Kate Hayden (Gabrielle Anwar) has been trying to arrest computer hacker Nick Watts (Craig Sheffer, Cabal from Nightbreed) and finally tracks him down, just in time for Craven to get replaced by Satanic superfan Simon Flanders, who wants to crash this plane into Stull, Kansas. FBI agents Frank Garner (Joe Mantegna, predating his FBI agent role on Criminal Minds) and Dave Barrett (Mike Dopud) come on board just in time for Satanic agents to blow up a control tower, killing an FAA agent (Brad Loree, who was Michael Myers in Halloween: Resurrection).

When fans see through Simon’s disguise, he reveals that Erika — and co-pilot MacIntosh (Rutger Hauer) — are both part of the plan to crash the plane. Why Stull, Kansas? According to Wikipedia, “Since the 1970s, the town has become infamous due to an apocryphal legend that claims the nearby Stull Cemetery is possessed by demonic forces.” The film even brings up the unproven story that Pope John Paul II refused to fly over the city because of how Satanic it is.

Craven ends up saving the day and with the help of the hacker — and a copy of Flight Simulator — he lands the plane. The hacker is supposed to be arrested, but we’re left with the idea that he’s about to have kinky sex with the FBI agent.

The funniest part is when Temu Marilyn Manson has to land the plane. He takes off his evil necklace and starts to pray to God. This is after a long scene where he gets checked by the TSA and has to show off every evil piece of jewelry he has.

The last movie released by Trimark, this was directed by Jorge Montesi — it has the look of TV shows, like his work on Total Recall 2070Relic HunterJake 2.0Mutant XHighlanderForever Knight and the TV movies Omen IV: The Awakening and the remake of Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? — and written by Wade Ferley.

Do we not know that Craig Sheffer was in the last movie in this series in a different role? Is this prescient as it pertains to 9/11? Do I like the drugs even if they don’t like me?

You can watch this on Tubi.