11. DYSTOPIAN FUTURE: Polite society just ain’t what it used to be.

George Miller was a medical doctor in Sydney before he made this, his first directing work. He’d worked in an ER and saw so many vehicular accidents and even lost three friends to car crashes as a teenager. So why not take the telekinetic violence of autos and people colliding and make a movie?

The Main Force Patrol (MFP) is barely keeping order in Australia as the world slides into the end times. Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson) is exhausted and sick of being on the force, but they bribe him with a new cruiser, a V8-powered monster of a muscle car. After Max kills Nightrider (Vincent Gil) and his girlfriend, the entire gang — Toecutter (Hugh Keays-Byrne), Johnny (Tim Burns) and Bubba Zanetti (Geoff Parry) — run wild, killing almost everyone in their path. The cops try to do their jobs, but the legal system is too lenient on criminals, and soon, they’re back on the streets all over again.

This isn’t a post-apocalyptic film so much as a revenge film. The gang kills Max’s partner, Goose (Steve Bisley), his wife (Joanne Samuel) and their child. He tries to get away, but we know that he can’t keep the thoughts of killing every single one of them out of his mind.

One of the last movies released by American International Pictures, this was redubbed for the U.S. It didn’t do well. In fact, The Road Warrior, the follow-up, is the movie that many point to as having started the trend of end-of-the-world films. That shouldn’t take away from just how good this is.

James Wan and Leigh Whannell credit the film’s final scene — Max handcuffs Johnny’s ankle to an overturned car and gives him a hacksaw to cut off either the handcuffs or his own foot, then blows him up — as the inspiration for Saw.

10. ESTIMATION…DECIMATION: Today’s forecast is mushroom cloudy with a 100% chance of radiation.

Fuga dal Paradiso has an awesome poster going for it.

Teo (Fabrice Josso) and Beatrice (Inés Sastre) have a mini-disc that they view as a religious talisman and use it as a totem as they leave behind their artificial paradise and attempt to escape Earth. So far, they’ve never met one another, and in an Italian post-apocalyptic film showing us the future, they mostly date via FaceTime. Or whatever it’s called in the world of this movie.

The first thing they do when they leave home? Find a dog named Bear, who, for some reason, has on a shirt and pants. They also find a mall that still has clothes and, of course, punk rockers ready to kill them. Teo’s dad sends Thor (Horst Buchholz), his head of security, to rescue them. Here’s where this gets better: Thor and his crew ride camels and like to roast mutants with flamethrowers. However, he fails at everything he does, and as a result, loses his title.

Van Johnson appears as the old narrator that we see at the beginning and end. You have to feel for the guy, being in this movie.

I do love an Italian end-of-the-world movie, but this one seems nearly tame. Director Ettore Pasculli worked at Cinecittà in the role of advanced cinematographic technologies and was a programmer director for RAI. His film The Steam Factory was one of the first all-digital movies made in Italy.

Barbara Cupisti (The New York Ripper, Cemetery Man), Greta Valiant (The Daughter of Emanuelle) and Daniela Giordano (Four Times That Night) are all in it, at least.

9. MASTER OF DISASTER: Watch any Irwin Allen offering.

The crew of the tugboat Jenny — Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine), First Mate Wilbur Hubbard (Walter Matthau) and passenger Celeste Whitman (Sally Field) — spot the rescue helicopter saving the Poseidon passengers from the first movie, just in time to claim salvage rights.

They’re soon joined by Dr. Stefan Svevo (Tally Savalas), a Greek Orthodox missionary here to save anyone on board. Poor Stella Stevens, we see her dead body from the first movie as the teams cut through the hull. Somehow, more people have survived than the first movie, as we have ship nurse Gina Rowe (Shirley Jones), wine steward Dewey “Tex” Hopkins (Slim Pickens), elevator operator Larry Simpson (Mark Harmon), Frank and Theresa Mazzetti (Peter Boyle and Angela Cartwright), Harold and Hannah Meredith (Jack Warden and Shirley Knight), and Suzanne Constantine (Veronica Hamel).

The truth is that Stevo is on board to take plutonium and he soon kills one of his own employees, Suzanne, when she tries to reveal the plan. As you can imagine, hardly anyone survives, seeing how this is an Irwin Allen movie.

Soon after the first film came out, Allen said there would be a sequel in which the survivors would take part in a hearing on the disaster in Austria. While on a train to the hearing, a miles-long mountain tunnel would collapse, leaving the survivors of the train trapped inside. Could people have worse luck?

Roger Ebert said, “But what did we really, sincerely, expect anyway, from a movie in which Karl Malden plays a character named Wilbur, and Slim Pickens plays a character named Tex? If you can think of a single line of dialogue that Slim Pickens, as Tex, wouldn’t say in Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, please do not miss this movie, which will be filled with amazements and startling revelations.”

It’s mostly Michael Caine shouting at Sally Field, who loves him anyway.

8. HOLY WEDNESDAY: …And on the 8th day the Physical Media God watches a Christploitation flick.

Directed by Nathan Frankowski, written by Ed Alan, and filmed in Prague, The Devil Conspiracy is wild because it attempts to be both an action movie and a religious film, but ultimately becomes over-the-top with CGI, leaving the viewer blown away, as it’s unclear who this is for.

It’s for me.

Back in the days when angels fought in Heaven, St. Michael chained Lucifer in Hell. Now, a biotech company steals the Shroud of Turin in order to clone Lucifer. Their army kills Father Marconi (Joe Doyle), whose body is soon taken over by St. Michael in order to stop the end of the world from happening. Their plan is to find fallen women and use them to have a baby that the devil will possess, all while fallen angels teach St. Michael how to stop this, all while protecting Laura (Alice Orr-Ewing), the mother of the soon-to-be devil baby.

The main bad girl’s name?

Liz (Eveline Hall).

Yes, this movie is absolutely ridiculous in all the best of ways, and I wish they’d make so many more in a series of these films. Get this: Only the infant Christ could stand to be possessed by Lucifer, unlike weak humans who burn out when filled with the dark one. They’ve also created clones of Vivaldi and Michelangelo, which they auction off, and we simply ignore that this is happening because, in the grand scheme of this plot, it’s such a small thing in the face of the end times of all that is.

Also: Laura drinks an entire jug of bleach and lives.

Common Sense Media said: “Parents need to know that The Devil Conspiracy is a graphic fantasy/horror/thriller about a plot by devil worshippers to create a new baby Jesus and bring hell to Earth. Violence is intense and often bloody. There’s lots of fighting, shooting, beheading, slicing, stabbing, bloody wounds, jump scares, demons, other scary stuff, and more. Sporadic strong language includes uses of “f–k,” “motherf—-r,” “s–t,” “bitch,” “goddamn,” “whore,” etc. There’s some brief, inappropriate flirting, a woman wears fishnet stockings, and a childbirth scene is depicted. It’s preposterous and poorly made, but some viewers may be entertained in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.”

Their review reads like a Joe Bob Drive-In Total: “Women are kidnapped and roughly handled; they’re shown panicking and terrified. One woman is physically violated (a fertilized egg is forcibly inserted into her uterus). Brief, strong images of children in peril. Severed head, beheadings. The head is split in half. Lots of dead bodies. Someone is stabbed. Guns and shooting; one person is shot in the head, with blood spatter. Bloody wounds. Choking, gasping. Character shoots a bird in a tree. Fighting. Head-slamming. Body-slamming. Head-butting. Face-stomping, with strong gore. Vomiting on someone’s face. People are attacking guards with homemade weapons. Demon chained by the neck. Jump-scares. Brief scary/creepy stuff. Scary dream about a demon baby. Character drinks bleach, with screaming, vomiting. Explosions. Violence depicted in paintings, artworks. Mention of rape.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

7. NOW THAT’S BRASS: Skewer the end of week one with a thrust of metal – be it precious or, better yet, base.

Directed and written by Sean Byrne (The Loved Ones), this begins with Raymond Smilie (Pruitt Taylor Vince) shutting out the voices he hears with his guitar. His mother unplugs it; he murders her. And then Jesse Hellman, a struggling painter, his wife, Astrid (Shiri Appleby), and their daughter, Zooey (Kiara Glasco), move in and aren’t told the whole story. Jesse’s paintings become strange and sell better, but he’s hearing the same voices as Raymond, who is lingering outside and talking to Zooey. In the past, Ray had killed children, referring to them as sweet candy, and still has the bodies buried on the grounds of his old house.

How metal is this movie? Jesse wears a Sunn O))) shirt and they’re on the soundtrack. And it starts with Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”

I loved how the hero slays the monster with an axe, if you will, at the end of this.

Beyond that, this is filled with acting that goes beyond what is expected for a genre film and a family that you actually feel loves one another.

6. SQUEAKY REELS: [whispers] This one came out in 1925. Shhhhh!

Star George Chesebro co-directed this with Bruce Mitchell, and after the 1913 film The Werewolf, it would be the second werewolf movie ever made. It’s also more adventure than horror.

Dick Bannister (Cheesebro) is the new field boss of the Ford Logging Company, which is at war with the Consolidated Lumber Company. His boss, Miss Edith Ford (Marguerite Clayton), visits with her fiancé Dr. Horton (Raymond Hanford) just in time for Dick to get beaten unmerciful, which leads to him getting a transfusion from a wolf. This leads people to think that Dick might be a werewolf, but that isn’t the truth.

Don’t expect lycan antics and just enjoy it for what it is. I love that some reviewers talk about how ancient it looks and feels. Yes, it’s a hundred years old. Come on. It has none of the legend either, but that’s fine. It’s at least something to watch and see how far werewolf movies have come.

You can watch this on Tubi.

5. SHRIEKS & SQUEALS: This one’s gotta have that sound that makes the hairs on your neck stand up and sends shivers down your spine.

Directed by Mike Flanagan, who co-wrote the script with star Kate Siegel, Hush is about Maddie Young, who lost her ability to speak and hear after contracting bacterial meningitis as a teenager. Now, she’s a horror writer who is trying to follow up her first book and is writing in the woods, alone with her cat Bitch. Her lack of hearing causes her to miss the stabbing death of neighbor Sarah (Samantha Sloyan) by The Man (John Gallagher Jr.), a killing machine that soon learns that she can’t hear. He even wipes out her boyfriend (Michael Trucco) and abuses her throughout the film, turning this into a cat-and-mouse affair until she uses her environment against him.

Instead of silence, ambient sounds were used. Flanagan felt that total quiet would cause viewers to be too aware of their surroundings and take them out of the experience. There’s less than 15 minutes of dialogue in this entire movie.

This was remade as Khamoshi and Kolaiyuthir Kaalam in India. The Netflix series Midnight Mass is based on the story within a story from the film, which was written by Maddie.

U of M grad Steve King said, “How good is Hush? Up there with Halloween and — even more — Wait Until Dark. White knuckle time.” Was he that happy that Mr. Mercedes is one of Maddie’s books?

4. MYTHICAL CREATURES: Though they are hard to capture, you must see one in this feature.

Three teenage friends — Amélie (Mathilde Lamusse), Bintou (Suzy Bemba) and Morjana  (Samarcande Saadi) — invoke the spirit of Aïsha Kandisha (Meriem Sarolie), the avenging creature of Moroccan legend, by using blood and a pentagram. This seems like the worst idea, but we wouldn’t have a movie to watch otherwise. Anyway, the Kandisha is a folkloric character, similar to a djinn, who appears as a beautiful woman but has hooves. She lives near water and seduces men, making them crazy and then murdering them.

Amélie has issues with Farid (Brahim Hadrami ), an ex who tries to rape her, so they ask Kandisha to punish him. It gets out of hand when she demands more sacrifices, including the men of the girls’ families, such as Amélie’s younger brother Antoine (Felix Glaux-Delporto).

Kandisha is a woman raped at the hands of Portuguese soldiers, but her rage kept her from the next world. If one calls her name, they can summon her for revenge. Kind of, sort of Candyman. She’s not the seductress of legend, actually. She exists to destroy men. Sadly, this reminds me that for all the horrors in the movies we love, women have it much worse in the real world.

Directors and writers Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury also made Inside.

You can watch this on Tubi.