DAY 26: Heroes & Villains!

Rick Riker (Drake Bell from Drake & Josh) is an unpopular, unlucky student living with his Uncle Ben…I mean, Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen) and Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross). His only saving grace is his best friend, Trey (Kevin Hart, before he was famous). Naturally, Rick pines for Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton), who is currently dating bully Lance Landers (Ryan Hansen). During a school field trip to an animal research lab run by the terminally ill Lou Landers (Christopher McDonald, always Shooter McGavin), Rick gets drenched in animal-attraction liquid. A radioactive, chemically enhanced dragonfly bites him, and suddenly he begins to gain powers he doesn’t want and can’t control.

Meanwhile, Landers is testing a machine to cure his terminal illness. It works, but it turns him into a life-force-draining psychopath who adopts the mantle of Hourglass. After Rick accidentally lets a bank robber escape—leading to his Uncle Albert getting shot—Rick gets a visit from Professor Xavier, who is Tracy Morgan, and you know, that’s all I needed from this movie. I laughed immediately, and when someone claimed they had his love child, a bald baby doll in a suit, I also laughed because I have decidedly poor taste.

The Dragonfly fights crime, fails to stop Hourglass at a warehouse, saves Jill from muggers and suffers the tragic loss of the flatulent Aunt Lucille. After some angst-filled hero retirement, Rick eventually heads to an awards ceremony to stop Hourglass from killing everyone.

Sure, he destroys the machine, grows wings and saves Jill, but gets rammed by a helicopter.

Just look at this cast: Pamela Anderson as The Invisible Girl, Regina Hall as Mrs. Xavier, Robert Joy as Stephen Hawking, Robert Hays as Rick’s dad Blaine and Nicole Sullivan as his mother, Simon Rex as the Human Torch,  Marisa Lauren as Storm, Richard Tillman as Wolverine, Howard Mungo as Nelson Mandela, Aki Aleong as the Dalai Lama, Sean Simms as Barry Bonds, Miles Fisher as Tom Cruise, Brent Spiner as Dr. Strom, Jeffrey Tambor as Dr. Whitby, Dan Castellaneta as Carlson, Keith David as Karlin, Charlene Tilton as Mrs. Johnson, Kurt Fuller as Mr. Thompson and Lil’ Kim as Xavier’s daughter, this movie keeps springing somewhat big stars and punchlines that were current as of 2008. But man, that Tom Cruise impression goes hard. Fisher and VFX wizard Chris Ume would go on to create Deepfake videos of Fisher as the actor.

This movie is filled with stupidity, but also some deep cut comic book nerd moments, like Michael Papajohn, who plays the mugger who kills Rick Riker’s parents. He also played Dennis “Spike” Carradine, the robber who gunned down and carjacked Uncle Ben in Spider-Man.

The moment that made me laugh the most is when Rick hears voices telling him to be a hero, and then we hear Leslie Nielsen in an echo chamber saying, “There are mood swings, fluid retention, and once a month you’ll bleed from your vagina.” I am a fool who laughs at the dumbest of the dumb things in the worst and dumbest movies, and I will not change.

Somehow, director Craig Mazin went on to direct episodes of Chornobyl and The Last of Us, two of the most depressing cable series ever. He also wrote The Sheep Detectives.

You can watch this on Tubi.