Tag Archives: 2012

SLASHER MONTH: Sin Reaper (2012)

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Sam (Helen Mutch) has nightmares of a monastery stalked by a hooded man with weapons from the Crusades, killing people left and right. Her therapist Dr. Hoffman (Lance Henriksen) figures out where this places is — a former German monastery called Wallenhausen — so she flies off to explore the place and before you know it, there’s the Sin Reaper murdering people with his Christian-themed mace.

This was directed by Sebastian Bartolitius, and it was somehow in 3D and picked up by Fangoria. I have no idea how those last two things happened. This movie also has the slowest killer you’ve ever seen in a slasher. He makes Michael Myers look like Usain Bolt.

People say this seems like a krimi film or an 80s slasher without the benefit of good kills or the often requisite T&A. I can agree, but those genres usually produce interesting results.

This movie needed better effects, improved blocking for the murder scenes, and, well, it requires a lot more than that. It kind of needs to start over again. Imagine if a Full Moon castle-based movie wasn’t good. This is that movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.

2022 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 4: Found (2012)

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4. MASKED MANDATE: We’re still wearing them and so shall tonight’s antagonist.

Directed and written by Scott Schirmer, based on the book by Todd Rigney, this is the story of Marty (Gavin Brown) and his brother Steve (Ethan Philbeck). Marty is bullied in school, so he does what so many of us have done. He escapes the real world with comic books and horror movies.

Marty also has something else going on in his life. The day he tried to borrow a bowling ball from his brother, he learned that it had a human head in the bag instead. Every week, there’s another new female head in that bag.

There’s one movie that Marty can never find at the store, Headless, because he soon learns that it’s inside his brother’s room. It’s also marked with time codes to call out the moments in the film that inspired Steve to kill. That knowledge nearly makes Marty physically sick and he shuts off the movie. His friend David makes fun of him, so he grabs the bowling ball bag and pulls out a severed head. It’s Marcus, the bully who has been making his life so horrible.

The end of this movie really shocked me. So much so that I don’t want to give it away, but there’s no wish fulfillment. There’s only annihilation and bleak realitization. I was actually shocked how much I enjoyed this, as it seems like a 2000s slasher from the artwork. It’s anything but.

Headless actually became a movie three years later and from all accounts, it’s even more upsetting than this movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.

FANTASTIC FEST 2022: Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (2012)

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Tutor and rocker Neil Stuart (co-writer Matt Farley) has returned to the small New England city of Rivertown that he left in disgrace after growing obsessed by a riverbeast. His fiancee is marrying someone else. His enemy, reporter Sparky Watts, is still hounding him to no end. And maybe his new student, the daughter of a noted pro athlete Frank Stone, has way too many questions. But this time, he just might turn his life around. And you know, prove that the creek-living creature is an actual thing.

I’ve been indulging in director Charles Roxburgh and his writing partner Farley’s movies and realizing that so often, I wish that I could see films that I really love again for the first time. This is that chance for me, as I’m absolutely tuned into everything in this movie, which is at once a 50s drive-in film that has talking moments that usually cover for the lack of action but here, the action is in the long conversations and songs and not in the creature rising from the river. Also: I absolutely am stunned by the William Castle-style opening and strobe warning of when the beast comes out to kill.

This movie hits so many topics like rudeness at wedding receptions, longing for lost love, the miracles of cat litter, local conspiracies driven by a hunch and, yes, cryptozoological menace. It also feels like sitting down and hearing a shaggy dog version of a story by your drunk or high best friend instead of actually getting to see the movie, except you totally get to see the movie.

Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You! is playing as part of the Burnt Ends part of Fantastic Fest. This is part of Molten Media, which has produced independent feature films since the late 1990s. According to Fantastic Fest, “the idiosyncratic cinema of Charles Roxburgh and Matt Farley pay homage to the regional low budget horror films of the late 1970s and early 1980s as they unravel bizarre tales set in and around lightly-fictionalized small New England towns. Akin to the manner in which John Waters and Kevin Smith cultivated their cult universes out of tight-knit communities of vivid personalities, Charlie and Farley’s films imagine a unique portrait of Americana as they recruit an eccentric ensemble of folksy friends and family to endearingly perform the offbeat vernaculars and campy melodrama of their wittily verbose scripts.”

Fantastic Fest Burnt Ends has awarded the filmmakers with the first annual Golden Spatula in recognition of their creative spirit, and a partial retrospective of their inventive catalog which includes Local Legends, Metal Detector Maniac and the world premiere of a special 2k restoration of their autumnal slasher Freaky Farley as well as more contemporary works which pursue a distinct, but just as wonderfully eclectic and wry comic sensibility.

You can get a virtual badge here.

You can also buy this on blu ray from Gold Ninja Video.

VISUAL VENGEANCE BLU RAY RELEASE: Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell (2012)

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What a path from Japan to my little house in Monongahela, PA, USA: Filmed in 1995. Edited in 2005. Completed in 2009. Released in 2012 on DVD-R. Theatrical release and DVD in Japan 2014. Released internationally in 2017. And now finally on blu ray from Visual Vengeance in 2022.

After a surprise phone call from his photojournalist ex-girlfriend interrupts the most important part of his day — his workout — Naoto agrees to meet her to research haunted houses. Along with a professional psychic, they enter the abandoned home of Naoto’s father, a place with a dark secret and a ghost — Naoto’s mother! — with a grudge decades old.

Then a clock flies off the wall and knocks out the psychic, possessing her with the spirit of the long-dead spirit which has been stuck within the walls of the house. And then the goop and gore start flowing through the floorboards and down the walls and Evil Dead gets referenced, but man this shot on video film is closer to a rip-off of a rip-off of a direct to video sequel to that movie and that’s more than a great thing.

I mean, Naoto even finds a shotgun and says “Groovy.” And that’s all you really need, you know?

Extras on Visual Vengeance’s blu ray release — available from MVD — include a new interview with director Shinichi Fukazawa, a commentary track with directors Adam Green (Hatchet, Frozen) and Joe Lynch    (Shudder’s Creepshow, Mayhem), another commentary track with Japanese film historian James Harper, liner notes by Matt Desidero of Horror Boobs, a limited edition slipcase, reversible cover art, a collectible mini-poster, a “Stick your own” VHS sticker set and a vintage style laminated Video Store Rental Card.

Tráiganme la Cabeza de la Mujer Metralleta (2012)

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Bring Me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman shouts gangster Che Longan, which is overheard by video game player Santiago, who must promise to literally do so — bring the severed head of the near-unkillable female assassin La Mujer Metralleta to Che in 24 hours as proof that she’s dead or be killed himself.

Directed by Ernesto Díaz Espinoza, who co-wrote the story with star Fernanda Urrejola, this movie takes its cues from films like — obviously — Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia — and video games like Grand Theft Auto down to the typeface.

I wasn’t really a fan of Santiago and would just rather watch the outstanding Urrejola kill everything in her path. But hey — it’s got more than enough action to make me happy.

You can watch this on Tubi.

 

MILL CREEK BLU RAY RELEASE: Up All Night (2011-2012)

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Emily Spivey worked at Saturday Night Live from 2001-2010 and developed this series based on her life when she went back to working after having her son, working late nights making comedy and coming home to raise a family.

Lasting two seasons on NBC, Up All Night stars Christina Applegate as Reagan Brinkley, a producer for the Ava show and Will Arnett as stay at home dad Chris. Maya Rudolph is Ava Alexander, the host of the show who Regan works for. The show reverses the typical sitcom dynamic by having the father as the one who is level-headed while the wife is obsessed with work.

NBC wanted major changes for the third season, switching the format to the traditional multi-camera sitcom and having Applegate, Arnett and Rudolph all playing actors who star in a fictional show-within-the-show called Up All Night. Spivey and Applegate left the show and it was canceled and not due to low ratings.

It’s great to have all of these in one set, as I missed this show when it first aired and really enjoyed it.

You can get the entire series on blu ray at Deep Discount.

Star Princess Defender (2012)

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Also known as Dirty Blondes from Beyond, this Fred Olen Ray science fiction movie starts when Princess Farra (Brandin Rackley) dealing with Vulvian Empress Krella (Christine Nguyen), who responds to an offer to combine their efforts to deal with cosmic thunderstorms by invading Farra’s planet, sending her and her attendant Vema (Jazy Berlin) to Earth, where they struggle to fix their shop and avoid the Men In Black (Voodoo and Jenna Presley) and hide in the house of Jock (Evan Stone).

There are actually some nice special effects in this — the spaceships are pretty cool — but the rest of the movie just looks antiseptic and way too clean. Maybe it’s the Full Moon Tubi re-edit of this movie, which seemingly cuts the film in half by cutting out most of the sex scenes. You know that stupid Twitter debate about whether or not movies should have sex in them any more? Let’s have some of those #filmtwitter geeks stop watching the latest A24 movie and wallow in the world of Cinemax After Dark and let me know how good these movies are deprived of simulated scissoring. I defy you.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Amazing Bulk (2012)

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$6,000 to shoot the movie.

Five days to make it.

$8,000 for music and effects, many of which came directly from stock photo websites.

And a movie that goes from live action on green screen to literally stock video running on top of itself, as a purple blobby man runs through green fields and past children playing soccer and leprechauns dancing.

I have absolutely no idea what Lewis Schoenbrun intended with this movie but wow. It takes a lot to make me just stare at a movie with my jaw fully dropped, but this one did it more than once.

Scientist Henry “Hank” Howard is working for General Darwin to develop a super soldier serum, but he really wants to marry the military boss’ daughter Hannah. However, he’s not permitted until he creates an invention that works. The pressure gets to him and he injects himself with the untested formula and turns into The Bulk.

There’s also a villain named Dr. Werner von Kantlove and his wife Lolita, who has a castle that the Bulk must destroy for the government, who reacts to his help by dropping a nuke on him.

Some people watch this movie and get mad about what a waste of time they think it is. For me, it’s joy, because the cover is great and some people have rented this and are unprepared for what they’re about to see. People should be surprised. Art should attack you. We all need a Xerox purple Bruce Banner Henry Howard running through the cartoony meadows of our nightmares.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Bad Samaritan Must Die (2012)

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A teenager known as The Orphan wants to meet the vigilante The Bad Samaritan, who in no way becomes the Batman to her Robin. It also turns out that he’s becoming something of a religious figure to the cops and people of the city, which is starting to go to his head.

He also looks an awful lot like the Midnighter.

This movie is kind of upsetting because it has a great premise — can worshipping someone not worth worshipping ever go well and hmm, I think I’ve lived through the answer to that one — but it’s shot so poorly and shifts tones so abruptly that it never really has a chance to deliver on the premise that it sells you on.

That’s a shame because I really want to see the movie that I thought that it was.

You can watch this on Tubi.

APRIL MOVIE THON DAY 8: Trannysnatchers! (2012)

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Outside a small God-fearing American town, a cult of demon worshiping gender queer killers awaits their own savior, the one that will return to our planet and crush the Gender Binary underneathe its cloven hoof.

Pretty much everything people worry that trans people will do when they enter a bathroom, Trannysnatchers! seizes the SOV ethos of the 80s and makes a messy, gooey and ridiculous in the best way horror film.

Made over two summers in Portland, Oregon, this was directed by Caedmonster (who also played Hella and worked an assistant camera person, boom operator, sound editor, choreographer, production coordinator, writer, editor, producer, production designer, art director, script supervisor and set decortator), Nicholas Boxwell (also story, cinematographer, writer, digital effects, editor, associate producer, production manager and sound mixer) and James Gottleber (best boy, camera, story, editor, executive producer, production designer and set decorator).

According to the Kickstarter page for the movie, Caedmonster said, “Being that we are improvisational artists, this film is not constructed in the traditional sense. Working with a detailed outline, rather than a script, all the performances are improvised.

This film is a labour of love for us. It’s a very unique opportunity to create something that is thru and thru a collaboration between people who genuinely love one another. Each cast member has developed their own character, and the story was written by all of us over a series of meetings.

Transgendered people are marginalized so much in our society, which is why we are making a film that gives a voice to this group of people. Many of us on the crew are genderqueer, and we hope to offer up a piece of work that can shine a light on this issue. This film is our torch song.”

I had a blast watching it, as it really pushed as hard as you can push. Here’s hoping that this gets some kind of release someday outside of just YouTube, because I had a blast watching it.