With a title that translates as Bite Me If You Love Me, this is a movie for people who love zombies and understands that if you want purely bonkers genre cinema, go to Japan.

Naoyuki Tomomatsu, who also made Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, directed this, which tells the story of Hitomi (AV starlet Ai Haneda), a high school girl obsessed with zombies. When she finds an Italian book — where else would one learn how they undead walk — that can make the dead live, she hooks up with a geeky boy named Shota who everyone already calls Zombie. She knocks him off the roof, pours powder all over him and before you can say Romero, she’s aardvarking with one of the living dead.

There’s a great moment when the girls are all comparing boys and Hitomi shows everyone the maggot zombie from Fulci’s Zombi and talks about how hot he is.

Shota ends up becoming a celebrity, but as his body rots, so too does Hitomi’s love for him. She soon falls for a fat Japanese Jason Vorhees, turning this into a love triangle with deadly consequences.

This is cheap, scummy, gory and goofy. These are all adjectives that I love.

Shinji Imaoka is one of the Seven Lucky Gods of Pink (the others are Toshiya Ueno, Mitsuru Meike, Yūji Tajiri, Yoshitaka Kamata, Toshirō Enomoto and Rei Sakamoto) who make some of the strangest and most interesting adult-oriented movies from Japan.

It probably has the best cinematography the adult genre ever has had — outside of the movies Gary Graver worked on — thanks to Christopher Doyle working on this movie. The Australian native has been part of some really famous films, such as Fruit Chan’s Dumplings, Gus Van Sant’s Psycho and several films with Wong Kar-Wai.

This entire movie was shot in five and a half days, all with only one take per scene.

Asuka works in a fish factory and is about to marry her boss when she meets a legendary river creature known as a kappa. She soon discovers that it is the reincarnation of her first love Aoki, who drowned when they were only seventeen. The film, while adult in nature, tries to explain the feelings of love and loss. And oh yeah, it’s also a musical.

Yes, this is probably the only movie where you can see not only singing and dancing, but also what a Japanese water demon’s genitals look like. It also has a soundtrack by the French/German duo Stereo Total.

I pride myself in finding strange films, but at no point in my movie-watching life did I say, “I wish that The Shape of Water showed the sex and oh yeah, that everyone occasionally had song and dance numbers.” But here we are.

So if you were ever saying to yourself, “I wish someone would make a socially undeeming biker movie that brings back the old bikerspolitation movies of the past but has no morals whatsoever,” you’re in luck. I’ve found a movie for you.

The Impalers were on a rape and murder spree when they barely escaped a battle with a rival biker club called Satan’s Own. As they run to a cabin deep in the wilds of North Georgia, their home invasion turns wrong when it turns out that the scientist whose home they’ve taken over has plenty of deep, dark secrets hidden in his basement and an even bigger one stalking the woods outside.

Director James Bickert has thrown everything into the kitchen sink for this, with Nazis, zombies, rampant nudity and tons of gore in nearly every frame. It’s not perfect, mind you — the performances are what you expect for a low budget film and the biker on civilian violence is beyond brtual, but for those that love absolute junk — and I say that as a compliment to this film — you need to get this movie between your legs.

It was followed up by the even more insane — I didn’t think it was possible — Frankenstein Created Bikers, which I found to be an even better movie that this one.

Steven Quale was the second unit director of Titanic and Avatar before getting to make his own movies. He jumped in to the Final Destination franchise, which had by now pretty much done it all when it came to brutally wiping teenagers out of existance. He was joined by Eric Heisserer, who wrote the remakes of A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Thing, as well as Lights Out, Arrival and Bird Box.

They did what had never been done. They made a prequel instead of another story.

Sam Lawton is anout the cross the North Bay Bridge when he sees the bridge collapsing and only his ex-girlfriend Milly Harper surviving. So he keeps everyone off the bridge, which soon collapses. In case you haven’t seen any of these films before, Death will make them all wish they had just become ex-people then.

Luckily, Tony Todd is back as Bludworth. He takes a more involved role this time, telling the survivors that if they wish to live, they should kill someone who was never meant to die on the bridge.

Only Molly and Sam survive and they go to Paris together. Of course, they board Flight 180 and…we’re right back to the first movie.

Another major part of these films are the references to horror personalities. The fith film references William Friedkin, Tobe Hooper and William Castle.

Well, that was five movies from one franchise in a few days. We did it! We made it! Oh no, the computer is glowing! Instead of seeing my death coming, I’m just going to take whatever comes next. I’ve learned so much from these movies. Good bye, readers!

While this movie claims that it’s based on Gary Brandner’s The Howling II, it is merely inspired by it. If you’ve made it this far in this series of films, you won’t be surprised. This is the eighth film in the series that started back in 1981 with The Howling. Much like the Amityville and Demons series of films, the phrase series may make you think these movies have some connection. They really don’t.

Will and his girlfriend Eilana are just trying to make a horror movie with their friend Sachin when it comes out that Will is, yep, a werewolf. It turns out that his mother didn’t die when he was young, but has instead been raising an army of beasts in the basement of their high school.

Director Joe Nimziki obviously wrote his own IMDB bio, which states that he was “the youngest Vice President in Sony Pictures’ history, for what would become its’ most prolific winning streak,” “the youngest Hollywood studio President (Worldwide Marketing) at New Line Cinema, as they reached an unprecedented level of success” and “a highly-sought “Movie Doctor” in Hollywood, brought in by both studios and independent producers to re-write, direct and edit a number of major films.” He’s also worked as a creative director in advertising, so that makes even more sense.

Somehow, this movie was able to pay for the rights to Echo and the Bunnymen’s “The Killing Moon,” which surprised me. What’s really even more astounding that in Germany, they didn’t even try to release this as a Howling film, instead referring to it as Blue Moon. The original film was called Das Tier, which translates as The Animal.

What an ignominious close to a week of these films.

So this rock band, led by a man known only as Tony, comes back to his old college to win back his ex-girl Rosemary, but the band Neowolf gets in the way. Soon, people are turning up dead and yes, werewolves come on the scene. Bark at the moon, indeed.

Director Yvan Gauthier took his name off this, so he’s listed as Alan Smithee.

This is probably the most interesting part of this movie: The sex scene with Rosemary is not actress Heidi Johanningmeier, but a body double hired by producers months after the film wrapped. That happens all the time, except that no body double credit is on the film and Johanningmeier went to the Screen Actors Guild and won her case.

You can watch this on Amazon Prime and Tubi.

Somehow, the street gang from the first film has become almost like G.I. Joe in these movies. This film — the fifth as you can tell by the title — tells the story of Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster) as they steal $100 million while being pursued by U.S. Diplomatic Security Service agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). This is the film that moved from street races to big action scenes and fans went wild.

The film starts by having Dom busted out of prison by the gang and ends with the Rock showing that he just might join these guys, which includes Tyrese Gibson as Roman Pearce, Ludacris as Tej Parker, Matt Schulze as Vince, Sung Kang as Han Lue and Gal Gadot as Gisele Yashar.

This is also where the movies start feeling bloated, pushing themselves past a two-hour running time. The other criticism is that women barely have names and are just sex objects in these films. Hell, they don’t even tell you what Gal Gadot’s character’s name — Gisele — is for the entire movie!

One of the good things is that these films have minimal CGI and rely mostly on practical effects for the car stunts.

Also — that scene where they found out that Letty is alive? Michelle Rodriguez didn’t know anything about it until she saw the movie in a theater.

Somehow over quarantine, this movie has played in our house more than three times. Yes, I know. Being stuck inside does weird things to you.

Oddly enough, this movie is based on the 1969 film Cactus Flower, which an adaptation of the 1965 Broadway stage play, which was based on the French play Fleur de Cactus.

It was directed by Dennis Dugan who, beyond Problem Child, has mostly directed star Adam Sandler in movies like Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Jack and Jill and two Grown Ups films. Another of Dugan’s non-Sandler films is Love, Weddings & Other Disasters. As an actor, Dugan appeared in everything, from The Girl Most Likely To… (1973) to The Howling (1980).  He even had his own, short-lived TV series, Richie Brockelman, Private Eye, which spun off the more popular, long-running The Rockford Files starring James Gardner.

The Golden Raspberry people must have been licking their lips, ready to bestow this movie with awards. And so they did, giving this both Worst Actor and Worst Director.

Long story short: Sandler is a lifelong bachelor who really should be with his assistant, played by Jennifer Aniston. However, he’s in love with Brooklyn Decker, who thinks he’s married. As always, rather than the truth, hijinks rule the day. Otherwise, we’d have no movie.

I’m always amazed at the stars that will show up for a Sandler film, as Nicole Kidman is in this. I always think of her as an A-list star well above these matters, but here you go, as she’s interacting with Nick Swardson.

That said, Sandler films play on our screen often enough. And while they’re hated by critics, they’re innocuous enough and I always end up rooting for him every time he enters the third stage of the hero’s journey.

Is it better that a band that was supposed to be big never made it — often via their own drunken design — and instead inspired everyone else, never really getting to the point that people thought they started to sell out and suck? That’s the romantic ideal, I guess. I mean, most bands would kill to get on Saturday Night Live. The Replacements got in a fistfight on stage and were banned.

Beyond the fans that still love them, this movie features Hüsker Dü, the Goo Goo Dolls, the Hold Steady, the Gaslight Anthem and more, all bands that pretty much take their heart and soul from the Minneapolis group.

Director Gorman Bechard also made Psychos In Love and Cemetery High. He took over the project after Hansi Oppenheimer started the movie. He used none of her footage and started over again, keeping only the film’s name concept of fans telling the story.

There is no music, photos or clips of the band. Bechard wanted none in the film, instead creating a music doc without music that is really about how the right band can change your life.

You can watch this on Amazon Prime.