EDITOR’S NOTE: Night Eyes II was on USA Up All Night on October 5, 1996 — with Night Eyes 3 — and March 14, 1997.

Will Griffith (Andrew Stevens) is back and after the events of Night Eyes, he’s been hired to protect the mansion and life of South American diplomat Héctor Mejenes (Richard Chaves, Poncho from Predator). This being Will Griffith, he’s again thinking without his head and instead his crotch, as Mejenes’ wife Marilyn (Shannon Tweed) seduces him.

Directed by Rodney McDonald, who also made Night Eyes Four: Fatal Passion, and written by Simon Levy, Simon Louis Ward and Michael Levy from a story by Stevens — the supervising producer, too, taking charge of his erotic thriller career — this also has roles for the future Tuvok Tim Russ, Skull from Scarface Geno Silva and John O’Hurley.

Shannon Tweed probably pushed more boys into puberty when this ran on Cinemax and USA Up All Night than any sex symbol I can think of. The raspberries scene in this probably ruined just as many bedsheets when those boys grew up to be, well, boys and thought that that scene was the height of eroticism.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Class of Nuke ‘Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown was on USA Up All Night on March 20 and June 6, 1992; June 12, 1993; April 2 and December 16, 1994.

Tromaville’s nuclear reactor has been rebuilt since Class of Nuke ‘Em High and the Nukamama Corporation that funded it has added a new college, the Tromaville Institute of Technology (T.I.T.), inside the design to pay back the city.

Professor Melvina Holt (Lisa Gaye, Mona Malfaire from The Toxic Avenger movies) has created Subhumanoids to do menial tasks. After losing his girlfriend, Roger Smith (Brick Bronsky, a former pro wrestler who is also in The Quest and Death Match) starts investigating these Subhumanoids and falling in love with one of them, Victoria (Leesa Rowland). The Subhumanoids tend to melt down, so he has to save her and fight Tromie, a gigantic mutant squirrel.

Directed by Eric Louzil (Fortress of Amerikkka) and Donald G. Jackson (yes, the man who made all the Roller Blade movies, that explains why I loved this) and written by like twenty people — I’m kidding, it was just Lloyd Kaufman, Eric Louzil, Carl Morano, Marcus Roling, Jeffrey W. Sass and Matt Unger — this movie even has the Toxic Avenger show up to break the movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Virgin High was on USA Up All Night on June 4 and December 4, 1993; November 25, 1994; August 12, 1995 and March 8, 1996.

Christy Murphy’s (Tracy Dali, who was June in Click: The Calendar Girl Killer) strict Catholic parents — Burt Ward is her dad — are worried that their daughter is having sex with her boyfriend Jerry (Richard Gabai, who directed and co-wrote the script; he also made Assault of the Party Nerds). They send her to the Academy of the Blessed Virgin, an all-girls religious school but Jerry shows up as a priest, more determined than ever to finally sleep with Christy.

This is a movie that dares have Linnea Quigley as a character who looks down on teens who have sex, so that’s definitely a twist I didn’t see coming. Michelle Bauer is also in the cast as sex education teacher Miss Bush and this was Leslie Mann’s first movie.

Somehow — and don’t worry, we’ll get to it — Jerry would return in Hot Under the Collar, another movie in which he had to become a priest and get the girl. One would think that this plan has no way of working but somehow Jerry was able to pull it off both times.

To learn more about this movie, I invite you to check out The Schlock Pit, where the great David Wain interviewed Gabai.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever was on USA Up All Night but I can’t find the dates!

I love Rock ‘n’ Roll High School inversely to how much I dislike this movie.

Maybe I’m too old and it’s too loud, but the kids in this movie aren’t fun and rebellious. They’re actually annoying and that kind of makes me sad.

Blame is to be laid at the feet of Jesse Davis, the lead singer of  the Eradicators and the leader of the rebellious kids who defy authority by blowing up toilets. He hangs with Mag (Evan Richards) and critiques his burps. Richards was hired because he looked like Corey Haim and, well, they could have just hired Corey Haim.

When he isn’t singing like Michael Jackson or opining like an expert on everything, Jesse is trying to pick up a new music teaching named Rita (Sarah G. Buxton) which doesn’t feel high school cool, it feels like pressure on his end and oh yeah, she’s an adult older than him and that’s illegal.

The rest of the band is sax player Jones (Patrick Malone) and really, I hate bands that have dedicated sax players. They also have a karate kicking bass player named narock (Steven Ho) and Stella, the only female member, guitarist and also only reason to watch this movie — with one upcoming exception — who is played by Liane Curtis, who always is the sidekick in these movies. For evidence, watch Sixteen Candles. Is it any surrpise she became a Girlfriend from Hell? Also: Her father is Jack Curtis, who directed, produced, shot and edited The Flesh Eaters and did the dubbing for everything from Speed Racer (he was Pops Racer and Inspector Detector), Gamera the Invincble and Planet of the Vampires to Prince of Space and Mothra vs. Godzilla. Sadly, he died at the age of 40 because he was allergic to penecillin and there was no other treatment for his pnuemonia.

The other reason to watch is, of course, Mary Woronov, who plays Dr. Vadar, the new Vice Principal who can remove her hand and replace it with a metal claw or a whip. Also: Rob Zombie had to have seen this movie, as the witch Tabatha is played by Brynn Horrocks. In The Lords of Salem, she plays one of the first witches of Salem, Mary Webster.

It’s directed and written by Deborah Bock, which is a disappointment, as I love her Slumber Party Massacre II. It starts on Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Day, which honours the day in the first film where the students blew up Vince Lombardi High. But there are no Ramones here — don’t your parents know that you’re Ramones? — just posters of them randomly. Principal McGee returns, but it’s not Paul Bartel. Instead it’s Larry Linville. Eaglebauer also comes back, but instead of Clint Howard, it’s Michael Cerveris.

Well, Dee Dee is on the soundtrack. And the part with Mojo Nixon as the Spirit of Rock ‘n Roll is kind of cute. It’s not Mojo’s best role — that would be Toad in Super Mario Brothers — but he does elevate the proceedings.

But Corey Feldman playing 50s classics as 90s versions is not Joey showing up in Riff Randell’s bedroom to sing “I Want You Around.” Speaking of music, the soundtrack is all over the place with The Pursuit of Happiness, Thompson Twins, The Divinyls, Eleven, Tackhead, The Ventures and, as you imagined, Corey Feldman & The Eradicators. SBK was going to release the soundtrack but supposedly Feldman’s rehab stint put them off, because all record labels are against rock stars getting off drugs.

In his book Coreyography — ugh — Feldman writes about how he was a heroin user during filming and came to set with heroin residue dripping from his nose. When a stage hand discretely brought it to his attention, Feldman and turned it into an angry scene, claiming the stuff under his nose was from an engine he was fixing.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Vice Academy 3 aired on USA Up All Night on August 15, 1992; December 31, 1993; June 10, 1995; February 23, 1996 and November 28, 1997.

The girls of Vice Academy are back again. Linnea Quigley’s Didi gets may be gone and Ginger Lynn’s Holly is in prison, but there’s a whole new environmental issue to deal with and the threat of Malathion (Julia Parton, who did many an adult magazine photoshoot and is the cousin of Dolly), who is out to ruin Earth Day — a holiday created by a murderer (for real).

Luckily, Didi’s little sister Candy (Elizabeth Kaitan, Robin from Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood) has joined the force. Jayne Hamil does not appear as Devonshire with Jordana Capra taking over the role.

I watched all three of these movies one after the other and my brain is completely mush. Thank you, Rick Sloane.

According to the IMDB’s Parents Guide, this movie only has mild sex and nudity with the examples being “female topless nudity in three scenes, including an extended sequence which takes place in a strip club” and “a man’s bare buttocks are seen briefly when two women walk in on him changing.”

I thought I was being so scummy when I watched it as a teenager on USA Up All Night.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Nothing gives me greater joy than when our site gets mentioned on my favorite podcast, The Cannon Canon. There are a few movies they’ve covered that I haven’t, so it’s time to fix that.

I had a friend that I used to go to a movie with every weekend. It didn’t matter sometimes if we even wanted to see a movie. The Last Boy Scout was one of those movies and you know, it was different from the moment it started, when an L.A. Stallions running back (Billy Blanks!) pulls out a gun in the middle of a game. But that just seems like background noise as Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis), once a national hero for taking a bullet for the President of the United States, now learns that his wife Sarah (Chelsea Field) is sleeping with his business partner (Bruce McGill). And now he has another boring job, guarding an exotic dancer named Cory (Halle Berry).

But then a car bomb kills Mike. And things aren’t so boring.

Soon after, Joe is approached by Cory’s boyfriend, one-time Stallions quarterback Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans). He wants his woman off the stage and seems every bit of the errratic man who was banned for gambling and drugs. Joe is beat up by some hitmen who kill Cory and nearly do the same to Jimmy before he saves his life.

This is all because she had a tape of Senator Calvin Baynard (Chelcie Ross) and Stallions owner Sheldon Marcone (Noble Willingham) that neither man wants the public to ever hear. She was using it to get Jimmy back on the team but they sent the killers instead. But their evidence gets blown up in another car bomb. That said, Joe is now on Jimmy’s side, because the reason he was removed from the Secret Service was because he once stopped Baynard from abusing a woman. Well, maybe they aren’t that close, because he throws Jimmy out when he catches him doing drugs. As he walks out, he signs his rookie card for Joe’s daughter Darian (Danielle Harris), “To the daughter of the last boy scout.”

This is where we enter the dark world of a Shane Black movie, much less one directed by Tony Scott. The police figure Joe killed Mike, so they come to arrest him. Milo (Taylor Negron, so missed and beyond beloved) kills the cops and Marcone explains what Joe has stepped into. The team owner has been buying Senate votes to legalize sports gambling until Baynard tried to blackmail him for $6 million. Knowing Joe’s history with Baynard, Marcone says that it’s cheaper to kill the senator with a bomb in a suitcase and frame Joe for the murder. He’s saved by Jimmy and Darian, but Milo is the only of Marcone’s men to survive. He recovers and takes her.

So yes, of course this ends with Taylor Negron getting shredded by a helicopter, the rich guy blown up and Willis and Wayans as friends. Joe even gets his wife back. But who cares if it’s predicatable? Nothing else has been in this movie.

Black wrote this while getting over a failed romance. He sold it for $1.75 million and Joel Silver agreed to produce it. He also wanted its original title for another movie he was making, Nothing Lasts Forever. Yes, before it was changed to The Last Boy Scout, this movie had the title Die Hard.

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode of The Last Boy Scout here.

100 Days is a remake of the 1984 Indian Tamil-language mystery film Nooravathu Naal, which was also remade in 1986 as the Malayalam language movie Aayiram Kannukal.

Yet all of these movies at their heart are based on another film, the 1977 Lucio Fulci film Sette note in nero or as we know it in America, The Psychic.

Devi (Madhuri Dixit) is dealing with panic attacks and visions of accidents that have yet to occur, like her sister Rama (Moon Moon Sen) being murdered. She tries to work with her friends Sudha Mathur (Sabeeha) and Sunil (Javed Jaffrey) to deal with these portents, which come true when her sister is murdered and buried inside the wall of a mansion.

Five years later, Devi falls in love with millionaire Ram Kumar (Jackie Shroff). Sunil, who was secretly in love with her sister. They get married and move into his family mansion, the very same place that has her sister’s bones hidden inside, leading to Devi’s visions coming back. She finds the wall and tears it down, finding a skeleton with a similar necklace that she shared with Rama. Yet the cops, led by The Inspector (Shivaji Satam), refuse to believe her.

The visions don’t stop. Devi sees a murder, a magazine named Priya with a horse on its cover and a video cassette with the title 100 Days. She also starts looking into her sister’s life. It turns out that she was working on her thesis about the sculptures and temples of India, yet many of the things she had been studying have been stolen and replaced with forgeries, a crime that cost Jagmohan (Jai Kalgutkar) and Parvati (Neelam Mehra) their jobs. And now, the murders in her visions are of Parvati.

Parvati knew who killed Rama because he videotaped the murder, which he’s using for blackmail, which causes her to be killed by Jagmohan while carrying the evidence on tape, which is labeled 100 Days. She sees the cover of Priya with a horse on it and starts to see visions of herself hurt and staring into a broken mirror. And that’s when she tries to share the videotape, which she found hidden after the murder, with her husband.

On the tape, Rama is confronting Ram. Devi learns that the future father of her child — yes, she’s pregnant — comes from a family destroyed by gambling and he rebuilt their wealth through crime, working alongside Jagmohan and Parvati to smuggle the artifacts that Rama was studying. On the night that she confronted him, Jagmohan shot and killed her, framing Ram.

Near instantly, Jagmohan attacks Ram, stabbing him, and then brutalizes Devi before burying her in the same wall that once held her sister. Luckily, she has a watch that plays a song that her friend Sunil is able to hear. He fights Jagmohan while the police arrive and they save our heroine, who watches as her husband is arrested.

Directed by Partho Ghosh and written by Bhushan Banmali and Devjyoti Roy, this is a movie that makes me wonder. What would Fulci think? Would he be amused by the five musical numbers? And how wonderful is it that while Fulci once saw himself as someone who would be forgotten, his films have now been remade more than once in a country quite different than Italy.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) and detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann are trying to find the killer in a horrifying child murder case when a tip leads them to the mortuary of the prime suspect, Chen (Robert Yun Ju Ahn). They find three mummified corpses that he claims are demons called kyoshi that can only be sated with the taste of human flesh, something he’s been feeding them as part of his mortician career. Once he’s arrested, the demons start looking for their own food, locking everyone inside the mortuary and possessing the coroner’s secretary, Mrs. Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), as well as her poodle Floofsoms — played by Binnie, who was also in The Man With Two Brains, Ruthless People and most famously appeared as Gonk in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark — transforming her and it into the creatures that you remember from the VHS box art.

Also: Norman Fell with a ponytail, conducting an autopsy on a suicide case named Dana (Denise Young) who suddenly wakes up screaming. If that’s not crazy enough, Fell was the third choice for the role behind Alice Cooper and Warren Zevon.

Directed and written by James Cummins, who took his special effects skills and added in make-up effects from Bill Corso to go wild. Cummins did the effects on House and this aims to outdo that one. This is an unconventional film, one in which the heroine has to overcome the trauma of losing her child and having ovarian cancer, all while not being the typical expective young female lead.

I’ve stared at the box art for this movie for years and somehow never watched it. I’m glad that I finally did, as while the start of the story is a slow burn, it eventually remembers that it’s a VHS rental movie, a popcorn horror film that should do all it can to make you laugh and scream out loud.

You can watch this on Tubi.