USA UP ALL NIGHT MONTH: Child of Darkness, Child of Light (1991)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Child of Darkness, Child of Light aired on USA Up All Night on June 11, 1993.

Based on the James Patterson novel Virgin (which has been retitled Cradle and All), Child of Darkness, Child of Light was directed by Marina Sargenti, who made one of my favorite early 90s movies, Mirror, Mirror. It was written for TV by Brian Taggert, who had some solid credits of his own in The SpellVisiting HoursOf Unknown Origin, the two mini-series, The New KidsWanted Dead or AlivePoltergeist IIIDeadly Family Secrets and Omen III and IV.

Father Rosetti (Paxton Whitehead) is sent by the Vatican to a small city in Pennsylvania — it’s shot in Portland, so no luck having any Pittsburgh actors in the cast — to investigate a report of an impending virgin birth. He’s injured by bikers and left in a coma, so the Vatican also sends Father Justin O’Carroll (Tony Denison) without telling him that this virgin birth was prophesized by a vision of the Virgin Mary.

O’Carroll meets pregnant 15-year-old teen Margaret Gallagher (Sydney Penne) who is constantly being attacked by people when she claims that she’s having a virgin birth. She’s also able to transfer her visions to people who attack her, giving them mysterious wounds. And oh yeah, polio is back. Locusts show up. You know how that end of the world stuff gets.

The priest also goes ot Boston to meet Kathleen Beavier (Kristin Dattilo), who is also a virgin expecting a baby. Her child? Well, it just might be the Antichrist. And wow! Viveca Lindfors plays her maid. This also has small roles for Brad Davis, Eric Christmas (Principal Carter from Porky’s!), Richard McKenzie (Archie Bunker’s brother Fred), Sela Ward (as a nun, so you know how I felt about this movie) and Brendan Fraser.

It’s a USA TV movie, so let that guide your watching.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON CANON CATCH-UP: The Last Boy Scout (1991)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Nothing gives me greater joy than when our site gets mentioned on my favorite podcast, The Cannon Canon. There are a few movies they’ve covered that I haven’t, so it’s time to fix that.

I had a friend that I used to go to a movie with every weekend. It didn’t matter sometimes if we even wanted to see a movie. The Last Boy Scout was one of those movies and you know, it was different from the moment it started, when an L.A. Stallions running back (Billy Blanks!) pulls out a gun in the middle of a game. But that just seems like background noise as Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis), once a national hero for taking a bullet for the President of the United States, now learns that his wife Sarah (Chelsea Field) is sleeping with his business partner (Bruce McGill). And now he has another boring job, guarding an exotic dancer named Cory (Halle Berry).

But then a car bomb kills Mike. And things aren’t so boring.

Soon after, Joe is approached by Cory’s boyfriend, one-time Stallions quarterback Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans). He wants his woman off the stage and seems every bit of the errratic man who was banned for gambling and drugs. Joe is beat up by some hitmen who kill Cory and nearly do the same to Jimmy before he saves his life.

This is all because she had a tape of Senator Calvin Baynard (Chelcie Ross) and Stallions owner Sheldon Marcone (Noble Willingham) that neither man wants the public to ever hear. She was using it to get Jimmy back on the team but they sent the killers instead. But their evidence gets blown up in another car bomb. That said, Joe is now on Jimmy’s side, because the reason he was removed from the Secret Service was because he once stopped Baynard from abusing a woman. Well, maybe they aren’t that close, because he throws Jimmy out when he catches him doing drugs. As he walks out, he signs his rookie card for Joe’s daughter Darian (Danielle Harris), “To the daughter of the last boy scout.”

This is where we enter the dark world of a Shane Black movie, much less one directed by Tony Scott. The police figure Joe killed Mike, so they come to arrest him. Milo (Taylor Negron, so missed and beyond beloved) kills the cops and Marcone explains what Joe has stepped into. The team owner has been buying Senate votes to legalize sports gambling until Baynard tried to blackmail him for $6 million. Knowing Joe’s history with Baynard, Marcone says that it’s cheaper to kill the senator with a bomb in a suitcase and frame Joe for the murder. He’s saved by Jimmy and Darian, but Milo is the only of Marcone’s men to survive. He recovers and takes her.

So yes, of course this ends with Taylor Negron getting shredded by a helicopter, the rich guy blown up and Willis and Wayans as friends. Joe even gets his wife back. But who cares if it’s predicatable? Nothing else has been in this movie.

Black wrote this while getting over a failed romance. He sold it for $1.75 million and Joel Silver agreed to produce it. He also wanted its original title for another movie he was making, Nothing Lasts Forever. Yes, before it was changed to The Last Boy Scout, this movie had the title Die Hard.

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode of The Last Boy Scout here.

100 Days (1991)

100 Days is a remake of the 1984 Indian Tamil-language mystery film Nooravathu Naal, which was also remade in 1986 as the Malayalam language movie Aayiram Kannukal.

Yet all of these movies at their heart are based on another film, the 1977 Lucio Fulci film Sette note in nero or as we know it in America, The Psychic.

Devi (Madhuri Dixit) is dealing with panic attacks and visions of accidents that have yet to occur, like her sister Rama (Moon Moon Sen) being murdered. She tries to work with her friends Sudha Mathur (Sabeeha) and Sunil (Javed Jaffrey) to deal with these portents, which come true when her sister is murdered and buried inside the wall of a mansion.

Five years later, Devi falls in love with millionaire Ram Kumar (Jackie Shroff). Sunil, who was secretly in love with her sister. They get married and move into his family mansion, the very same place that has her sister’s bones hidden inside, leading to Devi’s visions coming back. She finds the wall and tears it down, finding a skeleton with a similar necklace that she shared with Rama. Yet the cops, led by The Inspector (Shivaji Satam), refuse to believe her.

The visions don’t stop. Devi sees a murder, a magazine named Priya with a horse on its cover and a video cassette with the title 100 Days. She also starts looking into her sister’s life. It turns out that she was working on her thesis about the sculptures and temples of India, yet many of the things she had been studying have been stolen and replaced with forgeries, a crime that cost Jagmohan (Jai Kalgutkar) and Parvati (Neelam Mehra) their jobs. And now, the murders in her visions are of Parvati.

Parvati knew who killed Rama because he videotaped the murder, which he’s using for blackmail, which causes her to be killed by Jagmohan while carrying the evidence on tape, which is labeled 100 Days. She sees the cover of Priya with a horse on it and starts to see visions of herself hurt and staring into a broken mirror. And that’s when she tries to share the videotape, which she found hidden after the murder, with her husband.

On the tape, Rama is confronting Ram. Devi learns that the future father of her child — yes, she’s pregnant — comes from a family destroyed by gambling and he rebuilt their wealth through crime, working alongside Jagmohan and Parvati to smuggle the artifacts that Rama was studying. On the night that she confronted him, Jagmohan shot and killed her, framing Ram.

Near instantly, Jagmohan attacks Ram, stabbing him, and then brutalizes Devi before burying her in the same wall that once held her sister. Luckily, she has a watch that plays a song that her friend Sunil is able to hear. He fights Jagmohan while the police arrive and they save our heroine, who watches as her husband is arrested.

Directed by Partho Ghosh and written by Bhushan Banmali and Devjyoti Roy, this is a movie that makes me wonder. What would Fulci think? Would he be amused by the five musical numbers? And how wonderful is it that while Fulci once saw himself as someone who would be forgotten, his films have now been remade more than once in a country quite different than Italy.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Strays (1991)

Paul Jarrett (Timothy Busfield), his wife Lindsey (Kathleen Quinlan) and their daughter Tessa (played by Heather and Jessica Lilly) have gotten a house for an amazing price — too good to be true — away from the big city and that’s because, yes, it’s filled with stray cats that kill humans. But they’re so cute!

Directed by John McPherson, who directed several TV movies and was the cinematographer of Jaws: The Revenge, and written by former teen idol Shaun Cassidy — whose career second act saw him created some great stuff like American Gothic and Invasion — Strays is a movie about murder-inclined feral cats and yet it’s boring.

How is this possible? Then again, my mom has an army of orange tabby feral cats that live outside her house and far from wanting to kill people, all they want is pets and food.

But if the pets stop…the death begins.

The Bone Yard (1991)

Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) and detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann are trying to find the killer in a horrifying child murder case when a tip leads them to the mortuary of the prime suspect, Chen (Robert Yun Ju Ahn). They find three mummified corpses that he claims are demons called kyoshi that can only be sated with the taste of human flesh, something he’s been feeding them as part of his mortician career. Once he’s arrested, the demons start looking for their own food, locking everyone inside the mortuary and possessing the coroner’s secretary, Mrs. Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), as well as her poodle Floofsoms — played by Binnie, who was also in The Man With Two BrainsRuthless People and most famously appeared as Gonk in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark — transforming her and it into the creatures that you remember from the VHS box art.

Also: Norman Fell with a ponytail, conducting an autopsy on a suicide case named Dana (Denise Young) who suddenly wakes up screaming. If that’s not crazy enough, Fell was the third choice for the role behind Alice Cooper and Warren Zevon.

Directed and written by James Cummins, who took his special effects skills and added in make-up effects from Bill Corso to go wild. Cummins did the effects on House and this aims to outdo that one. This is an unconventional film, one in which the heroine has to overcome the trauma of losing her child and having ovarian cancer, all while not being the typical expective young female lead.

I’ve stared at the box art for this movie for years and somehow never watched it. I’m glad that I finally did, as while the start of the story is a slow burn, it eventually remembers that it’s a VHS rental movie, a popcorn horror film that should do all it can to make you laugh and scream out loud.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Chattanooga Film Festival Red Eye #5: The Haunted (1991)

Jack and Janet Smurl of West Pittston, PA say that a demon was in their house for nearly 15 years between 1974 and 1989, despite the denials of the Catholic Church, psychologists and scientific skeptics. Luckily, they had Ed and Lorraine Warren on their side, who encouraged their beliefs and even helped them write the book that this movie was based on.

Sally Kirkland was nominated for a Golden Globe award for her work in this movie as Janet Smurl. Jack is played by Jeffrey DeMunn, who you may know as Dale from TV’s The Walking Dead. Or if you’re like Becca and never watched that show, you’ll know him as the sheriff from the remake of The Blob.

Louise Latham from Marnie plays the grandmother and George D. Wallace — Commander Cody himself! — is the grandfather, who doesn’t believe any of this is happening but has a great part where he fends off the media on the porch with a rifle.

Joyce Van Patten — the domineering mom from Monkey Shines — shows up as a neighbor, with Stephen Markle and Diane Baker playing the Warrens, way before The Conjuring series of films (I kind of Lorraine also appeared on Road Rules: All-Stars before Hollywood truly came calling). Keep an eye out for the reporter who collapses on the Smurl’s front lawn — that’s Lorraine Warren.

The best part of this movie? The crazy way it visualizes the demonic presence as a black formless bit of nothing that has multiple voices. The funniest? There are numerous moments, but I kind of love that copyright issues meant that when the kids watch Lost In Space, they dubbed over the actor’s voices.

The Chattanooga Film Festival is happening now through June 29. To get your in-person or virtual badge to see any of these movies, click here. For more information, visit chattfilmfest.org and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

SYNAPSE BLU RAY RELEASE: McBain (1991)

James Glickenhaus — Suicide CultThe ExterminatorThe SoldierThe Protector — brings us this story of Bobby McBain, a soldier who brings together his old buddies to battle a Colombian dictator.

Christopher Walken plays McBain, which has nothing to do with The Simpsons except that this movie and that show got into legal wrangling which led to the cartoon calling McBain by his real name, Rainier Wolfcastle.

Besides a role for a young Luis Guzmán and an appearance by MTV VJ Karen “Duff” Duffy in a crack den, this movie also has Michael Ironsides, Steve James from The Delta Force and American Ninja (amongst so many other incredible movies) and María Conchita Alonso. It’s kind of mindblowing to see a star the level of Walken in a movie with Ironsides and James. It kind of also makes me deliriously happy.

Santos (Chick Vennera) attempts to lead a people’s revolt in Colombia, but he fails and is executed. The people’s revolution won’t stop, so his sister Christina (María Conchita Alonso) travels the whole way to New York to find McBain (Christopher Walken). Once, back in Nam, her brother rescued McBain. Now, she wants him to get her some revenge. How do you do that? Well, get together some old war buddies, kill some drug dealers, take their cash and then kill the President of Columbia (Victor Argo).

Originally titled McBain’s War and McBain’s Seven, you can dazzle your friends by telling that everything in Colombia is actually the Phillippines.

McBain is now available on blu ray from Synapse. It comes with audio commentary from director James Glickenhaus and film historian Chris Poggiali, the original theatrical trailer and an all-new remixed 5.1 surround sound created specifically for this release. The original 2.0 theatrical stereo mix is also included. You can get it from MVD.

Junesploitation: Drop Dead Fred (1991)

June 18: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is 90s comedy! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

I never saw Drop Dead Fred — I was 19 when it came out and despite my love of The Young Ones and everything Rik Mayall ever did, I somehow just never made time for it — when I was a kid, but man, this is one of those movies that’s at once perfect for children and also so anarchic and wild that their parents may never want to show it to them.

It also comes from a very, very dark place.

While originally intended for Tim Burton to direct and Robin Williams to play Drop Dead Fred, it ended up with Dutch director Ate de Jong and Mayall being involved. Yes, the director of Highway to Hell and the man known for abusing Adrian Edmondson on both The Young Ones and Bottom were selected to make a movie for children.

In 2021, The Telegraph published “Rik Mayall’s mental health misadventure: how Drop Dead Fred repelled America,” de Jong revealed that as he rewrote the script, he based much of it on his own life, saying “…the trauma of child abuse goes deep and its claws reach far in time. It was not something ever spoken about on the set, not with Rik or anyone, but for me it existed.”

This is the same movie that Rotten Tomatoes summarized as “Tackling mature themes with an infantile sensibility, Drop Dead Fred is an ill-conceived family comedy that is more likely to stir up a headache than the imagination.”

Gene Siskel said, “This is easily one of the worst films I’ve ever seen.”

Hmm. Maybe I saw a different cut.

Drop Dead Fred feels different in a world that understands childhood abuse and the ways that we cope with it. Elizabeth Cronin (Phoebe Cates, who the movie tries to make look like a woman who has never grown up and who is dowdy, but come on, it’s Phoebe Cates) grew up with a mother (Marsha Mason, absolutely perfect in this movie) who repeatedly emotionally abused her to the point that she found happiness with an imaginary friend named Drop Dead Fred (Mayall). After she caused too much chaos with Fred, her father forced her to symbolically — but totally not — duct tape Fred into a box and put him away forever.

This scene is also based in horrifying childhood memories. A friend of co-writer/executive producer Carlos Davis named Steve Burnette told the story that his mother had an imaginary friend as a girl which upset her mother so much that she demanded that she flush it down the toilet and kill it. This traumatized her for years.

When Elizabeth grows up, she remains the same unassertive and frightened little girl, just accepting her husband (Tim Matheson) leaving her for another woman (Bridget Fonda in an uncredited part), losing her job, getting her car stolen and having to move back home with her oppressive mother. Despite help from her friend Janie (Carrie Fisher), Elizabeth remains trapped, a victim of past abuse.

Then she unleashes Fred by opening the box and in a fit of pique, he responds to her growing up by smearing dog crap all over the carpet.

Drop Dead Fred has come back because his whole job is to figure out how to make Elizabeth — Snot Face, as. he calls her — happy again. But can she be happy? Her father abandoned her to a mother who, at best, used words to make her never feel like she was right or if she mattered. And then, when she tries to assert herself, her mother places all the blame on her, saying that she’s too emotional or being silly. Of course you’d invent — or be open to — an imaginary friend.

Seriously: I had an imaginary friend — in the form of a doll — named Freddy when I was 3 years old, a character well-known enough to my parents that my father made a book called Freddy Did It that recounted stories of where I broke things around the house for attention and blamed the doll.

At the end of all this, after enduring so much real life and even having her mother infantilize her by bringing her to a child psychologist to get pills that will make Fred go away, Elizabeth instead goes into a dream universe where she learns just how important that she is and that at least one person, Fred, truly loves her, values her and views her happiness as valid. She has learned from his dream world everything she needs.

The film originally ended with Elizabeth at Mickey’s house. After she reads his daughter Natalie a bedtime story, the little girl comes downstairs with her teddy bear torn apart and says that Drop Dead Fred did it. There’s a shot of a book with Fred in it and you hear his voice. Audiences hated this and wanted him brought back. The ending is so poignant and perfect to me, as Natalie now needs Fred. Elizabeth knows this and knows she can no longer see her best friend but now, someone who will be very important to her has needs just like she did. But unlike everyone else, she can believe in this little girl and support her and give her what she never did.

How dumb am I for ending this movie crying for ten minutes after it was over?

This is a movie for children where the main character and her childhood dream friend discuss eating her mother and pooping her all over the dining room table and here I am just overcome with emotion.

I have no idea why this movie was so hated when it came out and why no one isn’t talking more about it today. I also have no idea why I waited so long to see it, but it was exactly what I needed today.

Karate Warrior 3 (1991)

There are six Karate Warrior movies and for me, that’s about ten too few as I could watch these all day every day. This time, Anthony Scott has left Miami and given his golden gi to a martial arts school that his friend Greg (Timothy Smith) runs. That’s where the new Karate Warrior comes to learn, a man known as Larry Jones (Ron Williams, who was in Beyond the Door III). He’s in love with a girl named Betty, but as a poor kid, her father wants him to stay out of the picture. He pays him off — well, he helps his mother financially — if he leaves his daughter alone.

The bad guy this time is Joe Carson (Christopher Alan, who played the evil Dick Anderson in the last film), a bully who beats up Greg and sets him up for a hit and run before he steals the golden gi. Larry smashes Joe’s boom box and soon finds a sensei of his own, Mr. Masura (Richard Goon), to learn how to fight back. A friend of Kimura, he teaches Joe the The Dragon Strike, which is different than Anthony’s Stroke of the Dragon as it’s a ridge hand strike — done with the thumb side of the hand — instead of an open palm shotei.

Maybe if our new Karate Warrior wins the big match against Joe, he can keep the house that his alcoholic mother (Lauren Russel) is losing, keep his sister Julie (Katy Johnson) in school and maybe, just maybe, win over Sammy’s dad. By the way, Sammy is played by Dorian D. Field and she was also the love interest in another Fabrizio De Angelis shot in the Southern U.S. movie — Savannah, Georgia — Karate Rock. Do you even understand how many Italian karate movies I have seen when I can recognize girlfriends from them?

Not only are there three more movies, there was also a TV series, Golden Kimono Warrior, which had the same cast as this movie, as well as David Warbeck as Larry’s dad and Marty “Boogeyman” Wright as a fighter named Alabama Bull.

Junesploitation: Kickboxer the Champion (1991)

June 5: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is 90s Action! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

IFD has a website and yes, it’s near comical in how much they reveal and how they have never edited their many typos. I mean, this site is full of typos too — people email me about them all the time — but I am actively trying to clean them up.

Here’s what they had to say about Kickboxer the Champion: “A killer and a Trader must battle the odds in the name of honor and justice.

In Shanghai between the wars, one man, Kingsley, is determined to corner the opium trade for all of China by controlling the shipping routes. Boxer is an honest trader who stands in his way, Knowing that Boxer and his friend Richard are amateur kickboxers, Kingsley unleashes his champion, Bulldog on him.

Once Boxer has been eliminated all chaos breaks out in gangland, with crime bosses at each others throats and killers-for-hire assassinating all who oppose Kingsley. It is up to Boxer’s friend Richard to challenge Bulldog to a battle-to-the-death to ensure that justice is served.”

One person has reviewed this — to date — on Letterboxd and only 2 have seen it on IMDB. That’s incredible, because the ninja Godfrey Ho movies are packed with viewers. I guess he was right: you really should just make hundreds of ninja movies.

What is even more amazing is that this movie was edited together with new footage and also scenes from a movie made 17 years earlier — a record, defeating the previous champion, the 16 years different Terror, Sexo Y Brujeria — called Chu zu zuo shou di ren. It also has some recognizable people in it like Sing Chen and Carter Wong, who most American audiences recognize as Thunder from Big Trouble In Little China. Wayne Archer, who plays Kingsley, was also in Operation Condor and several other Godfrey Ho films.

At this point, Godfrey realized that every movie on the shelf in most video stores was saying kickboxer, so he probably made the right movie. It looks like an actual movie, but that’s not what I expect or demand from IFD movies. I want utter inanity and this doesn’t really give me that movie drug rush that I need. It does, however, have white dudes continually proving themselves to be the best fighters in the world, so if you do run a video store, file this under science fiction.

It does, however, make liberal and non-copyright-respecting use of the Psycho theme.

You can watch this on Tubi.