ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joseph Perry writes for the film websites Gruesome Magazine, The Scariest Things, Horror Fuel and Diabolique Magazine; for the film magazines Phantom of the Movies’ VideoScope and Drive-In Asylum; and for the pop culture websites When It Was Cool and Uphill Both Ways. He is also one of the hosts of When It Was Cool’s exclusive Uphill Both Ways podcast and can occasionally be heard as a cohost on Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast.

Banmei Takahashi, who, as Sam Panico wrote in his review of the director’s Door for this site,“has a career filled with movies that infuse sex and violence.” I think Door is a terrific thriller, and although Takahashi’s Door II: Tokyo Diary is a sequel in name only (supposedly executives wanted him to change the film’s title after Door found some financial success) and by no means a thriller or horror film, it does serve up plenty of the director’s two aforementioned calling cards. 

There’s no stalker after a housewife here, and no returning characters from Door. Instead, we follow some days in the life of Ai (Chikako Aoyama in an outstanding lead performance), whose name means “love.” She’s a call girl who works on her own, which a madam (Keiko Takahashi) warns her about in a threatening manner. Ai falls for one of her johns, an art dealer (Joe Yamanaka), which leads to certain emotional adventures. There’s plenty of self-reflecting going on in Ai’s mind throughout Door II: Tokyo Diary, which leads to, in my opinion, the film’s two strongest set pieces: a violent encounter with a sadistic john that should have even the most hardened of fear-fare fans feeling squeamish, and a climactic, jaw-dropping speech at the wedding of two mutual friends.

Door II: Tokyo Diary is a highly offbeat drama with some dark overtones, plenty of R-rated–style sexual encounters including a variety of kinks, lots of existential musing about life along with doors and what happens to men once they get behind them, and some poignant musing. Is Ai an empowered young woman or an exploited one? Takahashi’s nicely directed, wonderfully choreographed, and well acted food-for-thought softcore-style drama will have viewers pondering that question.

Door II: Tokyo Diary is available as a bonus feature on the Blu-ray release of Door from Third Window Films as part of its Director’s Company Collection.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is one of my favorite movies so it’s been on the site a few times. It’s back as the Kino Lorber blu ray release has me really excited. The new special edition blu ray has a commentary track by action film historians Mike Leeder and Arne Venema and a trailer. You can get it from Kino Lorber.

Enter the Ninja is a movie written by the man who stole Priscilla from Elvis, Mike Stone, and who also nearly starred in it before his acting ability supposedly wasn’t good enough for a ninja movie. Luckily, Franco Nero was in the Philippines and Stone was nice enough to remain on set as the fight double for Nero and the fight/stunt coordinator.

That’s right — Django as a ninja. Make that a ninja that cucks his best friend and arrdvarking his wife Susan George and then fighting Sho Kosugi.

If you were wondering why I loved Cannon Films so much, just read that last sentence again.

Cole (Nero) is a soldier who has become a ninja — much like Snake-Eyes in the Marvel comics — before he visits his war buddy Frank Landers and his new wife Mary Ann (Ms. George) who own a giant farm in the Philippines that is threatened by Charles Venarius (Christopher George), whose Venarius Industries wants the oil that’s on their land.

After said cuckolding — Frank had already drunkenly confessed to our hero that he couldn’t life his own katana, so to speak — Venarius’ henchmen kill Frank and kidnap Mary Ann. That means that Cole has to battle his way through all of the many soldiers in his way before battling his old sword brother Hasegawa (Sho Kosugi).

Directed by Menahem Golan, who also gave us The Apple, this is actually the exact kind of movie that I want it to be. Golan said, “It started when Chinese karate films became popular. I looked for something new in Asian martial arts and found information about the ninja culture in an encyclopedia. The ninja were middle-class people in Japan — lawyers, government clerks, etc. It was a secret organization that helped the feudal government. It actually preceded the Chinese karate battles. They used very special methods, developing their sixth sense. That fascinated me and I said I could write story ideas out of it, so we made Enter the Ninja and American Warrior later on. Many imitations followed.”

Actually, Emmett Alston was supposed to be the film’s original director. Supposedly Charles Bronson refused to allow Golan to direct Death Wish II. Alston directed Force of the Ninja and Nine Deaths of the Ninja, which is somehow even better than this.

Also, I know that we got a whole bunch of Kosugi ninja movies, which I love, but man, why did we not get another Franco Nero in karate PJs movie?

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode where they discuss this movie here.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Night Eyes II was on USA Up All Night on October 5, 1996 — with Night Eyes 3 — and March 14, 1997.

Will Griffith (Andrew Stevens) is back and after the events of Night Eyes, he’s been hired to protect the mansion and life of South American diplomat Héctor Mejenes (Richard Chaves, Poncho from Predator). This being Will Griffith, he’s again thinking without his head and instead his crotch, as Mejenes’ wife Marilyn (Shannon Tweed) seduces him.

Directed by Rodney McDonald, who also made Night Eyes Four: Fatal Passion, and written by Simon Levy, Simon Louis Ward and Michael Levy from a story by Stevens — the supervising producer, too, taking charge of his erotic thriller career — this also has roles for the future Tuvok Tim Russ, Skull from Scarface Geno Silva and John O’Hurley.

Shannon Tweed probably pushed more boys into puberty when this ran on Cinemax and USA Up All Night than any sex symbol I can think of. The raspberries scene in this probably ruined just as many bedsheets when those boys grew up to be, well, boys and thought that that scene was the height of eroticism.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Class of Nuke ‘Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown was on USA Up All Night on March 20 and June 6, 1992; June 12, 1993; April 2 and December 16, 1994.

Tromaville’s nuclear reactor has been rebuilt since Class of Nuke ‘Em High and the Nukamama Corporation that funded it has added a new college, the Tromaville Institute of Technology (T.I.T.), inside the design to pay back the city.

Professor Melvina Holt (Lisa Gaye, Mona Malfaire from The Toxic Avenger movies) has created Subhumanoids to do menial tasks. After losing his girlfriend, Roger Smith (Brick Bronsky, a former pro wrestler who is also in The Quest and Death Match) starts investigating these Subhumanoids and falling in love with one of them, Victoria (Leesa Rowland). The Subhumanoids tend to melt down, so he has to save her and fight Tromie, a gigantic mutant squirrel.

Directed by Eric Louzil (Fortress of Amerikkka) and Donald G. Jackson (yes, the man who made all the Roller Blade movies, that explains why I loved this) and written by like twenty people — I’m kidding, it was just Lloyd Kaufman, Eric Louzil, Carl Morano, Marcus Roling, Jeffrey W. Sass and Matt Unger — this movie even has the Toxic Avenger show up to break the movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Virgin High was on USA Up All Night on June 4 and December 4, 1993; November 25, 1994; August 12, 1995 and March 8, 1996.

Christy Murphy’s (Tracy Dali, who was June in Click: The Calendar Girl Killer) strict Catholic parents — Burt Ward is her dad — are worried that their daughter is having sex with her boyfriend Jerry (Richard Gabai, who directed and co-wrote the script; he also made Assault of the Party Nerds). They send her to the Academy of the Blessed Virgin, an all-girls religious school but Jerry shows up as a priest, more determined than ever to finally sleep with Christy.

This is a movie that dares have Linnea Quigley as a character who looks down on teens who have sex, so that’s definitely a twist I didn’t see coming. Michelle Bauer is also in the cast as sex education teacher Miss Bush and this was Leslie Mann’s first movie.

Somehow — and don’t worry, we’ll get to it — Jerry would return in Hot Under the Collar, another movie in which he had to become a priest and get the girl. One would think that this plan has no way of working but somehow Jerry was able to pull it off both times.

To learn more about this movie, I invite you to check out The Schlock Pit, where the great David Wain interviewed Gabai.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever was on USA Up All Night but I can’t find the dates!

I love Rock ‘n’ Roll High School inversely to how much I dislike this movie.

Maybe I’m too old and it’s too loud, but the kids in this movie aren’t fun and rebellious. They’re actually annoying and that kind of makes me sad.

Blame is to be laid at the feet of Jesse Davis, the lead singer of  the Eradicators and the leader of the rebellious kids who defy authority by blowing up toilets. He hangs with Mag (Evan Richards) and critiques his burps. Richards was hired because he looked like Corey Haim and, well, they could have just hired Corey Haim.

When he isn’t singing like Michael Jackson or opining like an expert on everything, Jesse is trying to pick up a new music teaching named Rita (Sarah G. Buxton) which doesn’t feel high school cool, it feels like pressure on his end and oh yeah, she’s an adult older than him and that’s illegal.

The rest of the band is sax player Jones (Patrick Malone) and really, I hate bands that have dedicated sax players. They also have a karate kicking bass player named narock (Steven Ho) and Stella, the only female member, guitarist and also only reason to watch this movie — with one upcoming exception — who is played by Liane Curtis, who always is the sidekick in these movies. For evidence, watch Sixteen Candles. Is it any surrpise she became a Girlfriend from Hell? Also: Her father is Jack Curtis, who directed, produced, shot and edited The Flesh Eaters and did the dubbing for everything from Speed Racer (he was Pops Racer and Inspector Detector), Gamera the Invincble and Planet of the Vampires to Prince of Space and Mothra vs. Godzilla. Sadly, he died at the age of 40 because he was allergic to penecillin and there was no other treatment for his pnuemonia.

The other reason to watch is, of course, Mary Woronov, who plays Dr. Vadar, the new Vice Principal who can remove her hand and replace it with a metal claw or a whip. Also: Rob Zombie had to have seen this movie, as the witch Tabatha is played by Brynn Horrocks. In The Lords of Salem, she plays one of the first witches of Salem, Mary Webster.

It’s directed and written by Deborah Bock, which is a disappointment, as I love her Slumber Party Massacre II. It starts on Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Day, which honours the day in the first film where the students blew up Vince Lombardi High. But there are no Ramones here — don’t your parents know that you’re Ramones? — just posters of them randomly. Principal McGee returns, but it’s not Paul Bartel. Instead it’s Larry Linville. Eaglebauer also comes back, but instead of Clint Howard, it’s Michael Cerveris.

Well, Dee Dee is on the soundtrack. And the part with Mojo Nixon as the Spirit of Rock ‘n Roll is kind of cute. It’s not Mojo’s best role — that would be Toad in Super Mario Brothers — but he does elevate the proceedings.

But Corey Feldman playing 50s classics as 90s versions is not Joey showing up in Riff Randell’s bedroom to sing “I Want You Around.” Speaking of music, the soundtrack is all over the place with The Pursuit of Happiness, Thompson Twins, The Divinyls, Eleven, Tackhead, The Ventures and, as you imagined, Corey Feldman & The Eradicators. SBK was going to release the soundtrack but supposedly Feldman’s rehab stint put them off, because all record labels are against rock stars getting off drugs.

In his book Coreyography — ugh — Feldman writes about how he was a heroin user during filming and came to set with heroin residue dripping from his nose. When a stage hand discretely brought it to his attention, Feldman and turned it into an angry scene, claiming the stuff under his nose was from an engine he was fixing.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Vice Academy 3 aired on USA Up All Night on August 15, 1992; December 31, 1993; June 10, 1995; February 23, 1996 and November 28, 1997.

The girls of Vice Academy are back again. Linnea Quigley’s Didi gets may be gone and Ginger Lynn’s Holly is in prison, but there’s a whole new environmental issue to deal with and the threat of Malathion (Julia Parton, who did many an adult magazine photoshoot and is the cousin of Dolly), who is out to ruin Earth Day — a holiday created by a murderer (for real).

Luckily, Didi’s little sister Candy (Elizabeth Kaitan, Robin from Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood) has joined the force. Jayne Hamil does not appear as Devonshire with Jordana Capra taking over the role.

I watched all three of these movies one after the other and my brain is completely mush. Thank you, Rick Sloane.

According to the IMDB’s Parents Guide, this movie only has mild sex and nudity with the examples being “female topless nudity in three scenes, including an extended sequence which takes place in a strip club” and “a man’s bare buttocks are seen briefly when two women walk in on him changing.”

I thought I was being so scummy when I watched it as a teenager on USA Up All Night.

You can watch this on Tubi.