EDITOR’S NOTE: Hell Comes to Frogtown aired on USA Up All Night on June 24 and September 29, 1989; February 3 and July 28, 1990; January 11, May 11, July 19 and July 27, 1991.

Donald G. Jackson sure made a lot of post-apocalyptic films. Roller Blade, Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force, The Rollerblade Seven, The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven, Return of the Rollerblade Seven and three different movies in the Helltown series. He also made I Like To Hurt People, a movie all about pro wrestling. These things would all come together to create this film, where “Rowdy” Roddy Piper plays Sam Hell, the last fertile man on Earth.

In the post-apocalyptic wasteland of this film, atomic fallout has led to men and women being unable to breed. The government seeks out those that can make children and uses them to keep the human race alive. Meanwhile, frogs have become able to walk and talk like humans, all while falling for human women.

Sam Hell (Piper) has been located by the government as they followed the trail of pregnant women left in his wake. They wanted to use him to breed their collection of fertile women, but it turns out that the frogs took all of them. So now, he must use his fighting skills to break into Frogtown and rescue the women, then knock every single one of them up.

The team behind this operation — Spangle (Sandahl Bergman, who was also in the near-perfect post-apoc film She) and Centinella (Cec Verrell, Hollywood Vice Squad) — outfits Hell with a codpiece that will cause his junk to explode if he tries to run off.

Of course, hijinks ensue. A Frog lady named Arabella (Kristi Somers, Savage Streets, Girls Just Want to Have Fun) falls for Hell. Spangle is drugged and ensures the Dance of the Three Snakes for the Frog leader Commander Toty. And Nicholas Worth — serial killer and necrophiliac Kirk Smith from Don’t Answer the Phone — shows up as a Frog who tortures Hell.

This film is worlds better than I ever imagined that it could be. The part of Sam Hell was written with Tim Thomerson in mind, but New World wanted Daniel Stern. The final two actors considered for the role came down to Piper and Ed Marinaro. I think they made the right choice.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama was on USA Up All Night nine times: April 1, August 26 and December 1, 1989; June 1 and 2, 1990; February 2, September 13, and December 28, 1991 and February 7, 1992.

You know when they say that something is loosely based on something? I just read that this movie is loosely based on The Monkey’s Paw. Sure, they both have wishes that go wrong, but I think the similarities stop there.

Directed by David DeCoteau, who went on to bring us Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil, Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper and the completely unhinged Eric Roberts-voiced A Talking Cat!?!, this movie delivers everything its title promises (which is a much better one than its original name, The Imp).

Three frat guys spy on three sorority girls (Babs, played by Robin Rochelle from Slumber Party Massacre; Rhonda and Frankie, who is Carla Baron, now a real-life psychic profiler) as they prepare two new members (Taffy is scream queen Brinke Stevens and Lisa, Michelle Bauer, the scream queen who was Penthouse Magazine’s July 1981 Pet of the Month and also known as adult star Pia Snow) for an initiation, which consists of paddling and whipped cream. The boys get caught and to make up for it, they have to go with the girls to steal a bowling trophy.

While they try and get said trophy, they run into a burglar named Spider (scream queen supreme Linnea Quigley), who helps them break in. They quickly screw up and break the trophy, freeing Uncle Impy. That wacky little guy promises three wishes for freeing him. One of the guys wants gold, Taffy wants to be prom queen and one of the dudes just wants to have sex with Lisa (well, you can see his point). Impy senses that the sorority girls are watching him (indeed, Babs’ dad runs the mall) via cameras and he possesses both of hem.

Hijinks, as they say, ensue, with human heads being used as bowling balls, sorority girls getting turned into demons, bowling ball-fu (as Jim Bob would say), all-knowing janitors, Molotov cocktails, more severed heads and so much more.

Most of the cast stuck around to be in another DeCoteau film, Nightmare Sisters. Both are very much Charles Band direct to video films — a bit of gore, a little comedy and some T & A. And they’re the only two movies that have all three of the major scream queens — Quigley, Stevens and Bauer — appear in the same movie together.

I mean, if you like demons, bowling and attractive women, this movie would have everything you’re looking for. You can watch this on Shudder and even get commentary by Joe Bob Briggs.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Jack’s Back was on USA Up All Night on July 30, 1994 and May 12, 1995.

I’m kind of obsessed with young James Spader. Let’s face it, in movies like The New Kids and Tuff Turf he exuded either a coked-up menace or a hardscrabble heart that was hard to beat. Here, he plays two roles. First, he’s a young doctor who becomes a suspect in a series of Jack the Ripper copycat murders. But then he dies — and his twin brother may or may not be the true killer.

Written and directed by Pittsburgh native Rowdy Herrington (Roadhouse, Striking Distance), this film also stars Cynthia Gibb (the TV version of Fame), Jim Haynie (the dockmaster from The Fog), character actor Robert Picardo and Rod Loomis (Zed from The Beastmaster).

Herrington wanted the movie to be titled Red Rain and for the Peter Gabriel song to be in the film. However, this was his low budget debut, he couldn’t get the rights, so he had a song composed called “Red Harvest,” which sounds exactly like the Gabriel ditty. However, the studio felt that the title had nothing to do with the movie, so they renamed it.

The story isn’t any great shakes: the good twin has found one of the victims before becoming one himself, while the troubled brother becomes the prime suspect. It’s also one of those movies packed with red herrings and endings that aren’t endings. So it’s kinda sorta an American giallo — minus the black gloves, inventive camerawork, fashion and neon colors. But the story — where a protagonist is dragged into a situation that he must investigate himself — comes off that way. And despite all the things I’ve said above, I ended up enjoying this one.

Spader is great — he always is — and you have to wonder about Cynthia Gibb’s character. It seems weird for the same woman to be involved with two brothers, but I guess identical twins makes that a little easier, if no less creepy.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Return of the Killer Tomatoes aired on USA Up All Night on June 10 and October 28, 1989; March 30 and 31, 1990; March 23 and October 21, 1991 and May 26, 1992.

Directed by John De Bello, who co-wrote the script with Costa Dillon and Stephen Andrich. De Bello, Dillon and J. Stephen Peace started making movies together in high school and worked together not only on this movie, but on the original short and movie versions of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, as well as Killer Tomatoes Strike Back!, Killer Tomatoes Eat France! and the animated series, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. In fact, in the 90s, Mattel released an entire line of toys based on the cartoon series. There were even two video games!

Set ten years after Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, which characters refer to as the Great Tomato War, we find that tomatoes have been outlawed in the United States. Wilbur Finletter (Steve Peace) — who was in the first movie — is a hero of the Great Tomato War and now owns the tomato-less Finletter’s Pizzeria, employing his nephew Chad Finletter (Anthony Starke) and Chris’ roommate Matt Stevens (George Clooney).

Professor Mortimer Gangreen (ohn Astin) and his assistant Igor (Steve Lundquist) were the ones who started the last Tomato War and they’re back for another one. Barely defeated by the song “Puberty Love,” he vows that this time, music will be part of his plot for revenge. That means that he is making Miami Vice tomato people, Michael Jackson pomme d’amour and seductive female tomate, as well as an army of rock music-obsessed tomatillos. His big goal is to break out Jim Richardson (Rick Rockwell) and make him the new President.

There’s also a female tomato human named Tara (Karen Mistal) who falls for Chad just at the point that movie runs out of money and breaks the fourth wall, adding product placement to every scene. Tara is also hiding a mutated tomato named FT — Fuzzy Tomato — that she keeps like a pet. In a world that hates and fears tomatoes — not to mention the carrot soldiers on the rise — can their love survive?

In the scenes with Clooney and the Playboy Playmates, look for Teri Weigel. She was the Playboy Playmate for April 1986. She was also only the second Playmate to appear in Penthouse — after Ursula Buchfellner who was in Jess Franco’s Devil Hunter and Sadomania — appearing in the November 1985 issue. After working at the Bunny Ranch Nevada and a car accident that broke her neck and back ruined her family’s finances, she became one of the first Playmates to openly do adult films and trade on her popularity from the magazine. She was also in plenty of mainstream movies, like Cheerleader Camp, Savage Beach, Night Visitor, Marked for Death and perhaps most famously, in the beginning of Predator 2.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Killer Klowns from Outer Space aired on USA Up All Night on October 18, 1997.

How did it take so long for this movie to make it to our site? Has there ever been a better high concept — alien clowns coming from space to eat humans? How did this movie even get made? Man, I have questions. Let’s get some answers.

It’s the only movie to be written, produced and directed by the Chiodo Brothers. These insane masters created the puppets and effects for films such as Critters, Ernest Scared Stupid, Team America: World Police, Large Marge for Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and the mouse artwork in Dinner for Schmucks. A sequel to this has been in development forever; if I had my way, these guys would make movies all of the time.

On a lover’s lane in Crescent Cove, Mike Tobacco (Grant Cramer, New Year’s Evil) and his girlfriend Debbie Stone (Suzanne Snyder, Weird Science, Night of the Creeps) are parked when a strange object falls to Earth.

Meanwhile, farmer Gene Green (Royal Dano, Gramps from House II) and his dog — who my wife knows is named Pooh Bear without even needing to look it up — track the comet and discover the crash site looks more like a circus tent.

Mike and Debbie find the same strange tent and discover the farmer trapped in a cotton candy-like cocoon as a Klown appears to shoot popcorn at them. They’re chased away by more Klowns and a balloon animal dog, because this movie is ready to tear out your brain, stomp on it and laugh the entire time.

They make their way to the police station where Debbie’s ex-boyfriend, Deputy Dave Hanson (John Allen Nelson, Deathstalker from the third version of that film, Deathstalker III: The Warriors from Hell), and mean-spirited Deputy Curtis Mooney (John Vernon!). Seriously, John Vernon should be in every movie, because he’s majestic in this, treating every single person with oodles of contempt.

The Klowns make their way to the town and start blasting people with lasers, punching people’s heads clean off and shrinking people down and putting them into bags of popcorn. There are also scenes of Klowns drinking people with crazy straws and a giant Klownzilla that attacks the town. Obviously, the reality went right of the window with this one. It resembles the Topps Mars Attacks! cards, with episodic encounters of the goofball Klowns running wild.

This movie frightened my wife worse than any of the many, many films that she watched in her childhood. She was already afraid of clowns, so these Klowns ended up infiltrating her dreams. Yet she still watched it all of the time. She also wanted Debbie’s jumper-tastic wardrobe, which makes a lot of sense when you see her fashion sense today.

While the Chiodos were able to get The Dickies for the soundtrack, they couldn’t convince producers to pay the money to have Soupy Sales — the king of getting pies thrown in his face — appear as a security guard.

This is the kind of movie that I’m glad exists. I return to it time and time again whenever life seems meaningless because the fact that a movie about giant Klowns attacking a small town for food makes me feel better, knowing that somehow a studio bought this and allowed it to happen.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Grotesque aired on USA Up All Night on January 12, 1989; April 21, 1990 and June 29, 1991.

Sometimes, you encounter things on Amazon Prime that you feel were made for just you. Take this 1988 forgotten horror movie, which stars Linda Blair and Tab Hunter as family members at war with a gang of street punks while something even more terrifying waits in the wings.

An insane woman tells a deformed man that he has two choices: to kill her or make love to her. He then bites her neck, murdering her as we soon learn that this is all a movie within a movie, the latest from horror special effects master Orville Kruger (Guy Stockwell, younger brother of Dean).

After finishing the movie, Orville plans a family get-together in the San Bernardino Mountains with his wife, daughter Lisa (Blair, the main reason I picked this movie) and her friend Kathy (Donna Wilkes, Angel herself!). His brother, Rod (Hunter), will join them later. But before any of hat can happen, Lisa and Kathy run afoul of a gang of punks led by Scratch, who are coming back from Nevada where their last home invasion led to them killing off an entire family.

Lisa asks her mom her Patrick is. Her mother cryptically mentions that he has good and bad days, then later mentions feeding him.

The movie then gives us jump scares galore, as Orville frightens Kathy with a sea creature and a series of his props. He wonders if she’s able to tell the difference between his effects and reality.

Lisa and Kelly go to bed, only to awaken to the punk gang arriving and holding everyone hostage with threats of rape, torture and worse. They’re convinced that Orville is hiding a fortune in the house, but when he tells them he doesn’t have one, they beat him to death. We notice two eyes watching everything.

The girls escape, but Lisa’s mother isn’t so lucky. The gang catches up to Kathy, who is stabbed by a female member of the gang that thinks that she’s in La Venganza de los Punks. Lisa jumps through a window to escape, running through the snow, as the deformed man appears, takes out most of the gang and saves Lisa.

The police soon arrive, as does Uncle Rod. They start looking for suspects and come upon the deformed man attacking Scratch and Shelley, the last two punks. The police shoot first and don’t really ask questions later, killing the mystery man and taking the gang members into custody.

This is where — in a normal film — we’d be close to the conclusion. But not here. Nope. Lisa has a blood clot and a 50/50 chance of survival, but ends up on the bad half and dies. Since she was the only witness, Scratch and Shelley are due to be released. That’s when Uncle Rod explains that the deformed man was named Patrick (is he Australian?) and that he was an abandoned child that the Krugers raised as their own son.

Rod takes the law into his own hand, forcing Scratch and Shelley back to the Kruger home and explaining how he has the same facial deformities as Patrick because (dramatic music) he’s his father! This Tourist Trap twist kind of makes sense, if only for the meta reason that Chuck Connors and Tab Hunter were both cowboy actors who did horror movies at the end of their careers. It turns out that Orville created the special effects that allowed him to live in normal society. But now, even Rod’s horrifying face is beautiful compared to what he’s done to the two villains.

You’d think that this twist is also where the film ends, but nope. Yes, in a movie of pre-meta meta, this has all been another movie. But that’s still not the end. No, Frankenstein’s Monster and the Wolfman are in the projectionist booth, arguing over the film. The lycanthrope states his case that the film doesn’t accurately depict monsters by smashing the projector while Dr. Frankenstein’s greatest creation gives this one 8 out of 10. They agree to disagree and attack everyone watching the movie because after all, they’re the best.

I’m not certain that the makers of this movie had any clue what they were doing at any moment in its production, but that’s OK. The end result is so totally strange that you can’t help but adore just how off the rails it goes by the end. There’s no way you can sum this one up in a sentence. It really is a movie that not only jumps mood but also main characters and even genre by the end of the film.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Cemetery High aired on USA Up All Night on May 10 and October 5, 1991; July 25, 1992 and January 29, 1993.

Gorman Bechard can always be counted on to give you a movie that’s not expected, like his undervalued slasher Disconnected.

So what happened here?

Co-written with Carmine Capobianco, Cemetery High is every woman on man revengeomatic that you’ve seen, except that there’s a horn when nudity happens and a ring when violence is about to befall someone. So yes — a rape revenge comedy, if that can be a thing. Maybe in 1988, right?

Produced by Charles Band, this had the title Assault on Killer Bimbos which was taken for the movie we know that as today. And the dark movie that Bechard made was not the comedy that this was turned into.

Back in 2009, the director wrote on IMDB, “I detest this film.

Long story short: it was originally called Assault of the Killer Bimbos. It was a black comedy. We filmed it as written. Charlie Band, who ran Empire, called me the day after we wrapped and said he just read the script and it was too dark for his liking. He was taking away the title (because I had gotten such great publicity, including People Magazine), and keeping only half of what I shot. He was having his staff write some back story.

Thus my story about girls who offed scum bags just because they knew they could…now became a story about girls who were abused, etc. and so on. But it was the film that was ultimately abused (and I’m using a nice word) by Band.

I talk about this at length on the commentary of the new Psychos In Love DVD release. (Of course, if I had seen what they did to Galactic Gigolo in post prior to filming this, I would have never made a second film for Band.)

Rent Psychos. Avoid this piece of crap.

And if you’re a filmmaker, and an idiot with money tries to tell you what to do with your film…I don’t care how badly you want it…WALK AWAY.”

Anyways, the cast has Debi Thibeault, who shows up in both versions of Assault of the Killer Bimbos, as well as Galactic Gigolo, Psychos In Love and Death Collector, the only film in her resume not connected to Bechard. It also has Karen Nelson, Simone Reyes (who is the girl reading Popular Science in the Beastie Boys’ “(You Gott) Fight for Your Right (to Party!), Lisa Schmidt and Ruth Collins, who is also in Witch Academy, Hellroller, Lurkers, Blood Sisters, Prime Evil, Doom Asylum, Firehouse and Joe D’Amato’s Eleven Days, Eleven Nights 2. She’s also the lead dancer in the Beastie Boys video for “No Sleep till Brooklyn.” I wonder what the connection with all the New York exploration talent and Beastie Boys videos is? That last one also has Vic Noto, Bronson from Street Trash, in it.

So yeah. The movie stinks. But maybe having Rhonda Shear as hostess made it go down better.

,You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Boy from Hell aired on USA Up All Night on June 7, 1991, January 2, 1992 and September 1, 1993.

Also known as Bloodspell, this is all about Daniel (Anthony Jenkins), who has been sent to Saint Boniface, a home for troubled teens by his mother Jane to protect him from his father Luther who is — surprise! — a demon who just wants to use his son’s body to kill people and add souls to Hell. Will anyone believe another resident, Charlie (Aarin Teich) who knows exactly what is happening?

Of all the things I love about this movie — I mean it ends with God hitting Luther with lightning — the music over the credits feels like it could come from the schmaltziest of 80s comedies where we all learned a life lesson about our parents and not that they can be demons who possess us.

Maybe Jenny Marlowe (who is played by Twink Caplan, which is an awesome name) and Tony Montana — yes, that’s the character’s name in this, you’d think they’d maybe think that over — who is played by Edward Dloughy can save everyone.

Director Deryn Warren also made Black Magic Woman and Dead of Night, which gets watched in this movie to add a little meta without hurting the budget. This was written by the same writer as those films, Gerry Daly, who also wrote Witchcraft III and Crystal Force. Also: I never watched 7th Heaven but I have been told that’s the house from that show in the beginning of this movie. Also also: Woodchipper finger terror.

You can watch this on YouTube.

EDITOR’S NOTE: 976-EVIL aired on USA Up All Night on November 21, 1992; May 7 and October 29, 1993; January 26 and August 17, 1996.

Spike and Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys from Fright Night) are cousins who live under the overly watchful eye of Hoax’s super religious mother Lucy (Sandy Dennis, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, God Told Me To). They couldn’t be more different. Hoax is a nerd afraid of everyone while Spike is a motorcycle-riding bad boy with the girl of his cousin’s dreams, Suzie (Lezlie Deane, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare).

Both boys start using the novelty phone number 976-EVIL, which reads them creepy-themed fortunes for a few dollars. The real truth is quite sinister: Satan uses the line to find people to give them what they want in exchange for their souls. There’s a great scene here where a religious investigator goes to the home of 976-EVIL, After Dark, Inc. There is room after room of people, Santas, phone sex women and so much more, but in one dusty, cobwebbed closet lies the machine that powers this foul enterprise.

By the end of this movie, the cousins’ power dynamic has shifted and the literal gateway to Hell appears in front of their home. The way there is littered with 80’s cliches and a tone that is never sure if it fully wants to be comedic or horrific.

Still, this movie is not without its charms. The Deftones wrote the song “Diamond Eyes” about the film and it was popular enough to bring Spike back for the direct-to-video sequel 976-EVIL II: The Astral Factor. And England met his wife, set decorator Nancy Booth, while directing this movie. She would sneak R+N into the backgrounds of scenes that he would discover each day while watching the dailies. And hey, how many movies have uber religious old women get devoured by cats?

PS – There’s an entire chapter about this film in the book Satanic Panic: Pop Culture Paranoia in the 1980’s that is must reading.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Nothing gives me greater joy than when our site gets mentioned on my favorite podcast, The Cannon Canon. There are a few movies they’ve covered that I haven’t, so it’s time to fix that.

I am happy to admit that I rented Action Jackson more than a few times. Carl Weathers deserved to be the star of more movies and, well, Vanity was in it. After watching this movie, I realize that I am only two movies away from seeing every film that she was ever in.

It starts unlike any normal action movie you’d expect, as almost supernatural killers, the Invisible Men, come out of nowhere and kill some auto union guys. That’s how you know we’re in Detroit, you know?

Detroit Police Department Detective Sergeant Jericho “Action” Jackson (Weathers) was a star athlete who went to law school and became a hometown hero, but that was before he arrested the son of important businessman Peter Anthony Dellaplane (Craig T. Nelson). He was quickly demoted, divorced and demoralized. He’s at odds with the public and his boss, Captain Earl Armbruster (Bill Duke, always an angry ranked cop) because he won’t stop chasing down Dellaplane, who really is dirty and is too smart to get caught.

Yet there’s hope. Dellaplace’s wife Patrice (Sharon Stone, fated to be the dead bad girl in every movie at this point) gives him info before she’s killed and Dellaplace’s mistress Sydney Ash (Vanity) is set up. Yes, Craig T. Nelson is at near Michael Douglas level here, sleeping with both Sharon Stone and Vanity. Action Jackson also has help from Kid Sable, a local hotel owner and retired professional boxer — this movie is like James Bond with its strange helper characters — played by Chino ‘Fats’ Williams, hairdresser and connected gossip queen Dee (Armelia McQueen), his old partner Detective Kotterwell (Jack Thibeau), bad kid gone good Albert (Stan Foster) and Sydney’s bodyguard Big Edd (Prince A. Hughes).

This is the kind of movie where the bad guys plan on barbecuing our hero and instead he sets them on fire and shoots them with a grenade launcher. It’s beyond over the top but in a way that completely works within its universe.

I love how matter of fact Weathers was about how this movie got made: “A creation that came about when I was doing Predator and talking to Joel Silver, who loved blaxploitation movies. Joel said, “Well, you know, why don’t you put something together?” So during that time of shooting down in Puerto Vallarta, I created this story and came up with this guy – or at least this title – Action Jackson. And Joel found a writer who wrote the screenplay, and that was it. We got it made.” There’s a TV movie Weathers did after, Dangerous Passion, which was called Action Jackson 2 in Germany, but unfortunately there was no sequel. Weathers said that it was because, “Lorimar sold the lot to Sony and sold the library to Warner Bros., and that was that. It never resurfaced again, unfortunately.”

If you love 80s action, this has so many people you know in it. Dennis Hayden, De’voreaux White, Robert Davi, Mary Ellen Trainor and Al Leong were all in Die Hard together, while Weathers, Duke and Sonny Landham were in Predator. In a better world, we got a whole bunch of these movies.

This was the first movie — after episodes of The A-Team — of former stunt coordinator Craig R. Baxley, a beyond dependable name because he also directed Stone Cold, Storm of the Century, Rose Red and Kingdom Hospital. It was written by Robert Reneau, one of the writers of Demolition Man.

You can listen to The Cannon Canon episode of Action Jackson here.