KO-FI SUPPORTER: Telephone (1986)

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Telephone is a 27‑minute short film written, directed, and produced by Eric Red in 1986, in which an emotionally distraught and suicidal woman (Laurie Latham, whose voice is in Reservoir Dogs) dials random numbers, hoping to connect with someone. She ends up reaching a man (Bud Cort, RIP, star of Harold and Maude), telling him that she plans to kill herself in a minute unless he can talk her out of it.

He doesn’t know her. He’s never met her. But suddenly, he has sixty seconds to save a life. The film captures a grueling, intimate power dynamic: while he hangs upside down in inversion boots trying to relax, he is forced into a psychological chess match where the stakes are literal life and death.

Eric Red, a Pittsburgh native, used this short as a calling card for his visceral, high-concept style. You can see the seeds of his later work here—the same DNA that made The Hitcher and Near Dark cult classics. Red has a gift for taking a simple, claustrophobic premise and ratcheting up the tension until it’s unbearable. He would go on to direct Cohen and TateBody Parts and Bad Moon, as well as write one of my favorite American giallo films — and one of the first DVDs I ever got — Blue Steel.

Filmed on location in Hollywood in 16 mm, the short is visually striking. The images of the woman’s apartment bathed in neon, and the hazy skyline behind her, are gorgeous. They evoke a mood similar to the famous scenes in Tokyo Decadence, which is impressive considering Telephone predates it by nearly a decade.

For younger viewers, Telephone serves as a time capsule. This was an era before caller ID or “star 69.” When the phone rang, you had no idea who was on the other end. It could be a friend, a telemarketer or—as in this film—a total stranger inviting you into their darkest moment. Red captures the terrifying intimacy of the old rotary phone system. As Latham’s character notes, the connection they share in that half-hour is “more intimate than if we’d fucked.”

The film deals with suicide in a way that feels raw and unpolished. In the mid-80s, these conversations happened in the shadows, and Red brings that isolation to the forefront. Despite the setup, the film’s closing remains a genuine surprise. While some critics argue it could be tighter, the deliberate tempo allows the audience to feel the same exhaustion and emotional depletion as the characters. You really start to feel for Cort’s character. Maybe it’s because as film nerds, we inherently love Cort and want him to succeed.

You can watch this on the director’s YouTube page.

SRS BLU RAY RELEASE: Truth or Dare? Legacy (1986, 1994, 1998, 2011)

Originally released in 1986, Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness has become a cult horror classic. This low-budget film, shot on 16mm, still resonates with fans of 1980s horror. It gained renewed attention when Elijah Wood called it his all-time favorite horror movie.

Truth or Dare remains one of the first direct-to-video, and it’s high time someone — like SRS — put them all out in one set.

Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness (1986): In the 1985 horror anthology, Tim Ritter created a short called “Truth or Dare” in the movie Twisted Illusions. A year later, he’d expand that story into this slasher.

While most 18-year-olds were worrying about prom, Tim Ritter was in Palm Beach County orchestrating a bloodbath. Despite the SO aesthetic common to the era, shooting on 16mm gave it a slightly more cinematic, if not grimy, texture.

The drama behind the scenes was as chaotic as the film itself. The creative differences”between Ritter and producer Yale Wilson led to Ritter being locked out of the editing room and taken off the credits. Wilson’s cut was the one that hit the shelves of mom-and-pop video stores, leading to a long-standing rift that Ritter finally resolved in later “Director’s Cuts.”

Mike Strauber (John Brace) finds his wife Sharon in bed with his best friend Jerry, and poor Mike has the kind of mental breakdown that inevitably turns one into a slasher villain. 

The hitchhiker sequence is the film’s first true water-cooler moment, as if anyone works in a real office anymore or would discuss SOV murders at said water cooler. As Mike drives, he hallucinates a passenger who goads him into a self-mutilating game of Truth or Dare. The practical effects here, with Mike slicing into his own arms and chest with a razor blade, are uncomfortably tactile. When the camera reveals the passenger seat is empty, we realize we aren’t watching a standard slasher; we’re watching a breakdown.

A year later, Mike gets released from the Sunnyville Mental Institution. Blame budget cuts. Blame too many patients. Blame the fact that Mike is both crazy and smart. His good behavior is noticed, and the first thing he does when he gets out is kill Jerry and then go after his ex-wife. When he’s wounded in this murder attempt, he goes back to Sunnyville and is soon back to hallucinating disfigured patients telling him to destroy his face and wear a mask. After one of the attendants is dumb enough to taunt Mike with a photo of his ex-wife, he stabs the orderly with a pencil to the eye, Fulci-style and finds a cache of weapons, because that’s exactly what is sitting around a mental hospital.

At this point, Mike just goes wild, committing crimes such as hitting a stroller with his car — the baby launches high in the air — and then going back to roll over the mother; machine gunning an entire bench full of senior citizens; doing a drive-by chainsawing of a Little League player, and finally trying to kill his wife all over again. Oh, Mike, they’re just going to put you back in Sunnyville.

Ridiculous in all ways and therefore worth watching. I also believe that Rob Zombie completely stole the papier-mâché first mask Michael wears in his remake from this movie.

Truth or Dare: Wicked Games (1994): You can kind of sort of consider this the sequel to Tim Ritter’s Truth or Dare, even if it has none of the same characters, except that Gary (Kevin Scott Crawford) is the cousin of that first movie’s Mike. He’s having a lot of the same issues that that guy once did as he comes home to catch his wife riding another man. Now, a copper masked killer is running around and Gary’s friend Dan (Joel D. Wynkoop) starts to think that his buddy is that slasher.

We’re back to Sunnyville Mental Hospital, where Dr. Seidow (co-writer Kermit Christman) and it turns out that there may be more than one killer. Spoiler, there totally is or maybe this is all in Mike’s head and he’s been thinking of killing again. Dan is into kinky sex, Dr. Seidow is a maniac obsessed with one of his patients who likes to burn herself with cigarettes and all three — four — of them hate women.

The opening is a deliberate echo of the first film, the ultimate déjà vu of domestic betrayal. However, Gary’s reaction is less of a silent break and more of a loud, messy implosion. It sets the tone for a movie that isn’t just about a killer, but about a community of broken, predatory men.

It’s also the only film I’ve ever seen where a slasher takes a moment to take a bite of a sandwich while chasing his victim. It also has someone get killed with a sprinkler. By that, I’m saying they get a sprinkler jammed right through them.

Replacing the papier-mâché with a copper mask gives the killer a more urban legend feel. It’s cold, reflective and fits the 90s direct-to-video aesthetic while maintaining that homemade creepiness that makes these movies feel like they were found in a basement.

There’s another somewhat sequel to Truth or DareWriter’s Block, but that movie doesn’t have insane genius — I say that in the nicest of ways, trust me — of Tim Ritter, who imbues this with plenty of ridiculous energy. Is it central Florida giallo? Nearly.

Screaming for Sanity: Truth or Dare 3 (1998): In the years since Mike Strauber first put on the mask, a whole universe has started to swirl amongst him, like the man who treated him, Dr. Dan Hess (Joel D. Wynkoop), who also hates Mike; Clive Stanley (Ken Blanck), who was a victim of Strauber’s murder spree and lost his wife and child when they were run over in the first film; the man treating him, Dr. Reznor (Maurice Mayberry Jr.) and Ken Kregg (Franklin E. Wales), who is selling merchandise related to the killings.

In the original 1986 film, Clive was just a background casualty of Mike’s nihilism, the man who lost his wife and child in the infamous stroller/car sequence. Clive isn’t just a survivor; he’s a man whose soul was deleted by Mike Strauber. His habit of slicing himself open isn’t just a callback to Mike’s razor-blade game; it’s a physical manifestation of his Survivor’s Guilt. He is literally carving Mike’s legacy into his own skin.

Oh yeah, the copper mask is back and worn by people who dream of being Mike or want to have sex with him. Plus, Dr. Hess is also being stalked, and his wife even gets nailed to a wall. Having Joel D. Wynkoop return, this time as Dr. Dan, creates a delicious bit of casting confusion for Ritter fans. Is he the same Dan from Wicked Games? In the Ritter-verse, the faces remain the same even as the roles shift.

Hess represents the medical establishment that failed to contain Mike. His hatred for Strauber isn’t just professional; it’s visceral. Watching his life get dismantled, specifically the brutal imagery of his wife nailed, proves that in the Truth or Dare cinematic universe, being near Mike Strauber is a death sentence for your loved ones.

Directed by Ritter, who wrote it with Ron Bonk and Kevin J. Lindenmuth, this is the Truth or Dare? sequel I always wanted. This is totally for continuity nerds, where a supporting character becomes the lead.

By ending on a cliffhanger, Ritter essentially promises that the critical madness is an infinite loop. It’s not about Mike the man anymore; it’s about Mike the Idea.

And hey — footage from the first movie comes back! This then sets up the next film, which I appreciate.

Deadly Dares: Truth or Dare Part IV (2011): Tim Ritter updates the franchise’s core theme: the dangerous intersection of fragile male egos and deadly games. In 1986, Mike Strauber was driven mad by a private game; in 2011, Tuner Downing (Casey Miracle) is driven mad by a public one.

Directed by Ritter (who wrote the script) and Joel D. Wynkoop, this follows the theme of all these films: women break men when they dump them, games of truth or dare can quickly turn deadly, and lots of people will be killed. Rose (Heather Price) Tuner’s girlfriend left him because he wouldn’t get naked for a dare video. This leads Tuner to DareTube.com, which acts like the Ice Bucket Challenge, except the dares get as wacky as you’d hope.

This entry ditches the 16mm grain and the 90s camcorder fuzz for a sharp, sterile digital look. It makes the violence feel more real and less cinematic, mimicking the actual videos found on the dark corners of the internet.

Tuner’s friend Axel (Billy W. Blackwell) and his perhaps new girl, Dara (Jessica Cameron), grab a video camera and head out to record dares, while Tuner paints his face copper. As those dares get more intense, Tuner breaks into the mental hospital where Strauber has been kept, only for it to end up being Rose, who was trying to see if he’d do the ultimate dare to prove his love. She stabs him, he dies…

Turning the final girl into the villain is a sharp subversion. When Rose reveals that the breakout was a test. It reframes the entire franchise. It suggests that the women in this universe aren’t just victims; they are the architects of the games that destroy the men.

The final revelation that the entire movie — the breakout, the murders, the betrayal — has all been a dying hallucination as Tuner kills himself is the ultimate “Ritter” ending. It’s a return to the psychological roots of the original. Mike Strauber’s legacy isn’t a body count; it’s a mental illness that convinces you to destroy yourself.

I Dared You!: Truth or Dare Part V (2017): Directed by Tim Ritter and Scott Tepperman, this centers on a man named Dax (Tepperman) has gone insane after a past attack by Mike Strauber. Since then, he’s grown angry not just at his attacker, but with the man who let him go, Dr. Dan Hess (Joel D. Wynkoop), who is now a private detective.

Before we get to that. we see Dax in a video store, where he finds a copy of the original movie. A woman grows angry at him and chases him from the store, as he steals a porn magazine. As he reads it in the woods, he is attacked by Strauber, becoming one of the victims of the infamous chainsaw car attack from all the way back in 1986.

Now, Chainsaw Dax wears a half-mask, much like the man who ruined his face. He starts killing — and playing truth or dare — while Hess searches for people using the DareTube.com site, which has been up for a few years, so they must have good SEO.

The man who treated Dax, Dr. Desmond Hall (Jim O’Rear) was really setting this all up, putting Dax on the path to murder, setting him up with Sara (Trish Erickson-Martin) and putting him after Hess, all because that man stole his woman. So Dax goes and records Hess having sex with Linda (Ashley Lynn Caputo) and posts it on the internet, which in no way seems as godo of a revenge as killing someone. Linda gets kidnapped and Hess has to do a series of dares, like taking heroin which is just a bunch of video effects, to save his wife.

After cutting off his own finger, robbing a bank, hitting a cross-dressing Dr. Hall with an axe and jaming a syringe into Dax’s eyeball, Hess finds his wife and walks away.

Seeing Dax find a physical copy of the original Truth or Dare creates a movie-within-a-movie loop. It suggests that in this universe, Mike Strauber’s crimes were so infamous they were turned into the very exploitation films we are watching. By the time Hess walks away, the franchise has come full circle. It started with a man losing his mind over a cheating wife and ends with a man losing his finger (and his dignity) to save one.

Extras on this SRS blu-ray release include all new commentary tracks, short films, trailers, photo galleries, interviews, making ofs, behind the scenes footage and more. You can get this from MVD.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E10: Stage Struck (1986)

The murder of the leading lady’s understudy disrupts a play starring two previously married actors.

Season 3, Episode 10: Stage Struck (December 14, 1986)

Two of Jessica’s old friends bring her back to her old job at a theater. One of them faints on stage, and then her understudy dies.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Shea Farrell is Larry Matthews.

Bob Hastings (Commissioner Gordon’s voice in the Batman cartoons) plays Eddie Bender.

Donald Most — come on, Donnie! — is T.J. Holt

Edward Mulhare may have been Rex Harrison’s understudy in My Fair Lady on Broadway. But we all know him from Knight Rider. Here, he plays Julian Lord.

Christopher Norris (Eat My Dust) as Pru Mattson.

Dan O’Herlihy (Conal Cochran and The Old Man!) is Alexander Preston.

Eleanor Parker plays Maggie Tarrow.

John Pleshette is Nicky Saperstein.

John Schuck from McMillan and Wife is Chief Merton P. Drock.

Ann Turkel (Humanoids from the Deep) as Barbara Bennington.

Smaller roles include Richard Hoyt-Miller, Annie Gagen, and Jeffrey Lippa as reporters; Weldon Bleiler as a doctor; and Fritz Ford as an onlooker.

What happens?

Julian Lord and Maggie Tarrow are essentially the Lunt and Fontanne of Jessica’s past, a legendary acting duo who were once married and still share a spark, though it’s heavily smothered by egos and secrets. They invite Jessica to the Applewood Playhouse for a revival of The Night of the Phoenix, but the production is cursed from the jump.

Maggie’s health is failing, and her understudy, Barbara Bennington, isn’t just waiting in the wings. She’s actively sharpening her claws. But when Maggie faints and Barbara gets her big break, she doesn’t just break a leg. She drops dead mid-scene after drinking from a prop decanter.

In the middle of all this, the cop in charge — Chief Drock — tries to sound like Hercule Poirot.

While he’s being a weirdo, Jessica realizes that the poison in the prop wine was meant for the leading lady, but the real target was always the person holding the secret.

Who did it?

When JB confronts Julian backstage, she learns that the blackmail was over the fact that he and Maggie had conceived a child and given it up for adoption. Julian admits to Jessica that he poisoned the wine specifically to kill Barbara and keep their secret buried. To make the accident look like it was meant for Maggie and deflect suspicion from himself, he had previously played with Maggie’s vitamins to make her faint, ensuring Barbara would be the one on stage to drink the lethal dose.

Who made it?

This was directed by John Astin, who was Harry Pierce in other episodes, and written by Philip Gerson.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

No! Ugh.

Was it any good?

It’s a decent one.

Any trivia?

This episode reveals how Jessica met her husband Frank. Their romance blossomed in the theatre community, proving that Jessica has always had a flair for the dramatic, even if she prefers the technical side of the stage.

Edward Mulhare and Ann Turkel were also on Knight Rider

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Oh, certainly not. No, but I was Applewood’s second-best set painter. And in case you haven’t guessed, there were only two.

What’s next?

Jessica comes to the aid of Dorian Beecher, a shy poet who is the prime suspect when his bully is found dead.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E9: Obituary for a Dead Anchor (1986)

When an obnoxious out-of-town TV personality is murdered, it’s up to Jessica to figure out the killer.

Season 3, Episode 9: Obituary for a Dead Anchor (December 7, 1986)

Jessica agrees to a television interview for an old friend but is surprised when a different reporter arrives after a boat explosion kills her old buddy. Or does it?

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Sheriff Amos Tupper is Tom Bosley, but you knew that.

Abby Dalton. Mother Speed in Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force is Judith. Her husband, Kevin, is played by Chad Everett from The Intruder Within.

Robert Hogan is Dr. Wylie Graham.

Robert Lipton plays Richard Abbott.

Paula Roman is actress Kathleen Lloyd (The Car).

Mayor Sam Booth is Richard Paul.

Robert Pine, Sgt. Joseph Getraer from CHiPs is Doug Helman.

Rex Robbins is George Fish.

Mark Stevens is Nick Brody.

Smaller roles include James Lemp as Gerald Foster (AKA Erik Stern; he was in The Love Butcher), Frank Annese as Ronald Ross, Patti Karr as Clara Polsby and Paul Ryan as a commentator.

What happens?

Jessica expects to do an interview with TV reporter Paula Roman, but ends up with a much rougher interviewer, Kevin Keats. Soon after the segment, his boat blows up, and reporters come to Cabbot Cove, all looking for a killer.

As you’d expect from an episode of this show, everyone hated Keats. For example, he cheated on his wife, and she wished that he lived long enough for her to divorce him. And Jessica is dealing with a lot of gruff from the mayor, who is concerned that she’s making the town look bad by doing the interview, which he wanted her to do in the first place.

Sheriff Tupper almost solves the case, and when he asks Jessica if he’s right, she agrees. He’s kind of shocked.

Who did it?

Nick Brody, a laid-off newsman, is angry about the way TV is changing for the worse.

Who made it?

This was directed by Walter Grauman and written by Robert Van Scoyk, the show’s story editor, from a story by Bob Shayne.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

I mean, she did make Tupper feel pretty good when he was right about the case. Maybe.

Was it any good?

A decent episode. After the Magnum episode, we needed a little calm down.

Any trivia?

Richard Paul’s first appearance as Cabot Cove’s do-nothing mayor, Sam Booth.

In this episode, we learn that the B in J.B. Fletcher is for Beatrice. Her full name is Jessica Beatrice MacGill Fletcher

When Jessica first meets Nick Brody, a painting of a ship like the movie Mutiny is behind him. That movie starred Angela Lansbury and Mark Stevens, who are playing the characters on this show.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: But what did killing Mr. Helman solve for you? He was only following the network’s orders.

Nick Brody: Without Helman, I had a better-than-even chance of staying with the show. I had more experience than any of them. To hell with the audience research. So I wasn’t young, vicious or even pretty, but I was the one who could talk sense to them. I’m a newsman. I’m not a performer. I tried to tell Doug that. But whatever he started out believing, in the end, he bought the idea that the wrapping paper, the wrapping paper, was more important than the package. If you don’t mind, I’d like to finish this rewrite while we’re waiting for the sheriff. Just dial nine for an outside line.

What’s next?

The murder of the leading lady’s understudy disrupts a play starring two previously married actors. John Astin directs this one.

VISUAL VENGEANCE BLU RAY RELEASE: Ozone: The Attack of the Redneck Mutants (1986)

Back in 1986, there was a very real idea that we had broken the world. Or the ozone layer.

Discovered in 1913 by French physicists Charles Fabry and Henri Buisso, it absorbs most of the world’s ultraviolet radiation. This layer of protection for us was destroyed after years of pollution,  chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) and bromofluorocarbons, which means unabsorbed and dangerous ultraviolet radiation was now hitting us at a higher intensity.

You can feel the effects now when there’s a bad weather quality day, as what they call bad ozone can cause harm those with respiratory illnesses such as asthma, COPD and emphysema. Code orange kids, unite and try to take over while hacking up your insides.

I tell you all this to inform you that in 1986, there was a hole in the ozone layer and that seemed like as good a reason as any to cause zombies to wander Texas.

Directed by Matt Devlen, who directed and wrote Tabloid, as well as the man who wrote The Invisible Maniac — and produced Crispin Glover’s What Is It?, which quite frankly blows my mind — Ozone: The Attack of the Redneck Mutants is the movie brave enough to answer the call to make an ozone-related mutant zombie shot on Super 8 epic.

The spiritual cousin or some family to The Abomination — which has a lot of the same cast and crew, as it was shot first and then this came next — this all starts with Kevin Muncy (Scott DavisCody from The Abomination, get ready for a lot of …from The Abomination mentions) sneaking into the trunk of the car of Arlene Wells (Blue Thompson AKA Carolyn McCormick, Bret’s wife; of course she was in the movie you already know I’m going to talk about, playing Kelly. She also edited his movies Blood On the Badge and Armed for Action as well as acting as the costume designer for Time Tracers). They’re on their way to Poolville, Texas — an incorporated community of around five hundred people in North Texas that’s close to the birthplace of Robert E. Howard — he was from Peaster, TX — and Mart Martin, as well as the final resting place of Chewbacca. No, really. Peter Mayhew lived in Boyd, TX.

Anyways, Poolville is at the junction of farm roads 3107 and 920, named for the big pool of water in the middle of town. There are five churches, one for every hundred people.

Back to Ozone. Get ready to meet characters with names like Outhouse Mutant, Car Mutant, Country Store Mutant, Granny Mutant, Big Fat Mutant and Melon Mutant. There are lots of melons. This movie has more watermelons than Mr. Majestyk. It also has effects that make me genuinely concerned for the actors in this, as the effects look like being tarred and feathered. I can only imagine that the zombie makeup stayed on their skin for days and that throwing up all of the multicolored liquids gave them all diarrhea.

This also has some kind of misplaced love story, as Wade McCoy (Brad McCormick, Ike from…yeah, repetition is the essential comedic device) has promised to pick up Loretta Lipscomb (Ashley Nevada AKA Barbara Dow who is in…actually a whole lot of movies, such as The Invisible Maniac, Mad At the Moon, Deathrow Gameshow, Curse of the Queerwolf, Nudist Colony of the Dead, Witchcraft IV: Virgin Heart, Cage II, Red Lipstick and G.I. Jesus) for the talent show down at the general store. We also meet his mother Ruby (Janice Williams), who at one point invites Kevin and Arlene to a picnic that turns into chaos. 

I asked Bret McCormick about this movie and he filled in a lot of the gaps for me.

We agreed to do these two movies back to back. It was supposed to be like a one-month thing with ten days on each movie. He was supposed to go first. And at the last minute, he backed off and bailed out. So I went in and shot The Abomination first and we shot for 10 days and that was kind of it. The production of Ozone went on for like 22 days. And it got to the point where we just kind of had to say it’s time to stop because it could have gone on forever.”

As to how they were able to just shoot whatever they wanted and not be bothered, he said, “In Poolville, back in those days, I mean, you could shoot a scene on one of the dirt roads, run through the town and be out in the street for 30-40 minutes before a car came by. We were largely undisturbed with pretty much anything we wanted to do out there. The locals, some of them were curious and, you know, helped us out and played big parts in the movie.”

This is the kind of movie where puke and blood get on everything. That’s how they do it in Texas, the kind of place where a chainsaw massacre gets filmed in a way too hot shack filled with real animal guts and the sequel is made in a newspaper printing facility that had ink pouring down the walls and everyone had some mysterious respiratory illness. It feels handmade and not perfect and that’s how movies should be, messy affairs that make you laugh or throw up and sometimes that happens in the same moment.

The score is great, too. The music crew was Richard Davis (who also worked on Dear God No!, Amazon Hot Box, Monsters and, wow, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves), John Hudek, Lasalo Mur and Kim Davis, who has worked as a location manager on movies like Alita: Battle Angel, Stone Cold, Problem Child, Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss and Don Henley’s video for “The End of the Innocence.”

Where The Abomination is a film about darkness within the light of religion and literal cancer coming to life to be a Biblical end times beast, Ozone is happier to just be people hooting and hollering, shotgun blasts blowing melons to bits and an ending that’s beyond deserved.

The Visual Vengeance release of Ozone: Attack of the Redneck Mutants has extras including a new director-approved SD master from original tape elements, plus two commentary tracks, one by producer Bret McCormick and star Blue Thompson and another with commentary with Sam Panico of B&S About Movies and Bill Van Ryn of Drive-In Asylum. Hey that’s me!

Plus you get a new Blue Thompson interview, an Ozone and The Abomination location visit, deleted scenes and outtakes from producer Matt Devlen’s personal archives, a Muther Video VHS intro reel, interviews with Devlen, a short film, acting reels, a public access review, a podcast, an image gallery, a trailer for Tabloid, Visual Vengeance trailers, a “Stick Your Own” VHS sticker set, a reversible sleeve featuring original VHS art, a folded mini-poster, a limited edition O-Card with alternate art by The Dude, a 12-page mini-comic book, an Ozone mutant puke bag and a Muther Video logo stick. You can get this from MVD.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E8: Magnum on Ice (1986)

Jessica comes to the assistance of Magnum when he’s framed for two murders that occurred during her vacation in Hawaii in “Novel Connection.”

Season 3, Episode 8: Magnum on Ice (November 23, 1985)

Jessica has come to Hawaii to help a friend, Pamela, but along the way, she’s met Thomas Magnum and Jonathan Higgins. But then, Magnum gets blamed for a murder he didn’t commit, and she must save him.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury (and Tom Selleck)?

Capt. Frank Browning is played by Ramon Bieri.

Amy Salyer is played by Stephanie Faracy.

Pamela Bates, who was in the Magnum, P.I. episode, is played by Dorothy Loudon.

Jason Bryan is played by John McMartin.

Andrew Prine is Victor Salyer! Wow, this also has Jessica Walter as Joan Fulton.

John Hillerman is Jonathan Higgins, Kwan Hi Lim is Lieutenant Tanaka, Rhonda Aldrich is a maid, Keahi Farden is a bellboy, Harry Endo is a desk clerk, Byron Ono is a house boy, Winston Char is another house boy, Pe’a is a police officer, and Conrad Hurtt is a policeman.

What happens?

Magnum got in a gun fight with a hitman at the end of his episode, but the police thought he shot a man in the back. Jessica and Higgins — all boned out for our writer friend, and wow, isn’t Higgins Robin Masters? Shouldn’t he use that to get into Jessica’s capris? — have to solve the case while Magnum is in jail.

Once Magnum gets out on bail, Arthur Houston is killed, and his Tigers baseball hat is found near the body.

Then, Higgins saves Jessica from Andrew Prine by karate chopping him. J.B. patches him up, and Higgins is fully randy and ready to unleash his John Thomas. I’m kidding, Higgins is a gentleman. He even drives Jessica to the airport by the end of the episode.

But after that fight, she figures out who did it and almost gets herself and Magnum killed.

Who did it?

Joan, who killed the hitman and Arthur, is revealed as the mastermind behind the crimes. She posted Magnum’s bail to keep framing him, adding a surprising twist to the episode’s plot.

Who made it?

This was directed by Peter Crane and written by Robert E. Swanson.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid? Does she get some?

She doesn’t dress up, but take a look at this.

And this.

Was it any good?

It’s decent. I wish Jessica did more crossovers.

Any trivia?

Jessica Walter and Andrew Prine both appeared on the show four times, playing four different characters.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Thomas Magnum: So, Jessica, what do you say we make a deal? If you don’t take out a private investigator’s license…

Jessica Fletcher: Yes?

Thomas Magnum: …I won’t buy a typewriter.

Jessica Fletcher: Deal.

What’s next?

When an obnoxious out-of-town TV personality is murdered, it’s up to Jessica to figure out the killer. Plus, we get to find out what the B in J.B. Fletcher stands for.

Magnum, P.I. S7 E9: Novel Connection (1986)

This week should have been Murder, She Wrote S3 E8 “Magnum on Ice,” but as that episode starts here in the first crossover between Murder, She Wrote and Magnum, P.I., let’s get into the world of Thomas Magnum.

In case you’ve never watched the show, Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV (Tom Selleck) lives in the Hawaiian guest house of an opulent 200-acre beachfront estate known as Robin’s Nest. At some point, he provided services for its owner, world-famous novelist Robin Masters (voiced by Orson Welles for all but the final time when Red Crandell spoke for the character), and he’s been allowed full run of the estate and use of the author’s Ferrari 308 GTB/GTS in exchange for some nebulous security detail. In between, he takes on cases that rarely pay and often put his life in danger. His arch-nemesis is Jonathan Quayle Higgins III (John Hillerman). Like Magnum, he’s ex-army, but he’s by the book, while our hero is laid-back. He’s in charge of Robin’s estate, patrolling it with his twin Dobermans, Zeus and Apollo. The relationship grows and changes as the series progresses, going from antagonistic to near friendship by the close, as well as the suspicion that Higgins is Robin Masters.

This episode begins with Higgins driving guest Pamela Bates (Dorothy Loudon) to the Robin’s Nest when someone tries to run them off the road. Usually, this is where Magnum would come in, but Pamela wants her mainland friend to take the case. That ends up being Jessica Fletcher. If you see this in syndication, they re-edited it to be a standalone episode. However, this was a two-parter that really did crossover the two different TV shows. Man, I love a crossover ep. In the original version, Magnum catches the killer and, after a gunfight, shoots the man. But then the evidence makes it look like he shot him in the back, so Jessica has to exonerate him.

How about this IMDbs? “Larry Manetti (who played Rick) stated that he did not enjoy working with Angela Lansbury, as she couldn’t be bothered talking to him during filming. Larry got the vibe that Angela felt she was “above” him.”

I always go all in on asking if Jessica has any in her stories. Well, here Jessica Walter, yes, the Bluth family matriarch, is all up in Thomas Magnum’s hairy business. While this episode isn’t the best, it was the Marvel Cinematic Universe for 1980s TV kids, connecting two worlds we never knew could be united.

Torment (1986)

 

Directed, written and produced by Samson Aslanian and John Hopkins (The Dorm That Dripped Blood), Torment seems like a 70s movie made in 1986. That’s a compliment.

Bob (William Witt) has come to San Francisco to kill women. Detective Michael Courtland (Warren Lincoln) is so obsessed with the case that he postpones his wedding to Jennifer (Taylor Gilbert). During the two weeks that he wants to wait, she will stay with his mother (Eve Brenner), who is obsessed with people breaking into her home. So when Bon starts casing the house and even watching Jennifer sleep, everyone thinks Courtland’s mother is crying wolf.

Bob ends up attacking Mrs. Courtland, who stabs him and barricades herself in a room with his gun. Once things are calmed down, Jennifer’s father — in town for the wedding — comes to visit. He’s Bob! Wow — that one surprised me.

How low-budget is this? Aslanian shot the film at his parents’ house, and his father cooked all the food and catered for the crew. That said, it has big ideas and is way better than I expected.

My only question: What would two weeks do? Does Courtland really think he can solve this case that quickly?

You can watch this on YouTube.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E5: Corned Beef and Carnage (1985)

Jessica gets involved when her niece, Victoria, is believed to be connected to the murder of her lecherous boss.

Season 3, Episode 5: Corned Beef and Carnage (November 2, 1985)

Jessica’s planned get-together with her niece Victoria (Genie Francis, last seen in season 1’s “Birds of a Feather“) and her husband Howard goes bad when the murder of Victoria’s ex-boss, Larry Kinkaid, happens, and Victoria is the prime suspect.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury (and Genie Francis)?

Christine Clifford is played by Susan Anton, Susan Williams from Cliffhangers!

Warren Berlinger — the second actor in this other than Anton to be in a Cannonball Run film — is Jim Ingram.

Kenickie himself, Jeff Conaway, plays Howard Griffin. He was also in  season 1’s “Birds of a Feather.”

Peter Haskell was in Child’s Play 2 and 3. He’s Leland Biddle in this show.

Larry Dallas, is that you? Yes. It’s Richard Kline from Three’s Company as Larry Kinkaid.

As for Myron Kinkaid, that’s Maude’s husband, Bill Macy.

The law in this story, Lt. Spoletti, is James Sloyan.

David Ogden Stiers was in three episodes of this show and one TV movie. All different roles; this time, he’s Aubrey Thornton.

Grover Barth is a wild name. That character is Ken Swofford.

Polly Barth is played by The Simpsons voice and Bob Newhart Show cast member Marcia Wallace.

Smaller roles are played by Ted Smile, Paul King, Marleta Giles, David Starwalt, Russ Fega and Phil Rubenstein.

What happens?

Howard and Victoria both work for Mr. Kinkaid and hate it. They haven’t told one another, because they want the best for their spouses. But when Kinkaid wants Victoria to sleep with a client, she decides enough is enough. Soon, Kinkaid is killed with an award — one he didn’t earn, but his employees did –, and she’s the top suspect.

Jessica Fletcher visits you and people die.

But hey — I’ve worked in advertising. I’ve had bosses like Kinkaid. So I’m not surprised someone takes him out. But who?

Who did it?

Aubrey Thornton, who does what everyone else really wanted to do.

Who made it?

This was directed by John Llewellyn Moxey and written by Robert E. Swanson.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

No. This makes me upset, as how is she going to get some if she doesn’t put on her drunk outfit or do an accent?

Was it any good?

It’s alright. A bad Murder, She Wrote is like pizza. No matter what, it’s still pizza.

Any trivia?

David Ogden Stiers and Angela Lansbury worked together in Beauty and the Beast as Cogsworth and Mrs. Potts.

This case is mentioned in S4 E3 “Witness for the Defense.”

Give me a reasonable quote:

Lt. Spoletti: Why is it I always figure gorgeous blondes are lying to me?

What’s next?

A group of young treasure hunters comes to Cabot Cove looking for sunken treasure, and one of them ends up dead. Also: Leslie Neisen comes back, and the sexual tension between him and Angela Lansbury is volcanic. Will they finally pound it out? Come back next week.

Murder, She Wrote S3 E4: One White Rose for Death (1986)

While attending a concert in Washington, D.C., Jessica gets involved with two East German defectors and a murder.

Season 3, Episode 4: One White Rose for Death (October 19, 1986)

This is the second of seven appearances of the character Michael Hagarty (Len Cariou), an Irish spy who is 100% letting his fingers do the walking right into JB’s granny panties.

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury (and Len Carious)?

Margo Claymore is played by Jenny Agutter, who was in I Start CountingAn American Werewolf In London (which explains my nurse fetish) and Logan’s Run

Michael Anderson Jr. — who was also in Logan’s Run — is Dr. Lynch.

First Secretary Henry Claymore is played by Tony Bonner, who was in Dead Sleep with Linda Blair. 

Col. Gerhardt Brunner is played by Eric Braeden, Victor Newman to your grandmother.

Andrew Wyckham? That’s Bernard Fox from Hogan’s Heroes.

Franz Mueller is John Glover, one of my favorite character actors.

Grea Mueller is Maria Mayenzet.

In minor roles, Warwick Sims is Jack Kendall; Julian Barnes is a British sergeant; and Larry Carr, Dan Cotter, Laura Gile, Kathryn Janssen, and George Sasaki play theatergoers; Walter Smith is a driver; and Jim Painter is a security guard.

What happens?

Jessica goes to the concert of violinist Greta and pianist Franz Mueller, along with so many of the upper crust, including the former prime minister of England. Franz is kind of a jerk, but Greta tells Jessica that she learned English from her books.

Meanwhile, Michael Hagarty is acting like a reporter and bringing Jessica in on his assignment. You can only imagine how moist she is, a writer from New England untouched by a man in years, now working alongside this rogue. 

It turns out that the Muellers were about to defect, and Michael was there to help. As it goes badly, he’s shot in the arm, which has to make Jessica’s plumbing go into overdrive, a dangerous man spending so much time with her.

When they go to the embassy to regroup, Michael’s partner, Jack Kendall, is stabbed. So they say. Jessica knows the truth. He was poisoned. And it turns out that the white rose he’s holding refers to a spy caper they engaged in years ago.

Who did it?

Wyckham. He’s the one who screwed up Michael and Jack’s mission all those years ago. He also murdered Geoffrey, the man who was supposed to go to the theater with Jessica, so he could get close enough to the Prime Minister. When he saw Jack, he decided to kill him before he could be spotted.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Great goes back to Communism, and her brother stays in America.

Who made it?

This was directed by Peter Crane and written by series creator Peter S. Fischer.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

No, but she does dress up for the concert.

Was it any good?

Sure! I enjoy the Michael Hagarty episodes.

Any trivia?

Larry Carr, a background character in this, appeared in 13 episodes of the show and in minor parts in nearly every major TV detective show of the 1970s. In the early 60s, he went to Brazil to make movies and played Bond in 007 1/2 no Carnaval.

After Angela Lansbury’s death, Len Cariou said, “She was a great artist. I know she’s with Peter now, her husband, who I think she missed terribly. She said to me on her last birthday, a year ago, “It’s just silly being this old.””

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: Michael, you are going to help her, aren’t you?

Michael Hagarty: A sweet young thing like that, Jessica? We’re already working on it.

What’s next?

Jessica gets involved when her niece, Victoria, is believed to be connected to the murder of her lecherous boss. Susan Anton is in this one.