Tabloid (1985)

Baby Born With Full Beard! BBQ Of The Dead! Killer Vacuum Destroys Town! Tabloid promises to bring the good old days of the black and white National Enquirer — and then the Weekly World News, which was printed on the old black and white press when the more socially redeemable Enquirer went full color — to life*.

This was directed by Glen Coburn (Blood Suckers from Outer Space), Matt Devil (Ozone: The Attack of the Redneck Mutants) and Bret McCormick (his The Abomination is one of the most incredibly upsetting in the best way movies I’ve seen).

Despite this having an awesome concept, the execution fails. When your movie starts with aliens attacking an aerobics class and it leads to yawns instead of excitement, you really are struggling. The stories aren’t even really stories, just scenes jammed together. A gun battle between rednecks leads to the birth of the bearded baby. Zombies have a cookout. And a tornado comes out of a vacuum. Otherwise, reporters discuss how they get these stories.

A tabloid horror anthology is a great idea. This isn’t it.

And yes, that is Lisa Loeb in the third story.

*The tabloid also inspired David Byrne’s True Stories.

You can watch this on YouTube.

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