A combination of exploitation film, spaghetti (well, maybe chili con carne given its origins), art film and quest for enlightenment, El Topo is either the greatest movie you’ve ever seen (me) or complete bullshit that seems to go on forever and ever (Becca).

El Topo and his son are traveling the desert when he instructs his son that he is now a man and must bury his first toy and a photo of his mother. The naked child — either symbolizing purity or just a lack of wardrobe budget — rides with our protagonist as he walks through a town that has been decimated.

The black-clad gunfighter finds those responsible and destroys them, including castrating their leader, the Colonel. Rescuing that man’s woman, who he calls Mara, El Topo learns of four gunfighters that cannot be defeated. He abandons his son and goes with her on a quest.

From here on out, it’s a mix of religious and sexual interplay as well as gunfights that grow more and more mystical. There’s also a no legged man riding a no arms having man, a master who can catch bullets in a butterfly net, a dude who can stop bullets with his body, a woman who sounds like birds when she screams, hundreds of dead rabbits, people spontaneously going up in flames and their graves secreting honey and bees, and so much more. Throughout each gun battle, El Topo grows weaker as he must rely on trickery instead of skill. Each win feels more like a loss, particularly as Mara becomes more demanding and grows fonder of the unnamed woman with the voice of a man who has been riding with them.

El Topo visits the sites of each of his four battles and is shot numerous times by the woman as he crosses a bridge. His body is taken by dwarves and mutants as the first part of the film ends. Becca was sure this was the end of the movie and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that there was much, much, much more to come.

Our protagonist has been born again as a Christ-like figure who has meditated for at least 20 years in the caves of an inbred group of mutants. He is now cleaned and shaved as he promises to return them to the light (the mole, who El Topo is named for, constantly claws its way to the sun, but is then blinded). To get there, he and his new bride, a dwarf woman, must beg and be part of a series of skits that take advantage of them, climaxing with them being forced to make love in a room full of the town’s men.

And this town — it’s covered with Illuminati imagery, worships guns, takes slaves and destroys them to the cheers of an adoring crowd. It also feels a lot like America.

Of course, El Topo’s son is now a monk in this town and when he and his bride attempt to marry, he tries to kill his father for leaving him behind. He agrees to spare the old man’s life until he frees his people.

Finally free, the mutated cavepeople run to the town, thinking it is their salvation. Instead, they are massacred and El Topo is shot numerous times. Remembering what he learned from the gun battles, he rises and kills every single one of them. Then, he sets himself on fire (“I kind of figured this would happen sooner or later,” said Becca) as his child is born. His grave also releases honey and bees as his sons and wife ride on into the distance (there was once hope of a Sons of El Topo movie with Marilyn Manson as the star, but it has not happened. There was, however, a comic book, which will be released in the US in December of 2018).

El Topo has inspired legions of fans, from John Lennon (who championed the film and had Allen Klein, manager of The Beatles, buy it and show it nationwide at midnight screenings, then produced the follow-up The Holy Mountain) to David Lynch, Dennis Hopper, Gore Verbinski (citing that debt in his animated film Ringo), Nicolas Winding Refn and Suda 51, whose video game No More Heroes has a similar plot about finding and destroying the best assassins in the world.

A midnight movie staple for years, El Topo disappeared in the 1980’s and 90’s, as Allen Klein would not give up his rights to the film. I searched for years, as Heads Together (a long lost and lamented rental store in Pittsburgh) had the only copy in town, one that was constantly checked out. This was 1994 — nearly pre-internet and not the time when you could easily stream or order and film. It wasn’t until another sadly lost shop, Incredibly Strange, opened in Dormont that I was able to get a copy of the Japanese laser disk release. Since then, I’ve acquired the blu ray of the film, which makes it totally convenient to view at any time.

You can imagine my excitement when the movie was playing a midnight show at Row House, a theater in Pittsburgh’s Lawrenceville neighborhood. Before the film, the owners and programmers of the theater sat on stage and apologized for showing it, as they had just learned of the rape scene in the film and that Jodorowsky had claimed in past interviews that it was real (to be fair, he’s also said that it was consensual and that he penetrated her). This scene lasts around 30 seconds or less of screen time and shows no actual sex. I’ve read tons of books on the film and watched it so many times over the years and never really dealt with this controversy myself.

They said that they debated not showing the film — keep in mind before this talk, they did a trivia contest to give away tickets, which is kind of darkly humorous that they would put something that was quite literally trivial before such a big discussion and announcement — then said that they decided to show the film and donate its proceeds to a charity that they literally could not remember the name of. Then, they talked about future movies coming to the theater and couldn’t remember much of next month’s schedules other than Tokyo Tribes, which was described with the world rap more than five times.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, this whole affair came off as handwringing and hand washing at the same time. If the theater had an issue with this, they should have not shown the film. Upon further research, no one is sure whether or not this scene is an actual rape. In interviews, Jodorowsky has been given to mania, saying things that any normal person would think is insane, such as using his proposed Dune to create a prophet and actual drugs on celluloid. I’m not giving the man a pass in the interest of hero worship (full disclosure, I am a fan of several of his movies), but the actress that played Mara (Mara Lorenzio) supposedly couldn’t be found to be paid and was on LSD for most of the production (this doesn’t suggest consent, just setting up that the film was shot during very different times). She did, however, make an appearance in the documentary Midnight Movies: From the Margin to the Mainstream where this was not discussed.

I will share that years after making the movie, Jodorowsky felt that he stole of some son’s childhood by making him take part in such a violent film. He flipped the opening of the film and had him dig up the teddy bear and a photo of his mother and told him, “Now you are 8 years old, and you have the right to be a kid”.

I don’t think this absolves him of whatever happened in this film. But the whole incident with the theater has left a bad taste in my mouth. I feel like they should have offered refunds (I wouldn’t take one), but instead by giving proceeds to charity, they took that choice away. They still advertised the movie up until hours before it went on with no mention of this controversy. And I overheard one of the people on stage mention that he’d never seen the film, only having seen The Holy Mountain and was interested to see what it was all about.

Again — I’d have more respect for them if they took an actual stand and didn’t show the film. It just felt like they were absolving themselves of it and almost challenging the audience to witness an actual rape if we wanted to stay and watch it. I realize that we’re evolving and changing as a society and I feel that it’s a great thing. And I can’t really collect my thoughts and properly express them here — I’ve tried — but it just all felt messy. And I guess that’s how these things are. The whole way that the affair was conducted didn’t give me any faith or trust in Row House as a theater, to be perfectly honest.

Sorry for the soapbox, but I had a lot to get off my chest. So what can we learn from this film? Well, “too much perfection is a mistake,” is a good start. I also learned “moderation in everything, even in moderation” from a fortune cookie last week. So there’s that.

I’ve also learned that the more I try and go out and experience film with others, I’m reminded that thanks to blu ray and my high def TV, I often feel a lot better just watching them at home. That’s what dooms most second run and boutique theaters, the apathy, along with the fact that I can spend money on a blu that’s equal to my ticket and get a better experience at home. Theaters should be selling that something extra and giving you more — again, a soapbox and I want to see these places succeed.

PS – The group they claim to have donated to was PAAR, Pennsylvania Action Against Rape. It’s one of the oldest rape crisis centers in the country and a totally worthwhile charity. It’d have felt a lot more genuine and honest if they could have remembered their name and told us something about them then stumbled through a speech that certainly needed nuance and actual notes.

I also understand that men have traditionally been horrible to women and this behavior could certainly have happened. The truth isn’t completely sure here and it’s a very difficult issue to maneuver. I just wanted to call out that I felt it was handled in a ham-fisted way and that there are better ways to handle such topics. I’m not justifying the actions of the filmmaker or the words he’s said (or changed over the years).

Anthony Cardoza produced some really interesting films. You may call them turkeys. You may also call them…well, you wouldn’t call them works of art. But hey, his movies live on, like The Beast of Yucca Flats, The Hellcats and today’s film, Bigfoot.

Jasper B. Hawks (John Carradine!) and Elmer Briggs (John Mitchum, brother of Robert and the writer of the John Wayne voiced “America, Why I Love Her” that TV stations used to sign off when TV stations still existed and actually signed off) are driving around the forest. And Joi Landis (Joi Lansing, a former MGM contract girl who shows up in the long tracking shot that begins Touch of Evil, in her final role) is a pilot whose plane breaks down. She parachutes into the woods and encounters Bigfoot.

Then there’s Rick (Chris Mitchum, son of Robert and also an actor in films like Jodorowsky’s Tusk and Faceless) and his girlfriend Chris who find a Bigfoot cemetery and get attacked, too.

Of course, the authorities are of no help. Only Jasper will help Rick and that’s because he wants a Bigfoot for his freak show.

Peggy gets kidnapped by Bigfoot and we discover that Joi has been taken, too. Upon reaching the lair of the Bigfoots (Bigfeet?), we discover that the creatures we’ve seen are his wives and the real creature is 200 feet tall. Yes. You just read that right. And he’s about to fight a bear that’s just as huge.

A gang of bikers gas Bigfoot but he escapes the freakshow, goes nuts in town and then gets blown up by bikers. John Carradine quotes from King Kong (he does throughout the film) and the movie ends.

Along the way, we find Doodles Weaver, whose scene in the completely bonkers The Zodiac Killer may be the most ridiculous scene in what is quite honestly one of the strangest films I’ve ever seen.

And hey, is that Bing Crosby’s son Lindsey? Yes, it is! And the first singing cowboy, Ken Maynard! This movie is packed with actors who have much more interesting stories than the film they’re stuck in.

But you know what is interesting? The strange doom funk that plays every time the bikers show up. And keep your eyes open for a quick appearance by Haji, who famously appeared in Russ Meyer’s Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! 

Director Robert F. Slatzer only did two other movies, but one of them was The Hellcats, where Russ Hagen battles a female gang. Leather on the outside…all woman on the inside!

But hey — Bigfoot. Come for the bikers. Stay for the bigfoots. Enjoy the bikinis. But dig this crazy sound, man!

You can get this from Cheezy Flicks for a really great price.

The spaghetti western heroes Django, Trinity, Sabata, Ringo and Sartana all fell victim to the strange copyright laws of Italy, where sequels to films just happen (such as how Bruno Mattei’s Cruel Jaws was also shown as Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws). There are several non-cannon Sartana films, including Sartana Does Not Forgive, Shadow of Sartana… Shadow of your Death, Sartana in the Valley of Death, Trinity and Sartana… Those Dirty S.O.B.s and Alleluja & Sartana Are Sons… Sons of God. But today, we’re here to discuss the fake Sartana crossing over with the fake Django. Confused yet?

Sheriff Ronson (Fabio Testi, who lived with Ursula Andress and had a son with Edwige Fenech, so I regard him with some measure of respect and jealousy) is a newcomer to Black City. He learns that Willer, Sanchez and their men are the law in town. But now Django (Hunt Powers, who is now known as Jack Betts,. He started his career in spaghetti westerns before becoming an American character actor) is here, ready to settle an old score with the bad guys.

So where’s Sartana? Well, at the end of the movie, the Ronson tells Django that around some parts, that’s what they call him. No, no they don’t. I know Sartana, sir. I have watched his movies. And you are no Sartana.

This film is directed by Demofilo Fidani, who some call the “Ed Wood of spaghetti westerns” as he often used more well-known character names in his films and has absolutely no regard for continuity. He directed mostly westerns, although he did create a giallo in 1972, A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services.

There’s one good gunfight and not much else happens, to be honest. If you’re watching this and are excited to see inventive weapons and a weird sense of humor — like the other Sartana films — you are bound to find this entry lacking.

There are two other crossover films, Django and Sartana Are Coming… It’s the End with Hunt Powers as Sartana and Django Defies Sartana, where George Ardisson (Agent 3S3!) plays the role. In his later years, he became well known as a spirit medium!

Wild East released this as a double disk with Dead Men Don’t Make Shadows, but it is out of print. You can also watch this on Amazon Prime.

Don’t forget! Arrow Video is putting out an entire boxed set of Sartana soon and it’s limited to 2500 copies! You can get yours at Diabolik DVD.

In the third of the five original Sartana films, our hero gains a new actor: George Hilton takes over for Gianni Garko with Giuliano Carnimeo staying in the director’s chair. In this installment, Sartana faces Mexican bandits and Sabbath, a man who may be his equal.

Hilton was in a ton of films. Of note, The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, The Case of the Bloody Iris, All the Colors of the Dark have been covered on our site. According to spaghetti-western.net, “Carnimeo discovered that Hilton fitted his ideas better than Garko: he had always been a supporter of a more parodist approach, but his plans had been obstructed by Garko, who felt that the daring mix of comedy and extreme violence of the movies would only work within a tongue-in-cheek context, and would become ridiculous if they turned the whole thing into a farce. Hilton agreed with a more fanciful approach. As a result, the Hilton-movie shows a strong tendency towards the absurd. For this reason, some fans don’t see it as an official Sartana.”

Although they didn’t team up on this Sartana film, Carnimeo and Garko also did They Call Him Cemetery and His Name Was Holy Ghost, which are quite similar to the Sartana films. In addition, Carnimeo and Hilton did two films with a hero called Halleluja and two more with a hero called Tresette which take off from Hilton’s role in this film but are played for comedy.

Of course, Sartana comes up against criminals who are all out for themselves. However, the wild card in this movie comes in the form of Sabbath (Charles Southwood), a bounty hunter who dresses in white, carries a parasol, reads Shakespeare and has promised his mother that he will be on his best behavior.

There are — did you catch the theme yet — plenty of double crosses. Even on you, the viewer, with somewhat of a trick ending. While many decry this entry, I found it quite entertaining. You can find it on the gray market and on a few compilation DVDs of varying quality. Or you know…YouTube.

In his very first line in the movie, Sartana paraphrases the Bible verse “I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent” before killing a corrupt sheriff and two of his deputies. If I wasn’t already excited about the fourth Sartana film, I’m now fully ready.

Sartana turns himself in for their murders in order to get one of his old friends, Grandville Full, out of the corrupt jail, one so horrible that the wardens urinate onto men desperate for water. That friend I mentioned earlier — Grand Full for short — knows where a half million in gold and two million in counterfeit money is. But there are plenty of people after it too, like an evil widow (Nieves Navarro!), a one-eyed killer, another corrupt lawman and even a general gone deaf and mad.

Like every Sartana movie, the only person you can trust is Sartana himself. The entire town of Mansfield is looking for the gold and ready to kill one another and anyone else that comes to visit. Like Mara Krupp, who pretty much plays the same horny hotel owner that she played in For a Few Dollars More.

Well, maybe Pon Pon, an old friend and inventor, can be trusted. After all, he’s invented a robot for Sartana named Alfie. Yep, in the middle of a spaghetti western, there’s a robot. Welcome to the Sartana films! He’s also building a giant organ for his dance hall, which he claims to be the reason why he needs the money.

The scene where Alfie the robot blows up the sheriff, spraying out burning counterfeit money that Sartana lights a cigarette with while laughing? That’s exactly why I love the Sartana series. They’ve moved from him as an angel of death to a detective with James Bond gadgets over the four Gianni Garko films.

The finale, where the pipe organ is taken into the street, only for it to contain machine guns that mow down hundreds — if not more — soldiers and assorted killers, thieves and liars has to be seen to be believed.

The music, by Bruno Nicolai, is great. He also scored plenty of Jess Franco films, as well as The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, All the Colors of the Dark, The Case of the Bloody Iris and so many more. Here, he continually brings back the haunting theme of Sartana and ups the intensity at the close of the film.

Of the four Sartana films I’ve watched for this week, this one has been my favorite. Now, it’s not the dark and realistic film that a Leone Western can be, but it has a charm and verve all its own. Also, I want a robot that lights my cigars like Alfie!

Deadly playing cards. A Confucius quoting casino owner. And every man and woman out for themselves. Yep, it’s time for another Sartana movie.

Sartana (the returning Gianni Garko) sees several gold prospectors get killed, then kills their killers. Soon, he meets Abigail Benson (Daniela Giordano, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key), who has paperwork claiming she owns a parcel of land. Everyone tries to get her to sell the land — which is said to be worthless — and she even gets kidnapped by Hoffman, an evil banker. But, of course, this being a Sartana movie, nothing is as it seems.

The second Sartana film to be directed by Giuliano Carnimeo (The Case of the Bloody Iris), filled with plenty of action and great lines, like when Sartana tells a gang of men that he will “pray for them before he sends them to hell.” Or when he informs a gunman that “You don’t want to kill me, because I don’t allow myself to get killed.”

There are some sillier sequences, but Sartana has not become fully camp. That would come soon enough. This is closer to a cowboy procedural drama and a pretty interesting one at that.

Trog makes me sad. Beyond the fact that it feels a lot like King Kong or Son of Kong—a doomed monster from our past that just can’t survive in today’s horrible modern world—it’s also depressing at times to watch Joan Crawford act her heart out in a film where no one else can come close to her power.

That’s not to say this is a bad film. It’s delightful and well-directed by genre vet Freddie Francis (Tales from the Crypt and plenty of other wonderful Amicus portmanteau films). It’s also quick-moving and enjoyable.

But it’s still sad.

A troglodyte (TROG!) is found alive in the caves of England. Dr. Brockton (Crawford) has had some success communicating with him and sees him as the missing link. However, her neighbors do not like her having a monster in her house, mainly after it kills a dog when it steals his ball.

Local businessman Sam Murdock (Michael Gough, who appeared in many Hammer films and as Alfred in the 1980s and 1990s Batman films) worries that the creature will negatively impact local businesses. But he really has an issue with a woman being in charge.

Meanwhile, Trog undergoes multiple surgeries, which enable him to learn to communicate. In a trippy sequence, we see into his mind, which is filled with memories of the Ice Age and dinosaurs.

The court upholds Dr. Brockton’s goal of teaching Trog, so Murdock sneaks in and lets him loose. He kills several people, including the businessman, before taking a little girl and retreating to his cave. Dr. Brockton can communicate with Trog, and the girl goes free. Meanwhile, soldiers open fire on our titular caveperson, and he falls to his death, impaled on a stalagmite.

As Dr. Brockton leaves in tears, a reporter tries to interview her. She has no comment as she wanders away.

See? Depressing.

Due to the film’s low budget, Crawford used her own clothes. And it shows. She’s a beacon of fashion in a grimy town. She stands out like no one else. And speaking of suits, the one for Trog was left over from 2001: A Space Odyssey!

This was Crawford’s final film, but I don’t believe the TV show Feud: Bette and Joan. She’d continue to act afterward, appearing in an episode of TV’s The Sixth Sense called Dear Joan: We’re Going to Scare You to Death. If you’ve ever listened to My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, that’s where the sample on the song “A Daisy Chain for Satan Comes From.”

PS: I would know none of this were it not for Bill from Groovy Doom.

I’m glad I watched Trog. But the sad ending — and thinking of Joan changing in her car during the breaks in filming — make me a little misty-eyed. That said, it’s one of John Waters’ favorite films, so there’s that.

“…And then a sudden violent shock that left a deep impression on the mind and damagen (sic) it permanently…”

“What has been remains imbedden in the brain nestled in the folds of the flesh. Distorted, it conditions and subconsciously impels…(Freud)”

Those words start this movie off, with a crime being shown in the past and then fast forwarding 13 years into the future, where we meet one screwed up family. There’s the mother, Lucille and her children Colin and Falesse. Yet all is not as it seems — the real Falesse has been locked away in a mental institution and is being replaced by Lucille’s daughter from her first marriage, Ester.

Ester lures man after man to their estate and then goes into a trance and kills them, upon which point she relives the decapitation of her stepfather 13 years ago. Of course, she’s also in love with her brother Colin. Remember when I said this family had some problems?

Then, Pascal, the killer from the opening sequence returns. He’s brutal and uncompromising, demanding $200,000 from the family, then having sex with Lucille and Ester in front of Colin. Finally, after killing one of Colin’s vultures, Lucille draws on her experience in a concentration camp to kill Pascal with gas while he showers. The flashback to the Nazi camp is harrowing and feels so different — and much darker — than the body of the film.

Yet what if Ester’s father isn’t dead? And what if he comes back? Can the family keep killing and getting away with it? And is “I’m sorry I took your place, but I really had no idea I wasn’t you!” the best giallo quote ever?

This is one strange movie — it combines Nazi elements, a police procedural, a giallo, a psychological examining of identity and even comes close to a Last House on the Left vibe.

Severin released this film several years ago, but it’s sadly out of print. It’s certainly one of the oddest entries in the genre and one you should track down. I’ve only barely touched on the many twists and turns of the plot because I believe that you should enjoy them for yourself.

“Let all the spirits hear. I am the first born Son of Satan. He commands my thoughts. I speak his words. The Book of the Dead! Sons and daughters of Satan. Put aside your worldly things and come to me. Let it be known, sons and daughters, that Satan was an acid head. Drink from his cup; pledge yourselves. And together, we’ll all freak out.”

Has a movie ever started better? I don’t think so. I Drink Your Blood will take you prisoner, stab in the stomach with a fork and write on the walls with your blood!

In fact, I watched that opening at last year’s April Ghouls Drive-In Monster-Rama in the middle of the night, surrounded by fog and inebriated on a variety of vices. It was a transcendent moment.

Horace Bones leads a cult that worships Satan and drops acid. A young girl, Sylvia, watches from the woods but is caught, then raped by the cult members before she escapes. She’s found the next morning by Mildred, a baker, and Sylvia’s brother Pete. They get her back to her father, Doc Banner, the town’s veterinarian. And oh the town — it’s been abandoned due to dam project. The hippies break down and decide to stick around.

The only food in town? Meat pies from Mildred’s bakery, which Horace and family take as they set up their home in a house scheduled for demolition. And when Doc comes for revenge, the gang smashes his glasses and force him to take LSD.

So how do you get revenge? Well, if you’re Pete, you kill a rabies infected dog and inject the blood into meat pies, which infects the gang and makes them go crazy. They begin to attack one another as Molly runs away, finding the mill workers, who she ends up having sex with all night long until she bites one of the men.

Horace goes full-on insane, even more insane than the beginning of the film, attacking two of the construction workers. Only Andy from the group is not infected and he finds Sylvia and Pete. Meanwhile, the infection spreads to the rest of the town. 

Banner gets impaled. Horace is stabbed by Rollo, the African-American member of the family. Mildred is barricaded inside her bakery and Andy is beheaded before they get in. The Japanese member of the family sets herself on fire. Everyone other than Mildred, her boyfriend Oaks (who comes to save them), Sylvia and Pete dies horribly. 

Director David Durston worked with producer and CEO of Cinemation Industries Jerry Gross to write and direct this film. He said that “wanted to make the most graphic horror film ever produced, but he didn’t want any vampires, man-made monsters, werewolves, mad doctors, or little people.” The director couldn’t come up with an idea until he read an article about a village in Iran where a pack of rabid wolves infected several villagers, making them insane and homicidal. Dunston found a doctor who had been to the village and that had filmed the evidence. He was further inspired by the Manson family trials.

This is the first film to be given an X rating for violence instead of sex. And while originally entitled Phobia, the name change to I Drink Your Blood and pairing with  1964’s Zombies, also retitled as I Eat Your Skin, proved a potent blend for audiences. The two movies are almost always thought of together.

This film is unafraid to be the exploitation junk that normal people avoid. It’s grimy, filthy and ultimately entertaining as hell. It takes everyone’s worst fears of the hippies and shows you in graphic detail what happens when those fears come true.

Want to see it for yourself? It’s available on Shudder.