I love Stallone. Yet when I love someone, I often make fun of them a lot. It’s loving, trust me. And man, in the middle of the 80s, Sly made some rough ones. Here’s a deep dive into Staying Alive and Rhinestone. Are you brave enough to watch them with me?
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EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
There is another Asian Devil Killer movie from 1981. This isn’t that.
This was called Ninja Exterminators on VHS. There are no ninjas in it.
Let’s start over again.
In this Robert Tai-directed film, a young boy named Darky watches the town leader’s son assault a woman but is blamed for the crime himself. He barely escapes when he’s caught by Inspector Fong Sen, who soon learns that the boy’s confession was beaten out of him. Arresting the real rapist, he and the boy are killed by the man that Fong was hunting in the first place, Liu Ta Leung. Yes, part way through the movie, most of the cast — the two heroes! — get killed.
Roll the credits? No. Now, Fong’s brother and another inspector come to town looking to solve the crime. What a strange way to put a movie together and if Richard Harrison showed up talking on a Garfield phone, I would not be surprised. Also: the foley department got no budget as they have some of the most limited punch and kick sound effects that you’ve ever heard.
You hear the name Devil Killer and think, “This is going to be awesome.” And then you get…whatever this was.
You can watch this on YouTube.
69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.
Oh René Cardona. Here you are remaking the lucha libre movie you did back in 1962, Las Luchadoras Contra el Medico Asesino, or The Wrestling Women vs. the Killer Doctor or Doctor of Doom, as it was called in the U.S.
While this was made in 1969 as La Horripilante Bestia Humana, or The Horrible Man-Beast, this one didn’t play in the U.S. until 1972. With alternate titles like Horror y Sexo and Gomar – The Human Gorilla, this is a fine blend of ladies wrestling with apes and, well, human heart surgery footage.
Rene is also known for his films Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy, the incredibly baffling Santa Claus and Survive!, a movie all about plane crashes and cannibalism.
Female masked wrestler Lucy dresses like the devil and wrestles at the arena — dare we say Arena Mexico? — every Friday, where she often knocks out other girls who dress like cat girls. She wants to retire for a life of leisure — and less stress — with her cop boyfriend.
However, Dr. Krellman (Jose Elias Moreno, who was Santa Claus in the aforementioned film where he battles Patch the demon) wants to cure his son from leukemia. So he does what doctors have always said would work — he puts him a gorilla heart inside his boy. As we all know from health class, this turns his son into a deformed and murderous man-ape with the craziness of the organ donor to boot.
You won’t be bored, what with the nudity, real open heart surgery and rampant murders. A monkey man that rips off dudes’ faces and the clothes of girls? Si, muchacho.
This made the Section 1 video nasties list, probably because its VHS cover art was had a bloody surgeon’s hands holding a scalpel with the words “Warning: this film contains scenes of extreme and explicit violence.”
You can watch this for free on Tubi.
69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.
Claire Brennan plays Jade Cochran, a diner waitress who hates freaks and sadly for her, she’s pretty much in a remake of Tod Browning’s Freaks but, you know, 35 years later and somehow with a lower budget. Within minutes — and just one ferris wheel ride — she’s the wife of circus owner Steve St. John (Bill McKinney) and moments after that, rough trade Blackie Fleming (Lee Raymond) is treating her how she likes being treated behind her new old man’s back and then, even sooner than that, Steve’s dead at the hands and switchblade of Blackie and Jade owns it all.
Again, if you saw Freaks, you know how this all ends, the comeuppance of it all, right? The effects are rudimentary but effective and I mean, you can’t call a movie She Freak and not have a she freak.
Directed by Byron Mabe (The Acid Eaters, Space Thing, Nude Django) with inserts from Donn Davison. Donn was the manager of Florida’s Dragon Art Theatre and one of the guys who would work four-walled theaters and talk marks into buying gimmicks. He also narrated the trailer for The Crawling Thing and Creature Of Evil.
This was written by Michael B. Druxman (who also wrote the Cannon movie Keaton’s Cop) and producer David F. Friedman, who produced this and also plays the carnival barker. He learned how to make movies in the army and when he was discharged, he sold army-surplus searchlights. His first customer? Kroger Babb, perhaps the most carny of all carnies. And this, Friedman entered the world of film, working with Herschell Gordon Lewis, making more money in softcore and retiring when hardcore took over.
Filmed during the Kern County Fair and the Ventura County Fair, She Freak takes advantage of the rides and attractions of West Coast Shows, which was such a major company that they could do five carnivals in different locations at the same time. Most of their crew are in this.
Even though Jade and Shorty (Felix Silla) are at odds in this movie, the truth is there’s a thin line between love and hate. This movie started a nine year affair between the two that was kept a secret, even when Brennan gave birth to Silla’s son.
You can watch this on Tubi.
69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.
Using some of the same sets from Hercules and the Conquest of Atlantis, Mario Bava (Blood and Black Lace, Black Sunday) created a masterpiece with this film. Featuring Reg Park (who appeared in four Hercules films and was considered a mentor to Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Christopher Lee (The Satanic Rites of Dracula, The Wicker Man, everything good and right about horror movies), this would influence every sword and sandal movie that would follow, as well as films like Flash Gordon.
Despite the size of the budget and the cheapness of the sets, Bava crafts a totally unique world, filled with rich colors and billowing smoke. And with Lee as King Lico, there’s finally a villain that feels worthy of Hercules’ bold heroics.
As Hercules returns from many adventures, he discovers that the love of his life, Princess Deianira, has lost her memory. Unbeknownst to him, Lico is responsible. Working with the forces of the underworld, he wants her for himself (and Hercules out of the way). He sends Hercules, Theseus and Telemachus on a suicide mission to steal the Stone of Forgetfulness from a small island within a lake of fire. For love, Hercules will dare anything, diving headfirst into what normal men fear.
Indulge me in hyperbole for a moment, but Bava could be seen as very much the same. He made a bet with himself on this film, “attempting to shoot it with one segmented wall containing doors and windows and four movable columns.” Facing down a challenge and attempting to outdo the past Steve Reeves Hercules films while crafting a visual style all his own — Bava exceeds expectations here.
To me, the heart of the film is the differences between Hercules and Theseus. Hercules is driven by duty, devotion and love, while Theseus is addicted to new experiences, whether they be violent or sexual. When he is turned against Hercules, you know that our hero will forgive him, no matter what. His strength goes beyond physical — it extends to his heart.
There’s a scene in the film where the Queen of the Hesperides tells Hercules this advice: “Believe only what you do, not what you think you see.” That’s a perfect thought for this film. You may see fake rocks, silly costumes and a goofy plot. Or you can enjoy this film’s simple pleasures, wild colors and otherworldly feel.
There’s always a divide in how I see movies and how others do, which often leads me to not always want to share a film. Do you know what I mean? I honestly adore a film like Holy Mountain or The Beyond, but I know that by telling someone who isn’t willing to accept some of the faults, to simply see it as a dumb movie instead of a treasured story, I’m just going to get upset. This L.A. Weekly article sums it so well. Bava was operating on a small budget, with a small script, but delivered beyond measure. A story where one of the main characters must realize that in order to find true happiness for all, he must give up his own happiness? That’s deeper than the papier-mâché boulders and wooden performances here hint at.
Within the confines of what is expected, Bava is able to move us, to inspire us, to wow us, to take us to another, better world — one filled with smoke and lava and neon and beauty. We are limited now by the fact that every film must look perfect and clean and realistic. I’ll take one Hercules in the Haunted World over every movie that will play in moviehouses this year.
69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.
It takes a certain kind of genius — or maniac — to make a gore drenched version of Brigadoon. I was explaining this movie to someone and said that the main reason why I like it so much is the completely joyful way in which the townsfolk of Pleasant Valley go about their murderous rampage. This is the time of their lives — well, post-death lives — and it’s worth hollering and singing and shouting about.
Shot over two weeks in the small Florida town of St. Cloud — not yet a cog in the omnipotent wheel of the Disney vacation empire yet — and featuring the gleeful participation of nearly every citizen in that sleepy community, this movie established the danger of the South to North audiences, a theme that would reach its creative apex in Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Yankee tourists, made up of the Millers, the Wells and unmarried folks Tom White and Terry Adams (Lewis’ muse, if he ever had one and only because he never sliced off one of her limbs or cut out her tongue, Connie Mason) have followed the detours to Pleasant Valley where they’re the guests of honor for the centennial celebration.
Yes, a hundred years ago, the Union troops marched through the town and killed every man, woman and child. What a thing to celebrate!
The town’s mayor, Joseph Buckman (Taalkeus Blank, who used the name Jeffery Allen, could do such a Southern accent that Lewis would also use him in Moonshine Mountain, This Stuff’ll Kill Ya! and Year of the Yahoo!), and the townspeople show everyone great hospitality at first, but before you can say Mason-Dixon Line they’re slicing off their guests body parts, drawing and quartering them, getting rolled down the hill in a nail-filled barrel, having rocks dropped on them and all other manner of grisly crowd pleasing hijinks.
After kidnapping little Billy, Terry and Tom make it out of town and come back with the police, only to discover that the town never existed. When they leave, the townspeople return and wonder what the world will be like when they come back in 2065 before disappearing into the fog.
This was Lewis’ favorites of his films and he even published a tie-in paperback version of the story.
Yes, that’s Herschell Gordon Lewis singing the theme song, too. You have to admire his dedication to filmmaking. This was produced by David F. Friedman, who met up with Kroger Babb before a career that has everything from nudie cuties and roughies to gore and Naziploitation, which he produced under the name Herman Traeger.
More movies should be like Two Thousand Maniacs!, but so few have the gumption to even try.
Here’s a drink.
Pleasant Valley Dew
You can watch Two Thousand Maniacs! on Tubi.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
Pepe “Pepper” Morales (John Astin) already has four kids and another on the way with Maria (Maria Pohji). What better time than now to quit his job at a can company and paint a car so it looks like a taxi and be his own boss?
Directed and written by Alexander Grasshoff — who also made that Fascist warning movie we watched in high school The Wave that no one paid attention to — with directing help by Astin. This is a movie where John Astin beats up an innocent Frank Sinatra Jr., where Alan Sherman gets in the cab and a female soldier is taken to Tijuana for an abortion. In a family movie. Yes, that happened. Avco Embassy, Group 1 and Flora all released it, so maybe they weren’t used to family audiences. It was also re-released by 21st Century,
You can watch this on YouTube.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
It’s bad enough in these movies that the antagonists keep burning down the Shaolin temple. Now, the villains are working with the Russians, who bring General Tolstoy (Roy Horan) and his guns to battle their fists. All because China and Russia are trying to sign a peace treaty and show people want non-stop war and an invasion of Manchuria.
Yet for all I know about the martial world, I had no idea what a snuff bottle was of what it has to do with this movie. Well, I learned.
Snuff bottles were used during this time to hold powdered tobacco, which was illegal. However, snuff was used as a remedy for colds, headaches and stomach disorders. It was carried in a small bottle, instead of a box like in Europe. They were pieces of fine art and some even had painting inside the bottle.
Because the Russians can’t tell the Chinese factions apart, the bad guys show them a snuff bottle when they meet so they don’t fight. I guess that makes sense and is also kind of racist.
The hero is John Liu, who would one day be New York Ninja, Dragon Blood, Ninja In the Claws of the CIA and the hero who is there when Zen Kwan Do Strikes Paris. He gets to battle Hwang Jang Lee, all choreographed by Yuen Woo Ping. There’s also another good guy, Kao (Yip Fei-Yang), who is the master of daggers and a child thief named Xiao (Wong Yat Lung).
Kind of cool to see foreign bad guys in the time before Hong Kong movies became about the present and not the past. And now, you too know what a snuff bottle is.
You can watch this on Tubi.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
Robert Conrad co-wrote and co-directed this movie with director Alfredo Zacarías (Demonoid) and writer Edward Di Lorenzo (Lady Frankenstein). Yes, that’s an odd group to make a movie, but Conrad had already been to Mexico once before to make a musical with Zacarías, Ven a cantar conmigo (Come, Sing With Me).
Chris Barrett (Conrad), Josh Racker (Roy Jenson) and Taye Brown (Jan-Michael Vincent, making his movie debut) are set to hang in Texas when they’re rescued by a Mexican rancher named Valdez (Manuel López Ochoa). He wants them to help him find gold that belongs to France in the middle of his country finally fighting back against their rulers.
What emerges is a movie that wants to be an Italian Western made by Americans and Mexicans. It was released in Italy as Non c’è scampo per chi tradiscei (There Is No Escape for Those Who Cheat) which pretty much gives away the shock ending, as — spoiler — Conrad gets blown away, Vincent does too before Roy Jenson says “Goodbye, Mexicans” before they all get shoved out a window with nooses around their necks. All because they had a moment of weakness and allowed a French general to survive.
Shot in Mexico in 1966 during a hiatus from star Conrad’s series The Wild Wild West, The Bandits used a lot of the crew from that program, including cinematographer Ted Voigtlander (who also shot The Changeling), co-editor Grant K. Smith, producers James M. George and Harry Harvey Jr., and stunt director Whitey Hughes. It would go unreleased until 1979 when Lone Star Films got it into theaters in 1979. It was also re-released by Flora Releasing and 21st Century.
You can watch this on the Cave of Forgotten Films.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.
Ellen Bennett (Katharine Houghton, who brought Sidney Poitier to a supper in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner) is a bored, rich white woman living in Puerto Rico. Her husband John (James Congdon) is barely around and even when he is, he’s a drunken lout. She’s always looking for things to do, like gossip with fellow elites like Helena (Rita Gam) and admire the lawns of other people in her caste. When one of them dies, her gardener Carl (Joe Dallesandro) becomes available.
Seriously, every time Carl appears, it’s like a magical woman in a beer commercial. Ladies just lose their minds, unable to speak. Maybe it’s because Carl is able to grow flowers that no one else can and faster than anyone else. It’s also because he never wears a shirt.
The only film directed and written by James H. Kay, this starts as an erotic thriller and becomes something wonderfully insane because — spoiler — Carl is really a tree person. Yes, it’s the best use of Joe Dallesandro there can be, just taking off his clothes and speaking in a — pardon this — wooden tone which for once matches the needs of the role.
Imagine a film where lush music plays as Little Joe leads affluent women to their doom, sometimes even turning them into plants. Sometimes, this is a soap opera. Other times, Carl is planting spy flowers all over the house and making party dresses that have thorns that strike bad husbands. It’s also a sex movie that is incredibly chaste, other than seeing Carl swim nude and then later become a plant himself. It has a mood, though, and for some reason, on a Tuesday late afternoon, I became enraptured by the idea of all these society affairs and champagne breakfasts at noon being ruined by a man who, for some reason, just showed up out of the leaves to manicure their hedges. And then they die.
This also turns into a detective giallo at one point and man, I think I love the idea of what this movie could be in place of what it is. I’m being charitable by saying this is a flawed movie. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t wildly entertained by my experience with it. This is the kind of film that I’ll think about and try to work into conversation for years to come. It now joins my garden of film delights about killer foliage that contains The Freakmaker, The Woman Eater, From Hell It Came, The Crawlers and The Kirlian Witness.
Someday, Severin will do a boxed set of these movies that will come with seeds appropriate to plant for each movie, a branded pot and one of those 1970s plant biofeedback machines that allows you to communicate with your houseplant. It will cost too much for me to be able to convince my wife that I need it.
Filmed in 1973 and originally released by KKI Films in 1974 as The Gardener and then Seeds of Evil, this had several re-releases, including a 1977 Flora Releasing and 1981 New American films distributed run. It also played as Garden of Death. 21st Century also had this in theaters.
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