April 13: (Evil) Plant Appreciation Day — It ain’t easy being green. Pay tribute to all the plants with a movie starring one of them.

Directed, written, and starring Jason Liquori, Lumber vs. Jack is the story of Jack Woods, who finds himself saving his wife Jill (Debbie Rochon) from genetically modified trees. Now he and Brad (Brewier Welch) must go deep into the forest, rescue Michelle and Jody (Michelle Prenez and Jennifer Wenger) and join entymologist Sheila (Christina Daoust) to take out all of the vines and trees and whatever else has grown into something that wants to kill humans.

The main problem is that the sound quality is all over the place. But you know, it’s an evil plants movie. Liquori came up with the idea the first year that he lived in the mountains of North Carolina. The leaves just kept coming back, and it felt so strange to him. Then he made this.

There’s also a sequel, Jack vs. Pumpkins, with Monique Parent in it. You know I’m looking for it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

April 12: 412 Day — A movie about Pittsburgh (if you’re not from here that’s our area code). Or maybe one made here. Heck, just write about Striking Distance if you want.

Yes, Whispers in the Dark is mostly shot in New York City, but there are scenes shot in Pittsburgh, and that’s good enough. I wish I could tell you it was a Yinzer Giallo, but no. It’s close to real Giallo, but it has no Iron City, no one goes to eat at Primanti Brothers or walks past the Kaufmann’s clock.

Directed and written by Christopher Crowe (who also wrote the Marky Mark goes crazy movie Fear), this has Annabella Sciorra as Ann Hecker, a psychiatrist who gets obsessed over a patient, Eve Abergray (Deborah Unger, who A.C. Nicholas told me has never not been nude in a film and reminded me again of the beginning of Crash), who makes every man around her want to dominate her sexually. Like, totally nice guys suddenly become sexist and want to slap her around like she’s Barbara Bouchet or something.

Ann wants that life now and gets so upset that she confides in her teachers, the married couple Leo and Sarah Green (Alan Alda and Jill Clayburgh). She also starts dating a new guy, Doug McDowell (Jamey Sheridan), a former Air Force pilot.

But let’s get back to Eve, who comes into their next session, takes off her dress, and tells Ann how much she wants to jill off in front of her. Is Ann having a fantasy? Why doesn’t she react? How freakish is Eve? And is she also with Doug because she claims the lover who treats her the worst is Francis Douglas McDowell?

This leads to Doug and Ann fighting, which Eve sees and realizes they’re dating. She accuses Ann of living out her fantasies by going after someone she dated. And then, when Ann comes to apologize, Eve is dead at her own hand. Or maybe not, as Detective Morgenstern (Antony LaPaglia) says that she was murdered.

Is this a Giallo? Yes, we already went over that.

Who killed Eve? One of her patients, Fast Johnny C. (John Leguizamo)? Ann? Doug? Well, it’s probably not Johnny, who breaks into Ann’s place and ends up jumping to his death, just like Ann’s dad. Then, Doug is in a hangar with the detective’s dead body, but he gets hit by a car. This is filled with red herrings.

Gene Siskell said this was the worst movie of 1992, so you know I loved every minute.

You’ll ask, “Can the think woman’s sex symbol be a psycho sexual killer?” Look, he’s no Ivan Rassimov, but if you got this far, spoilers — he’s the one who beats his wife with a wine bottle and talks filthy in that Alan Alda voice you know so well. For that moment alone at the end, when he gets a hook right through his skull and he takes a bump into the surf, you probably should watch this.

April 11: Until You Call on the Dark — Pick a movie from the approved movies list of the Church of Satan. Here’s the list.

Directed by John Farrow — the father of Tisa and, yes, Mia — and written by Jonathan Latimer and Barré Lyndon (the stage name of Alfred Edgar Frederick Higgs; he also wrote The Lodger), this was based on the book by Cornell Woolrich, whose stories were also filmed as The Leopard Man, Phantom Lady, Rear Window, The Bride Wore Black, Seven Blood-Stained Orchids, Cloak and Dagger and I’m Dangerous Tonight.

Los Angeles is a dangerous town. It’s the kind of place where oil geologist Elliott Carson (John Lund) can watch his girlfriend Jean Courtland (Gail Russell) try to jump into the path of a train, then take her to dinner as if nothing happened. There, they meet John Triton (Edward G. Robinson), a psychic who keeps telling her that she is going to die soon. Elliot thinks that he’s trying to get her to kill herself and take her money.

The truth is a bit more complicated.

Twenty years ago, Triton, his fiancee Jenny (Virginia Bruce), and Jean’s father Whitney (Jerome Cowan) toured the country as part of a magic show. Whitney also used Triton’s skills at seeing into the future to get rich. However, Triton soon sees Jenny dying after they have a baby. He leaves, Whitney marries Jenny, and they have Jean, but she dies during childbirth, proving his prophecy. Years later, he’s too late to stop Whitney from dying in a plane crash, but he wants to try and save Jenny.

It seems like Jenny made it on the fateful night, only for the clock to be moved forward. Someone comes out to kill her, but Triton stops them. The police arrive and believe that he’s the killer. They shoot him, and as he dies, Elliot finds a note that explains that Triton will die saving Jenny.

A movie about a doomed woman who is afraid of the stars themselves. The title comes from a poem by FW Bourdillon, “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes.”

“The night has a thousand eyes,

And the day but one;

Yet the light of the bright world dies

With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,

And the heart but one:

Yet the light of a whole life dies

When love is done.”

Robinson was usually the bad guy in movies, but he’s nearly the lead here. He’d also appear in another Woolrich movie, Nightmare.

According to The Church of Satan, “Satanic themes include the use of theatrics, Reading and Casing the Mark (see the chapter in The Satanic Witch), Skepticism and Doubt, and the exploration of the unknown.”

Anton LaVey often spoke of this movie, saying, “I started out like Edward G. Robinson in Night Has a Thousand Eyes. A carny mental act, a fraud. I believed everything was fixed, gaffed. Then, like Robinson, you start to get real flashes. Only if your life isn’t full of miracles can you recognize the real miracle.”

In Blanche Barton’s The Secret Life of a Satanist, he says, “Robinson actually did several Satanic Films – Hell on Frisco Bay, Little Caesar, The Night Has a Thousand Eyes — most of his roles had satanic overtones. In his personal life, he was an avid art collector and had one of the finest private collections in the world until he lost it in a divorce suit. Chernobog — the devil in Walt Disney’s Fantasia, the one who looms up from the mountaintop during the “Night on Bald Mountain” sequence was actually inspired by Edward G. Robinson’s features, not Lugosi’s as is usually believed. He exuded the diabolical perhaps better than any other actor — with the possible expansion of that statement to include Erich Von Stroheim.”

April 10: Seagal vs. Von Sydow—One is a laughable martial artist, and the other is a beloved acting legend. You choose whose movie you watch; it’s both of their birthdays.

Based on The Unsleeping Eye by David G. Compton, Death Watch imagines a future world where illness has been eliminated. Well, all except for Katherine Mortenhoe (Romy Schneider), who is dying of some mysterious sickness and has agreed to allow her death to be filmed by the NTV network and their boss, Vincent Ferriman (Harry Dean Stanton). She gives the money to her husband and goes on the run.

That’s when she meets Roddy (Harvey Keitel), a cameraman whose eyes are replaced by cameras. She has no idea that this man is filming her and he’s given up his future — he’ll go blind if he is in darkness for any length of time, even sleep, and must shine a light into his eyes every 15 minutes — to make sure the public gets to watch her expire.

Katharine wants to see her first husband, Gerald (Max Von Sydow) one more time before she dies. She asks Roddy to get her makeup in town, and while there, he sees a commercial for the TV show he’s been filming, Death Watch. He loses his sanity and his flashlight, eventually going blind and confessing to Katharine what he’s been doing.

The truth is that the network has made all of this up. Katharine isn’t dying, and the pills she’s been given make her sick. She’s convinced that her death is coming, so she overdoses at Gerald’s house just in time for Vincent to show up.

Bertrand Tavernier, who directed and co-wrote this with David Rayfiel, dedicated this movie to Jacques Tourneur, who made Cat People, The Leopard Man, I Walked With a Zombie and Curse of the Demon.

In the world that he creates in this film, everything has become boring. Machines create all of the art while man numbs himself with drugs. This is our world. Add in a police state, protestors paid to hold up signs without caring for the cause, and a heroine who decides to control her own fate rather than be controlled by the media, and you get a movie that feels more of our time than a future story. If anything, it feels too real.

April 9: Do You Like Tubi Originals? — I do. You should find one and write about it. Here’s a list to help.

Imani (Chantal Riley) is a pastry chef, and Deon (Kwaku Adu-Poku) is an attorney. They’ve just gotten engaged and are looking for a place to live, which brings them to the Luxe Center Condos. Somehow, despite it being one of the hardest places to get into, they miraculously get a place. It all seems perfect—too perfect—until they learn that Deon’s ex-wife Tamera (Getenesh Berhe) is their next-door neighbor—the ex he never told Imani about.

Somehow, Tamera has the whole building wired Sliver-style, watching everything the couple does. As you can guess, she has plans for our protagonists.

The thing is, this is way better than it has any right to be, with an ending that keeps me watching Tubi Originals. Director Alpha Nicky (Rush for Your Life) and writer Briana Cole (The Marriage Pass, Toxic Harmony, Sugar Mama, Played and Betrayed) know exactly what kind of movie they’re making and subvert the expectations of the form, creating something worth sitting down and watching.

As always, if you move in next to someone who made your life hell, they aren’t going to stop just because you’re with someone new. But what if the someone new was also dangerous to your life, just perhaps? And what if they both are? Man, this has layers, and that’s why I love it, including the ridiculous notion that you should ever allow your ex-wife to be the lawyer in charge of your estate. Why would you even think that this would work out?

Then again, we want Tubi characters to act just like this. We want them to explode over suggested infidelity, get in catfights, and just be dumb. They exceed our expectations again in Ex Door Neighbor.

You can watch this on Tubi.

April 9: Do You Like Tubi Originals? — I do. You should find one and write about it. Here’s a list to help.

Remember Invasive?

That was all about Kay (Khosi Ngema) and her friend Riley (Matthew Vey) sneaking into the home of pharma king Pierce Patton (Francis Chouler) and his girlfriend Jessica (Alex McGregor), then discovering body horror experiments.

In the follow-up, Kay and her father winning an all-expenses paid trip to an island but ahh — it turns out that it’s the home of Patton’s father (Craig Urbani) and perhaps at least one other character has evil reasons for being there as well.

Directed and written by Jem Garrard, this has an I Still Know What You Did Last Summer vibe, which comes from the island, as well the fact that it adds on to the kills and blood of the original but without the simple oddball plot twist of having it all be about medical experiments.

It seems like every character in this gets stabbed or beaten up in some way or another, but now Kay is more traditionally the hero and less someone sneaking into a house, so it isn’t as unique as the first movie. I can only imagine there will be one more sequel and just as sure, I will watch it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

April 8: Zoo Lover’s Day — You know what that means. Animal attack films!

Lesley Selander directed 107 Westerns, but he also found the time to make other things, like assistant directing A Night At the Opera and making early TV shows like Lassie. The script was by Sherman Lowe, who mostly worked in movie serials.

Writer Charles Regnier (Carl Esmond) has written a book that gets him into political trouble, which leads to him being targeted by a cat-inspired killer who starts murdering his friends like librarian Devereaux (Francis McDonald) and former girlfriend Marguerite Duval (Adele Mara). His current girlfriend, Marie Audet (Lenore Aubert), wants to protect him and ends up being the one who catches the Catman. This has a bit of Giallo in it, as Charles keeps blacking out and isn’t sure that he isn’t the killer.

This was Republic’s first horror double feature, made around the same time as Valley of the Zombies.

Unlike many studios, Republic didn’t make enough horror films to assemble a syndication package. That’s why this was forgotten for so many years, as it didn’t play on TV like many of its contemporaries.

April 8: Zoo Lover’s Day — You know what that means. Animal attack films!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn

A late ‘70s film about abandoned canines on a remote camping area called Seal Island who revert to a feral pack existence and terrorize the asshole humans on vacation who left them to starve after summer vacation. A few innocent people on a camping/fishing trip fall afoul and get eaten, but those are the breaks when your species is so cruel. Lesson? Be kind and carry treats. 

Director Robert Clouse (Enter the Dragon) does quite a good job creating tension, although I did find the subplot about the dad trying to get his nerd son laid a bit weird. Who goes to an isolated island for that?

Strange subplots aside, a few scenes in The Pack feel a bit like the siege scenes in the original Night of the Living Dead. A lot of people have genuine fear of dogs and Clouse exploits this to the max. It’s a statistical fact that a criminal on the run is less afraid of a cop with a gun than a police dog. Dogs can be our best friends, but the instinct to fear an unrelenting predator lies deep with human DNA. The scenes with the blind man and his faithful hero guide German Shepherd are suspenseful and had me rooting for them. 

Joe Don Baker plays a down-to-earth wildlife expert named Jerry thrown into a situation where he must protect both himself and his son, the locals (including a blind man) and his new girlfriend and her son. I thought the film was going to go into Jaws territory but was pleasantly surprised at the originality on display here. There’s even one scene where one of the pack attacks a car that I’m almost positive inspired U of M’s Steve King to sit down and write Cujo. 

All the dog stunts in this film are great. Especially noteworthy are the scenes where there are multiple dogs of different breeds and temperaments all following the in same instructions simultaneously. I’ve been to a dog’s birthday party, and I can tell you, getting them all to sit still and look in the same direction for a photo takes time and patience. One can only imagine the time it took the trainer (s) stage some of the scenes in this film. 

The film’s star dog gives (a collie mix) a great performance in the end scene, where he wants to learn to trust humans again, but he’s still not quite over the trauma he’s been through. The dog’s behavior in this scene is absolutely spot on and will be familiar  to anyone who has ever worked with traumatized rescue dogs.  The mixture of apprehension and desire for food is both heart-breaking and a little scary. 

The late ‘70s were the peak era of primal fear films. This under-seen film stands proudly with the best of them.