Monthly Archives: November 2022

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: The Thing (2011)

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There have been bad ideas before and there will be bad ideas again, but the idea of making a prequel to a movie considered a classic like John Carpenter’s The Thing and using CGI when that movie was infamous for its volume of practical gore…well, look it’s just not a good idea.

Directed by commercial vet Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. and written by Eric Heisserer (Arrival, Bird Box) this movie, if anything, tell us more about the two men chasing the dog and trying to shoot it in the 1982 film.

Dawn of the Dead producers Marc Abraham and Eric Newman had such success with that film that they looked for other Universal movies to remake, convincing the studio to make a prequel instead of a sequel to The Thing. Newman said, “I’d be the first to say no one should ever try to do Jaws again and I certainly wouldn’t want to see anyone remake The Exorcist… And we really felt the same way about The Thing. It’s a great film. But once we realized there was a new story to tell, with the same characters and the same world, but from a very different point of view, we took it as a challenge. It’s the story about the guys who are just ghosts in Carpenter’s movie – they’re already dead. But having Universal give us a chance to tell their story was irresistible.”

Heijningen had been scheduled to direct the sequel to the remake of Dawn which eventually became Army of the Dead. When that got canceled, he was available for this, noting that his favorite movies were The Thing and Alien, which is why Mary Elizabeth Winstead is playing Ripley in this.

This movie really had a major issue to deal with: fans of the original probably were going to hate it and new viewers that had no idea of that film would be lost. It failed, as you’d expect.

I’ve really tried to watch this movie with an open mind. That’s impossible, to be honest. I belong to the group that loves the original, sees this as sacrilege and doesn’t want to even admit that this exists.

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including The American, MacGruber, The Dilemma, The Adjustment Bureau, Your Highness, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: Your Highness (2011)

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Before David Gordon Green started remaking every horror movie you ever cared about, he was making cute comedies like this one, written by Danny McBride and Ben Best.

This is the journey of Prince Thadeous (McBride) and Prince Fabious (James Franco), the sons of King Tallious. After they defeat the wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux), Fabious plans on marrying the virgin Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) who he has just rescued. Thadeous skips the ceremony after hearing the royal guard, led by Boremont (Damian Lewis) insult him for his laziness. As he leaves with his friend Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker), Leezar attacks, takes back Belladonna and plans on having sex with her during the convergence of two moons. She will give birth to a dragon that will help him conquer King Tallious’ kingdom. Thadeous must help his brother or be banished.

Their quest is complicated when they learn that the king’s Knights Elite have staged a coup and joined with Leezar. What follows are episodes right out of an Italian sword and sorcery movie, like a tribe of Amazon warriors, a hydra creature, a labyrinth containing a minotaur, a quest for the Blade of the Unicorn and meeting warrior woman Isabel (Natalie Portman).

When you see the scene with Leezar’s three witch mothers, they are played by Matyelok Gibbs (Erik the Viking‘s mother), Anna Barry and Angela Pleasence from Symptoms, The Godsend and From Beyond the Grave (and Donald’s daughter, of course).

This movie was not well reviewed and James Franco has been said to outright despise it. I had fun, but as you know, I’ve watched so many some of the wildest barbarian movies that cinema has to offer.

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including The American, MacGruber, The Dilemma, The Adjustment Bureau, The Thing, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

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Hollywood has had a love affair with Phillip K. Dick, even if they rarely understand or make good movies of his books. Based on the short story “Adjustment Team,” this was directed and written by George Nolfi.

Brooklyn Congressman David Norris (Matt Damon) has failed to be elected to the Senate. While rehearsing his concession speech, he meets Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt) and they have a passionate kiss which inspires him to deliver the kind of speech that gets one remembered. He never gets her name.

An agent is supposed to spill coffee on David but sleeps in, causing the politician to meet Elise again and get her name and number. That agent — Richardson — explains to David the existence of the Adjustment Bureau, an organization that ensures people’s lives proceed according to their Plan. David was to never meet Elise again, so he destroys her number and warns him that he will be erased if he reveals the truth. Oh yeah — the shadowy agents can also teleport into any doorway. This makes sense if you read enough Phillip K. Dick, a man who believed a satellite named VALIS was speaking to him.

David and Elise keep crossing paths because of remnants from earlier versions of the Plan in which they were meant to be together. Now, he is to become President and she is to be a world-famous dancer. Yet they must not be together. Who are we, the normal people, to doubt the plan?

So is the Chairperson God? Are his agents angels? Is this all just an Illuminati hiding in plain sight movie? Nolfi has said that the goal of this movie was to “raise questions.”

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including The American, MacGruber, The Dilemma, Your Highness, The Thing, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: The Dilemma (2011)

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Directed by Ron Howard and written by Allan Loeb, this is a film about the decisions that friends have to make when they learn too much. Ronny (Vince Vaughn) and Nick (Kevin James) are best friends who are partners in an auto design firm. In the midest of their most impotant project ever, Ronny sees Nick’s wife Geneva (Winona Ryder) kiss another man (Channing Tatum). The dilemma — yes, the title makes sense — is what does he do next?

This is the kind of Hollywood movie where Vaugh can be married to Jennifer Connelley and James to Ryder and I guess we accept that these angels on earth can see something in them. If you can accept that fact, then enjoy the comedy. If not, perhaps see this as science fiction?

That said, if you’re expecting a slapstick comedy, this gets pretty dark, as Geneva fires back on Ronny, threatening to tell everyone that they once had a fling in college, which will ruin his friendship and business. This is all a movie parable to explain something very important to you that I wish I had learned: never start a business with people who you think are your friends.

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including The American, MacGruber, The Adjustment Bureau, Your Highness, The Thing, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: MacGruber (2010)

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Directed by The Lonely Island’s Jorma Taccone, MacGruber does what all SNL films do: stretch a short segment into a full movie. However, because this movie has a rich history of spy films and MacGyver to make fun of, it does much better than most.

Star Will Forte would tell The A.V. Club, “What you see with this movie is exactly what we wanted to do. It’s the three of us having a bunch of fun writing it, then having fun making it with a bunch of our friends—old friends and new friends. I think that fun comes across when you watch it. It’s rare that you get that kind of creative freedom.”

Basically, MacGruber is the greatest secret agent of all time, but he’s been retired ever since his archnemesis Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer) killed his wife (Maya Rudolph) on his wedding day. Of course, he comes back. And oh yes, as I always say, hijinks ensue.

WWE wrestlers Chris Jericho, The Big Show, Mark Henry, Kane, MVP and The Great Khali appeared in this movie as past agents that have worked with MacGruber, which led to Forte, Ryan Phillippe and Kristen Wiig hosting Monday Night Raw. And one of the henchmen is remake Jason, Derek Mears.

I’m for any movie that has Powers Boothe as an authority figure and Kilmer as a villain who ends up getting his hand chopped off, machine gunned, blown up real good and then, as MacGruber prepares to marry the love of his life, pissed on.

There’s going to be a series of this on the NBC Peacock streaming service. I can’t wait. Hopefully it’s as much fun as this movie.

Strangely enough — and this feels like complete BS because there’s no attribution on IMDB — Kilmer and Forte almost ended up being on Amazing Race as a team, as Kilmer later stayed at Forte’s house for a few months after this movie and they became such friends that they watched the show all the time together.

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including The American, The Dilemma, The Adjustment Bureau, Your Highness, The Thing, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK DVD RELEASE: Through the Decades: 2010s Collection: The American (2010)

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Anton Corbijn is probably best known for his music videos for bands such as Depeche Mode (“Never Let Me Down Again,” “Behind the Wheel,” “Policy of Truth”), U2 (“Pride (In the Name of Love,” “One”), Nirvana (“Heart-Shaped Box”) and so many more. He made the Ian Curtis biography Control in 2007 and has made several movies while still being involved in music, making two films about Depeche Mode, the concert movie Depeche Mode Live in Berlin and the documentary Spirits in the Forest.

Based on the 1990 novel A Very Private Gentleman by Martin Booth, The American finds George Clooney playing Jack, a gunsmith and contract killer, who is also known as Edward when he gets spotted, a fact that he finds him killing his lover Ingrid (Irina Björklund) to keep from being found out.

He leaves for Castelvecchio, a small town in the mountains of Abruzzo, where he begins a relationship with two women: a prostitute named Clara (Violante Placido) and Mathilde (Thekla Reuten), who asks him to build a special rifle. Yet at every turn, others are hunting him.

Jack/Edward regrets his life and killing Ingrid, so he confesses to Father Benedetto (Paolo Bonacelli) and tries to imagine a world where he can be with Clara, all while Mathilde readies to use the gun he made to kill him.

With allusions to the films of Leone and Don’t Look Now, director Anton Corbijn and writer Rowan Joffé have created an intriguing film with no real heroes.

The Mill Creek Through the Decades: 2010s Collection has ten movies for a great price, including Macgruber, The Dilemma, The Adjustment Bureau, Your Highness, The Thing, Contraband, Safe House, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Black Sea. You can order it from Deep Discount.

MILL CREEK NIGHTMARE WORLDS: Idaho Transfer (1973)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: This was originally on the site on November 23, 2017.

Karen Braden just got out of a mental hospital. Now, her father and sister, Isa, have taken her to a secret government facility in Idaho where they’re working on matter transference. However, they’ve learned how to travel through time instead, which has taught them a sad fact: an ecological event will soon wipe out civilization.

idaho_transfer

Only those twenty and younger can handle time travel, due to the damage it does to the kidneys. The scientists start sending teenagers fifty-six years ahead to rebuild the human race. It turns out that the project was secret and once discovered, the government turns off the machines, trapping everyone in the future, where they are killed when one of them, Leslie, goes nuts. Oh yeah — and everyone is now sterile, despite Karen’s assertions that she is pregnant.

No one even cares that they are about to die. One of the teens, Ronald says: “I don’t think you have to leave anything behind. Just have a beautiful time like all the other junk litter in the universe, then say goodbye. I don’t know what else to tell you. Perpetuation and all the crap that goes with it is a big hoax anyway.”

The last survivor, Karen, tries to change the settings on the machine and go back to prevent everything. But she screws up and goes too far forward. A futuristic car pulls up and a man takes her, placing her in the trunk to be used as fuel. A future girl asks her family what will happen when they run out of fuel and will they have to stop driving cars? The film ends with the words “Esto Perpetua,” meaning “It is forever.”

Other than Keith Carradine, the cast is filled with unknowns. Peter Fonda produced and directed it, but eventually, he let the film disappear into the public domain. I discovered it on a Mill Creek Entertainment 50 pack and it’s…weird.

It’s the only movie I’ve ever seen where an 8-track player is a time machine and you need to get into your underwear (or nude) and have someone sit behind you to activate it. That seems like some kind of weird pick-up trick, but somehow it works. Except the future is incredibly shitty and you’ll be turned to gasoline. So there’s that.

This seems like the coming down of 60’s hope, the understanding that the world would soon end. But then, the 80’s would arrive and everyone would start caring about only one thing: themselves. Perhaps the dead world of Idaho Transfer is preferable to selling out and becoming a lie.

MILL CREEK NIGHTMARE WORLDS: Piranha (1972)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn

Not to be confused with the killer fish movie, Piranha (1972) the Venezuelan adventure-thriller sometimes known as Piranha, Piranha, or Caribe, stars William Smith and Peter Brown, who previously worked together in the mid-sixties western TV series Laredo. 

With a plot reminiscent of The Most Dangerous Game and the later rape-revenge films, Piranha concerns wildlife photographers Art Greene (Tom Simcox) and Terry Greene (Ahna Capri) are traveling through the Amazon region with their American tour guide Jim Pendrake (Peter Brown), when they encounter Caribe (William Smith), a homicidal lunatic who enjoys stalking and hunting human prey. It’s made clear early on in the film that Terry is not a fan of guns. First, she insists they not bring one into the jungle, then she is horrified when Caribe kills animals for no reason. Of course, after Caribe violates her and starts picking members of their party off, she changes her tune. By the film’s conclusion, Terry has had enough of Caribe’s macho bullshit and offs him with…you guessed it…a gun. 

I’m not sure if the message is pro-gun or pro-feminist. More than likely, it was neither. The script by Richard Finder (just isn’t that deep as evidenced by the incredibly long motorcycle chase comprises almost one entire act. Script notwithstanding, it’s an entertaining movie and as fine an example of ‘70s “guy cinema” I’ve ever seen. A manly film with manly men doing manly things. They wear matching (and not matching) denim and shirts open to the navel accented with neckerchiefs. Remember those? A stylish way to wick moisture from the muscly necks of guys doing stuff to make them sweat in humid, emerald green jungle environments. They also double as a headband. You might need a shower and a shot of whiskey when it’s over. I know I did. 

MILL CREEK NIGHTMARE WORLDS: Hands of Steel (1986)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sean Collier is a writer and movie critic. Listen to his podcast, The Number One Movie in America, on all major podcast apps. Follow him on Twitter for more reviews: @seancollierpgh

It’s an Italian/American ’80s cyborgsploitation arm-wrestling action western. You know, just another one of those.

After The Terminator hit, the overarching mode of genre cinema lurched into the near future as studios and directors around the world began developing stories featuring fancy gadgets and lots of action in mild dystopias. Sergio Martino, who had already flashed forward with 1983’s 2019: After the Fall of New York, likely had little trouble conceiving this story of a cyborg with a conscience on the run from everyone.

Paco Queruak (Daniel Greene) is tasked with assassinating a cult-of-personality environmental leader — “You Have No Future,” says his on-the-nose posters — but hesitates at the last moment, merely maiming him. Drawn to the Arizona desert, he evades law enforcement until he washes up at an out-of-the-way bar and motel run by Janet Agren (Linda), who will gradually become Paco’s love interest.

It takes an awful long time to get to the reveal, but you’ll have it figured out early — Paco is a cyborg, mostly mechanical but assembled using the spare parts of a mortally wounded man. (Yes, Martino quite cleanly conceived the “Robocop” plot a couple years early.) Now he’s being pursued by three different groups — the FBI agents investigating the attack, his creators and the local arm-wrestling goon and his minions.

Oh, right — the arm wrestling.

Soon after Paco arrives in Arizona, Linda explains that her bar is a hotspot on the underground arm-wrestling scene. Paco quickly defeats the house tough, Raul (George Eastman), making himself a demented enemy; by the next day, Raul has arranged for a high-stakes match where the loser will be immediately bitten by a rattlesnake.

It goes without saying that the arm-wrestling scenes are the absolute highlight of the film. (And yes, Martino also conceived the Over the Top plot a couple years early.)

While much of the acting is wooden — Greene can’t match the level of scenery-chewing rivals such as Eastman, even if he does look good knocking a guy out with a dual backhand chop — “Hands of Steel” more than stays afloat on its style and low-budget creativity, as Martino works overtime to create memorable action sequences on a shoestring. He’s helped considerably by the Claudio Simonetti score, which marries the composer’s synth instincts with elements of ’80s smooth rock.

Unfortunately, Hands of Steel is better known (as far as it’s known at all) for tragedy, rather than its merits. While filming a tricky helicopter scene, an on-set crash killed Claudio Cassinelli, who plays a mid-level bigwig in the organization that built Paco. The excellent Italian actor — memorable for roles in The Suspicious Death of a Minor, several Hercules films and dozens of others — died instantly. (Rumor holds that John Saxon, the film’s big bad, would’ve been on the same helicopter, but insisted on filming his scenes in Italy since it was a non-union shoot in the U.S.)

Like The Twilight Zone: The Movie, it’s hard to sit back and enjoy the movie, knowing the circumstances. If you can manage it, there’s a fun blend of science fiction, western and pure style; no judgment, however, if you’d rather not approach Hands of Steel.

MILL CREEK NIGHTMARE WORLDS: Queen of Atlantis (1932)

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After Jacques Feyder refused to make a sound version of his 1921 film L’Atlantide, G.W. Pabst stepped in to make three this, shot in English, French and German with three different casts yet always having Brigitte Helm (the robot from Metropolis) in the lead.

Based on Pierre Benoit’s novel L’Atlantide, this movie has two French Foreign Legionnaires lost in the Sahara Desert when they find the very unlikely entrance to Atlantis, which is ruled over by Antinea. Yet this isn’t a movie like Stargate or one of the many matriarchal spacewomen films that would come out in the fifties. Instead, it’s a German Expressionistic dream-filled tale of what lies beneath the unexplored space of the desert and that is more unexplored space, because the Earth is vast and we are bored and yet there is so much that we have not done.

That said, the original novel is even more fantastic, with the queen presiding over a burial plot filled with the dead bodies of extinguished past lovers. Here, she’s the daughter of a dancer from our world and a tribal leader and you know, maybe we want the unreal over the real sometimes.

Brigitte Helm would retire three years later, yet was once considered to be Frankenstein’s bride. She moved to Switzerland and said that the Nazi takeover of the film industry sickened her; she made thirty movies in just seventeen years before that.