Better late than, well, you know. Here’s another week of Tubi picks!
Hey let’s start off this week with the biggest downer on the entire channel. I mean it — Threads is not to be fucked with, a movie about nuclear war that makes The Day After feel like a Pixar joint.
I hit puberty during this movie and never really looked back. I also discovered that Dio in Black Sabbath is perhaps one of the greatest things that this world can ever give us, as this movie blasts “Mob Rules” at the very moment when a mob does, in fact, rule.
I want people to be losing their minds over this every single day. How can anyone not? I mean, it’s a mess but a glorious one. It’s also pretty much Ghost Rider.
I may have watched this movie five hundred times. I laugh louder each time. I realize that it’s stupid. In no way do I care.
Even in my teen years, I knew one very important thing: Edith > Cherry 2000.
When porn stars and Old Hollywood — much less Julie Newmar and Tina Louise — all land in a small town, well…you get this Aquarius Releasing piece of scum magic. Yes, that is the Millennium Falcon on the poster.
One day, Kissimmee, Florida would be the entry to the happiest place on Earth. But in this movie, it’s a Southern Brigadoon ready to claim lives so that the South — once every few years — can rise again and kill. I love this fucking movie more than most women I’ve dated.
Nothing in this poster happens in this movie. There aren’t punks. There is no vacation. Movies are fucking liars.
Every Saturday night, I get drunk on the Drive-In Asylum Double Feature and mention that every time a movie has nudity that it’s for the foreign investors. This is the biggest “for the foreign investors” movie of all time, one where a giant worm assaults a woman because someone, somewhere outside of America used their cash to demand it.
Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him. Dude. How are you not watching this right now? Chuck Norris against a slasher killing machine! Come on!