Stone Age Sirens (2004)

If you’re a prehistoric cave girl accidentally transported to the future — like Tahra (Jezebelle Bond), our heroine — the first thing you’d probably do is have a threeway with some archaeologists named Richard (Alexandre Boisvert) and Sharon (Kennedy Johnston). I guess, right? Aren’t we all in the Fred Olen Ray cinematic universe?

I leave it to you to decide how a cavegirl got tattoos.

Also known as Teenage Cavegirls, this movie has a sex scene every 12 minutes or so — the Tubi version is somewhat edited — and footage taken from Planet of the Dinosaurs. The only person who doesn’t have sex is Professor James Matthews (John Henry Richardson, a Ray regular).

Those that do have wild cave sex include Lezley Zen, Nicole Sheridan, Voodoo, Danielle Petty and Evan Stone, who I have been in awe of since I saw him in Pirates and he somehow lived through a vigorous scene with Belladonna and Sasha Grey. I can only imagine he’s some kind of demigod or cyborg.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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