TABLOID WEEK: Britney Ever After (2017)

How do you make a movie about Britney Spears when you have none of her music available to you? Well, you get someone who looks nothing like her, you play loose and fast with the ways things happen and you air it on Lifetime.

Kevin Federline is played by a guy named Clayton Chitty, a name that I have fun yelling out loud because it’s such a great stage name (it’s actually his birth name). That’s probably the nicest thing I can say about this film, one that looks and feels like a Saturday Night Live sketch stretched out to way too long of a running time.

Again, the only songs that are in this are her cover songs, like the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction” and The Arrows’ “I Love Rock ‘n Roll.” Sure, they reference her MTV Video Music Award performance, like when she had a snake during “I’m a Slave 4 U.” But man, I know that the 1990’s and 2000’s were cheesy, but were they really this bad?

Not mentioned is the fact that Britney’s video “From the Bottom of My Broken Heart” was directed by former adult director Gregory Dark, whose Dark Brothers team created such 1980’s classics as New Wave Hookers and White Bun Busters. He’d go on to direct See No Evil, a slasher that starred WWE superstar Kane.

If you want to watch this — and you’re partially bonkers like me — just grab the Lifetime Movie Club app. It’s on there.

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