In 1998, the Disney Channel Original Movie Halloweentown was filmed in St. Helens, Oregon. Since then, it has seen 50,000 visitors every October, even 25 years later. Yet just like the town in the series of Disney films — Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge, Halloweentown Highand Return to Halloweentown — the locals believe that there are real hauntings. And beyond that, like any small town, there’s plenty of gossip to listen to.
Directed by Bradford Thomason and Brett Whitcomb, this is a film that feels like a real life Waiting for Guffman. There’s a zombie dance being choreographed by a girl who had to drop out of dance and who wants to reconnect with her father. A newcomer to the town has bought a favorite restaurant, the Klondike Tavern, and his social media mistake causes his entire staff to mutiny. A woman claims to the town council that she is being attacked in her dreams and that the town is becoming possessed by demons. And there’s also a team of paranormal investigators investigating the hauntings that they claim are real.
This film never makes fun of its subjects, instead allowing them to tell their stories. I absolutely loved this and have been raving about it to everyone I can, as it’s a perfect non-spooky way to get yourself ready for the Halloween season. Here’s hoping it finds a streaming home soon so more people can enjoy this fun hangout in a town that has embraced its history as a spooky location.
Ozzie Gray (Asya Meadows) has been investigating her mental health and the reasons why when she remembers that her grandmother attacked her when she was just a child. This is all told in a found footage style that brings together video diaries, security camera footage, home movies, video chats with a therapist and more.
Dorothy Bell (Arlene Arnone Bibbs) is long missing, but the damage she did lives on and so does the urban legend that she haunts the library where she once worked. Ozzie tries to work out the past with her therapist Dr. Robin Connelly (Lisa Wilcox, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child) and her father Darren (Michael Hargrove, Candyman).
Director and writer Danny Villaneuva Jr. has put together quite the puzzle here, even if this feels like a short that could have been kept a short. I really liked his movie I Dream of Psychopomp and this is an interesting watch that does more to prove his talent and make me hope for something even better next time.
Some advice for you. If you grandmother ever tried to stab you as a child and is now a ghost in a library, don’t buy her old house, no matter how cheap it is in today’s housing market.
Here are the short films that I watched at this year’s Fantastic Fest.
A Fermenting Woman (2024): Visionary chef and master fermenter Marielle Lau (Sook-Yin Lee) is about to be let go from the restaurant that she has given her life to. However, she has an idea to save things, as she begins to ferment a new dish that has an ingredient that truly feels like part of her. Directed by Priscilla Galvez and written by Maisie Jacobson, this puts you directly into the kitchen and all the time and energy that this dish takes. And perhaps it’s a pun to say that it has her blood and sweat in it, because Marielle uses her menstrual blood in her garden, so she decides that it should be the main ingredient in this fermented food. Marielle has taken a piece of her, perhaps the egg that she will never get to fertilize, and gives it to people who don’t pay attention to a bite of their meal, instead ignoring it as simple sustenance when she has given everything to make it into their mouths. The truest horror is that we create — whether its foods or the words you’re reading now — just so that they can be consumed and forgotten.
ATOM & VOID (2024): Gonçalo Almeida has magic here, a mixture of effects and real spider, as it watches the end of all things and perhaps the birth of a new adventure. The score, sound design and look of this film all work together to create perfection, just a true joy of watching and listening. In fact, I went back several times and saw it again, one of the few advantages of seeing this online and not in a theater. If you get the opportunity to watch it, take it. This is a short that I will think of far beyond most full length movies I see this year.
Be Right Back (2023): Ah, the worst words to say in a horror movie. In this short, Maria is left home alone while her mother goes to buy dinner. However, her mother takes way longer than she should and as the night grows dark, Maria is startled when she hears a knock on the door. Is it her mother? Or is it something else? Have you ever gone shopping when you were young and gotten lost, then looked for your parents only to find someone who you thought were them and were instead strangers? That’s the feeling that this creates and it is not one I ever thought that I would live through ever again.
A Brighter Summer Day for the Lady Avengers (2024): As if I couldn’t love this short enough, just check out this paragraph from its creator, Birdy Wei-Ting Hung: “My first encounter with Yang Chia-Yun’s Fēng Kuáng Nǚ Shā Xīng / The Lady Avenger (1982) was an uncanny experience. I was researching Italian giallo film when a vintage newspaper movie poster grabbed my attention. The advert depicted a sensational female vigilante that visually recalled Edwige Fenech in Tutti i colori del buio / All the Colors of the Dark (Sergio Martino, 1972), only this time it was an Asian woman’s face. Her alluring body was barely covered by a white sheet, and her lustrous black hair rested on her collarbones. Standing in a martial art squat stance, the way she holds a katana (Japanese sword) is reminiscent of Meiko Kaji in Shurayuki-hime / Lady Snowblood (Toshiya Fujita, 1973) and Uma Thurman in Kill Bill(Quentin Tarantino, 2003). I had found our lady avenger Wan-Ching, who was played by Hsiao-Feng Lu—the Taiwanese “sexy goddess” of the 1980s, and Taiwanese pulp films.”
This short is a video essay that mixes “two specific female characters in Taiwan Pulp films and Taiwanese New Wave…the female protagonists in Yang’s The Lady Avenger, and in Edward Yang’s Gǔ Lǐng Jiē Shǎo Nián Shā Rén Shì Jiàn / A Brighter Summer Day.”
I love that this film puts these movies against one another, just as a young woman spends a day in the theater savoring a watermelon drink while watching several films beyond the two mentioned, as Deep Red is one of them. A sexual awakening as well as an exploration of what film tells its viewers about the path that being a woman can take, this is one of the most gorgeous shorts I’ve seen in years. I want people to just give Birdy Wei-Ting Hung as much money as she needs to create movies that will inspire us in the same way that films have motivated her.
Bunnyhood (2024): “Mum would never lie to me, would she?” In this short by director Mansi Maheshwari, writers James Davis and Anna Moore, as well as several talented animators, Bobby (Maheshwari) learns the answer as he is rushed to the hospital. The frenetic style of the animation creates the worries of childhood, replicating the fears that aren’t always rooted in the rational or the real. The hospital and surgery come across as horrific places where nothing good can happen and at times, our parents will lie to us to keep us from worrying about the truth. Is that the right way to be a parent? Who can say!
CHECK PLEASE (2024): I am a veteran of the wars of fighting for the check. The director, Shane Chung, is too. He said, “As a kid, I witnessed firsthand the quickness with which friends can turn on each other whenever my parents took me to dinner with their pals. It was all smiles until it came time to pay for the bill – then the fangs came out. “I got it!” “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s my treat!” “You can get me next time!” It got so serious for no reason. Arguing, subterfuge… it was killing with kindness taken to another level. I wondered how far someone could take fighting to pay for the bill. Inspired by my love of goofy slapstick action comedies like Drunken Master and Everything Everywhere All At Once, I thought: what if they literally fought each other? I challenged myself to write a ten-minute long action scene where two Korean-Americans fought each other with chopsticks, grill coverings, and credit cards… and CHECK PLEASE was born.”
Starring Richard Yan and Sukwon Jeong, this is a simple story but is so perfect. It gets across what it means to be a man — paying the bill — as well as the director’s attempts at getting across the feeling of assimilating to a new culture. It’s also filled with great action. I laughed really hard throughout and found joy here.
Compost (2024): Directed by Augusto and Matías Sinay, this film presents an intriguing way at looking at grief. Anastasia (Natalia di Cienzo) has just lost the love of her life, Lisandro (Maximiliano Gallo), after an accident as he builds the greenhouse where she plans on spending most of her time. How can a dream place be as such when it is filled with so much pain? And can she carry through with his last wish, which is to become compost for their plants? Can we become part of the cycle of death and rebirth when emotions are part of our equation, unlike the plants that we help bring to birth each year, only to have to watch them die in the fall?
Considering Cats (2024): A short experimental documentary shot at the Long Island Pet Expo in 2023 by director Matt Newby, this short asks us to “Take a moment to consider the cat.” Seeing as how I live with two, I do this every day. This does a good job of showing the joy that people find in the small creatures that become part of our lives, if only for a short time, in an interesting lo-fi style.
Do Bangladroids Dream of Electric Tagore? (2024): Allem Hossain’s short is described as “desi-futuristic sci-fi.” Interesting. The director says that this genre is “a body of sci-fi work that dares to imagine speculative futures through a South Asian lens.”
In this, a documentarian goes into the New Jersey Exclusion Zone to meet the droids that live there and learn why they are obsessed with a subversive Bengali Renaissance poet. Featuring the poem “Freedom” by Rabindranath Tagore, which is read by Bernard White, this is AI generated but its director asks us to think of “how AI and other technology will impact us but I think we should also be thinking about our moral and ethical responsibilities towards what we create.”
Don’t Talk to Strangers (2023): Imanol Ortiz López has created a short that looks like vintage Kodachrome and is set within a toy store that only looks bright and friendly. Even the IMDB description of this movie is somewhat scary: “Mom always told me not to talk to strangers, but Agustín is not a stranger, because whenever we go to his store he offers me treats.” A young girl is saying that and in this, she’s played by Inés Fernández, who explains how she was abducted by Agustín (Julio Hidalgo). It sounds simple and expected, but in no way does what is revealed end up that way. A really interesting short.
Down Is the New Up (2018): Directed and written by Camille Cabbabe, this is the story of how an ambitious filmmaker and his crew attempt to tell the story of the last hours of a man who plans on killing himself at dawn. To be honest, I found it kind of indulgent and wish that I had spent a bit more time watching it. Maybe it was the language barrier or honestly how many shorts I watched in a few days, but there wasn’t anything here that jumped and grabbed me. I feel I owe the filmmaker an apology and am certainly willing to try and see what was here one more time.
DUCK (2024): The sell copy for this promises that this is “a classic spy thriller turned on its head.” What it is is a deep fake generated film starring almost every actor to blame James Bond and Marilyn Monroe, all voiced by director and writer Rachel Maclean.
As someone who uses AI for my real job and to create music, I have no hate for it. I do, however, dislike this movie. It should be something I love, one that gets into aliens and conspiracies while using pop culture characters. Instead, it feels like robbing the graves of the cemetery at the lowest part of Uncanny Valley. It goes on and on, reminding you of the much better work of the actors who it is raising from the dead to serve as stiff actors for a plot that can be worked out in seconds. I believe AI and deep fake can create the kind of cinema that we want to see, movies that create joy. This just engendered ennui.
Empty Jars (2024): After the last two shorts I watched, this brought back the love I have for film. Director Guillermo Ribbeck Sepúlveda has crafted a fantasy world where a woman (Ana Burgos) deals with the loud guests at her hostel by freeing a ghost from a jar, a spirit that, well, fills her with something else, giving her an experience that she hopes to replicate again and again. Yet, as this movie shares with us, the dead are even less trustworthy than the living. What a gorgeous looking and feeling short. I can’t wait to see what else Sepúlveda can do!
Faces (2024): Look out for Blake Simon. In this film by the director and writer, he starts with Judy (Cailyn Rice) being invited to a fraternity party by Brad (Ethan Daniel Corbett). However, in the ether all around this is a character called The Entity, a creature that has been abducting women the same age as our heroine, such as Bridget Henson. Now, as the frat party hits its height, the struggle for identity and who or what people are plays out. Faces feels like an entire film in its short running time and could easily become a full length feature. Whatever The Entity is, whatever it is looking for and why it does what it does are all unimportant. What is is that Simon seems ready to become a valued new talent in horror and this announces him so well.
Godfart (2023): Directed and written by Michael Langan, this is “The very true story of how the universe was created.” God (Russell Hodgkinson) is looking for breakfast. This short explains it all. This is part of something called the Doxology Universe. As someone who loves breakfast, I want to know more.
How My Grandmother Became A Chair (2020): Director and writer Nicolas Fattouh has created the perfect way of showing what it’s like to slowly lose an aging family member, something that I have gone through several times of the past years. His grandmother is losing her senses, one by one, until she — as the title lets you know early — becomes immobile furniture. There are times when it takes animation and the surreal to make life — which never makes all that much sense — something more easily explainable. This looks so wonderful and moves so perfectly that even though I knew where it was going, it still ended up as an emotional experience.
Huntsville, July 1981 (2024): In Sol Friedman’s short, four characters must deal with the ferocious attacks of a creature that is hiding in the woods. I loved the look of this, which seems like the wildest sketches the weirdest kid in school made and here they are, coming to life.
J’ai le Cafard (Bint Werdan) (2020): “J’ai le cafard” means “I have the cockroach,” yet it also means “I am depressed.” Director and writer Maysaa Almumin is followed everywhere by a dying large cockroach, which is her mental anguish. She connects more with this gigantic roach than anyone else around her until she realizes the impact that it is having on her life. I loved the puppet work and enjoyed seeing how this idea came to life. Can you be friends with an insect? This movie asks that question and I think the answer is yes, but roaches can be just as infuriating as people.
Manivelle: The Last Days of the Man of Tomorrow (2017): Directed by Fadi Baki Fdz, who wrote this with Omar Khouri and Lina Mounzer, this takes a realistic look at an unrealistic story, exploring the life of Manivelle, an automaton from Lebanon whose life seems to mirror the history of the country. His glory years were in the past, when life felt free, and today he is falling to pieces, his body failing him, reaching out in vain to people whose lives he ruined. Manivelle has been an actor, a soldier and now, he’s just a lost robot that claims to run a museum and read books, but he fails at all of that. I absolutely loved how this was shot. It’s perfect.
Yummo Spot (2024): Directed and written by Ashley Brandon, this is about a couple who moves to the woods and tries to start a family. Soon they learn that the Live, Laugh, Love lifestyle may be more difficult than they thought. This had a strange vibe but you may enjoy it more than me.
Two of Hearts (2024):Director and writer Mashie Alam places a boy (Anaiah Lebreton) and a girl (Basia Wyszynski) in a battle over some decisions, like eating a piece of pizza. Are they brother and sister? Are they a couple? Where did they get all of those great clothes? What’s happening? This is one of those times when the way something is filmed outdoes the basics of the script. Does the title refer to a Stacey Q song? Where is this house where they live? Can I visit? This movie has an amazing look and I want all of the answers to these questions and so many more. It’s good to have questions. It’s good to want to know more.
Skeeter (2024): Chris McInroy gets me every time. Actually, he’s made me physically sick a few of those times, no complaints. That’s because his movies are always fun, like this one, where someone has been raised by mosquitoes. If you’ve seen his movies Guts, We Joined a Cultand We Forgot About the Zombies, you know what you’re in for here. Thank you again, Chris, for shocking me and reminding me to never eat popcorn — or any food — during your movies.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London. She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics. For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet @Jennxldn
Ahhh, to be young again…when going to see a horror movie that you waited months for meant something.
The Substance is a rare moment in recent years where a movie exceeds expectations. The film’s marketing tricks audiences into thinking they’re seeing an elevated horror film and then punches them in the balls like horror movies did in the old days.
Elisabeth Sparkle, star of a popular morning exercise show, ages out of her job. Out of desperation, she turns to a black-market beauty treatment called “the substance,” which splits Sparkle into herself as she is now, and a younger, more “fantastic” version of herself, named Sue.
Of course, the treatment requires a very specific regiment that must be followed and “the balance must be respected.” Sparkle’s consciousness must hop bodies ever seven days without exception. The husk on the floor is set up with an IV drip to keep them going in the interim. Kind of like a corporeal timeshare. It’s not long before the single consciousness splits into two and form a rivalry that ultimately leads to self- abuse.
Demi Moore shines as brightly as she ever did here, carrying much of the film alone in a room by herself. Kudos to the casting director for casting the three love interests to reflect Moore’s own personal life. The nerdy guy she went to grade-school with named Fred (her first husband was a nerd named Freddie Moore), Sue’s hot hookup (an Ashton Kutcher look alike) and a guy who resembles Bruce Willis circa 1996.
Demi deserves an award just for all the practical makeup effects she endured let alone all the closeups of her body. Let’s talk about the close-ups. This film is filled with them. Right now, some freshman film student is licking their lips while writing about the film’s excessive use of the “male gaze.” But it isn’t. The Substance was directed by a woman. So whose gaze is it that lingers lustfully over Sue’s nubile young body in her pink leotard? Why, it’s everyone’s, of course. Every audience member takes away from film what they bring in with them. Women watching this film could just as easily look at the close-ups of Sue and wish they had those thighs.
Internalized misogyny aside, humans are inevitably a visual species. We automatically like attractive people, regardless of whether they’re good people or not. See Ted Bundy, Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise for reference.
I have vivid memories of the first time I ever envied Demi Moore’s hair. It was 1982 when I was ten years old, and I saw her played Jackie Templeton on General Hospital. I’ve loved her fashion sense and her acting ever since, although I never reached her level of awesome hair. Imitation in adolescent and pre-adolescent girls offers them an outlet to explore their own individuality that breaks off as we grow into young adults. In a sense, the substance allows Elisabeth to re-experience this phenomenon in the form of Sue.
Kids are being kids, Sue eventually decides she doesn’t want to go back every seven days as prescribed, and things go awry quickly. But it’s the older version who suffers. Because everything we do to our bodies in youth, we ultimately pay for later in life. Just ask my shin splints.
Along with penning a very smart screenplay, director Coralie Fargeat, herself 48, has clearly done her horror movie homework and absorbed the lessons of Basket Case, The Fly, The Elephant Man, Frankenhooker, Tetsuo and Carrie well. The film never feels preachy or pretentious. It manages to avoid feeling like a tired rip-off, despite using some sets, camera angles, and editing choices that audiences have seen before.
In fact, the art house crowd might feel like they’ve coaxed into a bait-and-switch during the last act, when the film spews more blood than the end of Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive and features a full-blown Elisabeth/Sue Monstro parading down Hollywood boulevard in a frilly blue ballgown. A wonderfully satirical ending that will leave the old-school horror fans cheering for the “monster.” The level of the makeup effects The Substance brings to the table is outstanding. If you don’t like needles, it’s probably best to steer clear. For the rest, it’s a cringey, goopy and slimy good time.
Humor is subjective, naturally, and writer/director Toby Jones’ AJ Goes to the Dog Park is going to hit like mad with some viewers while leaving others scratching their heads. It’s an absurdist romp that at times feels like Jones and company tried every idea they had to see what would stick, and at other times treads in well-considered philosophical musings.
AJ (AJ Thompson) revels in the simple, quiet life he has carved out for himself in Fargo, North Dakota — where the film was shot — including coasting in a lower position at his family business, enjoying meals with family and close friends, and delighting in time at the local dog park with his pets Diddy and Biff. Fargo’s mayor (Crystal Cossette Knight) suddenly turns the dog park into her dream of a blogging park, which begins a spiral of unfortunate events in AJ’s life that have him going through some serious — comically serious, for the most part, with some dramedy also at play — existential reconsideration of his life.
From meta comments about crying CG tears to a wild third act that I won’t spoil here, AJ Goes to the Dog Park never ceases trying to entertain. Behind the film is a huge heart, and while some jokes may land better with viewers boasting a knowledge of Fargo, there’s plenty of shared human whimsy and wonder to give it wider appeal.
To borrow a phrase from Gorilla Monsoon during his days as an announcer for the World Wrestling Federation, AJ Goes to the Dog Park is a comedy “where anything can happen, and probably will.” If this sounds like your kind of humor, AJ’s mild-to-wild odyssey is certainly worth joining him on.
AJ Goes to the Dog Park screens as part of Fantastic Fest, which runs September 19–26, 2024 in Austin, Texas. For more information, visit https://www.fantasticfest.com/.
You don’t have to go to Texas for a singing and dancing chainsaw massacre.
According to the official site, Chainsaws Are Singing was shot guerilla style in 2013, then spent a decade in post-production. Estonian filmmakers Sander Maran and Karl-Joosep Ilve describe their film as “Monty Python meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets… Les Misérables?”
Somehow, it lives up to that description and so much more.
And it’s from Estonia.
Tom (Karl-Joosep Ilve) thought that this was the worst day ever. His girlfriend has left him, leading him to considering suicide. That’s when he falls instantly in love with Maria (Laura Niils) and gets a new best friend in Jaan (Jaano Puusepp). This all gets ruined — and the day will get much worse — when they run into Killer (Martin Ruus) and his deranged family.
Now, that could be any horror movie made since Tobe Hooper put a cast through hell in the middle of a hot Texas summer and then lost the movie to organized crime. This is a deeply personal musical that’s nearly two hours of jokes every few seconds and stuffed full of singalongs and a chainsaw solo.
Imagine if early Peter Jackson, Sam Raimi outside a cabin, Trey Parker and Matt Stone all formed a band, then went and saw Gwar and thought, “Can we add even more blood and body fluids to what we’ve created? And what if a bukkake cult in the woods worshipped a fridge?”
This reminds me of when parodies were of the Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker style instead of the horrible post Scary Movie dreck that passes for jibes at fim today. If one joke fails, stick around. There will be five more in the next second or two. It’s all too much and I mean that in the best of ways, as even its director said that it’s “too violent…too naughty…definitely too musical.”
Does every car really have to explode? Yes. Could the entire backwoods cult subplot be lost? Of course. But you know, these guys made the movie they wanted, one that even has a Pieces flashback and a mother (Rita Rätsepp) who has made his life into one of killing and a little brother who paints himself painting the same painting over and over again. It’s that rare film that allows you to not question things, to accept them, to feel like maybe you need something to block all the blood that has to be spraying out of the screen before too long. It’s not to be missed, as it was made with joy and delivers even more of that.
Honestly, I’m more excited that there’s a sequel to A Good Man than any other movie this year.
Remember last time, when Ethan Carter (Joel Smith) barely got over his ex-wife when he got engaged to Arianna (Ebony Tates) and she ended up getting done from behind by her Kaos (King Wesley) which led to him, well, killing everyone, including Kaos’ wife and teenage son because Ethan had been a good man way too long.
Fast forward a few months for the next episode. Ethan and his partner Matt (Robert Q. Jackson) are trying to go beyond real estate and into development with the whitest Irish guy ever, Miles (William Swift) and get rich. Well, Ethan already had $4 million of his own money, so for me, he’s already rich. Richer. The problem? He hasn’t gotten past Arianna and keeps dreaming about her, which causes him to have flashbacks when he’s shaking sheets with Shalice (Fancy Jones), his new girlfriend. Maybe she didn’t think he was hard enough. Maybe she didn’t think he was a violent man. The dude has cut dudes chest’s open while their whole family watched, so when he starts choking her, he really starts choking her and not in a loving “This is kinky like Spencer’s Gifts so not really” way. So she runs out and he’s a crying naked mess on the floor.
Also: Arianna’s mom Sheila (Tonja Brown) is the only person who doesn’t think that she just ran off with Kaos. She thinks Ethan is a killer. Even the cops won’t believe her.
Ethan confesses the entire crime spree to his brother James (Johnathan C. Williams), who helped him dispose of the bodies. But as soon as they finish talking, Detective Evans (Bianca Williams) and Parnell (James Abernathy) show up from missing persons, as Arianna’s mother finally got through to the police.
Meanwhile, Detective Evans’ husband Aaron (Steven Weed) accidentally shot a kid which has led to the two of them battling. If you don’t see it coming when she falls for Ethan, you haven’t been watching Tubi Originals with the intensity of mainlining heroin like your author does.
Someone is following Evans and Ethan. It’s Parnell, who used to date her before she got back with her husband. He threatens to tell his boss and get her taken off the case. That night, as Ethan prepares for his big date with Evans, Sheila shows up drink and with a gun. He surprises her with a punch to the face and a rear naked choke with her dying moments before his new girl shows up.
After a fancy dinner, Ethan proposes to Evans, but she tells him that she hasn’t been honest and that she’s already married. Meanwhile, outside his home, Parnell is sneaking around as her husband keeps calling over and over again. Ethan goes nuts finding this out and just as Evans tries to leave, Parnell calls out that he’s found a body. Ethan knocks her out and when Parnell goes to look for her, he knocks him out as well, dumping their bodies in his car.
By the end, Ethan has the cops tied up, then obliterates his mother-in-law with a baseball bat, then brings in Aaron to learn that his wife has been cheating with both Ethan and Parnell. Ethan goes full on crazy here, even more than in the first movie. This goes full on drama, with police officers pissing their pants, knives to the legs, axes to the faces, the look out behind you trick working, gasoline and so much more. That’s an understatement.
If you saw The Assistant, you know that Dr. Raven Fields (Erica Mena) hired an assistant named Annie Dotson (Parker McKenna Posey) who ended up nearly taking away everything she held dear. But hey — did Annie get killed at the end of that movie? Well, when Dr. Raven delivered Annie as a baby, it turns out that her sister Heather actually survived, as a nurse stole her body and brought it back to life. She’s been raised without ever knowing she had a sister.
Now, Heather — who is now known as Raven (also Parker McKenna Posey) — is coming after the killer of her sister, Tiyana (Erica Hubbard), who has twins of her own with Mark. Seeing as how they need a nanny, our antagonist decides to become a childcare expert and I guess she’s an assistant, because that’s what this movie is called.
This is the kind of movie where adopted kids yell at biological children while only caring about shopping with their adopted father’s Amex card. The last movie is also referred to as “The Assistant Massacre” and we get to see a flashback of Raven being saved before her mother tries to explain how she stole her from the hospital. Oh man, she even says, “Your mom was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. She was schizophrenic. She was also bipolar.” Mom gives Raven a file with all the info as I wonder, how did they ever get a social security number for this dead baby?
Now, just like the last movie, Raven wishes she had Annie for a twin sister. So Raven stops taking her pills and starts seeing her twin sister as a ghost. And of course, she puts together a plot where she puts Tiyana at odds with everyone, from her husband to his ex-girlfriend and now best friend Savanna, all to get the babies and have the life she’s always wanted. Now Raven is the nerdy Donna, here to make everyone’s life easier but, of course, also here to have spectacular fistfights through the mansion. Seriously, these are the best fisticuffs that director Chris Stokes has captured and really make the end of this movie off the charts.
This is also the most meta movie he’s made so far, as Mark works as a film executive for Tubi. Raven responds by saying, “What? I love Tubi. I cannot get enough of those Stepmothers.”
The way this ends, this needs one more movie. The only bad thing about that moment of mentioning that Tubi exists in this universe is that we now feel further away from Stokes bringing his cinematic universe for an Avengers: Endgame on Tubi crossover.
Chris Stokes changes up his normal relationship drama in this, a film where Robbin (Serayah) has succeeded in getting out of her old neighborhood, going to a good school and moving on up to the kind of job she can be proud of at a bank. Yet when she’s accused of stealing money, she learns that the people who had her back when she was young — and who she left behind — were more trustworthy than the businesspeople she worked for.
She assembles a team that includes the pregnant Camilla (Leli Hernandez), Trina (Gavin Turek), Q (Jadah Blue) and Shawna (Erica Pinkett), who took over as the leader of the gang after Robbin went legit. They all have their own problems, too. Shawna is about to be evicted and if she gets busted one more time, even their friend on the police force Kelli (Robinne Lee) won’t be able to keep her out of prison.
For as smart as Robbin is supposed to be, she plans a maskless and gloveless heist, which seems to be a recipe for going back to jail. That said, she doesn’t, so maybe she really is as smart as this movie claims that she is.
This is very much like a less depressing — and well-made — Set It Off. But hey, Stokes will be back next month with something new and I will — as always — give him another chance.
The funniest part of this video is watching Melvin Townsend III act like a maniac to fellow passengers while drunk on a JetBlue trip from San Francisco to Florida. He followed this by harassing Mike Tyson, who responded as he should, by repeatedly punching the man in the face. Look — if you’re on a JetBlue flight and want to act like a loser, don’t do it when one of the most dangerous fighters ever is within striking distance.
This special would have been better if several people with boxing abilities were let loose to repeatedly smack, punch and smack the TMZ crew as they loudly speak and laugh. It would have added some meta content to the whole thing instead of watching iPhone videos of rap celebrities slap boxing in the streets.
I call BS on this whole thing, because where is the best celebrity beatdown ever, when Bjork realizes that reporter Julie Kaufman has followed her to Bangkok and responds to “Welcome to Bangkok!” by delivering the kind of critical beat down that you would never expect from her singing voice.
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