Elena Cruz (Yesenia Ayala) has not had an easy life. As a child, her father Condor (Danny Pardo) was busted for stealing from his boss, Maeve (Heather McComb). She gave him pretty much Sophie’s choice.* After she slices his wife’s throat, she demands that he choose which child to kill, either his son Lucas or his daughter Elena. He yells that he chooses his son, so she shoots him in the face.

Years later, Elena gets arrested robbing a bodega all to go to prison, all to get close to Maeve before she’s pardoned for good behavior thanks to a corrupt system. Can she get in, get close and get revenge?

Directed by Steven R. Monroe (who has also made Teardrop, Unborn, First Person Shooter and Harland Manor for Tubi, as well as the remake of I Spit On Your Grave) and written by Jordan Robinson (Trap House, Requiem for a Scream), this has all of the women in prison puzzle pieces, like Feltcher the perverted guard (Jason Wiles), the older and wiser prisoner who helps our heroine named Trudy (Elizabeth Haley), the tough prisoner who our heroine battles (Rebekah Tripp), the gang that beats her in the shower, the tough prison lover of the villain (Jasmine Shanise) and the librarian who knows the system (Stephanie Maura Sanchez).

But if you’re expecting a titillating WIP movie, well, this isn’t it. It’s about how far someone will go for revenge, how far a father will go to be forgiven and how bad humanity can be. That said, it has one scene where the perverted prison guard gets what’s coming to him. If the movie kept up that level of roughness the whole time, it’d be so much better.

You can watch this on Tubi.

*Is that why Elena takes the name Sofia when she goes to jail?

Can there be an earthquake in Washington D.C.? Can it rock the entire center of our nation’s government and trap both President Powell (Sean Young, yes, Sean Young is the President) and Vice President Jameson (Daphne O’Neal) inside the White House? And in the midst of it all, will Speaker of the House Wilder (Eric Roberts) use the twenty-fifth amendment to take over the leadership of America and bring in The Virginia Lookout militia and their leader Beck (Geoff Meed, who also directed and wrote this) to help calm the populace? And will aftershocks keep blasting the capital? And can it all be stopped by combat engineer Lance Cushing (Jack Pearson) and his seismologist fiance Katherine (Kayla Fields)?

The answers are all yes and here I am, watching another Tubi original as the palaces burn.

You know, the CGI in this — The Asylum made it, so you know what you’re in for — is so strange. Even though the landmarks of Washington D.C. are destroyed, traffic keeps on going past. Well, have you been in the traffic in that city? That part is, I guess, somewhat true to life because it’s always congested all the time, no matter how much damage an earthquake can emit.

My favorite character in this was General Harris (Taylor Woodberry), whose suit doesn’t even get creased as he defends the free world and just so happens to have a search and rescue/combat engineer on his contacts list, much less one whose pregnant soon-to-be wife knows how to do dispersal theory to quite literally flood an earthquake and shut it down.

Geoff Meed is like a Tubi superstar, writing and acting in this, Butch vs. Sundance and Butch Cassidy and the Wild Bunch all within a month or less. He started his career in the Universal Studios Hollywood Tour, where he worked in the Wild West Stunt Show, The Adventures of Conan and The Miami Vice Action Spectacular. A 5th degree Black Belt Master in Kempo, a 3rd degree black belt in Hap Ki Do and also the owner of black belts in Tae Kwon Do and karate, Meed went into stunt work, which nearly ended his life in 2012. On the second day of shooting Shadow on the Mesa, he was thrown off his horse and trampled, which led to eight broken left ribs, a busted sternum, a lacerated liver and the need to insert three titanium plates to repair the damage done to his face. That became a workers’ comp lawsuit and he retired from stunt work — he’d need four more surgeries to repair all the damage — and Geoff moved to Texas to start his own fitness and martial arts studio. Four years later, he came back to Los Angeles and got back into stunt and acting work. It’s amazing that he was in two more Westerns after that accident.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Made in Victoria, Australia, Godless: The Eastfield Exorcism is about a young married couple named Lara (Georgia Eyers) and Ron (Dan Ewing). In some ways, you can see the way that she’s acting — nude dancing under the moon, violent behavior and mood swings — as a mental health issue. Or maybe she’s possessed. That’s the way her husband is leaning and he’s nearly begging Dr. Walsh (Eliza Matengu) to sign off on an exorcism. He’s so devoted to getting one, he even gets an unsanctioned exorcist and that’s when things go off the rails.

The man who Ron gets to exorcise his wife is Daniel (Tim Pocock). He tells Ron not to give his wife any food or drink and not to believe anything she tells him, because she’s no longer his wife. She’s of the Devil. Then they invite members of his church to scream at Lara and attempt to physically beat the demon out of her.

This movie is based on the real case of Joan Vollmer, a Victoria woman whose husband Ralph claimed would take on the shape of animals and act like a wanton woman, as well as speaking in demonic voices. Over a four-day period, assisted by a neighbor and phone instructions from his pastor, she was tied to a chair and prayed over while being denied food and water. Other church members soon visited and held her down while her eyes were kept open to witness the prayers. After days of slapping Joan in the face, two demons remained. Matthew Nuske joined the group and he led the group in destroying Joan’s greenhouse, all of her flower beds and wrapping the house seven times in clear wrap. Then, he smashed Joan’s head into walls before having five people sit on her body for hours, crushing her internal organs and giving her a heart attack. The pastor came at this point, as a message from God told him that he could just lay hands on the dead Joan and bring. her back to life. Two days later, she was still dead.

Neighbor Leanne Reichenbach got four months for manslaughter and false imprisonment. Church member David Klingner received three months, exorcist Matthew Nuske was found guilty of false imprisonment and received a suspended sentence and Ralph Vollmer was convicted of false imprisonment and reckless injury. He served no jail time, moved to Queensland and remarried.

Not only could this movie happen, it already has.

Directed by Nick Kozakis and written by Alexander Angliss-Wilson and Sarah Baker, this isn’t the movie for you if you’re looking for stuttery editing, herky jerky mannerisms and spinning heads. This is a more psychological exploration of how demonic man and religious belief can be.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed and co-written (with Geoffrey Mead, who plays Kid Curry) by Anthony C. Ferrante, Butch vs. Sundance is the sequel to another Tubi Original, Butch Cassidy and the Wild Bunch. This time, Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid become enemies when Sundance is offered a deal to betray Cassidy in order to have his crimes erased.

Bruce Dern returns as Mike Cassidy and — the highlight for me — is the returning villain Pinkerton Detective Charles Siringo, who is played by Jeffrey Combs. The woman who is coming between the former partners, Etta Place, is played by Nikki Leigh.

Shot in New Mexico at the same time as the first film, this certainly won’t replace any of the Sergio Leone or Sergio Corbucci movies in my heart, but it certainly moves quickly and has some thrilling train-based robbery scenes. There are also enough double, triple and maybe even quadruple crosses in this to keep you guessing right until the end.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Captive starts with a very simple premise: a group of hard-partying stoners — Ashley (Scout-Taylor Thompson from Bury the Bride, Getaway, Star Light, Get the Girl and oh yes, Rob Zombie’s Halloween movies), her boyfriend Luke (Michael Lovato), Crystal (Taise Lawrence), Mallory (Christina Robinson, Dexter), Claire (Katalina Parrish), Ed (Ryan Stajmiger), Alex (Alex Gopal) and Teddy (Timothy Chivalette) — break into a house where they start smoking, drinking and screwing. You know, everything else that gets you killed in a horror movie.

How much trouble are they asking for? Well, someone grabs an Ouija board and literally says, “Let’s fuck with some ghosts!”

Then they hear some noises in the basement and instead of leaving, everyone goes down to see what is going on.

Everyone should be dead by now.

I mean, we already saw a jogger (Kevin Chambers) get stalked in the beginning. We know something bad is about to happen. Do not tempt fate any more than you have to.

Or do, because otherwise, we wouldn’t have a movie.

In the basement, the gang finds Drake (Cody Frank) chained to the wall, begging to be let loose. He says that a couple picked him up hitchhiking but they took him back here and attacked him, leaving him captive inside their house. 

Only Ashley argues that they should free Drake. She wins over the group and all of a sudden, the mystery, poetry and excitement that she craved stops passing her by, because Drake is, well, if not a vampire — there’s a spoiler coming– pretty close. He quickly bites into her throat and introduces her to the ways of hunting and killing your friends for sustenance.

In the middle of all of these people getting chowed down and drank, the gang decides to throw a party. As bands rock out and bass beats wobble — or whatever it is that they do — Ashley and Drake do their best impersonation of a blood rave. Crystal and Mallory grab a crucifix and a stake, but can they defeat two undead creatures consumed with an unquenchable thirst for blood?

Look for Brendan Fehr from The Amityville Curse and Roswell in this as well as the person who owns this house.

The highlight for me was someone’s mom showing up to the party and immediately being eaten.

Best of all, this dips into The Monster Club playbook* and — spoiler — has Drake and Ashley be a strigoi, which in Romanian mythology would be a troubled spirit that rises from the grave and which was the original inspiration from Bram Stoker to make Dracula. In this movie, they have two hearts, need sunglasses during the day and aren’t stop by religious implements.

Director Gregg Simon (the TV series Blood Drive) and writer Travis Seppala have put together a quick-moving horror movie that sets you up for plenty of mayhem and delays just slightly before giving you all the red stuff. Cinematographer Jordi Ruiz Maso has a good eye for capturing the action and the addition of Bava-esque reds and blues to the credits and kill scenes ramps up the killing scenes.

There’s also a strong soundtrack with bands like WE WERE SUPERHEROES, DRAG, Chicago trumpeter Mitch Manker, Pittsburgh native Barak Shpiez, Matlock, L for Victory, Thomas Dekker (the voice of Littlefoot from The Land Before Time sequels and John Connor on the TV Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles? It seems so!), Glen Ballard (who co-wrote Jagged Little Pill), Brad Apodaca (with director Gregg Simon on one song) and Harley Poe.

For a movie that started back in 2020, this seemed to have a long path to its home on Tubi. It’s a good bite of cinematic junk food that’ll get you through a late night looking for something to watch while, well, as baked as the cast.

*”First we have the primate monsters, vampires, werewolves and ghouls – but everyone knows about those. Now pay attention: A vampire and a werewolf would produce a werevamp. A werewolf and a ghoul would produce a weregoo. A vamire and a ghoul would produce a vamgoo. A weregoo and a werevamp would produce a shaddy. A weregoo and a vamgoo would produce a maddy. A werevamp and a vamgoo would produce a raddy. If a shaddy were to mate with a raddy or a maddy, it would result in a mock (which frankly, is just a polite name for a mongrel). Just remember the basic rules of monsterdom: Vampires suck, werewolves hunt and ghouls tear. Shaddies lick, maddies yawn and mocks blow. Oh but a Shadmock, which is the result if a mock were to mate with any other hybrid, whistles – and they don’t do it very often. Now the humegoo, which is a cross between a ghoul and a human being, don’t really do anything interesting but they do have an unfortunate appetite for carrion (which they get, of course, from the ghoul side of the family). It must be noted that although monsters can mate with human beings, the results are almost always disastrous. Any questions?”

You can watch this on Tubi. You can learn more at the official site.

Directed by Matthew Thompson, who co-wrote the script with star Nicole Du Bois, Magic Carpet Rides is all about the love life — and often lack thereof — of Callie (Du Bois), a social media influencer who continually wonders why she can’t find the right guy, yet mostly goes out with guys who high five her when they get their own Uber home or who text her in the middle of the night asking for photos. One night walking home from a bar — her phone died and no one waited for her — she runs into Leo (Matthew Law), a man with no phone who lives a very different existence from her. Seeing as how this is a romantic comedy, of course opposites attract. Yet it’s getting there that tells the tale.

Callie and Leo have anything but a meet cute. She’s going to the bathroom in one corner of an alley, he in another. They even cross the streams accidentally. When his motorcycle breaks down, he has to walk home near her, which they argue over. He’s obviously a nice guy, as he makes sure she gets home safe. But he’s so different from Callie that he fascinates her.

Callie lives with social influencers, all of whom can barely talk to one another without bringing up brands they’ve been paid to promote. Leo lives on a boat, a place where he works on other ships, takes tourists out for cruises and brings home random women to give one memorable night before never seeing them again.

Both of them aren’t really ready to bring someone else into their self-centered lives. Yet maybe together they can navigate the world in a more authentic way. I say that until Callie starts streaming her love life to get followers who start to obsess over #boatguy and even cancel her when they catch them arguing.

Magic Carpet Rides has two leads that you want to see work it out, a supporting cast that offers some moments of fun and a script that sure, you’ve seen before, but it’s told in such a quick and innocuous way that you’ll end up enjoying the short time that you spent with this movie.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Mike (co-director and co-writer Acoryé White) and Ava (Augie Duke) have plenty of new things happening. to them, like a new home and potentially a new child on the way. However, a neighbor (Sandra Ellis Lafferty) offers Ava a necklace that unleashes an evil born from racism and pain.

Co-directed by White and Patrycja Kepa, who both wrote the script with Felipe Cisneros, Trinket Box reminds me that if you are in a relationship and trying to have a baby, you should never accept tannis root, artwork or jewelry from mysterious old people, especially if said old people also wondering who the black boy who has been coming around is and do you need help and you reply, “Well, that’s my husband,” and they totally change the subject. This movie would have ended a lot sooner of the white girl just said, “I don’t appreciate you and your racist ways that belong, well, never in any time in any society” and slammed the door in her face. However, she was running late for a meeting and just took the evil necklace — which we helpfully learn was part of a black guy in the past falling for a white girl and her fat dad having a heart attack over it — instead of, again, slamming the door in the lady’s face.

It’s rude, but it gets the job done. Let’s normalize slamming the door in the face of racist old people. You can also totally do it to young people, too.

My favorite moment was when the husband called all of his friends and told them he was having a baby. If I excitedly called any of my male friends and bragged that I was having a baby, I’d have to slam the door on them with all of the abusive epithets and jokes that would come my way. No man does this. Yes, I get it, gender roles should change, but this was what moved this movie from horror to science fiction.

I kid.

Also this movie falls victim to being so dark at times that I had no idea what I was looking at. I know this happens quite a lot in modern streaming shows and movies, but I feel like I need to keep bringing it up until it stops. We want to see your movie. Bring in a light or two.

Also also: This played theaters, which blows my mind.

You can watch this on Tubi.