Junesploitation: L’uomo che non voleva morire (1989)

June 26: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is Free Space! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

This is the only episode of Alta tensione that I haven’t seen — until now. The other episodes are Il gioko, a story of a teacher thinking her students murdered the instructor she has replaced, the giallo Testimone oculare and Il maestro del terrore, in which a horror director is attacked by a writer and an actor. All were directed by Lamberto Bava.

Translated as The Man Who Wouldn’t Die, this originally going to air in 1989. Due to concerns about the violence of these films, it didn’t play on Italian TV again until 2007. The other three aired in 1999. None of them have been released on home media legally.

Written by Gianfranco Clerici (Strange Shadows in an Empty Room) based on a short story by Giorgio Scerbanenco, this is about a gang of five burglars that art dealer Madame Janaud (Martine Brochard, Murder Obsession) hires to steal art from a rich man’s villa. Led by Fabrizio (Keith Van Hoven, Demons 3), the thieves (including Lino Salemme, who did coke out of a Coke can in Demons and Stefano Molinari, the demon in the movie on the TV in Demons 2) tie up the man of the house and his wife, then take everything they can get their hands on so that Janaud can sell them to art collector Mr. Miraz (Jacques Sernas).

The problem is that one of the gang, Giannetto (Gino Concari) screws over the gang and cuts up the most expensive thing they take, Renoir’s “After the Bath.” He hides in the villa’s garage and decides to go back for it later.

That would be bad enough, but Giannetto attacks the husband and then assaults his tied-up wife while the man watches. He gets enraged and kicks the offensive moron in the head and kills him. Fabrizio kills both the husband and wife, then wraps the body of Giannetto in a carpet. The gang argues what to do, so instead of killing him, they strip him and dump him in the woods. Somehow, he survives and comes back to life in the hospital. He wants revenge, but he’ll be lucky to stay alive, as a giallo killer starts to murder all of the gang, with one’s face getting smashed, another being done in by toilet — head smashing and drowning — and a smooshed head for the last crook.

This was originally to be made by Lamberto’s father Mario, who had been working on a script with Rafael Azcona and Alessandro Parenzo. It’s not Lamberto’s best work but the kills are very well filmed and the Simon Boswell score is good.

You can watch this on Daily Motion.

Junesploitation: Il maestro del terrore (1989)

June 19: Junesploitation’s topic of the day — as suggested by F This Movie— is 80s Horror! We’re excited to tackle a different genre every day, so check back and see what’s next.

I’ve made a real 180 on Lamberto Bava. Maybe it’s because the first of his movies that I watched was Devilfish. I should have really started with Macabre, A Blade In the Dark or any of his TV movies and then I’d feel a lot different. And years ago, I unfairly compared him with his father instead of allowing him to be judged on his own merit.

I am sorry, John Old Jr.

The Prince of Terror has never been released in the U.S. on VHS, DVD or blu ray. That’s a shame.

It pulls the Body Double fake out as soon as it starts, as you get the jump scare of a woman — Magda (Marina Viro) — escaping an RV only to see her boyfriend drown in a swamp and become an inflated zombie and begin stalking her through a swamp.

This isn’t happening.

Instead, it’s the set of director Vincent Omen’s (Tomas Arana, The Church) latest movie. He hates the script from his longtime writer Paul Hilary (David Brandon, who was the director in Stage Fright so dumb that he let his cast stay in the theater where a killing machine was hiding), so he gets him fired before heading out to play golf. While he’s hitting the front 9, he’s interviewed by a reporter (Virginia Bryant, The Barbarians) who asks him about the rumors that he’s much older than 37 and his public perception as the “Prince of Darkness.”

He holds up one of his golf balls, which has 666 on it. Obviously, he’s into this personna.

After he finishes playing, he goes home to his wife Betty (Carole Andre, Yor Hunter from the Future), daughter Susan (Joyce Pitti) and dog Demon. Yes, he is definitely into this demonic side. That evening, he and his lovely spouse are supposed to join his producer (Pascal Druant) and Magda for dinner. And then, golf balls explode into their home, sinister phone calls start and end only when the phone lines are severed and their cute little dog is killed — by having his fur removed and then he’s just thrown in the garbage — because this is an Italian movie. Then, a bald killer with a huge knife (Ulisse Miniverni) appears.

By the end of the movie, Omen gets shot, his wife gets her leg ensnared in a bear trap and his daughter gets buried alive in the basement. Plus, the toilet flushes blood and the security guard is replaced with a robot. It’s an all over the place plan from Paul the writer and actor Eddie Felson– the bald monster — who both want to get back at Vincent.

Special effects maestro Sergio Stivaletti got a workout here, as when Vincent gets his revenge, he starts attacking people with golf balls, including one that blows up a man’s wrist and another that goes Fulci and blows up an eyeball. There’s also a good Simon Boswell score.

I wonder how much of this story was writer Dardano Sacchetti getting his scripting revenge on former friend and co-creator Lucio Fulci. That scene where he’s accused of stealing ideas and it becomes obvious that Omen has no ideas of his own, as well as a bloody script emerging from a toilet, seem to lead one to feel that way. It’s fun in a TV movie way — I love this era of Italian TV movie horror — but it certainly doesn’t aspire to the heights that Fulci reached.

This is part of a series of movies that aired on Italian TV as Alta tensione. The other episodes are L’uomo che non voleva morire, in which a man is near death in a hospital and trying to recall how he got there; Il gioko, a story of a teacher thinking her students murdered the instructor she has replaced and the giallo Testimone oculare. All were directed by Lamberto Bava.

I hope that American boutique labels follow the lead of Cauldron Films and release movies like this and the House of series that they just put out instead of just releasing the same movies in new formats. There is so much out there!

You can watch this on YouTube.

88 FILMS BLU RAY RELEASE: The Inspector Wears Skirts 2 (1989)

After the Police Academy with stunts awesomeness of the first movie, this has four new squad members join the Hong Kong Police Academy to be join the Banshee Squad led by Madam Wu (Sibelle Hu). However, many of them don’t get along with the existing team, like Susanna (Amy Yip), who is so well-endowed that she has to cut holes in the chest of her bulletproof vest. There’s also the male team, the Tiger Squad, who are led by Inspector Kan (Stanley Fung). Just like the original, Wu and Kan have a thin line between love and hate in their relationship.

That said, this time there’s competition for Madam Wu’s affection, as there’s a new antiterrorist trainer, Mr. Lu (Melvin Wong). The majority of this movie is all training until with twenty minutes left, it remembers that they need to bring the Banshee Squad and Tiger Squad back together and have all the good girls and guys stop fighting with one another.

There’s more dancing than fighting in this, more pranks and hijinks than fisticuffs. And you know, I don’t care. I love these movies, with their 80s fashion looks, lovable characters and blasts of action from producer Jackie Chan’s Jackie Chan Stunt Team. There are four of these movies and I will watch every single one of them with a huge grin.

So yeah, nothing happens, but when the first movie was such a success, they rushed this one. Just enjoy it for what it is and that we can watch movies like this in high definition now and not 20th generation VHS tapes that we bought at a convention that tape rot in months.

The 88 Films blu ray release of this movie has a 2K remaster from the original negatives and extras including a new commentary by Frank Djeng, interviews with director Wellson Chin and stuntmen Go Shut Fung and Mars, a trailer, stills gallery and a reversible cover with new artwork by Sean Longmore and the original poster art. You can get it from MVD.

VISUAL VENGEANCE ON TUBI: Beyond Dreams Door (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did you know that Visual Vengeance has a ton of movies on Tubi? It’s true. Check out this Letterboxd list and look for reviews as new movies get added. You can find this movie on Tubi.

I don’t want to jinx it, but every time I think that I am running out of movies that blow my mind with how unhinged they are, I discover something new. Usually, those grubby film highs come from Italy or Turkey or from the early 70’s, but man, Beyond Dreams Door was made at the end of the 80’s and comes from Ohio of all places.

Made with the cinema school at The Ohio State University, this is a film all about Ben, who stopped dreaming once his parents died when he was 9. Now, the dreams are coming for him, a fact he learns from the dream version of himself who warns:

“Beyond dream’s door is where horror lies,
Where love may sleep with sorrow’d eyes,
Where demons wait to greet the ones,
Who dare not reach its darkened shores,
Beyond dream’s door tomorrow dies.*”

As low as the budget for this film may be, its concept is high. Somehow, this also looks like anything but a movie made for thousands of dollars. It’s slick as hell and certainly doesn’t seem like director Jay Woelfel’s first movie. In fact, I saw Art of the Dead a few years back and recognized that he edited it. I’m glad he’s still working, whether that means composing music, writing films and even acting.

Imagine a movie as hard to explain as Phantasm with — amazingly — less of a budget. That’s what you’ve got here. And it’s exactly as great as you’d hope.

*Thanks to the astounding Bleeding Skull for writing that poem out.

FVI WEEK: Criminal Act (1989)

Directed by Mark Byers and written by Daniel Yost (whose next movie was Drugstore Cowboy), Criminal Act is also known as Tunnels. It has what I refer to as a Sam cast: Catherine Bach, John Saxon, Luis Avalos from The Electric Company and Vic Tayback are the best known members.

Pam Weiss (Bach) and Sharon Fields (Charles Dallas) are an investigative reporter and her photographer. Their boss, Herb Tamplin (Saxon), wants them to settle down and learn how to be good reporters. They’re willing to instead run right at danger and both be the love interest of Ron Bellard (Nicolas Guest), the brother of the movie’s villain Lance Bellard (Victor Brandt).

This is also supposed to have giant mutant rats and be kind of like C.H.U.D. but instead only has a homeless guy who occasionally bites someones. Yes, the millionaire evil brother is cleaning the homeless up by sending them out of the city which is totally illegal.

That said, Rick Zumwalt — Bull Hurley from Over the Top — is in this and I can’t fault a movie that has both him and Daisy Duke in it, much less John Saxon. Vic Tayback’s role is so small it had to be him stopping at catering and walking on to pay for the craft services he quaffed down.

Not the movie I was hoping for but what can you do?

You can watch this on Tubi.

Spogliando valeria (1989)

Jealous Eyes was directed by Bruno Gaburro (MalombraFashion Crimes), who its OK to be jealous of yourself because he was once married to Erika Blanc. It was written by Roberto Leoni (who wrote Santa Sangre the same year and also was the writer of American Rickshaw and My Dear Killer).

Also known as Blue Chill, this is an erotic thriller in which Chris (Donald Burton) loses a friend and moves into his apartment to compose a song in memory. That means that he’s blowing his sax at all hours of the day and night, so this movie has not just 80s sex sax but also straight up saxophone. He meets Eva (Dalila Di Lazzaro, who is the female monster in Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein and also shows up in Frankenstein 80, which is pretty much all it takes to get me obsessed; she’s also the headmistress in Phenomena) and he can put away his sax — am I getting paid for using that word so much or is this a search engine optimization trick? — and start hearing it on the soundtrack as they start having some adult naptime. Have hot pudding for supper. Moistening the Pope. You know. The sex.

She claims that her husband Senator Verani (Gérard Manzetti) and her stepson — who this being an Italian movie, she is also sleeping with — are busing her and that Chris needs to kill them both. Look, when you just start dating someone and pillow talk turns to “you need to kill for me,” you are in a giallo. Or a neo-noir. Or an erotic thriller. As you can imagine, when they are killed, Eva tries to get him to confess to the crime. But ah, perhaps she tried the same thing with his friend. And doesn’t he have a song to write?

Gaburro edited footage from this movie and Alcune signore per bene into 1993’s Rose rosse per una squillo (Scandalous Liasons). This is how I get into these gialli rabbit holes, because I just read what Alcune signore per bene is about: “Sexual infedelity, blackmail, murder and suicide plague a fashion house and its nymphomaniac owner…” And it has Eva Grimaldi and Florence Guérin in it? Time to start looking.

Dark Bar (1989)

Dark Bar is a secret place where people can do drugs and have sex together and keep it a secret. However, Elisabetta (Barbara Cupisti, who was as close as you get to a giallo queen in 1989, showing up in StagefrightOpera and The New York Ripper, as well as Eleven Days, Eleven Nights and Cemetery Man) plans on blackmailing someone and that gets her killed. Now, her jazz trombone playing sister Anna (Marina Suma) looks into her sister’s death which puts whoever killed Elisabetta after her.

This movie breaks the mold not only by having its black gloved killer have a gun as their murder weapon but also by the discovery of Elisabetta’s body in the next stall while the janitor makes love to someone else. It’s a great shot as sex is happening feet away from a grisly corpse.

This has Richard Hatch in it, which is an American star, sure. It also has a jazz score by Carlo Siliotto (The House of the Blue Shadows) which is a lot different from other gialli. Director and writer Stelio Fiorenza only shot three shorts and this movie, as well as working as an assistant director on Very Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind and Play Motel. He includes some cool touches, like a high heel telephone — what is it with late 80s Italian exploitation and weird telephones? — and Cupisti’s dress that is covered in eyeballs. And the Dark Bar itself feels like an Italian director who watched a few Lynch movies and decided that it should also be punk rock and I am all for all of these things. The bad guys all wear fedoras and are the henchmen of a blind woman who listens to sea shells and the tarot for what to do next.

It’s not good but it’s interesting which is sometimes better than good. It definitely has ideas and style. Style goes a long way in a giallo especially a late 80s one. I really wish someone would gather some of these — Vinegar Syndrome, if you really want your Forgotten Gialli set to live up to its name, release this — and share them with people who don’t want to hunt them down on Russian hack sites without subtitles.

MVD 4K UHD RELEASE: Cutting Class (1989)

Rospo Pallenberg, the director of this film, is probably better known for the movies that he collaborated on with John Boorman, like Exorcist II: The Heretic, Excalibur and The Emerald Forest. This is the one and only movie he ever directed and sadly, it’s mostly known for being one of Brad Pitt’s first roles.

Brian Woods (Donovan Leitch, son of Donovan, the man who sang about smoking bananas in “Mellow Yellow”) has just been released from a mental hospital after his father was killed suspiciously. He quickly falls in love with Paula (who can blame him, she’s played by Jill Schoelen from Popcorn), but she’s already dating the big jock in town, Dwight (Pitt, who met Schoelen on set and got engaged to her at the end of filming). For some reason, the school’s principal Mr. Dante (Roddy McDowell!) is also in love with her. Once we get that all settled, a bunch of murders start happening and any of Paula’s suitors could be the killer.

I mean, how can you not love a movie where Paula’s district attorney dad (Martin Mull!) gets shot by arrows and spends the entire movie stumbling around and trying to get rescued?

The kills in this movie are ridiculous: one teacher is killed on a Xerox machine and every kid gets a copy of it. Another is having way too good of a time on a trampoline before a flag gets put under it.

It all ends with Dwight’s head in a vice and Brian making him choose between the two men. Paula screams, “Stop fucking with my emotions!” and literally sends a claw hammer into his brains and slicing him in half with a circular saw.

Seriously, this movie is just weird. It has no set tone and usually, that’d make me hate things, but it works here. Also, if you like Wall of Voodoo, they and lead singer Andy Prieboy are all over the soundtrack.

You can get this on blu ray or 4K UHD from MVD. Each includes the 2018 4K restoration from the 35mm original camera negative, as well as interviews with Jill Schoelen and Donovan Leitch, an R-rated cut and a trailer. There’s also a DVD without these extras.

Luna di Sangue (1989)

Ignore the Lucio Fulci Presents, as he had nothing to do with this other than to sign over his name. It was directed by Enzo Milioni, who also made Quello strano desiderio and The Sister of Ursula, and was written by Millioni and Giovanni Simonelli, who directed Hansel e Gretel.

A dying man tells the story of Ann Moffett (Barbara Blasco) and how she found her husband Larry’s dead body only for it to disappear. No one believed her and a year later, a man comes to visit her and claims to be her dead husband.

In case you wondered just how far Milloni can take things, there’s a scene where a farmer catches his mute and potentially mentally deficient daughter Tanya (Luciana Ottaviani AKA Jessica Moore from Eleven Days, Eleven Nights) fooling around with two men in his stable. He chases them off and his daughter then proceeds to kneel before him and commit an act of incestual oral copulation, capped off by someone shooting her in the back of the head, removing his member, which is shot again and then he’s shot in the face.

You may have seen the head being pushed out a window and the head of Annie Belle (House On the Edge of the Park) being sliced off with a scythe in the Fulci compilation that is Cat In the Brain.

How does this all work together in a kind of, sort of giallo? It doesn’t. It has a few murder set pieces that don’t fit in and a story that goes nowhere. Such is life.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Tales from the Crypt S1 E6: Collection Completed (1989)

Man, why does Mary Lambert hate cats so much?

The last episode of season 1, this starts with the Crypt Keeper saying, “Before I get to tonight’s terror tale…I’d like to introduce you to my pet, Peeves. He has a terror tale of his own. Tonight’s skin-pimpling story is about a couple with their own pet peeves. I call this chunk of chilling charnel chatter “Collection Completed.””

Based on the story in The Vault of Horror #25, written by Bill Gaines and Al Feldstein with art by Graham Ingels, this is not the story to check out if you love animals.

Jonas (M. Emmet Walsh) is retiring after 47 years of working at a tool company. He didn’t want to be done, but that’s the way it went. He’s supposed to be relaxing, but he soon learns that his wife Anita (Audra Lindley) has kept from being lonely all these years by having animals all over the house.

She starts treating him like one of them, giving him his pills in food and feeding him cat food. She even names a dog after him, which is the point he goes insane and starts killing all of her animals and stuffing them. Yet when he tries to kill her cat Mewmew, she uses the gold hammer Jonas was given for his retirement to take care of him. And then she stuff him.

This episode was written by A. Whitney Brown, who some of you may remember from Saturday Night Live.

With that, we end the first season of this show. Anyone interested in season 2?