I’ve discussed the video store of my youth often, but no movie in Prime Time Video inspired such dread as Faces of Death, its gigantic clamshell package covered with a note scrawled in sharpie: YOU MUST BE 18 TO RENT.
This feels like a movie made from VHS, as where were people going to see this in 1978?
Written and directed by John Alan Schwartz (using the name Alan Black for the screenplay and Conan LeCilaire for directing, as well as Johnny Getyerkokov for second unit and appearing with no screen name for his role as the leader of the cannibal cult), this film made $35 million at the box office, despite being outlawed in the UK and made a video nasty. It was not banned in forty countries, no matter what the box art may scream at you, and it really doesn’t contain all that much real death either.
Try telling that to the kids in my hometown in the mid-80s.
They believed that pathologist Francis B. Gröss — actually portrayed by Michael Carr — was a real doctor who was using video to explore the phenomena of death itself. They spoke breathlessly of the moments in this movie and it was another torture test film, one people bragged about surviving.
As this was a non-union film, there weren’t many credits, so it could have seemed real. But today, so many people have come forward discussing how they were involved in the movie. Estimates are that 40% of the film is fake, but the death scene of the female cyclist is real and the alligator scene also shows up in Naked and Cruel.
In today’s world, we have the internet, which has non-stop access to the kind of footage that Faces of Death could only dream of having access to getting. As such, we are numb to the kind of panic and worry that one would have with this movie staring back at them from the shelves of a mom and pop video store.
Is it any wonder that Legendary is rebooting this film series but making it friendlier? Here’s the logline for the film: “A female moderator of a YouTube-like website whose job is to weed out offensive and violent content and who herself is recovering from a serious trauma, who stumbles across a group that is re-creating the murders from the original film. But in the story primed for the digital age of online misinformation, the question is: Are the murders real or fake?”
Nobody is going to have nightmares about that movie.
Editor’s Note: This review ran on December 4, 2019. We’re bringing it back for our “Hikmet ‘Howard’ Avedis Week” of reviews.
Growing up, the Saint Francis Hospital would always send people with mental issues to the fifth floor. I’ve had certain family members who would have semi-regular vacations to the fifth floor. It got to the point that whenever someone would discuss whether or not someone was acting strangely, they’d say, “Well, they’re on the fifth floor.”
This was going to be part of slasher month, except that it’s in no way a slasher. Of course, the poster work and other marketing makes it seem that way. It’s not. It’s much stranger.
Kelly McIntyre (Dianne Hull, cryonics enthusiast and an actress in Christmas Evil) is a disco dancer who gets dosed, probably by her boyfriend. This brings her to the fifth floor fo Cedar Springs Hospital, where her boyfriend refuses to help her, accusing her of being suicidal.
Kelly’s attractive, which means that she soon becomes the target of Carl the orderly. He’s played by Bo Hopkins, who I have had the fortune of watching several films with him in them of late. Here he’s out of control, a non-stop erection determined to ruin everyone’s life.
This movie is packed with faces you’ll remember, like Don Johnson’s ex-girlfriend and Warhol movie star Patti D’Arbanville, Cathey Paine (Helter Skelter), horror icons Michael Berryman and Robert Englund, Sharon Farrell (It’s Alive), Anthony James (the chauffeur from Burnt Offerings), Julie Adams Dennis Hopper’s The Last Movie and The Creature From the Black Lagoon), Mel Ferrer, John David Carson (Creature from Black Lake), Earl Boen (the only actor other than Arnold Schwarzenegger to appear in the first three Terminator films), Alice Nunn (Large Marge!), rock and roll photographer Chuck Boyd (who is also in the sexploitation film Dr. Minx and The Specialist, both from the same director of this movie), Machine Gun Kelly (who was the announcer in UHF), disco singer Patti Brooks (whose song “After Dark” was on the soundtrack of Thank God It’s Friday! and recorded two duets with Dan Aykroyd for Dr. Detroit), Milt Kogan (Barney Miller), 1961 Miss Universe Marlene Schmidt (who is in nearly every movie this director did) and Tracey Walter. Yes, Bob the Goon from Batman.
This star-studded journey into mental illness comes straight out of the mind of Howard Avedis, who brought us all manner of literally insane movies like Mortuary and They’re Playing with Fire, two movies that I recommend highly. He knows how to take a salacious topic and make it even smuttier, which I always adore. Well done, Howard (or Hikmet).
It might seem like a TV movie for a bit, then there’s full frontal nudity and you’ll feel safe, like a warm straitjacket has been put on you, allowing you to just lie back and enjoy the magical exploitation within.
From the Editor’s Desk, 2023: Dark Force Entertainment, via their catalog, offers copies of the Code Red reissue for Texas Detour. As we know, Code Red shut down, but this helpful Wikipedia page offers a listing of their past reissues, many which are available as used copies on various seller sites.
We try to be thorough as we build out little slice of movie heaven in the wilds of Allegheny County. And just when we think we have a genre licked — in this case hicksplotation — another film rears its ugly sprockets. And since we’re in the midst of a three-day tribute to all things Howard Avedis, we’re rollin’ his redneck entry.
Yes. The man who bought us the better known Mortuary and the even better known Scorchy— and even gave Adam “Batman” West a lead role with The Specialist — went ‘en git himself sum Smokey and the Bandit whisky backwash, Big Hoss! Yep, we needs to be addin’ this to our ever-growin’ “Top 70 Good Ol’ Boys Film List” of homegrown redneck flicks.
And if that’s not enough: Avedis brings along Patrick “Son of the Duke, John” Wayne (the SOV’er Revenge), Cameron Mitchell, and Priscilla “Three Company” Barnes, later of Rob Zombie retro-horrors fame (The Devil’s Rejects). Is that character actor de jour R.G Armstrong (Evilspeak)? Yep! And be on the lookout for the requite cast creepy, Anthony James (Ravagers; he also stars in Uncle Howie’s 1974 sorta soft-porner, The Teacher — which we are reviewing this week, so look for it).
Good job, art department. Make the typeset really, really small and draw up a hero that looks like Clint Eastwood, so we think we’re getting The Gauntlet (1977).
A trip across the United States takes a wrong turn when three California teenagers (led by matured ’60s kid actor Mitch Vogel, best known for TV’s Bonanza, in his final film role) have their van stolen — from the backlot of Paramount Studios’ Paramount Ranch. Stranded in a backwoods town — with the R.G.’s Sheriff Burt redneck-corruptin’ the joint and criminalizing roadside assistance — our teens serve sum redneck justice on the rednecks.
Ridin’ with Vogel’s Dale McCarthy is Wayne’s big brother Clay and their blonde sister Sugar (Lindsay Bloom of Terror at London Bridge). Clay’s a race car-stunt driver while Dale aspires for country-singer stardom. And to that end: they’re driving across Texas to get Dale to Nashville for an audition.
Cue the escaped convict trio who steal the van.
Then things — as they usually do in Texas — get worse.
Stuck in Podunk, Texarkana, Clay and the clan take a job as sharecroppers for pocket money. Then Clay hooks up with the farmer’s daughter (Barnes’s dad is ol’ Cam), because, well, if Clay didn’t keep it in his pants, this review would end right here. Of course, forget the van and being stranded, Dale, for you need sum lovin’, too. So, to that end, Sheriff Buford T.’s daughter Karen will fit the bill. And Sugar, hell, why not: she hookin’ up with the local greasy monkey at the gas station.
Cue Anthony James. He’s the Sheriff’s creepy son who wants sum of that sweet blonde Sugar. Redneck rape, ensues. Lazy Sheriff corruption, ensues. And all hell breaks loose, ensues . . . all to the tune of a film score by Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman. Who? Oh, right, before most of your times . . . they were in the Turtles (remember the annoying song “Happy Together” that appears on all of those film soundtracks to inspire “nostalgia” in the viewer), then became hippie-rockers Flo and Eddie and were in Frank Zappa’s band The Mothers of Invention.
Wow. Say what you will about the ’70s redneck craze and all of the inspired-Smokey knockoffs, but this one raises all the hicksplotation tent poles to pitch the tents to park yer TransAm and pop an ol’ can of Coors. It’s a trashy, sleazy fun ride, Big Hoss! Seriously, this ain’t bad. And . . . next up for Uncle Howie: Bo Hopkins in the damsel-in-distress-in-the-insane-asylum romp, The Fifth Floor (1978) and Karen Black in the this-isn’t-Fatal Attaction Separate Ways (1981).
What the hell? We had a trailer and copy of the movie bookmarked when scheduling our Howie tribute — and now it’s all gone from You Tube. Yeah, we found two copies of Texas Detour — on two iffy and never-heard-of-before sites — and the Magic 8 Ball says “Just Say No” to the click. But the DVDs and Blus abound and you can get your own at Diabolik Video. Nope. No copies on Amazon Prime or Vudu. Tubi, we need a free-with-ads steam.
While this Avedis romp is more Smokey and the Bandit-inspired hicksploitation than ’70s vansploitation in our opinion, because a van shows up in the opening act (it’s stolen and sets up the film), then reappears in the third act (for our redneck hippies’ great escape), this shows up on the latter lists, as well. We dive deeper into that cruisin’ genre with the definitive van flick: Van Nuys Blvd.
About the Author: You can learn more about the writings of R.D Francis on Facebook.He also writes for B&S About Movies.
Known in Italy as Emanuelle e le porno notti nel mondo n. 2, this movie is more like the Superman and Batman of Italian scummy cinema teaming up, as Joe D’Amato and Bruno Mattei (credited as J. Metheus) team up to unleash their absolute lack of restraint upon audiences, bringing along Laura Gemser, Black Emanuelle herself, to host the proceedings.
This being a mondo, you may wonder, how long until a real animal is abused? Oh, not long. That said, the majority of this film is given over to strip clubs and magic acts. Unlike other D’Amato and Mattei adult mondos, this is relatively tame by comparison. If you want full and unfiltered Joe and Bruno, you’d want Notti porno nel mondo.
Gloria Guida, Miss Teenage Italy 1974, appears in this. You may recognize her from The Bermuda Triangleand as the titular character in Blue Jeans. Ajita Wilson, who was in Fulci’s Contraband, also appears.
I’m always amazed that these mondos continually feature sex change footage, which is often faked. Who was clamoring to see this? That said, I do love Mattei’s super quick-cut editing style and unlike many mondos, this never gets boring.
The Venom Mob had been in Shaw Brothers movies before, but this was the film where they showed the world that they were amongst the greatest theatrical martial artists of all time.
As the master of the Poison Clan dies, he sends his last student Yang Tieh (Chiang Sheng) to warn Yun (Ku Feng) that five of his students — Gao “Scorpion” Ji, Meng “Lizard” Tianxia, Liang “Toad” Shen, Qi “Snake” Dong and Zhang “Centipede” Yiaotian — plan on stealing the clan’s gold. Yang must fight them all or join with the ones still loyal to the clan to fulfill his dying teacher’s final request.
What follows is a series of double crosses — and triple crosses even — as the students of the Poison Clan battle to either keep the money for themselves or save it for the good of the clan. Because Yang Tieh knows a small bit of each of their five styles, he may have a chance to live. Yet who, if anyone, will be the ally he needs to win?
Chang Cheh made more than ninety films, among them the One-Armed Swordsman series, Crippled Avengers, Kid with the Golden Arm and many more. His style of heroic bloodshed films has influenced everyone from John Woo to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino.
If American audiences know director Lau Kar-leung and star Gordon Liu for anything, it would be this movie. A lot of credit for that goes to the Wu-Tang Clan, who referenced it in an album title and have as many alternate names for one another as audiences do for this movie (The Master Killer, Shaolin Master Killer and Shao Lin San Shi Liu Fang).
Liu Yude (Liu) has been radicalized into the rebellion against the Manchu government, which ends when General Tien Ta destroys his school and then kills not just the students, but their friends and family as well. On the run, he goes to the Shaolin temple in the hopes of learning the fighting skills he’ll need for revenge.
As an outsider, he is turned away until the chief abbott has mercy on him. Yet a year later, Yude is now San Te and begins working his way through the 35 training chambers that each monk must complete. The top chamber is too much for our hero, where he must recite Buddhist philosophy from memory, so he begins on the bottom, amazing everyone at becoming the master of 35 of the chambers in just six years.
After numerous battles, he finally defeats one of the elders and announces that his goal is to create the new 36th chamber, one in which ordinary people will be given the skills to defend themselves. The temple officially banishes him but only does so to allow him to go back into the ordinary world and continue the revolution and stopping Tien Ta.
“The wall may be low, but the Buddha is high.” With dialogue like this, The 36th Chamber of Shaolin shows that the journey to master oneself through fighting skill is not even about the actual fighting. It is mastering emotion and going inward to better oneself. The war is often with ourselves.
When Rankin/Bass and Tsuburaya Productions, two powerhouses in the film industry, join forces, they create something truly unique. Their collaborations are always a bit off the beaten path, but none are quite as intriguing as this one. This film, with its ghost girl, childhood trauma, and the iconic kaiju turtle, is a testament to their innovative spirit.
It was written by William Overgard, who created the comic strips Steve Roper and Mike Nomad and Rudy and wrote scripts for several collaborative films like The Last Dinosaur, The Ivory Ape and The Bushido Blade. He also wrote episodes of ThunderCats and Silver Hawks. He also worked with Arthur Rankin Jr.* on this story.
Directed by Tsugunobu “Tom” Kotani, the mastermind behind all these bizarre American/Japanese films, this one takes the cake in terms of its outlandishness. When I say weird, I mean it’s the kind of film that will leave you scratching your head, but in the best possible way.
Magnus Dens (Leigh McCloskey, who was in Inferno and now paints art based on occult, alchemical and esoteric themes) is asleep on an island when he is woken up by Jennie (Connie Sellecca) who claims to know him. He’s been dreaming of his childhood and she may be the girl he remembers from it, the love of his life who watched a turtle hatch on the beach with him and craved J+M into its shell before she rode that giant turtle into the sea and disappeared forever. This happened on the very same night that a monster emerged from the cave beneath his house and killed his father!
Our hero also has a job working alongside another childhood friend, Eric (Carl Weathers), for marine biologist Dr. Paulis (Burl Ives!). Paulis informs him that Jennie doesn’t exist and is the name of a legend in which a beautiful but vain woman was saved from a storm by a mysterious god and given eternal life at the cost of never again being able to live on land.
With a harpoon-shooting bazooka known as Horror, women with glowing green eyes, the mid-movie appearance of a giant turtle wiping out most of the cast, and a total downer ending, this movie was made for me. The ending alone is enough to make you wonder how it all wraps up. I can’t even imagine what people thought of it when it ran on ABC on January 27, 1978.
*Rankin loved Bermuda so much that he moved there after making this.
Editor’s Note: We originally ran this review on January 30, 2019, as part of our “Viking Week” of film reviews. We’re rerunning it as part of our “Lee Majors Week” of reviews.
Look, I can hear you laughing. An 11th-century Viking prince — played by Lee Majors of all people — sets sails for North America to find his missing father, who has been captured by Native Americans. Yes, it’s ridiculous. But it’s also directed by Charles B. Pierce, who brought us The Town That Dreaded Sundown, The Bootleggers, and The Legend of Boggy Creek.
Along with Majors, the film also boasts a packed cast: Cornel Wilde (Gargoyles, Sharks’ Treasure), Mel Ferrer, Jack Elam, Christopher Connelly (Hot Dog from 1990: The Bronx Warriors), NFL Hall of Famer Deacon Jones, former Tarzan Denny Miller (always remembered as Carol Brady’s ex-college football star boyfriend, Tank) and Kathleen Freeman (Sister Mary Stigmata from The Blues Brothers). Well, in my world it’s a star-studded cast!
It also features Jimmy Clem as Olif. In addition to being in nearly every one of Pierce’s films, he was also famous for owning and breeding one of the most respected and revered Brahman cattle herds in the world.
The major highlight of this film is the wacky mask that Lee Majors wears, along with his little mustache. It’s really quite breathtaking. Really, this movie is beyond ridiculous and it’s kind of shocking that it ever made it to the screen. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love it and won’t try to put it on if you ever visit my house, dear reader. It’s the perfect movie to be enjoyed alongside all manner of mind-altering substances!
How did this make it to the big screen? It was a Fawcett-Majors co-production (made the same year as the studio’s Somebody Killed Her Husband starring wife, Farrah) with Charles Pierce and AIP Studios working the distribution; as result, it was Pierce’s first film with a major Hollywood studio. Courtesy of a pretty cool interview with Lee by the AV Club, as he talked about his work on Ash vs. Evil Dead, it’s learned Lee took the deal as result of being paid $500,000 and 10% of the profits — and that it shot in sunny Tampa, Florida. To that end: many of the vikings are played by Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And let’s not forget that Lee was, himself, an ex-high school and college football player, so he had a fun time — as he says in interviews — on this shoot.
Shout! Factory released this movie on a double disk with The Barbarians. You can get it right here.
Frank Davis (John P. Ryan), the father of the child in the original It’s Alive, is trying to make up for his part in the life and death of his child by warning parents of the conspiracy to murder their mutant children. Parents like Eugene (Frederic Forrest, The Conversation) and Jody (Kathleen Lloyd, The Car), who are met at the hospital not by doctors and nurses, but by police officers. She’s rescued by Frank just before she goes into labor and delivers her child in a specially made vehicle.
The trouble is, even the calmest of people can spook these mutant children, who are nature’s most perfect apex predator. Now that there are three of these babies, things are even more intense than the first film.
Like always, Larry Cohen can take an idea that sounds ridiculous when read and make a movie that completely works. He’s honestly one of the directors I depend on most, because no matter the genre or budget, his movies are always something that entertains and makes you think.
Of course, there would have to be a third film in this series and, spoiler warning, I ended up enjoying it even more than this one.
Back before anyone knew who Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell and what Evil Dead was, a bunch of guys went into the woods — along with Ellen Sandweiss, Scott Spiegel, Mary Valenti and $1,600 — and made this proof of concept for the cabin in the woods film that would one day define so much of modern horror.
Raimi and Campbell had been making Super 8 movies since they were kids, so this was just the next evolution of their hobby before it became a career. That said, the budget demanded that nearly every special effect was made with off the shelf make-up.
While never commercially released, the film did play one night in Detroit alongside The Rocky Horror Picture Show where it ended up getting reviewed favorably in The Detroit News. It’s never come out even on DVD, as there are royalty issues with the music that was used, such as the Jaws theme.
What this film really served as was a proof of concept, basically a trailer for what Raimi would go on to do later. His friends the Coen Brothers learned the same trick, making a trailer for their movie Blood Simple to show how the movie would work.
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