EDITOR’S NOTE: It’s Alive was on the CBS Late Movie on July 11 and December 22, 1986 and September 30, 1987.

The TV commercial for It’s Alive terrified me. The music, the slowly turning bassinet, the fact that a demon baby was inside — it was too much for my child brain to handle. I would cover my ears and yell every single time I saw it. The power and memory and latent fear for this thirty seconds created stayed with me for decades, ensuring that I would never watch this film.

Frank and Lenore Davis are excitedly expecting the birth of their second child. They’ve been waiting for years and properly planned the child’s birth, with Lenore using birth control pills until the time was right. However, their infant is a monster, a deformed creature with fangs and claws that is so horrifying, one of the doctors instantly tries to suffocate it. The baby kills the team who delivered it before escaping, leaving a crying Lenore and frightened Frank.

The baby goes on a murderous rampage while Frank denies that the child is his, as a parallel is made to Frankenstein and how Dr. Frankenstein abandoned his creation. It turns out that the birth control drugs Lenore was on may have caused the mutation. To protect their bottom line, they want the child destroyed.

The baby finds its way home, where Lenore embraces her child. Their first son, Chris, becomes homesick (he’d been staying with Charley, a family friend) and returns home, where he meets his sibling and promises to protect him. Frank discovers that the child is being hidden and shoots at it, but the baby escapes and kills Charley.

The police and Frank track the child to the sewer, where the father realizes that the beast is his flesh and blood. Hiding the baby in his coat, Frank tries to escape, but he’s caught by the police. Then, his child leaps from his arms to kill the pharmaceutical company representative who is with the cops. The police open fire, killing the child and the man who he is attacking.

As the police take the Davis family home, we learn that another deformed child has been born in Seattle.

When Larry Cohen completed the film, he learned that the executives who had produced the film were all gone. It’s Alive got a paltry one week run in Chicago and a limited release. Three years later, after that team of executives were replaced, Cohen convinced Warner Brothers to re-release the film with the ad campaign featured above, leading to a successful run.

It’s Alive preys on our worst fears — that our children will grow to become monsters. However, Cohen takes it a step further. These children instantly are monstrous killers.

Two sequels — It Lives Again and It’s Alive 3: Island of the Alive — followed, as well as a remake. The original — shot at the same time as Hell Up in Harlem by a crew that was doing day and night shoots 7 days a week — is an impressive film. Like all Cohen’s work, the idea is stronger than the budget and the final product looks so much better than the dollars it cost to create would suggest.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Beyond the Door was on the CBS Late Movie on November 9, 1979 and January 30, 1981.

There are rip-offs of The Exorcist. And then there are rip-offs where copyright infringement lawsuits lead to Warner Brothers getting a cash settlement and a portion of the film’s future revenue. Beyond the Door would be the latter. It’s $40 million worldwide gross meant that this film would a film draw the ire and call of that most Satanic of all monsters, the suits and the lawyers.

Directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis, who wrote 1979’s most insane film The Visitor and directed Tentacles and Madhouse (and he was also CEO of Cannon, producing films like Lambada and American Ninja 5), the film opens with Satan literally speaking, promising to give a man ten more years of life if he knocks up a woman. Oh yeah — there’s also a naked female on a light up crucifix.

Jessica Barrett (Juliet Mills, TV’s Nanny and the Professor) is pregnant with her third child, which leads to the typical symptoms — strange voices, throwing up blood, screaming all night long. You know — the normal stuff.

Her other kids are also impacted by all this Satanic panic going on in the Barrett house, as her husband Robert (Gabriele Lavia, Deep Red) tries to help. Turns out an old lover, Dmitri (Richard Johnson, Dr. Menard from Zombi!) has something to do with all of this, as he’s the man Satan was speaking to in the opening of the film. He offers to help Jessica, but he’s really trying to ensure that her baby is born because it’s gonna be the Antichrist (DUM DUM DUM)!

The possessor ends up killing Dmitri after asking him to reach into Jessica and pull out her baby. She vomits blackness all over his face, so he starts banging on her stomach while yelling, “LIES! LIES LIES!” So the devil sends him back over that cliff in his car, killing him.

A dove flies by as we find Jessica on a boat, covered with a robe and wearing sunglasses. She has lost the baby but regained her life. Children run and play everywhere. Meanwhile, we cut to a young child unwrapping a gift, which contains a red car. He tosses it overboard, revealing that he’s the Antichrist. Or maybe he’s Jessica’s kid? Who knows. Who can say? He does have glowing eyes, so there’s that.

Beyond the Door zigs where The Exorcist zags. Instead of “Tubular Bells,” we get 70’s funk. Instead of priests, we get weird ex-lovers. Instead of kids being possessed, here they are just foul-mouthed little bastards.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Golden Needles was on the CBS Late Movie on October 8, 1980 and May 29, 1981.

Golden Needles begins with an elderly asian man being treated to various needles that literaly rise both him — and his member — back from the dead, at which point his grinning harem guides him out of the room just in time for a group of flamethrower-spraying masked troopers to kill every single person with fire.

That’s how you start a movie.

As for the actual film, well, various groups are fighting amongst themselves to gain possession of a very special statue that has golden needles within it. If they inserted in the right areas on a man, he will gain super sexual skills. Or die, if things are done wrong.

Director Robert Clouse made Enter the Dragon and this finds him teaming up again with Jim Kelly, along with 70s sex symbol — I mean, I guess — Joe Don Baker. God bless American-International Pictures for making this movie and getting the cast they did, which includes Elizabeth Ashley (Windows) as Baker’s love interest and one of the people who wants the statue, Burgess Meredith as the nude man painting bad guy and Ann Sothern as a brothel owner.

You have to love a movie that has the credit “Jim Kelly’s Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself” and then realize that that fight is filled with nude men trying to take a shower and their rear ends being used for comedy.

This movie is just the way I like them: filled with Joe Don Baker love scenes, karate and a PG rating for a film that starts with fire murders in a massage parlor.

Set against the backdrop of the Italian Unification in early 19th-century Italy, after the fall of Napoleon, Fulvio (Marcello Mastroianni), an aristocrat who has dedicated his life to the revolution, has become disillusioned.

You will understand why, as the movie starts with Fulvio being released from prison after authorities spread the rumor that he sold out the Master of Sublime Brothers, a secret society of revolutionaries, to be freed. His formers friends put him on trial until they find out that their missing Master committed suicide days earlier. The group disbands and Fulvio finally goes home after decades gone, just as his relatives mourn his death.

His lover Charlotte (Lea Massari) wants to go to Sicily to start another revolution but Fulvio is exhausted by it all. He decides not to tell his fellow revolutionaries that the authorities are coming and most of them die, including Charlotte, moments after they are reunited with their son Massimiliano (Ermanno Taviani). The survivors have no idea that Fulvio has turned against them and think the money his lover left will go to the struggle; he wants to take their son to America.

He manages to nearly convince one of the revolutionaries, Lionello (Claudio Cassinelli), to kill himself before their boat capsides and kills him anyway; he also seduces his lover Francesca (Mimsy Farmer) while using the money to send his son to a boarding school while making it appear as if he were robbed. It all seems to come together, except for the titular Allonsanfàn (Stanko Molnar).

Directors and writers Paolo and Vittorio Taviani were inspired by 19th-century Italian operas, as well as an ill-fated 1857 revolutionary expedition led by Carlo Pisacane. Originally, the movie ended with Fulvio choosing not to betray his companions, but the Tavianis were themselves disillusioned with Italy itself.

It also has a great team working on the soundtrack, as it was composed by Ennio Morricone and directed by Bruno Nicolai.

The Radiance Films blu ray release of this film has a new 2K restoration of the film from the original negative, presented on blu ray for the first time in the world. There’s audio commentary by critic Michael Brooke, an archival interview with the Taviani brothers by critic Gideon Bachmann, a trailer, a reversible sleeve and a limited edition booklet featuring new writing by Italian cinema expert Robert Lumley and a newly translated contemporary interview with the Taviani brothers. There are only 3000 copies complete with full-height Scanavo packaging with removable OBI strip leaving the packaging free of certificates and markings. You can get it from MVD.