SEVERIN BOX SET RELEASE: Fear In the Philippines: The Complete Blood Island Films

From 1959 to 1971, Filipino filmmakers Eddie Romero and Gerry de León —along with Hemisphere Pictures marketing consultant Samuel M. Sherman—booked flights for drive-in audiences to Blood Island. This dark den of zombies, medical experiments, wanton women and terror would last four movies that fans of exploitation films have obsessed over ever since.

I’ve loved these movies ever since I first discovered them when Severin’s first re-releases came out a few years ago. I was so lucky to see many of them at the drive-in.

Now, Severin is re-releasing all of them – scanned uncut in 4K with improved color and audio plus over 8 combined hours of special features – in a new box set that you can get directly from the Severin Films Webstore.

Terror Is a Man (1959): Call it Blood Creature, Creature from Blood Island, The Gory Creatures, Island of TerrorGore Creature, or its most well-known title, Terror Is a Man, but what you should really call it is the first of the Blood Island films. These movies, produced by Eddie Romero and Kane W. Lynn, include Brides of Blood, The Mad Doctor of Blood Island and Beast of Blood.  You can also consider The Blood Drinkers a Blood Island movie.

This movie was in theaters for nearly ten years—until 1969, when distributor Sam Sherman re-released it as Blood Creature with a warning bell that alerted the audience to impending gore.

William Fitzgerald (Richard Derr, who was almost The Shadow in a TV pilot that was turned into a movie called The Invisible Avenger) is the lone survivor of a ship that has crashed on Blood Island. Also, there are Dr. Girard (Francis Lederer, whose Simi Hills home is considered a landmark residence), his frustrated wife Frances (Greta Thyssen, who was in three of the Three Stooges shorts and Cottonpickin’ Chickenpickers) and his assistant Walter Perrera.

Much like The Island of Dr. Moreau, Girard is making half-man, half-animals like the panther he’s been experimenting on that tends to attack villagers. Of course, the doctor’s wife falls in love with the protagonist, and the beast gets loose and kills all sorts of people, including his creator. But hey — that mummy-like cat-eyed fiend seems to survive at the end, as a small island boy sends him away on a rowboat.

Gorgeous natives. Strong men. Crazy doctors. Werecats in bandages. Blood Island. Indeed, this one has it all.

The Severin release includes extras such as interviews with Samuel M. Sherman, co-director Eddie Romero, Pete Tombs (co-author of Of Immoral Tales), and critic Mark Holcomb, a trailer, and a poster and still gallery.

Brides of Blood (1968): This movie, which was originally known as Island of Living Horror, was rereleased with Count Dracula’s Great Love. The former was retitled Cemetery Girls and the latter was renamed Grave Desires.

Much like all of these Filipino horror films, it’s completely bonkers.

The tropics are the place for three Americans to find, well, complete insanity.

Dr. Paul Henderson, a nuclear scientist investigating nuclear bomb tests, is played by Kent Taylor. He was once a major star, playing the title role in fifty-eight Boston Blackie movies. His name is also half the inspiration for Superman’s alter ego (the other star is Clark Gable).

He’s married to the gorgeous but always ready-to-cuckold Carla, Beverly Powers. Beverly was once the highest-paid exotic dancer in the world before becoming an actress and starring with Elvis in SpeedwayKissin’ Cousins and Viva Las Vegas. She also pretty much played herself in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. After all that acting, she became a minister with The Living Ministry in Maui, Hawaii.

Then there’s Jim Farrell, a young Peace Corps member played by John Ashley. Ashley was an AIP star who appeared in Dragstrip Girl and sang his song “Let Yourself Go Go Go” in Zero Hour! He was also a regular in their beach movies, appearing at Beach PartyMuscle Beach PartyBikini BeachBeach Blanket Bingo, and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini.

After living in Oklahoma for a while, Ashley produced these movies with Hemisphere Pictures, living in the Philippines for part of the year and helping to create these little bits of madness.

Our protagonists soon learn that Blood Island is cursed. It’s now a place that has been irradiated by nuclear fallout from those bomb tests, with vines that attack people and butterflies that bite. There’s also a beast in the jungle that tears women apart to get off because, hey, why not?

Carla learns that the beast is one of the villagers, Esteban, but it comes at the price of her own life. She’s an early “sex and people who want sex must be destroyed” casualty decades before this type of destruction de rigeur.

Between carnivorous trees eating Carla’s remains and the movie ending in a vast orgy, this is probably unlike any other film you’ve seen before. You can say that about every single film from this studio.

The press book for the movie suggested that all female theatergoers would get the chance to become Brides of Blood and receive a free engagement ring. There was even the idea of giving away fake marriage certificates, but legal concerns prevented that.

Extras on the Severin release include commentary from  Samuel M. Sherman; interviews with co-director Eddie Romero, Sherman and Beverly Powers; the alternate Brides of Blood Island title sequence and a Jungle Fury title card; a teaser; a trailer and a poster and still gallery.

Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1969): We’re back ten years after we first got to Blood Island. Eddie Romero and Gerardo de Leon have returned in the directing chair, and this time, they’ve brought even more blood, beasts and boobs than they did in their last effort, Brides of Blood.

This film was syndicated to TV as Tomb of the Living Dead and is also known as The Mad Doctor of Crimson Island because, in some states, like Rhode Island, the word “blood” wasn’t allowed in movie advertising.

After Brides of Blood, John Ashley discovered that the film was so well-received that distributors asked him to make more. He moved to the Philippines and got to work.

The film starts with an initiation, as at some theaters, you are given a packet of green liquid and asked to recite the oath of green blood so that you can watch the unnatural green-blooded ones without fear of contamination. Years later, Sam Sherman said that he came up with this idea, and he got incredibly sick when he drank one of the packets. The film’s other gimmick is rapidly zoomed in and out, like Fulci on speed, whenever a monster appears. That was to cover the harmful special effects, but it made plenty of theatergoers sick. Man — destructive green liquid and frequent pans and zooms. It’s as if they wanted kids to puke!

A woman runs naked through a jungle before a green-skinned monster kills her. Yes, that’s how you start a movie!

Then we meet our heroes, like pathologist Dr. Bill Foster (Ashley), Sheila Willard (Angelique Pettyjohn, who was famously in the Star Trek episode “The Gamesters of Triskelion” and early 80s hardcore films like Titillation, Stalag 69 and Body Talk) and Carlos Lopez (Ronaldo Valdez, who would become the first Filipino Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel).

The ship’s captain, who got them there, tells them how the island is cursed and how its people bleed green blood. Everything falls apart — Sheila’s dad, who she hoped to take home, is now a drunk. And Carlos’ mother refuses to leave, even after the mysterious death of her husband.

It turns out that Dr. Lorca has been experimenting on the natives, who just want to be healthy. Instead, they’re becoming green beasts that murder everything they can. Look out, everyone! I hope you’ve drunk your green blood before this all began!

Angelique Pettyjohn claimed that the love scene with John Ashley was not simulated. Seeing how Severin finally found the uncut film, and I haven’t seen any penetration, I think she’s full of it. But who am I to doubt her?

To make this even better, the American trailer of this is narrated by Brother Theodore!

Extras on the Severin release include commentary by Nathaniel Thompson and Howard S. Berger and a second commentary with Samuel M. Sherman; interviews with Pete Tombs, Mark Holcomb and Eddie Romero; a trailer and a poster and still gallery.

Beast of Blood (1970): All good things must end. This is the final of the Blood Island films and the last movie that Eddie Romero would make for Hemisphere Pictures.

As Dr. Bill Foster (John Ashley), Sheila Willard, her father and Carlos Lopez escape from Blood Island, this movie’s Beast gets on board and goes buck wild, killing everyone he can and blowing up the ship. He survives and heads back to the jungle while Dr. Foster spends months recovering. Everyone he knew or loved is now dead.

Of course, he’s going back to Blood Island.

Dr. Lorca (Eddie Garcia), who apparently died at the end of the last movie, is still alive but horribly scarred. He controls the beast, which can live without its head and even talk and control its own body from afar.

This is less of a narrative movie for me and more a collection of magical images, as bodies squirt blood and beasts have swampy faces and make strange noises while their heads rot inside beakers and lab equipment.

To promote this one, which played a double bill with Curse of the Vampires, the producers printed counterfeit 10 bills that folded in half, with the other side revealing a poster for the film. Those fake sawbucks were scattered all around the neighborhoods where this movie played.

Extras on the Severin release include commentary by Samuel M. Sherman, interviews with Celeste Yarnall and Eddie Garcia; a Super 8 digest version; a trailer; a radio spot and a poster and a still gallery.

RADIANCE FILMS BOX SET RELEASE: Daiei Gothic: Japanese Ghost Stories: The Ghost of Yotsuya (1959)

Director Nobuo Nakagawa is known for his takes on Japanese folk horror, including Kaidan hebi-onna, Jigoku, Onna Kyuketsuki and Borei Kaibyo Yashiki. This is his adaption of the kabuki play Yotsuya Kaidan.

Umbrella maker and would-be samurai Iemon Tamiya (Shigeru Amachi) wants to marry Oiwa (Katsuko Wakasugi) and stands outside the home of her father Samon, beginning for her hand in marriage. He wants nothing to do with the boy, so he insults him, earning enough of his ire that he and his companion Sato are both killed by the samurai.

Naosuke (Shuntaro Emi) watched the whole thing and agrees to be quite if Iemon tells Oiwa and her sister Sode that their father was murdered by a criminal named Usaburo. He also asks for the samurai’s help in throwing Sode’s fiance,  Yomoshichi (Ryuzaburo Nakamura) to his death.

A year finds Iemon and Oiwa married, as well as her sister and Naosuke. Iemon is already tired of her and wants to move on in both beauty and status, so he hires a masseuse named Takuetsu (Jun Otomo) to seduce his wife, hoping she will give in and he can legally kill her as the result of adultery. Takuetsu fails, but she’s already taken the poison he brought, as her face breaks out in horrible blisters. She tries to kill him but only slashes herself, yet when Iemon returns, he kills the massage man and nails both of the victims to wood and sets it down the river.

That night, Iemon marries Ume (Junko Ikeuchi), the daughter of a rich nobleman. Just as quickly, the ghosts of Oiwa and Takuetsu appear. She finally attacks Iemon, who fights back with his sword, killing his wife and her parents. Hiding in a temple, he’s soon joined by Naosuke, who has also seen the ghosts. Oiwa tells her sister that Yomoschichi lives and together, they plan on revenge.

Iemon takes some of that by killing Naosuke, but when Yomoschichi and Sode arrive, the ghosts have so haunted him that he can’t defend himself. The movie ends on an image of Oiwa holding a child in the afterlife.

This has been filmed many times, but many say that this is the definitive version. It’s certainly bloodier and moodier than you’d expect for a movie made all the way back in 1959.

Past of the Daiei Gothic: Japanese Ghost Stories set from Radiance Films, The Ghost from Yotsuya has the following extras: a interview with filmmaker Kiyoshi Kurosawa, a visual essay on the history and adaptations of the classic Ghost of Yotsuya story by author Kyoko Hirano, a trailer and a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Filippo Di Battista.

You can purchase this set from MVD.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: First Man Into Space (1959)

EDITOR’S NOTE: First Man Into Space was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, June 13, 1964 at 4:00 p.m.

U. S. Navy Commander Charles “Chuck” Prescott (Marshall Thompson) is worried if his brother Lt. Dan Milton Prescott (Bill Edwards) is the right man to be first into space. He doesn’t follow orders — he went to see his girlfriend instead of doing his post-flight report — and had some issues on his last flight. Now, as he flies an advanced jet into the upper reaches of Earth, he decides to go for it instead of landing.

As the crews examine the wreckage, they find it covered with stone that keeps it from being scanned by all forms of light. Soon, a creature is draining a nurse and cattle of their blood. That used to be Dan. Now, it’s a hulking monster that crashes through doors and stalks women. His brain needs blood because of how it was destroyed by a lack of oxygen and it’s only because of a high altitude chamber that he’s able to say, “I just had to be the first man into space,” before he dies.

Directed at the same time as The Haunted Strangler by Robert Day, this started as a potential AIP movie. When they rejected it, AIP’s Alex Gordon sent it to his brother Richard, who worked with writer Charles F. Vetter and John Croydon, taking parts of another script, Satellite of Blood by Wyott Ordung. This played double features with The Mysterians.

In the stock footage, when you see that jet taking off? That’s Chuck Yeager.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: Horrors of the Black Museum (1959)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Horrors of the Black Museum was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, June 3, 1967 at 11:20 p.m.

Producer Herman Cohen was inspired by reading a series of newspaper articles about Scotland Yard’s Black Museum. He got to visit the museum and wrote this with Aben Kandel. Many of the weapons in this — including the binoculars — were based on actual weapons of murder.

Cohen wanted Vincent Price or Orson Welles, but Anglo-Amalgamated pushed for a British actor, so Michael Gough is the main bad guy, Edmond Bancroft. Working with his assistant Rick (Graham Curnow), he’s creating a black museum of his own filled with things that have killed people. He also writes about them in the paper and in books. He’s so known for this that a shop owner (Beatrice Varley) keeps weapons that she gets just for him.

There’s also a serial killer who is murdering people with other strange weapons and every time it happens, Bancroft goes mad and his blood pressure goes to 200/100, which let me tell you as someone who is oCD about testing and retesting my blood pressure would kill you.

Bancroft fights with his lover Joan (June Cunningham), who laughs at him and calls him a cripple. She goes out by herself, gets soused and hits on every man she sees before coming home to have a strange looking man place a guillotine on her bed and chop her head off.

As all that is happening, Rick falls for Angela (Shirley Anne Field) and starts planning to get married. However, he is tied to the crime writer by a dark secret.

Making this even better is the opening, which has hypnotist Emile Franchele and HypnoVista. This was added in the U.S. by American-International Pictures. I don’t know if I could be more excited to watch a movie after the opening.

Directed by Arthur Crabtree, this is a movie that was called “lurid,” “nasty” and “sensationalism without subtlety of characterization, situation or dialog.” Those people were right, right and very wrong.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: The Giant Gila Monster (1959)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Great Gila Monster was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, June 18, 1966 at 1 a.m.

Filmed near Dallas, Texas, this movie was produced by Dallas drive-in theater chain owner Gordon McLendon who wanted his own movies. This was shot back-to-back with The Killer Shrews. Unlike most regional drive-in films, both received national and even foreign distribution.

This movie is also a lie. That’s no Gila Monster. It’s a Mexican Beaded Lizard.

A young couple are pre-arrdvarking as they overlook a ravine when the giant Gila Monster appears and murders them. The rest of the movie is spent with their friends alternatively looking for them and running from the lizard.

If you ever wanted to see a small lizard play with a model train set and then bother some teens as a sock hop, then this is the movie for you.

Luckily, Chase Winstead is on hand, ready to drive nitro-filled hot rod dead center into the monster, blowing it, as they say, up real good.

Ray Kellogg, in addition to the previously mentioned The Killer Shrews, also co-directed The Green Berets. He got to direct this movie in exchange for creating the special effects. It was produced by Ken Curtis, who played Festus on Gunsmoke.

This movie features Don Sullivan (The Monster of Piedras Blancas), French Miss Universe 1957 contestant Lisa Simone (she’s also a Moon Girl in Missile to the Moon), former Sons of the Pioneers member Shug Fisher, Fred Graham (who falls to his death at the beginning of Vertigo) and local disc jockey Ken Knox, who helped pick the music for the movie.

You download it from the Internet Archive. There’s also a colorized version on Tubi. You can also watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version on  Tubi.

CHILLER THEATER MONTH: Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Attack of the Giant Leeches was on Chiller Theater on Saturday, December 5, 1964 at 1 a.m. and Saturday, July 3, 1965 at 1:00 a.m.

Gene Corman broke into the film industry before his brother Roger, working as an agent before becoming vice president of MCA, representing such clients as Joan Crawford, Fred MacMurray, Richard Conte, Harry Belafonte and Ray Milland.

By the late 50’s, he moved to produce his own films before starting his own producing unit at MGM. and then becoming vice-president of 20th Century Fox Television.

This film is directed by Bernard L. Kowalski, who also created Night of the Blood Beast and Sssssss. It was written by Leo Gordon, who had hundreds of roles as an actor, as well as being the author of movies like The Wasp WomanThe Cry Baby Killer and Hot Car Girl.

Did you know that there are larger than human intelligent leeches that live in the Florida Everglades? Yep. There sure are.

Those leeches love nothing more than dragging human beings down into their underwater caves and slowly feeding off their blood.

Liz Walker (Yvette Vickers, who was Playboy‘s July 1959 Playmate of the Month in a centerfold that was photographed by Russ Meyer; she’s also the girl who starts all the trouble by cheating with the husband of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman) is the first victim. Again, she plays a loose woman who is cheating on her husband, so she and her new man must pay.

Game warden Steve Benton (Ken Clark, who was Dick Malloy in the Agent 077 series of films), his girlfriend Nan Grayson and her doctor father are the heroes here and they deal with the leeches in the way that we all knew they would: they use dynamite to blow them up real good.

So yeah. Giant leeches. Wanton women. Dynamite. Cheap film making.

How cheap? Corman didn’t want to pay the grips the extra money for pushing the camera raft in the water, so at first, the director did it, then his brother and finally Corman himself. The cold water led to Corman getting pneumonia and ending up in the hospital. And yes, that is the same music from Night of the Blood Beast. The exact same music is also in Beast from the Haunted Cave.

This movie had some legs. In 1959, it played a double bill with A Bucket of Blood. Then, a year later, it ran alongside Corman’s brother’s film House of Usher. It was also remade in 2008 by Brett Kelly and written by Jeff O’Brien in a film that starred no one you’ve ever heard of.

You can watch this on Tubi with and without commentary from Mystery Science Theater. It’s in the public domain, so you can also grab it from the Internet Archive.

2024 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 2: The Alligator People (1959)

2. DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS: Mad scientists never seem to follow the rules…

Jane Marvin used to be Joyce Webster and they’re both played by Beverly Garland. She has amnesia because of something that happened in her past, something that scientists plan on getting to the bottom of.

She used to be married to Paul Webster (Richard Crane), a man who disappeared on their train honeymoon and ran back to the Cypresses Plantation in Bayou Landing, Louisiana. She follows him there and gets treated horribly by Lavinia Hawthorne (Frieda Inescort), who runs the home. There’s no train until the morning, so she stays in a room that she must not leave. That night, Joyce watches a shadowed man play piano before running out of the house.

Dr. Mark Sinclair (George Macready) wants to tell her the truth before Lavinia reveals that she is Paul’s mother. He had been torn apart in a plane crash and Dr. Mark had used a special formula to regenerate his body parts. That medical miracle has since turned Paul into, well, an alligator person.

There’s also a swamp man named Manon (Lon Chaney Jr.) who has already rescued Joyce from a snake before trying to assault her. He busts into the doctor’s lab just as they blast Mark with cobalt radiation. As the two fight, the lab is decimated and explodes. Mark is now a straight up alligator with an actual reptile head and he looks amazing, like the Gorn but way cheaper. He runs hard into the swamp and, yes, dies in quicksand while his wife watches.

The scientists decide not to tell Jane that she was Joyce. I mean, how would you?

Directed by Roy Del Ruth and written by Orville H. Hampton Charles O’Neal and Robert M. Fresco, this has a great look thanks to cinematographer Karl Struss, who won four Oscars for his work over his career. This was the other feature for Return of the Fly, which was in CinemaScope and needed another horror movie in that format. It was an independent movie purchased by 20th Century Fox.

What’s really wild is that there was almost an Atari 2600 game for this movie. 20th Century Fox had commissioned it and when collectors found the ROMs, for years they thought they had the actual game. Instead, in 2002, the real Alligator People game was discovered and it was learned that the other game was Planet of the Apes.

The game is similar to Pac-Man, with Jane being a syringe. You must save her friends who have become Alligator People before they eat you.

You can watch this on YouTube.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Santa Claus (1959)

69 EsSINtial SWV Titles (September 15 – 21): Klon, who came up with this list, said “This isn’t the 69 BEST SWV movies, it isn’t my 69 FAVORITE SWV movies, my goal was to highlight 69 of the MOST SWV movies.” You can see the whole list here, including some of the ones I’ve already posted.

Let’s get this out of the way. This is a movie made by maniacs who have nothing less than the goal of decimating your sanity. View this movie at your own peril.

René Cardona — who also brought us La Momia Azteca contra el Robot Humano — originally crafted this movie, which was remixed for American audiences by K. Gordon Murray, known as the “King of the Kiddie Matinee.” Ever wondered why Santo was called Samson in the U.S. dialogue? You can thank Murray, who also provides the near-manic voiceover for this film.

On Christmas Eve, Santa prepares for his big night, as always. He plays his organ while children all over the world sing. They hope to glimpse him as they leave his Toyland castle in space.

If you’re already wondering why anyone would change Santa’s basic character beats, buckle up. Have we got some Christmas magic for you?

In Hell, Satan tells Pitch, his main demon, to go to Earth and make kids hate Santa. Why? Who knows — we wouldn’t have a movie otherwise.

Pitch asks five kids to help him enrage Santa Claus. Four of them are complete assholes — three brothers who like to start shit and Billy, the son of wealthy but absent parents. They break some windows, but Pitch fails to talk Lupita, a poor girl, into stealing the doll she wants. An angry Santa watches from space with the help of his magic telescope and children’s helpers. Remember that part of Santa’s songs?

Santa also has a device that allows him to watch children’s dreams, further creating a police state only dreamed of by elves on shelves and Tom Cruise in Minority Report. Lupita dreams of adult-sized dancing dolls demanding that she learn how to steal.

The three brothers then break into Billy’s home and steal his toys. They then have the temerity to write to Santa and tell him they have been good all year, but his voice takes over their minds and informs them that he can see everything.

Let me see if I can process what happens next: Santa can deliver gifts to everyone on Earth because of his most trusted henchman, Merlin the Wizard. No, not Ringo Starr from Son of Dracula. No, this friend of Saint Nick gives him sleep powder, a flower that allows him to disappear, a magic key that will open any door on Earth and mechanical reindeer. But oh no — the three evil boys are plotting to enslave Santa. Enslave Santa — that’s how dark this movie is ready to get.

Want to get really dark? One of Santa’s helpers, Pedro, is played by an actor named Cesáreo Quezadas, who was also known by the stage name Pulgarcito, thanks to appearing in the popular film of the same name. This would be like us calling Bela Lugosi Dracula for the rest of his life. He often played plucky orphans, but as he hit puberty, his acting career suffered, leading to him holding up a shoe store in 1971. After some time in jail, he got married and had four kids, but ended up leaving his wife for his secretary, Claudia, and having two kids with her. Those two boys, Gridley and Guillermo, found a video of their father having sex with their stepsister, Mariana. He’s still in jail today, over a decade later.

Remember Lupita? She and her mom pray that she gets not just one baby doll but two — one of which she will give to Baby Jesus, which is kind of like when you ask your parents for money so you can buy them a gift at the Santa shop at school, and all they get is a piece of shit covered with glitter or a cheap screwdriver set that you wonder why they never use.

Santa just wants to get gifts to everyone on Earth, but Pitch keeps screwing with him. And Billy? His parents go out to eat and just leave him all alone. Santa helps out there and even has time to give the three bad kids coal after they try to steal his sleigh.

Pitch is finally lucky enough to empty all of Santa’s dream powder, and then the jolly old man drops his magic flower. He’s fucked. A dog chases him up a tree, and the devil’s majordomo calls the fire department to come so everyone can see Santa and ruin his magic. Merlin helps our hero escape and blasts the demon with a fire hose.

Don’t worry about Lupita. She gets her doll as Santa goes back to his castle. Whew.

This movie won the Golden Gate Award for Best International Family Film at the 1959 San Francisco International Film Festival. I can only imagine that this was one of the early LSD experiments and not a film festival based on artistic merit.

This movie has so many insane ideas that it’s difficult to summarize. From learning that demons primarily eat hot coals to the fact that every child who works for Santa must wear a racist costume that denotes their country of origin (all Japanese children wear kimonos, and all Americans are cowboys), this is a movie brimming with barely concealed menace.

But here’s what’s really weird: Even though Santa has modified all of his children’s countries, none of them know anything about their countries of origin. What is happening?

This is how Santa can be everywhere at once: he is from the Fifth Dimension, and, as we all know from reading Grant Morrison comics, that is the dimension of imagination. Therefore, as a fifth-dimensional being, Santa can see the reality of our dimension and do things that would break our minds if we contemplated them for so long — just like I am doing when I write this. I am putting your brain in danger right now by forcing you to reason with the fact that the physical properties that ground us in the Third Dimension can be pushed beyond the infinite. Merry Christmas.

Santa Claus can also feel physical pain when his mechanical manifestations are hit with rocks. This makes even less sense. Why, in a world where Lucifer is constantly trying to murder him, would Santa put himself in such mortal peril?

This is a movie that raises more questions than it answers. You ask, “Where does Santa come from?” Knowing that he comes from the North Pole, you are shocked to learn that everything you know — including the universe and its laws are governed — is a lie. This movie is meant to keep children occupied, whether on TV or in the movie houses where it ran yearly for three decades while parents try to get a merciful break. However, a central point of the film is for parents to stop ignoring their children, so any child ignored in such a way will have to feel lost in the maelstrom of emotional pain that this movie wields like a scalpel.

I get this for watching Santa Claus vs. the Devil at 4 AM. Pure pain, questions that chatter at my mind and the slowly evolving knowledge that this motion picture could have only been created by the eldritch powers of the Ancient Ones who wait for us Behind the Wall of Sleep, where their madness will infect our souls and cause our children to eat their way from their wombs.

VCI has released this movie on Blu-ray.

You can also watch this movie on Amazon Prime or on YouTube.

BONUS: Here’s some art that ran in Drive-In Asylum Special #3.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: High School Big Shot (1959)

Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video (August 25 – 31) Welcome to the wonderfully wacky world of Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video! Take a walk on the wild side with troublesome teenagers, sleazy sex kittens, way-out hippies, country bumpkins, big bad bikers, Mexican wrestlers, and every other variety of social deviant you can think of.

Filmed as Blood Money, this was a double feature as High School Big Shot as the first double feature release — with T-Bird Gang — for Roger Corman’s Filmgroup.

Marv Grant (Pittman) has a pretty desperate life. His father (Malcolm Atterbury) is an abusive drunk, his girl Betty Alexander (Virginia Aldridge) was using him because he would write her essays and when he gets caught, his teacher not only fails her, he also ruins Marv’s chance of getting a scholarship. Then, Betty leaves him and goes back to her real boyfriend, Vince (Howard Veit).

He also has a dead end job on the docks, where he learns that his boss is running a million dollar heroin deal. He decides to work with safecracker Harry March (Stanley Adams) and brother-in-law Sam Tolman (Louis Quinn) to take the cash, which he hops can get his dad off the sauce and win back Betty. He tells her the plan and she gets Vince involved to steal all the money.

This all ends in the most depressing way possible. Marv’s father kills himself, Vince shoots and kills Sam, Betty shows up only for Vince to kill her and then the real criminals show up and shoot up Vince before the cops arrest everyone, even Marv. Some high school big shot he ended up being.

Director and writer Joel Rapp also shot The Battle of Blood Island before a career in TV.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Incredible Petrified World (1959)

Softcore Smorgasbord (August 4 – 10) All of the movies on this list have at one time or another been available through Something Weird Video. I’m sure I’ve missed some but many of them are still available on their website (until the end of 2024). These are their vintage softcore movies listed under categories with ridiculous names like: Nudie Cuties, Sexy Shockers, Sexo a-go-go, Twisted Sex, and Bucky Beaver’s Double Softies.

Jerry Warren sat on this movie for two years before playing it with Teenage Zombies. Shot in Colossal Cave in Tucson, Arizona, the monster costume looked so bad that Warren didn’t use it. Let’s think on that for a minute. An effect so bad that Jerry Warren wouldn’t use it.

Professor Millard Wyman (John Carradine) has sent Paul Whitmore (Allen Windsor), Craig Randall (Robert Clarke), Lauri Talbott (Sheila Noonan) and Dale Marshall (Phyllis Coates) to the bottom of the ocean but their vehicle becomes lost. They swim — in scuba suits at crushing depths — into a cave where only Matheny (George Skaff), an old sailor, is still alive.

Professor Wyman’s brother Jim (Joe Maierhauser) has luckily built another vehicle, because Matheny is looking at the ladies like a man who is been in a cave for more than a decade and suddenly has a gypsy girl from Beast from the Haunted Cave and Lois Lane right within staring distance. Before he can say, “You know, I killed a man,” a volcano goes live, he dies under some rocks and all the white scientists celebrate their good fortune above the surface and no one gets the bends.

Warren sold this with “A Nightmare of Terror in the Center of the Earth with Forgotten Men, Monsters, Earthquakes and Boiling Volcanos!” I mean, yes, it has those things, but it’s…maybe not as exciting as the ads make it sound. The petrified world is the movie itself.

You can watch this on Tubi.