WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Catherine & Co. (1975)

Based on Catherine and Co. by Edouard de Segonzac, this is about Catherine (Jane Birkin) — are you shocked? — who becomes a sex worker and starts her own business. She also sells stock and repurchases her business.

Directed by Michel Boisrond, this was written by Catherine Breillat, whose first novel at 17, l’Homme facile (A Man for the Asking), was banned for French readers under 18. She would go on to make Romance and Anatomy of Hell, both of which feature adult actor Rocco Siffredi. She also acted in Last Tango in Paris.

She isn’t without controversy, as actress Caroline Ducey accused her of allowing actors to go too far with her sexually during Romance (not Siffredi). She has also been outspoken about actress Asia Argento, who had starred in her film The Last Mistress. She didn’t believe that Weinstein was guilty and referred to Argento as being involved in “semi-prostitution.” Argento responded by calling Breillat “the most sadistic and downright evil director she’d ever worked with.”

CBS LATE MOVIE: The Cartier Affair (1984)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Cartier Affair was on the CBS Late Movie on May 5, 1988.

Curt Taylor (David Hasselhoff) is released from California State Prison, and to settle a debt to Phillip Drexler (Telly Savalas), he pretends that he’s gay and becomes the secretary for soap opera star Cartier Rand (Joan Collins). The goal? Steal her jewelry. But then he falls in love.

Rod Holcomb only made two theatrical films: Stitches, for which he used the pseudonym Alan Smithee instead of his name, and Chains of Gold, the only thing that John Travolta ever wrote. The rest of his career was spent in TV. The writer crew included Scarecrow & King creators Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner, who wrote the script from a story by Michael Devereaux.

What a guest cast! Ed Lauter, Randi Brooks as the Hoff’s girlfriend, Rita Taggart as the maid who wants to basically sodomize Hasselhoff, Charles Napier and Harry Reems as a cop! As for the film, well, it’s as good as a 1984 TV movie with Hasselhoff and Joan Collins should be. There’s one great scene where the Hoff is trying to run from mob henchman David (John Bloom, The Reaper from The Hills Have Eyes Part II, The Dark from The Dark, Frankenstein’s Monster in Al Adamson’s Dracula vs. Frankenstein). He keeps trying to talk his way out of it, while the hitman keeps telling him that he has to shoot him. Bloom was more than seven feet tall but had some great comic timing.

You can watch this on Tubi.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Castle of Fu Manchu (1969)

Man, Christopher Lee may rival Donald Pleasence for not being able to say no — I say this with full knowledge that the former turned down Halloween while the latter said yes to that series more than he should have — and here he played Sax Rohmer’s “yellow peril” character of Fu Manchu, who is joined by his just as sadistic daughter Lin Tang. She’s played by Tsai Chin, who was a Bond girl twice in You Only Live Twice and Casino Royale, topped the music charts with “The Ding Dong Song,” and played Auntie Lindo in The Joy Luck Club.

Rosalba Neri is also in this, and you know, as bad as this movie might be, Rosalba Neri is in it. You should be so lucky as to get to spend 92 minutes with her.

This is the fifth and final time that Sir Lee played Fu Manchu, if you can believe that. Also starring in this movie is a substantial amount of pilfered footage, including the entire opening effects sequence from A Night to Remember and the dam bursting sequence taken from Campbell’s Kingdom.

There’s lots of fog, which I appreciate, and a plot about freezing the oceans, which I am also totally down with. Man, is Fu Manchu the good guy?

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Topper Takes a Trip (1938)

July 28 – Aug 3 Screwball Comedy: Just imagine, the Great Depression is raging and you’re getting less than a fin a week at the rubber boiling factory, but it only costs two bits to go to the movies all day, so let’s watch some quick-talking dames match wits with some dopey joes!

The sequel to Topper finds Marion Kerby (Constance Bennett) still on Earth with George already in Heaven and Cary Grant only appearing in reused footage. To get her own place in the hereafter, Mation must reunite Cosmo (Roland Young) and Clara Topper (Billie Burke). That said, Clara left him over a supposed affair between her husband and Marion.

The most famous actor in this might be Skippy the dog, who had been in more than a dozen movies before this and is best known as Asta in the five Thin Man movies. He was also in Bringing Up Baby and The Awful Truth. Check out the press he got: “His owner is Mrs. Gale Henry East, once a prominent movie comedienne…When Skippy has to drink water in a scene, the first time he does it he really drinks. If there are retakes and he’s had all the water he can drink, he’ll go through the scene just as enthusiastically as though his throat were parched, but he’ll fake it. If you watch closely you’ll see he’s just going through the motions of lapping and isn’t really picking up water at all. And, because he has a sense of humor, he loves it when you laugh and tell him you’ve caught him faking but that it’s all right with you.”

It was directed by Norman Z. McLeod, who also filmed the first film, and written by Jack Jevne, Eddie Moran and Corey Ford.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE: All the Kind Strangers (1974)

EDITOR’S NOTE: All the Kind Strangers was on the CBS Late Movie on October 9, 1979 and November 25, 1980.

Let’s not judge Burt Kennedy for directing the Hulk Hogan vehicle Suburban Commando. Let’s remember him for something much better — All the Kind Strangers.

Written by Clyde Ware — a writer/director/producer who worked on shows like Airwolf and Gunsmoke, as well as TV movies like The Hatfields and the McCoys and The Story of Pretty Boy Floyd — this film reeks of backwoods menace. No wonder — Ware was born in West Virginia and his second novel, The Eden Tree, was a semi-biographical read which scandalized his hometown.

Jimmy Wheeler (Stacy Keach, ButterflyMountain of the Cannibal God) is a photojournalist traveling by car to Los Angeles. He runs through a small Southern town where he sees Gilbert, an adorable child, walking on the side of the road. Seeing that the kid is hefting some heavy groceries, Jimmy offers him a ride. As the road goes deeper into the woods, the rain increases. Soon, he realizes he’s trapped in a house of seven children.

The oldest, Peter (John Savage, HairThe Deer Hunter), has hidden the fate of his mother and father from the town, using various resources to keep their power on and training vicious dogs to protect the children. Their father was a bootlegger and their mother a schoolteacher (what a match!); when she died, he drank until he fell from the roof.

The rest of the children — John (Robby Benson, who sings two songs on the soundtrack), Martha, Rita, James and Baby (named because their mother died before they could name him) — need guidance, so Peter sends the younger ones out to lure people to their home. Then, they evaluate whether or not they’ll be good parents. If they’re fit, they stay. If not, they’re free to go. Or that’s what the kids think. Evidence points to another, more grisly fate.

There’s a new mother already in the house. Carol Ann (Samantha Eggar, The BroodDemonoidCurtains) has been taking care of the children for some time. She has seen plenty of other father figures, and while she asks for help, she also knows that everything seems pointless.

Jimmy has to convince the kids that he’d make a good dad while trying to find a way to escape. But between the multitude of kids and dogs, as well as his car being sunk in the swamp, he starts losing hope as well.

I have two issues with this film. Things get wrapped up with way too neat of a bow. Jimmy gives a speech to the kids, which saves his life, and Peter asks him to walk him into town so that they can get some help. Jimmy doesn’t even talk about the police, and when you know that these kids have murdered numerous “kind strangers,” you have to wonder if he traded his freedom in for some complicity in the crimes. Second, as a photojournalist, Jimmy’s only camera is a Polaroid, which would not be good enough to be printed in the 1970s. I know that it makes good theater to have him show Gilbert the photo as it develops, but it’s a stretch.

All the Kind Strangers is a small-screen Deliverance, yet it has some fine acting from Keach and Eggar. It’s restrained, but there is more not seen than seen that makes this movie slightly scary.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Topper Returns (1941)

July 28 – Aug 3 Screwball Comedy: Just imagine, the Great Depression is raging and you’re getting less than a fin a week at the rubber boiling factory, but it only costs two bits to go to the movies all day, so let’s watch some quick-talking dames match wits with some dopey joes!

The third and final installment in the initial series of supernatural comedy films inspired by the novels of Thorne Smith, this follows Topper and Topper Takes a Trip. The strange thing is that it may have Cosmo Topper (Roland Young) and his wife (Billie Burke), but it has a totally different set of ghosts.

Wealthy young heiress Ann Carrington (Carole Landis, One Million B.C.) and her best friend Gail Richards (Joan Blondell) are nearly killed by a masked and black gloved Giallo-style maniac when he shoots out their tire. They have a comical time catching a ride — Blondell’s thigh causes a man to crash a car — before Cosmo and his driver Eddie (Eddie “Rochester” Anderson) pick them up and drive them to their destination, the Carrington mansion.

Everything about this place is creepy, so strange that you wonder if Ann and Gail are about to put on diaphonus white gowns and clutch candleabras. There are evil servants, like Lillian (Rafaela Ottiano) and Rama (Trevor Bardette). And the sinister Dr. Jeris (George Zucco), who warns Ann that the father she has never met, Henry Carrington (H. B. Warner), is in poor health. She was raised far away, as her mother had asked in her will, after she and her father’s business partner died in a company mine. Now, her father tells her that tomorrow, on her birthday, she will assume complete control of the family fortune.

Gail makes a fuss about her room being small and takes Ann’s, but who could sleep after a chandelier almost kills them? Somehow, they do go to bed, just in time for that murderer in black to knife Gail, thinking that she’s Ann. But don’t be sad — this is a Topper movie and Gail comes back as a ghost, one who threatens Topper with a scandal if he doesn’t help solve her murder. As for his driver, he claims that he’s going back to working for Jack Benny, because ghosts never showed up there.

Seriously — Gail’s body shows up and then disappears, and I wonder, is this an Edgar Wallace-written Topper? There’s mistaken identity, leather gloved knife-carrying lunatics, family drama, a will — this has it all and by all, I mean it’s totally a Giallo. At least this ends happily, except for the ghosts again scaring Rochester.

Director Roy Del Ruth (The Alligator People) and writers Jonathan Latimer (30+ Perry Mason episodes), Gordon Douglas (who would later direct Them! and In Like Flint) and Paul Gerard Smith put together a fun farce that may not have all the characters of the films, but has the right ones. Blondell fondly recalled the film thirty years later, saying, “It was a hit but has grown on TV viewings because it is public domain. I laugh when I see it. I laugh at Eddie Anderson, Patsy Kelly, Billie Burke, and Rollie Young. It’s a send-up of all those dark house plots.”

You can watch this on YouTube.

CBS LATE MOVIE: The Toughest Man In the World (1984)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Toughest Man In the World was on the CBS Late Movie on February 25 and September 14, 1988.

Mr. T’s first starring made-for-TV movie role has him playing, well, himself. Or Bruise Brubaker, a tough and scowling secret softy nightclub bouncer who is in charge of a neighborhood center. He’s a Vietnam vet, he has a mohawk to honor his roots, and he’s illiterate. And he’s gonna help kids, fool!

As he’s helping kids, he’s also trying to keep Billy (John P. Navin Jr.) from being part of the crime that rules the streets. He gets Tanker Weams (Tom Milanovich) to show up at the center but also screws up and promises everyone will be a winner in a fake charity giveaway, so he has no idea how to keep working people, kind of like Mr. T’s buddy Hulk Hogan and no, I won’t let death stop me from sharing stories of the Hulkster’s lies when they’re as funny as him being in Metallica or not getting the Foreman Grill deal because he missed one phone call.

Mr. T is a little like the Hulkster. Born Laurence Tureaud, he grew up in a family with twelve kids in Chicago, calling himself Mr. T so no one would call him boy. A city wrestling champion, he went to Prairie View A&M University on a scholarship but was kicked out in the first year. Then, he was in the army and tried out for the Green Bay Packers before inventing himself as he bounced at Dingbats Discotheque. He claimed that he was in more than 200 fights and that his chains were from the people he beat in fistfights. This turned into being a bodyguard for Steve McQueen, Michael Jackson, LeVar Burton, Diana Ross, Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and Leon Spinks — to Wiki name just a few — as well as whispered assassination and runaway tracking deals.

Then, ABC aired two of the World’s Toughest Bouncer contests, with Mr. T bloodying huge Tongan fighter Tutefano Tufi and defeating someone in the second in under a minute after saying, “I just feel sorry for the guy who I have to box. I just feel real sorry for him.” Sylvester Stallone saw this, cast him as Clubber Lang, and the rest was history.

After a role in Penitentiary 2, he was on The A-Team, had a cartoon, a cereal, was in D.C. Cab and even had a motivational video, Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool! Also: an action figure that told you to always respect your mother and a rap album, Mr. T’s Commandments. Also, he became a wrestler, backing up the Hulkster, and this is where it gets funny. Despite being in all those toughman fights, T was freaked out about the idea that his image would be destroyed by a wrestler going off script. Maybe the rumor that Bruiser Brody was getting paid big money to hurt him — this would have never happened, Brody knew that at some point in his career, he would work for McMahon — got to him. He kept no-showing almost until the day of the event.

An aside. A few weeks before Mania, Mr. T and Hogan were on the USA Network show Hot Properties. According to Remind Magazine, “After some encouragement from Mr. T, Hogan agreed to demonstrate a chokehold on host Richard Beltzer, but ended up applying too much pressure and rendering him temporarily unconscious. Belzer recovered quickly enough to send the show to a commercial break, but he officially filed a $5 million lawsuit against both guests in 1987. The case was settled quietly in 1990.”

They also hosted Saturday Night Live the night before the show, a last-moment replacement for Steve Landesberg.

Roddy Piper, Bob Orton and Paul Orndorff, Mr. T’s opponents at Mania, may not have liked this outsider and made him nervous, but they knew where their money was coming from. That’s why the stories — Hogan wrote that “security at Madison Square Garden resisted letting Mr. T’s entourage into the building the day of the show. He was distraught by the confrontation and declared that he would just leave. The Hulkster, however, took credit for finding the actor and talking him down, getting him to see through the planned main event attraction. Paul Roma claimed that he even no-showed a few years later, as Mr. T was to manage the Young Stallions — started.

OK, another aside. Wrestlers are notoriously full of shit. There’s no way a big payday guy like Mr T was going to be with enhancement talent like the Young Stallions. And Hogan’s book isn’t non-fiction.

Then again, comedian Chris Burns once said, “I can – again, inside baseball – tell you Piper was not a fan of Hulk Hogan, moreso, Mr. T. I mean, rest in peace, Roddy, I don’t think he’d have a problem with me telling this story. He legitimately was going to kill Mr. T. I’m not kidding around. He said, he thought, “You know what? If I just back suplex him and arch it a certain way, he lands on his neck, they can’t tell me that I did it on purpose.” Piper had that thought several times, and then was like, “I’m not gonna mess up WrestleMania like that.”

Roddy Piper, also a wrestler, was probably full of shit a lot of times.

Anyways, back to Mr. T in a TV movie.

He falls for Leslie (Lynne Moody), beats gangsters and ends up knocking everyone out, including running through a wall like he’s on Takeshi’s Castle. It’s as stupid as you want it to be, and I wanted it to be really stupid.

This was directed by Dick Lowry. Yes, the same man who made Smokey and the Bandit 3. It was written by Vincent Bono, Dick Guttman and, of all people, Hammer writer Jimmy Sangster. How did that happen?

You can watch this on YouTube.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

DISCLAIMER: I am a huge nerd and I don’t care about your superhero fatigue.

How ironic is it that it took four times to get the Fantastic Four right?

Sure, the 1994 Roger Corman-produced Fantastic Four gets the characters right, but it didn’t have the budget to make it perfect. Then again, it was created primarily to maintain a copyright.

In 2004, we had Fantastic Four and in 2007, a sequel, Rise of the Silver Surfer. The effects were there, the costumes were close, but they felt too compressed. The Marvel Cinematic Universe was not what it would become, and, well, Galactus was a cloud.

2015 brought the Fantastic Four, the fascinating Josh Trank-directed failure that had no idea what it wanted to be.

As I said several years ago, when I covered that film, “The creators should have taken a note from the cartoon versions, as both the 1994-96 series and the 2006-07 Fantastic Four: World’s Greatest Heroes captured much of what makes these heroes so special. Unlike the Avengers, they are two things: a family and adventure scientists, not truly superheroes.”

The Fantastic Four: First Steps is the first movie that gets that. And gets a better understanding of who these characters truly are.

I was inspired to write this after seeing a social acquaintance describe it as a boring movie, filled with talk instead of action. This kind of upset me, as it showed that this person, like the filmmakers before, didn’t understand who these characters are.

There are two aspects: an intriguing breakdown of the four basic Myers-Briggs archetypes and the distilled personality of Jack Kirby.

In my past advertising life, I volunteered to help teach the Myers-Briggs classes. To keep things simple, we didn’t delve into the sixteen types, but instead focused on the four archetypes: Rationalist, Romantic, Defender, and Creator. We broke them down into marketing terms: Body Copy, Illustration, Logo, and Headline.

Haha, this is a movie review, but let’s go deep.

Oh yeah — spoilers from here on.

The Rationalist (ETNJ, INTJ, ENTP or INTP) is “characterized by their ability to think critically, analyze complex situations and propose innovative solutions. They are known for their independent problem-solving skills, strategic thinking and strong-willed nature.” Other studies will refer to these as the Idealists. They are given to charity and causes, which is who Sue Richards is in this movie. No other film — even several comics — has portrayed her so accurately as she should be. The Invisible Woman isn’t someone blinded by her love for Reed, nor is she a heroine who needs to be saved. She’s dynamic, and her actions change the world for the better beyond her superheroics.

The Romantic (ENFJ, IFNJ, ENFP, INFP) are “typically idealistic and dreamy, and they often have a strong appreciation for beauty.” They are drawn to art, music and writing, while looking for a perfect, true love. Johnny Storm is this personality, someone who the movie notes always has a new girl and who we see designing new costumes for the space mission. Yet he also possesses a strong level of intuition, recognizing that the Silver Surfer’s voice is the same as the space signals Reed has discovered. When he meets her, everyone thinks he has a crush on her, but the truth is that he sees something beneath her cruelty —a humanity that she believes is long gone.

The Defender (ESTJ, ISTJ, ESFJ, ISFJ) is loyal and devoted to family, but may have difficulty expressing their emotions. They follow strict schedules and feel a sense of duty. This is Ben Grimm, The Thing, who is the true heart of the Fantastic Four. The movie shows that he’s the member who remains connected to his Yancy Street community, still shopping at the same places he did when he was a child. He’s the member who cooks dinner for everyone and tries to protect them. As for his emotions, he feels something for the teacher, Roz, but struggles to express his feelings until the night he meets her at the synagogue, when he tells her that he doesn’t want to be around people. He wanted to be around her.

The Creator (ESTP, ISTP, ESFP, ISFP) is a problem solver, but one who often gets lost inside their own thoughts. Usually, they live in the now and “sometimes fail to think about how current actions will lead to long-term consequences.” Reed Richards fits in here, as he’s always thinking of solutions and often forgets — such as when he gave his son Franklin to Galactus, which seemed like a logical decision at the time — how his thoughts will end up angering those he loves. He is constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios and, often, what could versus what will happen. Think of this within the movie, where he confesses to Sue that he always has to think of the most horrible things so that he can protect her, his family and the world.

What the movie truly grasps is that the Fantastic Four are, in many ways, a reflection of Jack Kirby himself.

As the movie ends, this quote emerges: “If you look at my characters, you will find me. No matter what kind of character you create or assume, a little of yourself must remain there.” Then, we learn that Earth-828, where this movie takes place, is named for Kirby’s birthday: August 28.

Director Matt Shakman’s words to Marvel echo this sentiment: “He’s a visionary. We would have no Marvel Studios today without Jack Kirby. He created numerous amazing characters and built this world alongside Stan Lee. So many of our heroes launched from his mind and his pen, and we wanted to honor that. We wanted to honor his distinctive style.”

Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige also said, “We wanted it to be more than just a passing tip of the hat. There are direct lines from his pencil that he drew with at his drawing board by himself, pouring his universe-spanning imagination onto the page. There are direct lines from there into this film.”

In fact, they planned this comic as a tribute to Kirby meeting Kubrick, as seen in the making of 2001, which is, well, fantastic because The King drew a series of continuations to Kubrick’s classic movie and was inspired by it himself, as evident in his collage work.

And most of all, The Thing is Jack Kirby.

According to Jewish Currents, “In the Lee-Kirby collaboration, Lee provided his signature pop sensibility and glib humor, but there’s no question that Kirby was the driving creative force of the team. Of all Marvel characters, Ben Grimm is the most directly autobiographical. Kirby and Grimm were both born on the Lower East Side of New York and grew up poor; Kirby on Delancey Street, and Grimm on a fictional street called Yancy Street. Benjamin Jacob Grimm takes his first and middle names from Kirby’s father and Kirby’s real first name, respectively. Kirby and Grimm both fought in World War II and came home moody and prone to fits of anger.”

They go on to claim that The Thing is one of the few Jewish Marvel superheroes and is an outright golem, a creature from Jewish myth.

Yet there are echoes of Kirby’s life in his other characters. The Invisible Woman, Sue Storm Richards, is named for his daughter Susan. Mr. Fantastic’s drive to support his family and protect them in the fact of overwhelming odds comes directly from Kirby drawing all night long, his superhuman endurance creating more comics and characters in a month than some creators do in a lifetime, all to keep his family fed — no health insurance or safety net until way into the 1970s, when he worked in animation.

Seeing this quote at the end of the movie made me happy because it was a realization that, while Stan Lee is important to Marvel, it was Jack Kirby, who brought his characters to life, that made them happen. Jack of all trades created the Silver Surfer. He never intended Sue to be jealous of other women who were around Reed or a damsel in distress. Many of those things originated from Lee’s word balloons. Depending on which story you believe, Kirby had Galactus show up and had to explain it to Stan; Galactus was literally Kirby trying to confront God and see what God would do if He came down to judge His creations.

How much does this movie love Jack Kirby? It names The Thing’s love interest Rachel Rozman (Natasha Lyonne).

Kirby’s wife’s name? Roz.

Beyond the look and feel of this movie, it gets something right: these are really the Fantastic Four.

Only Johnny could realize that the language of the Silver Surfer was in those recordings, while everyone thought he was just chasing girls.

Only Ben could remind everyone that real people were in the buildings they were about to knock down.

Only Reed could devise a plan to save the world that quickly.

And only Sue rallies the world and inspires them to see how to put it all together.

What really worked is that we don’t need to learn the origin of the Fantastic Four. We can understand it quickly, from the TV special that bookends the film. We can see that they’ve changed their world for the better, not just by fighting monsters and villains, but also through their inventions and Sue’s political skills.

Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Ebon Moss-Bachrach and Joseph Quinn become these characters to the point that I was able to shut off and enter their world, a place of mid-century future tech. Sure, we don’t get to see any Mole People with Mole Man (Paul Walter Hauser), and the Red Ghost is absent (too much footage was shot, they say). However, the character moments are everything in this, such as when Reed is shaken to the core by how they barely escaped Galactus (Ralph Ineson) and the Silver Surfer (Julia Garner), cosmic horrors who demand his son’s life in exchange for sparing everyone on Earth.

At once, this can be a movie for people who have no idea about these characters while also rewarding those excited for the appearances of Diablo, Dragon Man, Mad Thinker, Puppet Master, The Wizard, Giganto and Super Ape Peotor (I did say I was a nerd up above, right?*). Writers Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Ian Springer and Jeff Kaplan get the most important thing about the FF right.

They aren’t just superheroes. They’re a family.

*Nerdy facts: The Excelsior rocket is named for Stan Lee’s catch phrase; Shalla-Bal was the Silver Surfer’s lover in the original comics; Alex Hyde-White, Jay Underwood, Rebecca Staab and Michael Bailey Smith from the Corman version all show up; you can see Stan and Jack working at Timely Comics in a quick scene and how about that empty Latervia chair setting up the ending?

CBS LATE MOVIE: The Stepford Children (1987)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Stepford Children was on the CBS Late Movie on June 29, 1988.

The second of three TV movie sequels — there was also Revenge of the Stepford Wives, directed by Robert Fuest, and The Stepford Husbands — The Stepford Children is based on the Ira Levin novel The Stepford Wives and the films that came after.

Laura and Steven Harding (Barbara Eden and Don Murray) have brought their kids, David (Randall Batinkoff) and Mary (Tammy Lauren), to Stepford, Connecticut, the same place where Steven’s first wife died. Laura just wants to become a lawyer, but Steven joins the Men’s Association, which is still turning wives into robots. It’s also turning the kids into homework-obsessed drones.

David and neighbor girl Lois (Debbie Barker) start hanging out, as they both love motorcycles. Laura becomes friends with Lois’ mom, Sandy (Sharon Spelman). And she soon learns that while she lets her kids be who they want to be, her husband seems obsessed with making them perfect.

During a school dance, everyone starts to dance to big band standards and when David and Mary switch it up to some rock and roll, they do more than lose control. They freak out and the cops have to come, as the Stepford Children have not been programmed for 80s music. All the men of Stepford chase Lois, causing a motorcycle crash and then David sees them removing her arms at the hospital. The next day, she shows up brand new and dumps him.

A movie that somehow has “replacement Ginger” Judith Baldwin, James Coco, Dick Butkis and Hedwig and the Angry Inch star John Cameron Mitchell all in it? Yes, and it ends in the most astounding of ways, as the entire town must die for the humans to live.

Directed by Alan J. Levi and written by William Bleich, this is way more entertaining than you’d expect. Usually, I say fuck those kids, but this time I rooted for them.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Topper (1937)

July 28 – Aug 3 Screwball Comedy: Just imagine, the Great Depression is raging and you’re getting less than a fin a week at the rubber boiling factory, but it only costs two bits to go to the movies all day, so let’s watch some quick-talking dames match wits with some dopey joes!

Based on the novel by Thorne Smith, Topper was a big deal and the first movie that Hal Roach Studios colorized when they decided to convert their black-and-white films to full color.

George and Marion Kerby (Cary Grant and Constance Bennett) are irresponsible rich kids who wreck their car and suddenly learn that they’ve died. They didn’t do enough good to go to Heaven, but are too nice to go to Hell. Their friend, Cosmo Topper (Roland Young), buys their roadster and ends up with them back in his life as ghosts, trying to make his boring life more exciting and helping him improve his marriage to his wife (Billie Burke).

Director Norman Z. McLeod would go on to make Horse FeathersPennies from HeavenThe Secret Life of Walter Mitty and the sequel to this, Topper Takes a Trip. There’s a third film, Topper Returns, which only has Cosmo Topper and is nearly a Giallo. Nom, seriously.

You can watch this on YouTube.