31. IT’S YOUR “ESP”ECIAL DAY: Experience a sixth sense-ational extravaganza. The end, but you probably saw that coming…
Want to watch a 69-minute movie where a demonically possessed Tyrannosaurus Rex terrorizes Long Island? What if I told you it’s not just a Mark Polonia movie, but one within what I can only breathlessly describe as the Polonia Cinematic Universe?
Amityville Rex marks the fourth cinematic outing for Father Benna—played with endearingly earnest charm by Polonia regular Jeff Kirkendall—following Amityville Exorcism, Noah’s Shark and Amityville in Space. That makes Father Benna the cinematic equivalent of a Family Dollar Van Helsing, continuously dragged out of retirement to battle intergalactic and prehistoric forces of darkness. This time, town construction workers dig up an intact T-Rex skeleton buried beneath the streets of Amityville. Naturally, a local cult recognizes the fossil discovery as the fulfillment of a dark prophecy tied to the Amityville curse. Using demonic rituals and dark sorcery, the cultists reanimate the dinosaur skeleton, bringing a flesh-and-blood, demonically possessed T-Rex back to life.
Who steps up to stop this bloodbath? Jackie Smith (Marie DeLorenzo) and Wain Reynolds (Polonia), reprising their characters from Polonia’s 2015 creature feature Jurassic Prey. Yes, we’re crossing over. And we’re watching a dinosaur that flips wildly back and forth between stop-motion rubberiness and super low-budget CGI. Polonia also seems to have listened to fans regarding AI generation. While he took some heat for overusing AI artwork in Harvester of Eyes, it seems like he’s backed off a bit. Maybe he’s read some of the mean Letterboxd posts.
Realizing ordinary weapons are useless against a supernatural, demon-possessed dinosaur, our protagonists decide to treat the T-Rex as a case of demonic possession rather than a typical animal threat. Trapped inside the museum, the priest leads a full-scale, mentally powered exorcism on the Tyrannosaurus rex while everyone else holds off the beast and lures it into position. By channeling holy rites to break the Amityville curse powering the monster, they successfully banish the demon back to hell. Deprived of the supernatural power holding its body together, the T-Rex collapses and is destroyed, leaving the surviving heroes to escape the museum carnage.
I was having the worst, most depressing day, and then I looked up while working from home and saw Mark Polonia’s happy face as he explained dinosaurs. One of the best times of my entire life was having an extended discussion about Amityville 2 with Mark. Some people dream of meeting great directors, and you know, why bother? They won’t make anything like Hallucinations.
They’re probably going to be jerks too, unlike Mark.
You can watch this on Tubi.
