Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014)

Directed by Chris LaMartina (WNUF Halloween SpecialWhat Happens Next Will Scare You) and co-written with JImmy George, Call Girl of Cthulu is all about a virginal young man named Carter (David Phillip Carollo) who is looking for the right girl, who he thinks is Riley (Melissa O’Brien), a prostitute with a strange birthmark on her right ass cheek.

It turns out that she’s being sought by the Church of Starry Wisdom, who see this as a sign that she will become the bride of the Elder God who exists beyond the wall of sleep, Cthulu. Can your protagonist find a way to find true love — or lust — without losing his mind to the tentacled thing that should not be?

Beyond being a love letter to H.P. Lovecraft, it’s also a movie that combines gore, sexploitation and a willingness to really go there. Would it be too far to have a golden shower that melts a man’s face clean off? Monstrous male genitals? Tentacle scenes? Watching this, I get the feeling that everyone in it is still finding makeup and goop and gunk all over themselves even years after they made it.

For a movie that starts light, it gets surprisingly dark, too. And emotional. I’m surprised how much I liked this movie, as I kept waiting for it to fall apart, but that’s when I realized that LaMartina and George being good at making movies is no accident.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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