ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Cat A. Waller has this bio on his website and who am I to dispute it?

“My full name is Rock Benjamin Armstrong. Seriously. I hate my real name so please call me “Arby (R.B.? Arby? Get it?), “Cat” or “Cat A. Waller” if you’d rather be formal. I live in Santa Monica, California, where I was born on March 12th. I’m a Pisces, not that that’s a big deal or anything. I wear glasses. I’m a huge media freak, pretty much a geek even. I was a roadie for a local new wave band way back when, used to write for The New Monkees TV show, and I once worked in The Beverly Center (a rather upscale mall in Los Angeles). I love beatniks and armchair psychology and that’s just about all there is to it.”

Larry Stanford is an American reporter stationed in Japan. His latest assignment? Interviewing some Japanese scientist guy named Dr. Robert Suzuki, who has a laboratory in a volcanic mountain and is working on…  um…  some sciency new evolutionary people-mutato-re-creationing experiment (real 50’s mad scientist stuff, right?) using his own home made drugs and cosmic rays or something. He has tried before but only ended up turning his brother into some kind of hairy ass killer ape thing and his wife into a scary freak with a big head who can’t talk (he keeps her in a cage). His brother tears apart a couple of Japanese chicks taking a relaxing dip in a natural spa in a cave in the mountain so the doctor sprays his brother with some steam (seriously), shoots him with a pistol, and tosses the body in a lava pit hidden behind a big metal door. Larry doesn’t know about any of this though.

When Larry first meets him Dr. Suzuki seems like a nice enough guy, and being a gracious host he gives Larry a drink. As it turns out it’s a glass of doped up booze. Larry passes out so the Doc injects some science juice into Larry’s right shoulder. Later, when Larry awakes we’re off and running. 

The science juice brings about changes in Larry. At first all he wants to do is get drunk and cheat on his wife. His poor Li’l Wifey-Poo is back in The States, waiting for his return. “Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll get home when I get there!”, he says, being all grouchy when he and the wife are sharing a phone call, “Lotsa work, Honey. I’m swamped here!”. More drinking and cheating commence. Then his right hand starts cramping up and we get a rousing blast of Theremin music. OOOOH WEEEE OOOOH OOOOOOOH!

A couple of nights later Larry spends some drinky and cheaty funtime with Tara, an Asian dame with absolute total babeosity who’s escorting Larry around Tokyo, keeping tabs on him, and secretly reporting the progress of the experiment back to Dr. Suzuki. When he and Tara get back to Larry’s place who’s waiting for him? You guessed it pal! Larry’s wife! Insert DUH DUH DAAAH music here!

It turns out Wifey flew to Japan to surprise Larry, accompanied by one of Larry’s old guy pals. When they see the condition Larry’s in, and who he happens to be in that condition with, Larry’s wife is understandably frazzled. She begs him to fly back to The States with them but Larry ain’t having none of that noise. He’s busy having a big pile of kicks and he’s not going anywhere soon. Except out the door. He’s up for more drinky and cheaty funtime with Tara.

This brings up some questions: Is Larry a dick because of the drug? Is he a dick because of the drinking? Is it a combination of the two? Or has he always been a dick but the movie didn’t tell us about that?

And, does his drinking affect the drug? Or is it part of the experiment? Dr. Suzuki doesn’t seem concerned about Larry kicking back the happy sauce so who knows? 

Aw, it’s just a B-movie so whatever, right? What’s the dif?

Anyway, Larry keeps on keeping on with that reprobate behavior like only a good white 50’s American misogynist can. Then, one night his right hand grows hair! Yeah! Like werewolf movie style or Robin Williams or something! Thick black back of the hand hair! 

What’s next? An eye grows out of his shoulder! He murders people and grows a second head! All of this leads to another body growing out of Larry’s body and separating into its own fully formed shape! And it lives!

Then it comes to a conclusion (screw spoilers!) and there’s one of those speeches about the duality of man and all that basic science fiction rhetoric that we’ve all heard a couple of zillion times before. 

End Credits and we Fade To Black.

Did I like it? Hell yes! I love this kind of thing! Of course I was drinking at the time and oohing and aahing and laughing pretty hard.

Would you like it? If you happen to be into crappy movies of this ilk I’d say yes. Being a drinker wouldn’t hurt either.

Where can you find it? It’s in public domain so not all that hard to find. YouTube has it all over the place.

If you’d like more info Google this sucker and read all about it.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We previously reviewed this movie on December 20, 2019, as part of our “Star Wars Month” of the films that influenced and were inspired by the franchise. Herbert P. Caine – the pseudonym of a frustrated academic and genre movie fan in Pennsylvania – gives us his take on the film for its inclusion Mill Creek’s Sci-Fi Invasion 50-film pack. Either way you look at it: it’s a flawed film that we enjoy and wonder how it even got made in the first place.

Galaxina is a comedy with no laughs, a sex farce with no titillation, and a star vehicle with an absent star. As a science fiction movie, it reminds one of nothing so much as a black hole, sucking up all talent and effort that its cast and crew may have thrown at it. In short, it is a terrible movie.

Galaxina traces the adventurers of the crew of the Infinity, a police cruiser patrolling the galaxy and weakly attempting to maintain order. The ship is captained by one Cornelius Butt, played by Avery Schreiber. (Get it? His name is Butt! The film reminds us of this every few minutes!) However, the real power running the ship is the comely android Galaxina, played by the ill-fated Playboy Playmate of the Year Dorothy Stratten. This hyper-advanced AI can run an entire starship, yet is unable to speak. The plot meanders for a good half hour or so until the crew receives orders to retrieve the Blue Star, a MacGuffin that grants incredible power.

There are numerous flaws in this film to discuss, but perhaps the most glaring is its almost complete lack of humor. William Sachs, the writer and director of this film simply did not know how to pull off a joke. In many cases, the “joke” consists of nothing more than referencing another movie. For example, early on, we hear the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey, only to reveal Captain Butt walking down a hallway. There is no real joke, just a 2001 reference. Now, references can actually be funny if they are done well; consider the Jaws reference at the beginning of Airplane!, which came out the same year as Galaxina. However, there needs to be a punchline to it, or at least some wit.

Galaxina does manage a few humorous bits which land, but they are few and far between. All too often, it drags out sketches for too long, as in an extended dinner scene involving an egg. Although the scene leads up to a parody of Alien which draws a few chuckles, it takes over five minutes to get to the point, stretching things out and boring the audience.

The film also fails as a sex comedy. Although the poster, which features a busty Galaxina, seems to imply that the film will have a good amount of sex and nudity, the movie itself fails to deliver. The only real nudity in the film comes via a holographic message the crew receives in which a secretary flashes them for thirty seconds. Although much of Galaxina’s sex appeal comes from the presence of Dorothy Stratten, the most you’ll get in this regard is a scene in which she wears a French maid outfit.

Galaxina is mainly remembered as being a star vehicle for the late Dorothy Stratten, who was murdered by her estranged husband approximately two months after its release. Many modern viewers are likely to seek out this film solely because of the presence of Stratten. However, even on the level of showing off a rising actress, the film fails. For roughly the first half of the movie, Stratten has no dialogue, as the android is mute until she programs herself to speak. In the few scenes she has in the first half, all she does is walk around and look pretty. There is no real opportunity to develop any interest in her character, and by the time the character develops the ability to talk in the second half, the viewer has already lost interest. A mute android has no real charisma; the character is as empty and vapid as the film itself.