After The Fast and the Furious, Rob Cohen and Vin Diesel teamed up again to create this James Bond for the 2000’s. Xander Cage is a stuntman and X-Sports loving rebel who gets hired by the NSA to infiltrate a gang of Russian terrorists named Anarchy 99, who have acquired a biochemical weapon called Silent Night.

Seriously, this movie couldn’t be more 2000’s if it was filmed inside a Hot Topic while everyone was wearing JNCO jeans.

NSA Agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel Jackson) offers Cage a deal. He’ll clean his criminal record if he joins up and stops the Russian group.

Seeing as how this is a 2000’s movie, of course Danny Trejo shows up as a criminal. Asia Argento shows up as Yelena, a Russian undercover agent who falls for Xander. There are also plenty of cameos, like Eve, Rammstein, Tony Hawk, Mike Vallely, Carey Hart, Matt Hoffman and Buckcherry singer Josh Todd. Seriously, this movie is so 2000’s that it tastes like Surge.

The film immediately sends up Bond by having a version of him — Agent Jim McGrath (played by Thomas Ian Griffith, who was Jan Valek in John Carpenter’s Vampires) — get killed off before the action begins.

As much fun as I’ve made of this movie for being dated — just check out Vin’s fur coat — the Bond movies probably feel the same way for some people. Oh well — any movie with Asia in it is worth watching, right?