Box Office Failures Week: Hellboy (2019)
I wanted in my heart of hearts to love this movie. I mean, it starts with a Spanish-language version of “Rock You Like a Hurricane” while the titular Hellboy battles a lucha libre vampire. That bloodsucker turns out to be Esteban Ruiz, an agent for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense. His last words […]
Box Office Failures Week: Last Action Hero (1993)
After Terminator 2: Judgement Day, the monolith known as Arnold Schwarzenegger could do no wrong. But where do you go after you move from Austria to here with no money, take over the world of bodybuilder and then become the biggest movie star in the world? You make fun of yourself. That’s where the original script […]
Box Office Failures Week: Sucker Punch (2011)
Nobody is demanding the Snyder cut for this, his most revealing film, a total exploration of the id that presents a dual world of women battling against, well, something while they’re also being abused in what we’re to assume is the more real of the two fake worlds. But throughout, it just looks like you’re […]
Box Office Failures Week: Southland Tales (2006)
Much like how I never got It Follows and worship Under the Silver Lake, Richard Kelly followed up Donnie Darko with the impenetrable Southland Tales, a movie seemingly designed to appeal to literally a handful of people. How did this happen? Was no one saying no? And more importantly, where are the people obsessing over this movie? As for […]
Addicted To You (2019)
Luke is a Buzzstory producer whose crazy uncle taught him to never fall in love. One night after work, his new co-worker Aimee hooks up with him and he instantly begins to worry abot commitment. He loves his job, so he comes up with a new plan — he’s going to pose as a recovering […]
Box Office Failures Week: Inchon (1981)
The lesson of this box office failure: Don’t hire a psychic as a consultant and don’t allow a church to finance your film. Did John Travolta learn nothing from this film before embarking on Battlefield Earth? The Sun Myung Moon, the head of the controversial Unification Church, and one of the church’s members, known as […]
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