Charlie watched her pro wrestler dad die in the ring, was raised by wrestlers and is now in the middle of an end of the world zombie extinction level event. From Parts Unknown: Fight Like a Girl! is that kinda movie.
This movie is based on director Daniel Armstrong’s (MurderDrome) time in the video game industry, specifically a failed wrestling game project. There are a lot of shout outs to Evil Dead 2 in here, as this film aspires beyond its small budget to be an Australian Shaun of the Dead, except, you know, with pro wrestlers.
While originally shot in 2006 and 2007, the film sat on the shelf until Armstrong’s later work got known. Over the following years, attempts to finish the movie were made. At one point, the director’s car was destroyed by a drunk off-duty police officer and the insurance money was just enough to allow shooting to continue. Finally, in 2014, after the success of MurderDrome, shooting and editing were both finally finished.
This is a movie that’s not afraid to be beyond goofy and silly. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s a fun take on the genre and most of the cast trained to be actual wrestlers, which is pretty cool. There’s plenty of gore and one scene that legitimately made me laugh when the zombie personal assistant kept trying to find the exact right pose and had to keep pulling her body into position.
This is the first VHS tape I ever rented. It was 1983. Prime Time Video had just opened. And the tape box promised delights we’d never dreamt of before. I was thinking this was going to be the best parts of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Mad Max. And wow, was I disappointed. But how would I feel 35 years later?
After trying to raise a Russian sub, the descendants of Atlantis attack our heroes, but they look a whole lot like punk bikers from an Italian post-apocalyptic movie. Which they totally are. Our heroes have to uncover the secret of Atlantis and stop them before they take over the world.
Christopher Connelly is Mike, our main hero. You may recognize him from Benji or TV’s Peyton Place. Or more likely, you know him from Manhattan Babyor 1990: The Bronx Warriors.
Plus, there’s Gioia Scola (Conquest), Tony King (The Toy), Stefano Mingardo (Blastfighter), George Hilton (The Case of the Bloody Iris), Ivan Rassimov (need I regale you with my love of his films?) and a young Michele Soavi before he became a director!
I’ll be super honest. This movie is a complete piece of shit. There are moments of greatness, such as whenever Crystal Skull appears or when a corpse keeps turning a jukebox off and on. I wanted to love this movie as a child and I wanted to love it even more as an adult. But sadly, that love never filled my heart.
There are people that love this film. And I get it. I like Ruggero Deodato. I just can’t get into this movie.
You can watch it for free with an Amazon Prime membership, so maybe you might have a totally different point of view!
It’s an Italian ripoff of Conan the Barbarian, which means it’s going to be at the same time better, worse and more inventive than the movie that inspired it.
Once, Ator was just a baby, born with the birthmark that prophesied that he’d grow up to destroy the Spider Cult, whose leader Dakar (a pro wrestler who appeared in Titanes en el Ring against Martín Karadagian) tries to kill before he even gets out of his chainmail diapers.
Luckily, Ator is saved and grows up big, strong and weirdly in love with his sister, Sunya. It turns out that luckily, he’s adopted, so this is only morally and not biologically upsetting. His father allows them to be married, but the Spider Cult attacks the village and takes her, along with several other women.
Ator trains with Griba, the warrior who saved him as a child (he’s played by Edmund Purdom, the dean from Pieces!). What follows are pure shenanigans — Ator is kidnapped by Amazons, almost sleeps with a witch, undertakes a quest to find a shield and meets up with Roon (Sabrina Siani, Ocron from Fulci’s batshit barbarian opus Conquest), a sexy blonde thief who is in love with him.
Oh yeah! Laura Gemser, Black Emanuelle herself, shows up here too.
Ator succeeds in defeating Dakkar, only to learn that the only reason that Griba mentored him was to use him to destroy his enemy. That said, Ator defeats him too, leaving him to be eaten by the Lovecraftian-named Ancient One, a monstrous spider. But hey, Ator isn’t done yet. He kills that beast too!
Finally, learning that Roon has died, Ator and Sunya go back to their village, ready to make their incestual union a reality. Or maybe not, as she doesn’t show up in the three sequels, The Blade Master, Iron Warrior and Quest for the Magic Sword.
Ator is played by Miles O’Keefe, who started his Hollywood career in the Bo Derek vehicle Tarzan the Ape Man, a movie that Richard Harris would nearly fist fight people over if they dared to bring it up. He’s in all but the last of these films and while D’Amato praised his physique and attitude, he felt that his fighting and acting skills left something to be desired.
Ator the Fighting Eagle pretty much flies by. It does what it’s supposed to do — present magic, boobs, sorcery and swordfights — albeit in a PG-rated film. It’s anything except boring and you can check it out for yourself on Amazon Prime.
One could be cynical and point to 1981’s Galaxy of Terror as a blatant cash grab, an Alien clone that pushes itself into squeamish territory that its inspiration only hinted at. You could see it as a disgusting piece of exploitation movie making, filled with faded stars. Or you could just realize that life can be a mysterious, amazing, wonderfully rewarding experience and that a movie can start off ripping something off and become its own gloriously weird and magical thing. Obviously, I’m in the latter camp. And if you aren’t, jump off this ride to Morganthus right now, bub!
Written and directed by Bruce D. Clark and produced by Roger Corman for around $700,000, this is no big budget affair. But it’s a film that uses footage from previous Corman efforts, notably Battle Beyond the Stars, to great effect. And it’s also a proving ground for the talent that would lead the science fiction genre throughout the following decade. James Cameron is the art director, providing some intriguing sets and interesting gore replete with maggots. And of all people, the late and oh so lamented Bill Paxton served as the set decorator, previous to his career as an actor.
Galaxy begins by showing the last survivor of a downed ship being tracked down and killed as he tried to run away with what looks to be a car muffler. We learn that this is all part of a game played between Mitri and the Planet Master, who keeps his identity hidden. They speak of plans being set into motion and sending another ship, The Quest, to its doom.
The ship’s crew is led by Captain Trantor (Grace Zabriskie, Sarah Palmer of Twin Peaks, as well as The Grudge and Child’s Play 2), who has survived an epic disaster which has rendered her unstable and quite possibly a danger to her entire crew. This point is hammered home as the moment the ship is close to Morganthus, it crash lands on the planet’s surface.
Also on board are:
Alluma (Erin Moran of TV’s Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi), a psychic sensitive.
Team leader Baelon (Zalman King, who would go behind the camera to steam up the scream with his Red Shoe Diaries series, as well as production (and at times, direction) duties on films such as Two Moon Junction, Wild Orchid and 9 ½ Weeks), who is a complete dick to one and all.
Quuhod, a mute crewmember and master of the throwing crystal (Sid Haig, who may be my real father. Honestly, if you’re on this site and have no idea who Sid Haig is, life has led you down a dark, dismal path. I’d suggest you stop reading now and go watch Spider Baby or House of 1000 Corpses or Coffy or The Big Bird Cage and so on and so on).
Cabren, the film’s hero, who seems to be the coolest head (and best mustachioed) on the ship (Edward Albert, son of Green Acres star Eddie Albert).
Dameia (Taaffe O’Connell, New Year’s Evil), the technical officer.
Commander Ilvar (Bernard Behrens, The Changeling), the overall team leader.
Ranger, a crew member (Robert Englund, again, if you need a lesson on the importance of this fine actor, your priorities need some serious evaluation).
One by one, the team faces their own fears as they explore the planet. Those fears include all manner of gory, horrific deaths. To satisfy the demands of the film’s backers, one of those horrific moments includes a sex scene with the buxom O’Connell, but the results are probably not what any of those backers ever dreamed they wanted. Her fear of sexuality and fantasy of submitting to something more powerful than herself leads to a gigantic maggot having a prolonged, fully nude sex scene complete with simulated intercourse, as she gets covered in slime and enjoys an orgasm so great that it kills her. Seriously — this is either the scene where you wonder aloud about Galaxy of Terror’s sheer lunacy or walk out of the room in disgust. There is no middle ground.
Finally, it’s revealed that this is all a cosmic child’s game and the Master must be replaced by one of the crew. I’ll leave it up to you to watch this film and enjoy the ending for yourself.
It’s worth noting: As Alien gave way to Aliens, an alum of this film, Cameron, would be at the helm. However, there would be no giant maggots or Sid Haig dancing around in a jumpsuit. If you ask me, we’re all the worse for that.
Also known as Planet of Terrors and Mind Warp: An Infinity of Terror, Galaxy demands to be viewed. Be warned – this is exploitation filmmaking at its most exploitative. It’s a scuzzy, scummy film and may not be for all tastes.
What happens when roller derby girls go up against the supernatural? Well, you get this Australian movie, that’s what happens.
Cherry Skye loves roller derby. And now, she’s falling in love with Brad. But that draws the anger of his ex-girlfriend Hell Grazer, who is the meanest and dirtiest skater on the track.
Soon, the supernatural rears its ugly head — you know how these things happen — and the roller derby track has become the MurderDrome! Now, everyone that Cherry cares about is marked for death, thanks to a leather-wearing derby demon and her combination hook and cleaver.
This movie has an ultra low budget, several actors who have never acted before and surprisingly good gore. It’s the perfect film for when you’re up in the middle of the night and wonder if Australian horror movies can still be as wonderfully demented as they were in the 1980’s. This is a fun, fast ride that entertained me — well beyond my expectations. It’s cheesy, it’s ridiculous and I watched it at 4 AM.
A foster mother has The Premonition: her new daughter’s unstable biological mother is going to come and take her away. It comes true, so what happens next? PS – it’s beyond the power of an exorcist in only the way that an exploitation movie poster can promise.
Originally released as part of Arrow Video’s American Horror Project, this film was once titled Turtle Heaven. I watched this movie because of the always dependable Richard Lynch (Bad Dreams, Invasion U.S.A.), who plays the carnival clown boyfriend of Andrea, whose daughter Janie (Danielle Brisebois, TV’s Archie Bunker’s Place) has been adopted by the Bennett family. Oh yeah — Jeff Corey (who would go from being blacklisted to becoming the premier acting coach in Hollywood) shows up as a cop.
Two mothers — connected by the young girl they love and see as their child, as well as a psychic bond — go to war. That’s my best explanation of this very 1970’s film. But back to Richard Lynch — did you know how he got his scarred looking appearance? The hard way. In 1967, high on drugs, he set himself on fire in Central Park, burning more than 70% of his body. But after a year of recovery, he started to act.
You can watch the movie for yourself on Amazon Prime.
What is it about Western PA that leads to so many Bigfoot movies being shot here? This is at least the second in as many years, but A Wish for Giants is unlike any cryptozoological movie you’ve ever seen.
9-year old Roxie goes from a normal life to dealing with an inoperable brain tumor. While she still has time, her family connects her to the Wish Kingdom Foundation, whose job is to try and get kids’ minds off their plight by granting a wish. Roxie doesn’t just have any wish. She wants to meet Bigfoot.
Sophie (Naysa Altmeyer, the best part of this film) is the grad student who becomes obsessed with making that wish come true. Nobody understands her, including her boyfriend. Making things tougher for her is Derrick, a senator’s son who just wants to screw everything up for her. Beyond having some incredibly interesting chest hair, he’s also evil just for the sake of being evil, messing up the wish every step of the way. I wish his motivations were explaining a little better. Is he negging Sophie because he thinks she’ll sleep with him? It certainly seems that way at one point. And at others, we’re sympathetic to him because of how his father treats him. We’re so close to a real motivation for him and it’s just a little off.
The real story? The roads that Sophie must travel to try and find a real Bigfoot. She’s a true believer and perhaps that why Derrick dislikes her so much. His idea is to just put a Russian wrestler in a costume. That wouldn’t be good enough for Sophie or, more importantly, Roxie.
There are some bad line readings here and there. And some of the pathos feel piled on at some points. But to be honest, this is a pretty interesting idea for both a book and film. If it’s a little earnest, well, not every film has to packed with subtext and gore. Add in that it was shot for around $25,000 and it’s actually astounding that the film looks as good as it does.
There are also some deep cut Bigfoot facts in this film. You won’t hear this much Sasquatch info in your traditional Hollywood fare.
Want to see this for yourself? Then check out the official website. And thanks to cast and crew member Joe Fishel for sending it my way.
Amazon Prime video is amazing. This isn’t sales pitch. It’s the truth. What finally sold me was the sheer amount of movies that I can search through. It’s the closest thing I’ve found to the shelves of an old mom and pop video store. Ah, the old days of Prime Time Video, where I’d look at all the lurid horror boxes and try to decide how many I could watch in a weekend.
Blood Beat is one of those box covers you’d look at over and over again, trying to decide whether or not you should rent it. Then, when you finally sit down and take it in, it blows your mind and you try to describe it to your friends and they think you have to be making it all up. Ah, the pre-internet days. Well, now that we’re all online, I’d like to think of you as my friend. And I’m going to tell you all about this crazy movie.
Fabrice A. Zaphiratos has two directing credits to his name and this is one of them. That’s a shame — his direction here tends toward the strange and unexpected. There were moments here where I just yelled in glee at the TV, shocked at what was happening. It’s not the best movie you’ve ever seen, but it aspires to be one.
This feels like a regional horror movie made by a bunch of European art directors on too many drugs. It’s also the only Christmas horror movie I’ve ever seen that has a psychic samurai slasher. But it really isn’t even about Christmas. It’s also the only film I’ve ever seen that has a murder scene synched up with a girl’s orgasms. Also, the house the family lives in tries to kill everyone at one point, but no one decides to leave it.
This all starts with Cathy and Gary talking about how they’ll never get married, despite him wanting to be a father to her children. This scene feels like something out of a pure drama and not in a tacked onto a horror film way. I actually thought I had accidentally loaded up a student film or an attempt to film a 70’s hard and honest look at relationships. But soon enough, Dolly and Ted come home. Ted’s girlfriend Sarah is the cause of great concern, as Cathy’s psychic abilities warn her of the young girl. Surely, she’s seen her before. And when Sarah finds a samurai sword in her bedroom, things get strange.
As weird as the film gets, it never plays anything for laughs. It’s earnest and deadly serious. Unlike a modern film, it explains nothing. You’re open to explain for yourself why the mother and girlfriend have a psychic link. Why is the killer a samurai? Why are there strange video effects throughout? Why is the mom a painter? I’d love to discuss this film at a party with a roomful of people who have just watched it.
This movie is why I love movies. It feels like a discovery. I want to share it with you.
Oh Canada. We’ve celebrated your movies for an entire week and you continue to deliver pure blasts of polite insanity to our streaming devices and DVD players!
Halloween night 1966. A priest named Zachary Malius kills seven frat boys from Winfield College for breaking into his family’s crypt and recreating an occult ritual. He’s placed into an insane asylum, where the laws in Canada are, well, insane. He’s never fed and has been in a catatonic state for years, surviving by eating bugs.
Kids have learned nothing in the intervening quarter century as they go right back and do the ritual again. Malius comes back to life and starts doing what slasher villains do best — wipe out people right after they get done having sex. At least he has the excuse of being a priest. One wonders why they decided to make him like Freddy Kruger, yelling things like, “No sex! No TV! No parking!” That said, the fact that the Catholic Church covered up these crimes should come as a shock to no one.
Sam Rockwell shows up briefly as the younger version of the character that Darren McGavin plays for the rest of the film. Jorja Fox from TV’s CSI also shows up.
Director Brian Owens is also behind 80’s video fave Brainscan. There is one genuinely unnerving scene where a crucified Christ comes to life and starts screaming, then falls to the floor and breaks into small pieces. Shades of Enter the Devil!
There are moments of slow motion flashbacks and hints of art here that are undermined by horrible looking titles. It’s like his movie got only so close to being well art directed. It’s not the best or worst slasher ever, but it won me over. Maybe I was watching it at 2:30 AM, which always helps matters.
Satan himself releases snakes on a small town, all to get back at the ancestor of St. Patrick. If this sentence makes you say, “And then?” you are the person that this movie was made for.
The majority of director Bob Claver’s work is on the small screen. So if this feels like a TV movie to you, that’s fine. Is that even a bad thing? Not in these parts.
Father Tom Farrow (Fritz Weaver, Creepshow, Demon Seed) has lost his faith. His town? It’s getting a new dog track. And then the devil makes all the snakes go crazy! He teams up with Dr. Maggie Sheridan (Gretchen Corbett, Let’s Scare Jessica to Death) and herpetologist Dr. Paul Hendricks to save his town before its too late.
This is the debut of Christina Applegate. Her mother, Nancy Priddy, also appears in the film.
It was shot by Dean Cundy (Halloween), so there are some moments of artistic flourish despite the low budget. There’s also a scene where a snake gets its head shot off that had me fall on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
Honestly, I’ve never seen a movie that somehow rips off Jaws and 1970’s occult cinema at the same time. It also has some elements of rural backwoods melodrama, so if you like that sort of thing, this would be the movie for you. Also — a drunken priest! I’m sure here’s an IMDB search list for that!
Shout Factory released this on blu-ray along with Empire of the Ants. Talk about a double feature!
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