When Tori (Chelsea Durkalec) is killed — maybe in Fight Valley, an underground MMA club and come on, she totally died there because why would this movie even get made and why would it be named Fight Valley otherwise — her sister Windsor (Susie Celek) moves back home and meets up with her girlfriend Duke (Erin O’Brien) and their friend group, which includes Yanni (Kari J. Kramer), and Jamie (Cabrina Collesides) — the Knock Around Girls — and starts to train with Jabs (Miesha Tate).

Fight Valley sounds better than Camden, New Jersey, right?

The sisters grew up on different sides of Jersey. Tori was with her dad, fighting in the streets, while Windsor was with her rich mom. So now Windsor has to get revenge and fight the big bad Church, played by MMA fighter Cris Cyborg.

Director and writer Rob Hawk has plenty of MMA stars on hand, like Amanda Serrano and Katlyn Chookagian, so the fights look good, even if the idea that a rich girl could defeat Cris Cyborg with a few weeks of training is hilarious. But hey — it is a movie.

There’s also plenty of “your sister was a lesbian, are you too?” content that you could say is representation, but it totally feels like exploitation. Your mileage may vary.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Director Marcel Walz’s Blood Feast remake has a thankless task. Technically, it’s automatically a better-made movie than the original Blood Feast. But it’s not a better movie. Does that make sense?

Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler), his wife Louise (Caroline Williams) and daughter Penny (Sophie Monk) have moved to Paris and opened the Ramses American Diner. But the restaurant isn’t a success and he has to work nights at an Egyptian museum, so as you figure will happen, he gets obsessed by Ishtar and makes a feast for her. A feast of people!

Rusler is a really nice guy — he tells great stories in person — but it’s hard to accept anyone else as Faud other than Mal Arnold. Rusler gives it his all, but again, this is thankless work.

We expect things to be cheap and slapdash in the world of Blood Feast instead of slick. Or vanilla. This is based on a movie where a man tore out a woman’s tongue and caressed it on camera. You expect more and don’t get it. It’s certainly well-made, but that’s what I want. I want to throw up in my mouth. At least Herschell Gordon Lewis shows up as an Egyptology expert.

The Synapse 4K UHD release of Blood Feast comes with extras including an Indiegogo promotional trailer, a theatrical trailer, a making of, a music video for Chilli Con Curtis’ “Tonite,” footage of the premiere and a scare cam. You can get it from MVD.

I want to love this movie, but I don’t.

It has everything I should love.

It’s an auteur project by Anna Biller, who directed, wrote, edited, produced, scored and designed the clothes.

It’s shot on 35mm film.

It’s about a woman discovering herself through witchcraft.

So what gives?

Elaine Parks (Samantha Robinson) is a widow returning to the dating scene. But nearly every man she gets with becomes too clingy, either having to disappear or die. Her apartment is great, her clothes and makeup are perfect, but nothing seems to work out for her.

I get what this movie is going for, but it feels so mannered and even meandering that it comes off as more like an artistic exercise than something with blood in its heart and loins. Say what you will about Eurotrash movies, but at least they got excited. This feels like it constantly tells you its references, points out where it got its color palette from, and reminds you how long it took to make all the costumes. But what about the actual movie? Do people just like this because it’s on the right side of sexual politics? Because, well, good for the movie, but that doesn’t instantly make a movie good.

There’s a time to have something important to say and not sledgehammer it home over a running time that feels like a Warhol stunt film instead of The Velvet Vampire, which this is indebted to. I could film my Letterboxd list, too, and it’d probably just as boring. But hey—this movie sure is pretty, right?

You can watch this on Tubi.

Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, who wrote the story with Mary Laws and Polly Stenham, The Neon Demon finds Jesse moving from Georgia to Los Angeles, all of sixteen, ready to become a star. She soon takes a shoot with Dean (Karl Glusman), becomes friends with makeup artist Ruby (Jena Malone), as well as two other models, Gigi (Bella Heathcote) and Sarah (Abbey Lee). The girls soon become jealous of her, as her youth — can people tell the difference in these ages? — get her more attention than them.

Of course, Jesse is about to find out about the dirty side of modeling, whether that means being coerced into sex, pressured into cosmetic surgery or having dreams of triangles and men penetrating her mouth with a knife. Afraid after someone breaks in next door, even staying with Ruby is dangerous, as she repeatedly tries to have sex with Jesse, who reveals that she is a virgin. When she’s turned down repeatedly, Ruby goes to her job at a morgue and gets off on a corpse.

Soon, the girls shoved Jesse into a pool and stabbed her repeatedly, consuming her body. It’s not for everyone — Gigi screams, “I need to get her out of me” before slicing her stomach open — as eyeballs are puked up and eaten.

Refn has watched many of the movies you have and then some. Ruby is inspired by Alejandro Jodorowsky. a lipstick called Red Rum. Before making this, Elle Fanning was told to watch Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. A character is named Roberto Sarno. And yet this movie played Cannes, filled with grindhouse imagery. Also, It’s gorgeous. The story doesn’t matter. It just is.

Directed by Sophia Takal (Black Christmas) and written by Lawrence Michael Levine — they’re a couple, in case you wondered — this film follows two actresses, Beth (Caitlin FitzGerald) and Anna (Mackenzie Davis), who decide to take a vacation away from Los Angeles to Big Sur.

Beth has had career success based more on her body than acting; Anna is the better thespian but is less known. Beth is almost embarrassed that she’s been featured in a “Young Hollywood” magazine, while Anna is dealing with issues with her boyfriend and boss outside of the worries of being an actress.

Beth, the more recognized actress, is often the center of attention, while Anna, the more talented actress, works behind the scenes to prepare her for new roles. However, when Beth fails to inform Anna about a director’s interest in casting her, it leads to a confrontation that escalates into a physical altercation. This conflict highlights the power dynamics and jealousy that exist in their relationship, as well as the competitive nature of the entertainment industry. 

After the confrontation, Anna, in a state of confusion and desperation, begins to emulate Beth’s appearance and behavior. She even manages to attract the bartender’s attention, who previously showed no interest in her. However, as she continues to impersonate Beth, she starts to lose her sense of self. This sequence of events is not a depiction of reality but rather a metaphor for Anna’s struggle to come to terms with her actions and identity in the aftermath of the confrontation.

Of course, this is a dark film, yet it’s got great talent in it — Colleen Camp! — and I loved the way it looks.