THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 25: Death Doll (1989)

October 25: A Horror Film about a Killer Doll (That’s not Chucky or the Puppet Masters)

Directed by William Mims (who was in the art department for The Beastmaster and produced and shot plenty of swimsuit videos) and written by Sidney Mims, Death Doll has a poster that promises Chucky and a film that delivers near-giallo.

Young widow Trish (Andrea Walters) is being stalked and asks her brother-in-law Dillon (William Dance) to help her. It turns out that someone keeps leaving a doll behind and she keeps finding it, which as you can imagine freaks her out. Those same dolls are being left at crime scenes.

There’s also a fortune telling machine that absolutely terrified me on film and if I ever saw it in person, I would run the other way. It also has a doll inside it and can tell when your palm isn’t facing the right way. When your hand does, it tells you just how screwed you are and how doom is coming for you. No thanks. Weird dolls and strange future reading mechanical devices? I’m real good with not being around any of that.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Tales from the Crypt S1 E3: Dig That Cat… He’s Real Gone (1989)

“Good evening, fiend fans, and welcome to my crawly crypt. This little drama is about one of life’s unexpected pleasures: dying, that is. Most of us only get to do it once, and it’s all over before you can really enjoy it. But one man did get to die again. And he liked it so much, he started doing it for a living. This is the story of Ulric the Undying, a sideshow performer who found death not only fun, but profitable. In fact, he’s dying to put on a show for you… right now!”

Originally appearing in Haunt of Fear #21 in a story written by William Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by Jack Davis, this is the tale of Ulric the Undying (Joe Pantoliano), who has been given the nine lives of a cat by Dr. Emil Manfred (Gustav Vintas). Or eight, as the cat had to die to get its gland.

Working in a sideshow, Ulric dies for money over and over, assisted by a barker (Robert Wuhl) and Coralee (Kathleen York). He’s not to be trusted, as he kills Manfred and instead of being about research, these shows are now just for cash. Money that Coralee steals after stabbing him, but he has a few lives left. How many? You’ll find out soon.

Directed by Richard Donner and written by Terry Black and Steven Dodd, the show creator, this is an episode in my head when I think of this show. It gets everything that makes it work — bad behavior is rewarded with a horrible ending for the villain — and is pretty funny, too.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 14: Prokletí domu Hajnù (1989)

October 14: A Czech Horror Film

The Damned House of Hajn is about Soňa Hajnová (Petra Vančíková), who now has all of the money and power of the Hajns, a noble Czechoslovakian family with soap business. She is married to Petr Svejcar (Emil Horváth), who wants to grow in social circles no matter how crazy his new bride’s family is. That includes Uncle Cyril (Petr Čepek), who lives in the attic and wants everyone to think he can’t be seen, which is hard when he keeps showing up out of every curtain and door while trying to bed his much younger niece, who is married and oh yeah, his niece.

Based on Jaroslav Havlíček’s novel Neviditelný, this movie takes place inside a giant mansion that feels like it was made for a Mario Bava movie, filled with mazes of hallways, a spiral staircase and so many places to get scared in.

After the uncle finally gets what he wants — sexual assault with Soňa — he and his strange paintings are sent to the sanitarium and she assumes the true place at the head of the family. And that role is someone out of their mind, seeing waking nightmares of sexual encounters with Cyril throughout the never-ending gigantic house she will never leave. Now in love with the ghost of the man who destroyed her life, she even believes that the infant in her womb belongs to him.

There are also very real monsters in this, as the money and power are always for the stealing. Conspiring to murder relatives and the curse being passed to the next generation are just a few of the issues this family will deal with.

This is the type of movie that needs its own genre: Czech gothic noir horror that’s a mediation on the impossibility of human happiness.

Tales from the Crypt S1 E2: And All Through the House (1989)

It’s hard for me to be objective about this episode as this story — which originally appeared in Vault of Horror #35 — is also my favorite part of Amicus’ Tales from the Crypt movie. No matter how good this is, I mean, I wrote a song once called “What Are Those Purple Bruises On the Throat of Joan Collins”?

“Ho, ho, ho, kiddies! Just your old pal the Crypt Keeper having a little holiday fun. Why else would I be in this getup…unless there was a Claus in my contract? In fact, I’ve got some Christmas goose for you…goose bumps, that is. Yes, indeedy. A little terror tale, chock-full of holiday fear…I mean cheer, of course. So get a gander of a Yuletide yelp-yarn that goes a little something like this ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house.”

Elizabeth Cayman — not named Joanne Clayton from the original movie version, while the comic story’s protagonist is unnamed — is played by Mary Ellen Trainor, the mom from The Goonies and the kidnapped woman who sets Romancing the Stone in action) has just killed her husband (Marshall Bell) and is keeping it from her daughter (Lindsey Whitney Barry). What she doesn’t know is that a killer (Larry Drake) has escaped the mental home and is considered extremely dangerous. She’s pretty rough herself, much more capable than the other two versions of the character even if they share the same fate.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis and written by Fred Dekker and Steven Dodd, this episode is actually closer to the comic — Elizabeth is blonde — than Amicus was. There’s even a reference to EC publisher Willam Gaines — it takes place in Gaines County — and the cop’s name is Feldstein, which is for Al Feldstein, the reason for so many EC Comics stories.

Perhaps the best part of this episode is the Crypt Keeper dressed as Santa, which is something that has gotten me through so many holidays.

If you’re wondering why it looks so good, just look to who did the cinematography. Dean Cundey.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 8: Hellgate (1989)

October 8: A Horror Film Shot in South Africa that passes it off as America (there’s a lot)

Director William A. Levey (Blackenstein, Wham! Bam! Thank You, Spaceman!, Slumber Party ’57The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington, Skatetown, U.S.A., Lightning the White Stallion) filmed Committed in South Africa — it would come out after this movie — with Jennifer O’Neill and Ron Palillo in South Africa. Yes, people wanted to see the star of The Psychic and the beloved icon of Welcome Back, Kotter in a movie together.

That led Levey to get hired to make Hellgate, which was shot in a real abandoned town in South Africa with a cast of South African actors, even if this is said to be America.

I always talk about twenty and thirtysomething teenagers in these movies. Palillo is a fortysomething teenager in this.

He plays Matt, who is heading out to meet his girlfriend Bobby (Joanne Warde) and her friends Pam (Petrea Curran) and Chuck (Evan J. Klisser) at a cabin in the Sierra Nevada mountains. While they’re waiting for him to show up, Bobby tells the urban legend — it’s a long one — of the Hellgate hitchhiker. Yes, on a night just like this, thirty years ago, Josie Carlyle (Abigail Wolcott) — the daughter of a rich gold miner named Lucas (Carel Trichardt) — was kidnapped, assaulted and killed by a biker gang.

After her father killed all of them with an axe, a prospector found a crystal that can do magic, magic that allowed Lucas to reanimate his daughter’s corpse because he never heard that sometimes, dead is better. Maybe the terrifying giant fish they messed with should have ended all of this.

As this story is being told, Matt has picked up Josie, thinking she’s a hitchhiker, and been chased out of her father’s house when caught getting ready for spicy ghost time. Despite being warned by Zonk (Lance Vaughan), the teens all decide to go into Hallgate, where they see a ghost dance with Josie nude among them, as well as the ghost of the man who killed her, Buzz (Frank Notaro).

Before all that long, it’s just Matt and Pam, as Bobby has strangled and turned into a ghostly vaudevillian and Chuck has had his head torn right off. After all this, Matt still decides that it would be a good idea to test the humidity with the spectral Josie — to be fair, she’s stunning — just in time for Pam to shotgun last her out the window. They run from their now zombie friends and steal Josie’s car. To get out, they literally knock a building down on her dad. And now, Josie just wanders the streets.

This movie looks way better than it should and has some good effects. If you ever wanted to see Horshack nude, well, this movie is for you. I’m kind of astounded by this movie, because man, that fish scene is completely soul destroying.

Tales from the Crypt S1 E1: The Man Who Was Death (1989)

From June 10, 1989, to July 19, 1996, HBO aired Tales from the Crypt, which was based on the EC Comics series. Ah, Tales from the Crypt, the scourge of parents in the 50s, which somehow ran for only 27 issues and yet we’re still discussing it today.

EC publisher William Gaines and editor Al Feldstein loved horror, so they published a story called “Return from the Grave!” in the comic Crime Patrol #15. This was the first appearance of the Crypt-Keeper and a few issues later, the title became The Crypt of Terror — in my high school art club, this is what we named our haunted house and yes, it totally was an EC Comics reference, I was the hugest nerd — and then took on its real title a few issues afterward.

Drawn by Johnny Craig, Feldstein, Wallace Wood, Al Davis, George Evans, Jack Kamen, “Ghastly” Graham Ingels, Harvey Kurtzman, Al Williamson, Joe Orlando, Reed Crandall, Bernard Krigstein, Will Elder, Fred Peters and Howard Larsen, the look of Tales from the Crypt — and its sister comics The Vault of Horror and The Haunt of Fear — may have the greatest line-up of artists ever.

Gaines often was inspired by — outright ripped off — other stories and movies for the tales inside the comic. Those include the works of H.P. Lovecraft as well as the films The Man in Half Moon StreetVampyrThe Beast with Five Fingers and several Ray Bradbury b0oks. Unlike nearly everyone else, Bradbury actually read EC Comics and wrote to them: ““You have not as of yet sent on the check for $50.00 to cover the use of secondary rights on my two stories THE ROCKET MAN and KALEIDOSCOPE which appeared in your WEIRD-FANTASY May-June ’52, #13, with the cover-all title of HOME TO STAY,” he wrote to EC. “I feel this was probably overlooked in the general confusion of office-work, and look forward to your payment in the near future.”

EC did more than thirty Bradbury stories and yes, paid him. They appear in the Fantagraphics collection Home to Stay!: The Complete Ray Bradbury EC Stories.

But it was not to last.

Dr. Fredric Wertham had already written an article in Collier’s entitled “Horror in the Nursery” and for the American Journal of Psychotherapy he turned in “The Psychopathology of Comic Books.” In 1954, the next book by Wertham, Seduction of the Innocent, and a highly publicized Congressional hearing on juvenile delinquency made comics look so bad — not to mention a government breakup of the monopoly that distributed magazines — ruined the industry.

Gaines wanted the surviving companies fight outside censorship and repair the industry’s damaged reputation with the Comics Magazine Association of America and its Comics Code Authority. There had to be a comics code on every cover of every comic published, which isn’t what Gaines wanted. He also learned that other companies pushed for the words horror, weird and terror to not be allowed on the covers. This basically was everything he published.

All three horror books and the SuspenStory comics were canceled in 1954.

Incredible Science Fiction #33 was the last EC comic book to be published and a reprint of the story “Judgement Day” was nearly censored because at the end, the hero is revealed to be black. Gaines went nuclear.

By the 1960s, EC was sold — MAD Magazine was all they published — and became part of Warner Communications. You may know the two Amicus movies that were licensed — Tales from the Crypt and The Vault of Horror. And because Warner also owned HBO, that brings us to this show.

Thanks to an incredible group of producers — David Filer, Walter Hill, Richard Donner, Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver — and aired on HBO. This meant that hardly anything got censored.

With A-listers in the casts, great special effects and an original Danny Elfman song, Tales from the Crypt was a big deal.

A lot of credit goes to the Cryptkeeper, who was performed by a team of puppeteers — Van Snowden, David Arthur Nelson, Anton Rupprecht, Shaun Smith, Mike Elizalde, Frank Charles Lutkus, Patty Maloney, David Stinnent, Mike Trcic and Brock Winkless — and voiced by John Kassir. Even kids loved him, which led to toys and a cartoon based on this bloody horror show, making the children of the parents who lost their EC Comics upset that their kids were watching such a program.

On June 10, 1989, the first episode “The Man Who Was Death” aired. It was based on a story that originally appeared in The Crypt of Terror #17.

“Aww, poor little fellas. When I think of their childhood, all those cute little maggots. Hahahahaha. Our story is about a man with nobler ambitions. He likes to kill human pests and he does it in front of an audience. Now that’s entertainment! Hahahaha. So hang onto your hats kiddies, this one’s a real shocker.”

The Cryptkeeper was here and he was ready to share a story directed by Walter Hill, who wrote the script with Steven Dodd and Robert Reneau.

Niles Talbot (William Sadler) has been promoted to being the man who flips the switch on the electric chair. But when the death penalty is abolished, he becomes a vigilante who punishes criminals who get away with it. All until, well, he gets caught and the death penalty returns.

Biker Jimmy Flood (Robert Winley), Theodore Carne (Gerrit Graham) and Cynthia Baldwin (Cindi Minnick) are all executed until the idea of killing the guilty goes to Niles’ brain and he starts wiping out exotic dancers.

That’s the first episode! It aired the same evening as “All Through the House,” but let’s get to that one next week.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan was on USA Up All Night on January 14 and October 13, 1995; September 13, 1996; June 13 and October 4, 1997.

Just like a band that continually says that they are going to retire, this was also intended to be the final film in the series. It takes Jason out of his element and features probably one of the greatest horror movie trailers ever:

It’s just so ridiculous that you have to see the film, you know?

Well, it’s not the last film in the series, but it’s the last one that Paramount would produce until 2009, as New Line Cinema would take over after this. And the working title? Another Bowie song, Ashes to Ashes.

The movie starts with a teenager playing a prank on his girlfriend, dressing like Jason. But the boat they are on reanimates him and he kills them both.

Soon, the SS Lazarus is setting sail from Crystal Lake to New York City to celebrate the graduation of the senior class. Along for the ride are biology teacher Dr. McCulloch and his niece Rennie, English teacher Colleen Van Deusen, J.J. (Saffron Henderson, the voice of Kid Goku and Kid Gohan on Dragonball Z), boxer Julius Gaw, popular girls Tamara and Eva (Kelly Hu, The Scorpion King) and video student Wayne. Oh yeah! And Toby the dog!

Everyone but McCulloch, Van Deusen, Rennie, Julius, Toby and Sean are killed, so they escape aboard a life raft to New York City, where Jason stalks them in the Big Apple.

This movie is packed with some audience-pleasing moments, like J.J. getting killed by her own guitar, Julius’ head getting punched into orbit after trying to outbox Jason, a gang that gets Rennie high and makes her even more freaked out by Jason, her uncle getting killed after it’s revealed that he tried to drown her as a child…oh man, this one is packed with greatness. And then Jason drowns in a sewer.

Due to the box office results of this film, Paramount sold the series to New Line. We’d have to wait 4 years for the results. That said — this movie made $14,343,976 with a budget of $5,000,000. That’s not horrible numbers.

The poster art on this post comes from Vile Consumption. Buy it!

USA UP ALL NIGHT MONTH: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child was on USA Up All Night on October 28, 1995; April 5, 1996 and July 19 and October 11, 1997.

What can you say about a movie where the director, Stephen Hopkins (Predator 2Judgement Night), says “What started out as an OK film with a few good bits turned into a total embarrassment. I can’t even watch it anymore.”?

A year after the last film, the returning Alice (Lisa Wilcox) and Dan (Danny Hassel) have been dating and seen no sign of Freddy until a shower turns into Alice going back in time to witness the creation of Freddy by the maniacs of the asylum. She tries to forget the dream as she’s graduating high school the next day, along with comic book lover Mark, model Greta (Erika Anderson, Twin Peaks) and aspiring nurse Yvonne (Kelly Jo Minter, Maria, the video store clerk from The Lost Boys).

The dreams don’t go away, with Alice witnessing the birth of a Freddy baby that makes its way to the church from the last film. He tells her he’s learned how to come back to life, just at the moment that he kills Dan. At the same time, she also learns that she’s pregnant with her dead boyfriend’s child.

No one believes that Freddy is after Alice, but Greta soon is killed by being forced to overeat in her dreams. Oh yeah — Alice is also seeing a fully grown boy she calls Jacob who she believes is her future son. Freddy is feeding his victims to her unborn baby — who yes, is also Jacob — to make him evil.

There is an imaginative scene where Freddy kills Mark within a comic book world, as well as the world that Freddy lives in now. But the ending, where Amanda Krueger seals away Freddy and Jacob decides to stay with his mother amidst strange puppet heads gets a little ridiculous. Actually, this entire movie is, supposing that teens we’d want to watch a movie about the terrors of teen pregnancy mixed with the terrors of being an Elm Street teenager.

Supposedly, there’s an uncut version of this movie that’s never been released that would change a lot of people’s opinions on the film. I’ll watch it again if that ever comes out. Yes, I know there was an unrated VHS release but supposedly there’s even more missing.

Maybe it’d be a better film if New Line had given the director more than four weeks to work on it. And get this — the poster was released before the producers had a clear idea what the movie was going to be about, other than the idea that Freddy would be a fetus and the title would be The Dream Child.

USA UP ALL NIGHT MONTH: Fortress of Amerikka (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Fortress of Amerikka was on USA Up All Night on March 7 and July 10, 1992 and February 27 and December 10, 1993.

Of all the Troma directors, I seem to enjoy the movies of Eric Louzil (Class of Nuke ’Em High Parts II and III, Bikini Beach Race) the most. They just move quick, often don’t laugh at their own jokes and have just what you want: sex and violence.

In this one, a secret mercenary team called the Fortress of Amerikka is terrorizing the entire nation. They’ve been hired by the elite to destabilize the country and increase their control. Yes, this was made in 1989 and not today.

Troma City, California is where the last stand of American freedom will happen. Only John Whitecloud (Gene LeBrock, Father Peter from Beyond Darkness and Dr. Peter Houseman in Metamorphosis) and Jennifer (Kellee Bradley) can stop them.

Kascha, who was in plenty of adult films and was in Caged Fury using the name Alison LePriol, is in this. You know who isn’t? The blonde girl on the poster.

Fortress of Amerikka was famously a dark and murky movie on VHS. Luckily, Vinegar Syndrome has fixed that and released an uncensored version that looks great. The actual movie is about a hundred minutes of rambling violence and nudity that goes nowhere and the idea that it’s a revenge picture between Whitecloud and the sheriff who murdered his brother is, well, I guess what happens even if it feels like it takes forever to get there. Also John Whitecloud gets his ass kicked so many times in this movie.

There’s a beheading, there’s nudity every two minutes, the politics are more muddled than a Cannon movie, a couple playing ukelele gets murdered, almost a whole town gets killed…this movie is a mess and I wallowed in it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

USA UP ALL NIGHT MONTH: Summer Job (1989)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Summer Job was on USA Up All Night on November 9, 1991; May 15, 1992; April 30 and October 16, 1993; January 21 and August 20, 1994 and June 30 and October 14, 1995.

For another review of this movie, click here.

At Parkers Racquet Club, the summer jobs have started and that brings in the regular staff for the season, which includes Kathy Shields (Sherrie Rose, who was Professor Ursula Undershaft in the Black Scorpion movies), Bob (Dave Clouse), Jack (James Summer) and Susan (Amy Lynn Baxter, who was in Karate Warrior 2 as well as the inside cover of Howard Stern’s Private Parts book). There are also some new workers such as Tom (Kirt Earhardt), Bruce (Fred Bourdin), Herman (George Ortuzar), Karen (Renee Shugart, Screwball Hotel), Donna (Cari Mayor, who along with Shugart was in Lauderdale) and Barbara (Chantal, yes just one name, who was also in Dream Trap).

Directed by Paul Madden and written by Ralph Gaby Wilson, the main reason I watched this is because Sherrie Rose was also in Killer CrocodileMartial Law 2: UndercoverCy Warrior and most importantly, American Rickshaw.

There’s not much else I can recommend within this movie other than everyone is very attractive and willing to get naked for a teen sex comedy. Also: If you like ELO, well, you’re going to love the band in this, OrKestra. I’ve seen plenty of people say that this is like when the kids on Saved by the Bell worked at the Malibu Sands for a summer, but I always got the idea that Stacey Carosi was 100% making Zack Morris her bottom by night.

You can watch this on Tubi.