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Steve asked me to get to this movie and described it this way: “It’s everything that was bad about Australian movies from that period. Characters turned up to 11, and accents that were what a private school boy thought “real” Australiana sounded like. The fact that the lead thought he was going to be a global superstar makes it all the more perplexing.”

World famous hair metal impresario and eco-warrior Black Alice (Rob Hartley, who was also in a short that inspired this movie called Knightmare (co-directed by Yahoo Serious!), using the name Black Alice; that’s also the name of the band, which had Hartley on vocals, Jamie Page playing guitar, Vince Linardi on bass and Joe Demasi playing the drums. They released the album Endangered Species before breaking up, but reformed for this movie with Andy Cichon on bass, Scott Johnson on drums, Paul Radcliffe on keyboards and guitar, and Hartley and Page. They have been imprisoned in a stasis hologram by the dictatorial leaders of OCEANA, a corporate entity that now owns Australia. 

After the death of a lover, Black Alice is trapped in endless slumber until Alice is accidentally freed 113 years later. He finds a wasteland where Sydney was vaporized after the peace ferry he was supposed to be on collided with the nuclear sub. Now, he must travel backward in time to fix everything. He is aided by two barbarian warriors, X and J, and a sentient motorcycle called The Shine. He has only 10 hours before his physical body decomposes into smegma.

You may hate every minute of this, but it’s a movie where nearly everyone is wearing face paint. One that starts with a cover of Thunderclap Newman’s “Something In The Air” and ends up being a musical. I have an absurd weakness for the late 80s world of post-apocalyptic visions, kind of like Road Warrior by way of Italy by way of Rinse Dream. It doesn’t hurt that Black Alice sounds like Bowie by way of sleazy late 80s glam metal. Just imagine if bands like D.A.D., Zodiac Mindwarp or the Dogs D’Amour got to make a film of their own! Throw in some ancient CGI, sword and sorcery moments and attractive women in lab coats, and you have a movie!

Director and writer Gary Keady co-produced Black Alice’s Endangered Species album with Steve James (not the action film actor), and it was originally released in the UK before coming out in Australia. According to the Encyclopedia of Australian Rock and Pop, the band indulged in “…the world of sword and sorcery with tracks like ‘Blade of Slaughter,” “In the Hall of the Ancient Kings” and “Man of Metal” (an ode to bushranger Ned Kelly).

Keady even wrote a review of the film on IMDb: “I’m probably biased as I wrote and directed the film. It had its moments. It was a hard film to make. I had to rewrite the original script only six weeks prior to principal photography due to budgetary changes. In a lot of ways the film paid the price for being a first in Australia. It was the first film to be shot employing digital live sync sound and thus pathed the way for others. Sons of Steel was shot at night, at times a mile or more underground Sydney in World War II bunkers (Gen. McArthur’s). It was a tough eight week shoot and in retrospect an difficult task for a first time director. I’m proud of what we tried to do with as little funding as we had. We put a lot of quality up on the screen. Those who I was fortunate enough to work with gave the film a first class look and me first class experience. Some find the story hard to follow, and that would be because so much of it wasn’t shot because of bad scheduling, and plenty ended up on the edit floor for one reason or another. I’m sure that’s generally taken as a directors excuse for a flawed film, perhaps so, but then again maybe I’m right. I did live through the experience of not only writing it a number of times but raising the finance, writing much of the music, directing it and selling it around the world. And for that experience I am eternally thankful.. I hope I can improve with the next picture, and I hope those who see Sons of Steel are entertained enough to appreciate it and perhaps look out for my next film.”

This is a cult movie without a cult, and I’d like to change that! Sure, it doesn’t really have a likeable lead character, but when has that ever stopped us before? Virtually every character looks like they’re auditioning for a glam metal band or a Mad Max reboot, including the corporate drones. It also has a lizard monster named The Freak, with the biggest lizard cock you’ve ever seen. Sure, the acting isn’t all that great, but there’s so much fog that Lucio Fulci was like, “Ha bisogno di tutta questa nebbia?”

You can get this from Vinegar Syndrome or watch it on YouTube.

Marius Mattei wrote The French Sex Murders, so at least he had worked on a giallo film before directing and writing this. 

When her boyfriend is shot in the head by a giallo killer — you can tell by the black leather and motorcycle helmet look familiar to those that have seen Night School and Strip Nude for Your Killer — Allison Spencer (adult star and Blink 182 cover girl Janine Lindemulder in her first movie ) gets amnesia and starts running before heading off to live with tennis player Ferry Spencer (Charles Pitt) who she thinks is her father, but then learns he isn’t, then sleeps with him. This upsets Dr. Sally Tyler (Larry Blair), who, after all, is Ferry’s girlfriend and treated Allison when she showed up. At the same time, an armed killer is looking for her, as are Captain Morrison (Ernest Borgnine) and his partner (Kurt Woodruff). Meanwhile, Joe Frank (Stuart Whitman) is trying to take advantage of all of this mayhem.

If you want to see Stuart Whitman in a tracksuit and Janine in a role before she started doing hardcore, good news. This movie has you covered. She’s also nude the entire film. Well, nearly. I mean, it’s memorable even if the movie makes no sense and then rewards you with a double twist at the end.

This isn’t just a giallo. It’s my favorite genre: Italians let loose in America, this time in Florida.

You can watch this on Tubi.

At the end of the 1970s, a new generation of martial arts stars — three adopted brothers — rose to the top of Hong Kong cinema: Yuen Biao, Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung, who found fame as the director and star of The Iron Fisted Monk, The Magnificent Butcher and Encounter of the Spooky Kind.

Eureak’s latest set has three films spanning Hung’s career, from a supporting role in The Manchu Boxer to stardom in Paper Marriage and Shanghai, Shanghai.

The Manchu Boxer (1974): Ku Ru-Zhang (Tony Liu) has left his hometown in shame. He’s killing a rich man’s son (director Wu Ma) in self-defense, and even his father wants him gone. He promises never to fight again and quickly becomes a husband and father to a widower and his child. But then, when a martial arts master (Kim Ki-Joo) and his two henchmen (Sammo Hung, who was also the fight coordinator and Wilson Tong) decide to win a tournament at any cost, our hero must enter and fight again.

Ku Ru-Zhang is a good enough fighter that he can win a battle against multiple fighters without taking his hands out of his pockets, like some kind of martial world Orange Cassidy. Ah, but how will he fare against a femme fatale who can throw knives?

This Golden Harvest film came to the U.S. thanks to Independent-International Pictures as Masters of Martial Arts.

Paper Marriage (1988): Directed and co-written by Alfred Cheung, this finds boxer Bo Chin (Sammo Hung) in America. He agrees to marry Jade Lee (Maggie Cheung) so that he can stay in the country. After he goes the distance in a kickboxing fight, criminals steal his money. Man, Bo was poor to start with, thanks to his ex-wife (Joyce Godenzi, Sammo’s real partner)!

Also: That isn’t Los Angeles in this movie. It’s Edmonton, Alberta.

If you ever wondered where Shinya Hashimoto got his look from (or maybe Sammo is taking after him) or want to see Maggie Cheung mud wrestle, this is the movie for you! It’s a cute film and one that takes full advantage of its stars.

Shanghai, Shanghai (1990): This time around, Sammo Hung is the villain, Chin Hung-yun, facing off with Yuen Biao as Little Tiger and George Lam as police officer Big Tiger. Well, at first, Little Tiger is friends with Chin Hung-yun, but he must quickly choose between family and friendship.

This has a unique 1930s Singapore setting and Anita Mui as the love interest, but the whole reason to stick around is the movie’s ending battle between Sammo and Yuen Biao. You know how great it is when brothers fight, right?

I kind of love Hong Kong period films set at the start of the last century. This looks great, and while it takes a bit to get going, it all ends well enough.

This set has 1080p HD presentations from brand new 2K restorations of the original Hong Kong theatrical cuts of all three films; new audio commentary on The Manchu Boxer with East Asian cinema expert Frank Djeng (NY Asian Film Festival) and martial artist and filmmaker Michael Worth; new audio commentary on Paper Marriage with genre cinema experts Stefan Hammond and Arne Venema; new audio commentary on Shanghai, Shanghai with Frank Djeng and producer/writer F.J. DeSanto; a new interview with Paper Marriage director Alfred Cheung; trailers; a limited edition exclusive bonus disc; a limited edition O-card slipcase featuring new artwork by Sam Gilbey and a limited edition collector’s booklet featuring new writing on Sammo Hung. You can get this from MVD.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Unnameable was on USA Up All Night on October 7, 1989.

Based on “The Unnamable” by H.P. Lovecraft, this movie was directed and written by Jean-Paul Ouellette. It begins in the Winthrop house, a place where a female demon is hiding, having already killed the owner.

Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson) is a Lovecraft character who shows up or is mentioned in seven of his stories: “The Statement of Randolph Carter,” “The Unnameable,” The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, “The Silver Key,” The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, “Through the Gates of the Silver Key” and “Out of the Aeons.” He’s joined by his friends, Howard Damon (Charles King ) and Joel Manton (Mark Parra). They decide to stay all night in the Winthrop house themselves, hoping they won’t meet his evil daughter, Alyda (Katrin Alexandre). As for Howard, he just wants to know Tanya Heller (Alexandra Durrell) better, a student who comes along to see what this house is all about.

The Necronomicon, living trees, Miskatonic University, a bloody decapitation, some quick nudity from Laura Albert…what else do you want from this movie? It looks great and has a nice mood to it. I’m all for Lovecraft movies being made on the cheap; it’s a genre in and of itself.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Mirror of Death was on USA Up All Night on August 3, 1991 as Dead of Night. 

Sara (Julie Merrill) escapes her abusive partner, Bobby (John Reno), and winds up at the home of her actress sister, April (Janet Graham, the wife of TV movie director William, who made Get Christie Love! and Return to the Blue Lagoon), who is leaving town and lets her stay. Bobby breaks into the house, slaps her around, tries to rape her and then gets stopped by April’s boyfriend Richard (Richard Fast).

Sara takes a bath, reads a book of magic and ends up doing a ritual. This creates a mirror version of herself — yes, this is a spooky mirror movie — that walks into her, heals all her wounds, and resolves her problems. Tell me why demonic possession is an issue again?

That said, the mirror does tell her,  “Goodbye, Sara. I’ll give you back this body if it’s not to my liking…” when she goes to work. She then starts picking up bartenders with strange dances, tells people she’s the goddess of love and beauty, and also picks up salsa dancers, just to remind you this was made in 1988.

Sara hooks up with the bartender, who writes on her possessed mirror, causing her to kill him, which feels logical. Bobby then breaks in and gets killed, too. So many men get killed that at one point, three of them fall out of a closet, and Sara is shocked. She can’t even remember murdering them.

How do you solve a possessed mirror? John Smith (Bob Kipp), who rides a bicycle through Los Angeles and seems pretty good-natured for a possession remover. Sara responds by zapping out his eyes, just as her sister is possessed to kill her boyfrien,d and Sara even kills a few cops to make this even crazier. April shoots Sa,ra and get this, the surviving cops shoot the mirror demon until it dies. How is that a thing? And why would John Smith have blanks that April could use? Was she faking? Man, so many things are left up to us, the audience, right?

In another movie made the same year by the same director, Deryn Warren’s The Boy from Hell, characters watch this film on TV. He also made the Apolonia-starring Black Magic Woman, working with the same writer, Jerry Daly.

You can watch this on Tubi.

EDITOR’S NOTE: You Can’t Hurry Love was on USA Up All Night on June 28, 1991.

Video dating is a way of learning a lot about yourself, if we follow this film. Eddie (David Packer) got left at the altar and moved to LA. His cousin Skip (Scott McGinnis) gives him a car, a place to live and a job with Peter Newcomb (David Leisure), who sends him to work for his combat shock-addled brother Tony (Anthony Geary). As he hands out ads on the beach, Eddie decides to try video dating, which is run by Peggy (Bridget Fonda).

He claims to be a director, so his first date is with an actress who wants to be Madonna. Her father (Charles Grodin) tells him to make sure and wear a condom. As you can imagine, things don’t go well. Neither does trying to date rock girls, like Rhonda (Kristy McNichol), who nearly shoots him with a crossbow. And Monique (Merete Van Kamp) wants to have sex in public with him while his parents are at dinner.

As you can imagine, Eddie realizes that love isn’t found in this way and asks Peggy out.

Six years before this was made, Packer was a witness to the murder of Dominique Dunne, who was strangled to death by her ex-boyfriend, John Sweeney, while Packer was at her home for a rehearsal. He called the police and later found Sweeney kneeling over Dunne’s unconscious body. Dunne died from her injuries days later, and while Sweeney was convicted of voluntary manslaughter, the judge and others felt the crime was murder.

Cinematographer John Schwartzman also shot “Video Valentino,” the short film on which this movie is based, for director Richard Martini. Martini promised Schwartzman that if the short ever became a movie, he would hire him to shoot it. He lived up to the claim, but the completion bond company wouldn’t approve both a first-time director and a first-time cinematographer. Schwartzman asked Peter Lyons Collister, who had prior feature experience, to co-shoot the movie with him.

You can watch this on Tubi.