Tag Archives: 1986

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Sex Appeal (1986)

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Sept 22-28 Chuck Vincent Week: No one did it like Chuck! He’s the unsung king of Up All Night comedy, a queer director making the straightest romcoms but throwing in muscle studs and drag queens. His films explore the concept of romance from almost every angle – he loved love!

Tony Cannelloni (Louie Bonanno) just wants to get out of his mom’s (Marie Sawyer) house and get laid. If you were watching this on USA Up All Night, you get it. He gets a book, Sex Appeal, and tries to become a sexual dynamo. He doesn’t, but his landlord (Jeffrey Hurst) writes about him as the New Jersey Casanova, which becomes some kind of fame (and the source of a heart attack for his mother).

Tony is in love with Corrine (Tally Chanel), but the thing viewers will probably enjoy — well, me — is that this is packed with mid 80s adult stars, like Gloria Leonard as a newscaster, Veronica Hart as a woman so sensitive that her fingers are erogenous zones, Merle Michaels as a nerdy girl who ticks all my boxes and ends up flipped into a Murphy bed and Taija Rae and Samantha Fox as two tough girls who truss up Tony and have their way with him. And Candida Royalle as a sex worker!

I get that this is a dumb sex comedy with no budget, but it caught me on an afternoon where I had doom scrolled the end of the world and was in sheer panic mode. I was feeling like no one wanted to listen to me or help me feel better and here’s Chuck Vincent, forty years in the past, giving me the hug that I needed.

As for the lead actor in this, “In February of 1992, following a string of miraculous events, and in answer to his prayers for Divine guidance, Louix had an encounter with four Ascended Masters. Soon thereafter, he renounced the material world and began training in earnest with the Masters in The Ancient Mystery School, fulfilling one of the prophecies spoken to him by Jesus at the age of five.” Thanks to theironcupcake on Letterboxd for this.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Murder, She Wrote S2 E12: Murder by Appointment Only (1986)

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A former student of Jessica’s becomes involved in a love triangle that ends in murder.

Season 2, Episode 12: Murder by Appointment Only (January 5, 1986)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote…

Everyone Jessica knows gets killed. You know how it goes. This time, a former student finds love, drama and death. Does Grady show up? No! Not Grady!

Who’s in it, outside of Angela Lansbury?

Lila Lee Amberson is Jayne Meadows, Billy Crystal’s mom in City Slickers. She’s the older sister of Audrey Meadows.

Fiona Keeler is Christine Belford, who was in Christine.

Norman Amberson? Robert Culp! Am I going to make the joke about his dick again? Yes.

Roger Adiano is played by Robert Desiderio.

Elizabeth Gordon is Ann Dusenberry from Jaws 2.

Herb Edelman — Stan Zbornak — is Lieutenant Varick!

Grady Fletcher is in this. Yes, he’s played by Michael Horton again.

Leigh McCloskey from Inferno! He’s Todd Amberson.

Millie Perkins — yes, Anne Frank — is Glenda Vandevere. She was also in The Witch Who Came from the Sea.

In minor roles, Robert Stoneman is a photographer, Fred Ponzlov is Mr. Hillsdale, Catherine Battistone and Cathy McAuley are actresses, and Sam Nickens plays a guest.

What happens?

While in New York City, Jessica runs into an old student, Elizabeth Gordon, who has become the fiancée of Lila Lee cosmetics tycoon Norman Amberson. As good as her life sounds, she reveals that it is pretty rough. So when she shows up dead — even students of Jessica aren’t safe from her death energy, which is like Dim Mak, the punch of death — JB promises to get justice.

At one point, Lila Lee even shows up and thinks that Cabbot Cove is Cabbage Cove, so you can understand why Jessica feels weird about her.

Jessica’s student was a sex worker before she hooked up with the rich guy. But let’s not shame. Elizabeth’s portrait is painted with lipstick after her death, a lipstick whose color — Tangerine Twist — has been taken out of the catalogue. Somehow, though, Elizabeth was literally a hooker with a heart of gold and gave most of the money she made to charity.

But what if she starts seeing an old client? Will all the rumors of her being a gold digger cause her death? I mean, we’re watching Murder, She Wrote.

Who did it?

Norman, who was jealous and worried about his wife’s past.

Who made it?

This episode was directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman and written by TV vet Jerry Ross.

Does Jessica get some?

No. Come on!

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

She does, dressing up like she’s a make-up saleswoman for Lila Lee!

Was it any good?

Yeah.

Any trivia?

Herb Edleman would come back as Lieutenant Artie Gelber.

Christine Belford appeared in four episodes as different characters. When she was a kid, she lived at the Amityville Horror house from ages 11-16. Then, her parents sold it to the DeFoes.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Lila Lee Amberson: Mrs. Fletcher! You should have told me you weren’t a Lila Lee lady. I just assumed you were one of us because you ARE absolutely perfect. My dear, it gives me great pleasure to offer you the entire Lila Lee franchise for all of Cabbage Cove.

What’s next?

It’s a bad day for the jury when Jessica is the foreperson hearing the case of a man claiming self-defense in the death of an enraged husband.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: Bad Girls Dormitory (1986)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Bad Girls Dormitory was on USA Up All Night on September 2, 1989; May 5 and November 23, 1990; May 4 and August 16, 1993; April 16 and August 14, 1993.

Tim Kincaid also made The Occultist, Mutant Hunt, Breeders, Robot Holocaust and lots of male-focused porn as Joe Gage. This is his women-in-prison film and it has a young women-focused behavioral unit run by Miss Madison (Marita, in her only film, with an accent that feels comedic).

Paige (Natalie O’Connell) is fresh off the bus and gets caught up in a vice bust. Marina (Teresa Farley) was left behind by her friends when the cops busted their coke party. Eula (Renata Cobbs) has been there for a while. And now, they’re fodder for the WIP grist mill, subjected to dirty touches by Dr. DeMarco (Dan Barclay) and Nurse Stevens (Rebecca Rothbaum) and prison attacks. You know how it happens.

A social worker named Ron (Rick Gianasi) is trying to fix things and gets a tour of the prison, but mostly he just gets to see naked female flesh because, well, you’re not watching this to learn about social reform. You’re there to see Jennifer Delora from Deranged and Deadly Manor take a shower with LeeAnne Baker and Debbis Laster. You can hang your head in shame after you read this. Lori (Casey Zuris) ends up having sex with the social worker, and yeah, she killed her last guy after his friends tag-teamed her, so treat her right.

Are there bad girls? You know it. Lisa (Jennifer Delora) and Rebel (Donna Eskra) — who tell the doctor he’s the worst lay ever and inform his nurse that she “doesn’t want a bitch, she wants a man” — are the ones who beat up the good girls and keep the plot moving. There’s also Dottie (Kate McCamy), who responds to a threat by saying, “If you make me get up, I’m going to be twisting some tits.” There’s also Gloria (Sherry Hoard), who is pregnant and doesn’t want anyone to know. Rebel gets assigned to her and screws a guard while she’s having a miscarriage. Cinema.

There are so many girls in the Bad Girls Dormitory, and I may have lost track of a few. This also looks nothing like any other prison that I’ve seen. But hey, I haven’t ever been in a Bad Girls Dormitory.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Moron Movies (1983) and More Moron Movies (1986)

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Sept 8-14 Sketchy Comedy Week: “…plotless satires, many of which were only excuses for drug humor or gratuitous nudity sprinkled with the cheapest of gags. The typical form was a channel-changing structure, which would go from one sketch to the next under the premise that this was just another night at home watching the old boob tube. The medium is the message, baby!”

Moron Movies (1983): Len Cella started making his own movies after working in advertising and sports writing, then owning his own painting company. Then he bought a camera and started filming his own short movies. They could be about anything and often were; after showing them to family and friends, he started his own Philadephia theater. At first, only five people would show up, but as they became popular, his movies began to play on the Tonight Show and TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes. Len started sharing these movies on YouTube and Facebook until he died in 2023.

Carson showed nine episodes — Getting Rid of the Raisins, The Cheat, A Cook’s Punishment in Hell, How to Strike Out, The Chicken Comedian, Poor Man’s Remote Control, How to Discourage Pickpockets, How to Know if You’re Ugly and Rules Were Meant to Be Broken — and introduced them by saying “Before Buddy Hackett comes out, this might be a good place to do the Moron Movies because they’re a little off the wall also. They’re short, homemade, off-the-wall, bizarre little episodes.” Thanks to Frames Cinema Journal for that information.

This is SOV predating TikTok and the social media humor of today, just one man, staring at the camera. deadpanning, telling you that Jell-O isn’t a good doorstop, then proving it. You’re either going to love it or hate every second. It’s literally non-stop punchlines, with the sound of a projector, as Cella recorded these old-school clips from a projector to a VHS camera. It’s just a blitzkrieg of some things that don’t work, but then they work better because they don’t. Incredible.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

More Moron Movies (1986): How much money did Len Cella spend on the props for his movies? This is the same thing, over and over: title card, setup, punch line, repeat. Yet it feels like a secret language, one that gets stuck in your brain and you wonder questions like the one above. What motivated this man to make so many of these movies? There’s even a documentary, King Dong, which tries to make sense of Cella.

Is his work even work? Is it just dad jokes and gross-out humor? Or is it a commentary on television, on media, on what we expect from jokes? Can it be both?

Johnny Carson said, “We read an article about a man in Philadelphia who makes his own movies. Apparently, he would make these eight-millimeter home movies and have them transferred to tape. Then I understand he hired a theater, or started to show them in a theater in Philadelphia. These are not normal movies, you understand?”

On that theater, Cella says in King Dong, “I’d read a book about El Cordobés. El Cordobés was a matador, kind of a renegade matador. And he was having trouble getting to go in the ring. They wouldn’t let him in the ring to do his thing. So, he built his own bullring. I said, that’s it. I’ll get my own theater. Fuck ‘em. So I started shopping around for places to rent. And there was a second floor of the Lansdowne theater.”

I wouldn’t say this is good, but I will say that it’s great. This is the line between people wanting to claim cult movies for their own cred and people who remember something from the distant past and can’t explain it to anyone. Almost everyone who watches this will say, “This is a waste of time.”

For others, this will invite your own debate, as you wonder how it could be.

You can download this from the Internet Archive.

USA UP ALL NIGHT: My Chauffeur (1986)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: My Chauffeur was on USA Up All Night on January 17 and December 20, 1997.

Deborah Foreman is my favorite 1980’s comedy girl. From Real Genius to Valley Girl, April Fool’s Day and Waxwork, she’s always dependable, always cute and always real. She’s the kind of girl that 80s dorks like me wish we’d get as girlfriends. And people noticed, with one critic comparing her to a “New Wave Carole Lombard crossed with early Shirley MacLaine.” Sadly, she never really broke through to the mainstream. She has said that My Chauffeur is her favorite film in which she has appeared and that it was the most fun she ever had making a movie.

In My Chauffeur, she plays Casey Meadows, a free spirit who somehow ends up working for the Brentwood Limousine Service, which brings her into conflict with the company’s manager, McBride (Howard Hesseman!). At first, the older drivers all treat her like dirt, but her plucky spirit and hard work soon win them over. Even when they set her up with nightmare client Cat Fight, a goofball, drugged-out rock star, she succeeds.

Casey soon starts driving around Battle Witherspoon (Sam J. Jones, Flash Gordon), the son of limo company owner Mr. Witherspoon (E.G. Marshall, Creepshow). She helps him through a breakup, but he’s a heel, a rich boy unable to be kind to anyone — until Casey breaks through.

However, she soon runs afoul of an oil sheik and a con artist who take her for a ride even more ridiculous than the band at the start of the movie. It turns out they’re wanted men, which results in Casey being fired. Penn and Teller play them, and this was at the very start of their career.

Battle becomes a better person, and he and Casey fall in love. He takes her home to meet her father, and when she is in her house, she has deja vu. That’s because her mother was a former employee, and she played in the house. And Battle’s dad is actually her real father. But whew — luckily for those who don’t want a Flowers in the Attic situation — Casey’s real dad was Giles, one of the other limo drivers. That means our young couple can get married and all ends happily.

WEIRD WEDNESDAY: Critters (1986)

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We start in an asteroid prison, where the Krites hijack a spaceship and escape to Earth. The warden hires Ug (Terrence Mann) and another shapeshifting bounty hunter to follow them.

As they study Earth transmissions, Ug takes the form of rock star Johnny Steele and the second remains blank. You will hear the song “Power of the Night” so many times in this movie that you’ll be able to sing it yourself.

Meanwhile, in Kansas, the Brown family is enjoying rural Earth life. There’s father Jay (Billy “Green” Bush, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday), mother Helen (Dee Wallace Stone, The Howling, Cujo, Popcon), and their kids April and Brad. As the kids go to school, Jay waits for mechanic Charlie (Don Keith Opper, who is in all four Critters films) to show up. Once a major league prospect, he started getting messages from radios and possibly even UFOs through his fillings and went insane.

That night, the Krites’ ship crashes. Thinking it’s a meteorite, Jay and Brad check it out only to catch one of the monsters eating its way through a cow. They cut all the power to the farm, take out a cop and shoot Jay with one of their tranquilizing quills.

While all this is going on, April is horizontally dancing with NYC transplant Steve (Billy Zane!) who gets eaten almost immediately. Her brother saves her with some firecrackers. Just then, the bounty hunters come to town, with one of them continually changing shape to become different townspeople.

Everything works out well, with the Krites being wiped out. The bounty hunters even leave behind a device to call them in case of a sequel as we see eggs that are about to hatch.

There’s a funny scene with a Critter playing with an E.T. doll, which Dee Wallace Stone also starred in. And I almost forgot — genre vet Lin Shaye (the Insidious films) shows up too!

The character design of the Critters is probably the best part of the film. The Chiodo Brothers also worked on Ernest Scared Stupid, Team America: World Police, Large Marge in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, the “mousterpieces” in Dinner for Schmucks and, of course, Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Depending on when you grew up, Critters is either silly fluff or a treasured part of your childhood. I tend to the former while Becca is definitely on the latter choice. Director Stephen Herek also directed plenty of her other favorites like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead and The Mighty Ducks.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

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Aug 11-17 Whoopi Goldberg Week: She’s become a corny tv lady these days, but let’s not forget that at her peak Whoopi was one of the funniest people alive.

This is one of Becca’s favorite movies and she may have seen it hundreds of times.

Living up to its title, it has not just one but two versions of the theme: the Rolling Stones and Aretha Franklin.

Directed by Penny Marshall and written by David H. Franzoni, J. W. Melville, Patricia Irving and Christopher Thompson, this has Whoopi Goldberg as Terry Doolittle, a computer operator working for First National Bank. This is one of those very much The Net films where computers can do everything, including things they still can’t handle forty years later.

She talks to people all over the world and one of them ends up being “Jumping Jack Flash,” a British superspy who needs her help to deliver coded messages.

I loved this because so many SNL stars are in it: Jon Lovitz, Phil Hartman, Jim Belushi and Michael McKean, as well as Tracey Ullman. Sam Kinison was going to be Jack at the end, but Whoppi said no to this, ending the friendship between Kinison and Marshall and starting a feud between him and Goldberg. Supposedly, Kinison was dating Marshall! Plus, you get pre-cancelled Stephen Collins, Carol Kane, Annie Potts as a CIA agent, Jonathan Pryce and Teagan Clive as a Russian workout woman. Yes, the star of Alienator. How haven’t I made a Teagan Clive Letterboxd list yet? This would be the last of her films that I’ve covered.

Initially, this was to star Shelley Long, but she was problematic. Then, director Howard Zieff (Private Benjamin, My Girl) directed the New York footage. He and producer Marvin Worth left, replaced by Marshall and Joel Silver.

CBS LATE MOVIE: Spiker (1986)

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Spiker was on the CBS Late Movie on October 13, 1988 and January 4, 1989.

Coach Doames (Michael Parks) is assembling the Olympic volleyball team, and I wonder, with the world burning around me, why I’m watching a movie about volleyball from the 80s? For you, dear reader. That’s how I will remain sane.

Catch (Patrick Houser), Suonny (Stephen W. Burns) and Newt (Christopher Allport) all have their issues and we’ll live through their drama in the pursuit of glory. Can Catch and Pam (Kristi Ferrell) have a relationship when all he does is spike the ball all day? Will Newt ever grow up? How about Newt? Will he stop sleeping around with the many volleyball groupies and get back with his wife, Marcia (Jo McDonnell), who complains that she’s 31 and feels old? 31? What is wrong with you? Also, did the filmmakers see McDonnell in Island Claws and say, “That’s our angry wife?”

Directed by Roger Tilton, who wrote it with Marlene Matthews — who developed the Emily of New Moon TV series — this movie is… something. It also has Parks as a man who cares more about volleyball than anyone ever has before, since or will in the future.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: One Crazy Summer (1986)

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July 7-13 Teen Movie Hell Week: From the book description on the Bazillion Points website: All-seeing author Mike “McBeardo” McPadden (Heavy Metal Movies) passes righteous judgment over the entire (teen movie) genre, one boobs-and-boner opus at a time. In more than 350 reviews and sidebars, Teen Movie Hell lays the crucible of coming-of-age comedies bare, from party-hearty farces such as The Pom-Pom Girls, Up the Creek, and Fraternity Vacation to the extreme insanity exploding all over King Frat, Screwballs, The Party Animal, and Surf II: The End of the Trilogy.

Made one after the other with Better Off Dead by director and writer Savage Steve Holland with actor John Cusack, this may not have been a success in theaters, but when it came to video stores and cable TV, it was watched over and over.

Hoops McCann (Cusack) — named for the Steely Dan song “Glamour Profession”– didn’t get a scholarship in basketball, despite his name. However, he wants to attend the Rhode Island School of Design to become an animator. He just needs to put together an illustrated love story to get in, so he does what we all would: he goes to Nantucket with his friends George (Joel Murray) and Squid Calamari (Kristen Goelz).

After they rescue singer Cassandra Eldridge (Demi Moore) from a motorcyle gang, they settle in for a summer of hijnks with twins Egg (Bobcat Goldthwaite) and Clay Stork (Tom Willard) and Ack-Ack Raymond (Curtis Armstrong), much of which is about saving Cassandra’s family home from the Beckersted family (Mark Metcalf, William Hickey, Matt Mulhern). Hoops even gets challenged to a basketball game that he loses horribly, upsetting Cassandra, all while Egg gets stuck in a Godzilla costume.

There’s a regatta, a boat race, an old man bad guy who turns babyface and a radio station blowing up real good. Plus, animated sequences, bunny versions of Siskel and Ebert exploding, Rich Little as a DJ, Joe Flaherty as General Raymond, a young Jeremy Piven as rich kid Ty, Billie Bird as a wacky grandma (of course) and two of my favorite small role players, Rich Hall and Taylor Negron, as gas station attendants. Oh yeah! John Matuszak — Sloth himself — is in this!

Yes, Summer Rental also ends with a boat race.

88 FILMS BLU RAY RELEASE: Yakuza Wives (1986)

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Director Hideo Gosha took journalist Shōko Ieda’s 1986 book Gokudō no Tsuma-tachi, packed with interviews with the wives and girlfriends of real yakuza, and turned it into this film. It stars Shima Iwashita as Tamaki, a woman who takes over the Awazu Family, which is part of the Domoto syndicate, while her husband is imprisoned. As a result, some family members leave the family and form their own group, the Awasu family and war is declared.

Makoto Ike (Rino Katase), her sister, finds herself in a relationship with a rival criminal who abuses her. This leads to a fight between the sisters — Makoto was promised in an arranged marriage — but by the end, she tells her to become a yakuza wife, even as she cuts her off from the family.

A women-targeted film despite all of the bloodshed — don’t get too attached to any of the yakuza husbands — this shows us how the better half views the world of Japanese crime. I may have an issue with a raped woman falling for her captor, but how many times has that trope showed up in exploitation? I’ll never understand it, but here it is again.

The 88 Films Blu-ray release of Yakuza Wives has extras including an introduction by Mark Schilling, an interview with tattoo artist Seiji Mouri, a stills gallery, trailers and new artwork by Sean Longmore. You can get it from MVD.