ARROW VIDEO UHD RELEASE: Torso (1973)

Torso is such a simple title. I’d rather call this film by its Italian name: I Corpi Presentano Tracce di Violenza Carnale, or The Bodies Bear Traces of Carnal Violence. Either way, it was directed by Sergio Martino and features none of the cast that he had come to use in his past films like George Hilton, Ivan Rassimov or Edwige Fenech.

It does, however, star British actress Suzy Kendall, who played the lead role of Julia in Dario Argento’s seminal The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. She’s so associated with giallo that she appeared as the main character’s mother in 2012’s ode to the genre, Berberian Sound Studio.

This is a film that wastes no time being strange. Or salacious. A photographer is shooting a soft focus lovemaking session between three women amongst creepy, eyeless baby dolls. By the time we register what is happening, we’re now in a classroom, where swooping pans and zooms refer us to the main cast of the film as we overhear a lecture and later a discussion about Pietro Perugino’s painting of Saint Sebastian. Did he believe in God? Or was he just trying to sell sentimentality? Could an atheist find himself able to translate religion to those with faith?

We cut to a couple making out in a car as a figure stalks them through the eye of the camera, making us complicit in the act of the killer. Quick cuts reveal the white-masked face of this maniac. The man runs after him while the girl doesn’t even care that they had a voyeur watching. As she waits for him to return to the car, but grows impatient. The headlights of the car cast her shadow large across the columns of a bridge. And their light is quickly extinguished by black-gloved hands. The camerawork here is really striking, keeping us watching for the killer, as we’re no longer behind his eyes. His attack is swift and ruthless, juxtaposed against the images of fingers penetrating the eyes of a doll.

The art professor (John Richardson, Black Sunday, The Church) and Jane (Kendall) meet by chance at a church where she challenges him to change his views on Perugino. As she returns from their somewhat romantic afternoon, Jane spies her friend Carol arguing in the car with a man who she believes is married.

Meanwhile, ladies of the evening walk the street, ending up with Stefano, a student who has been stalking Julie. He has trouble performing and the prostitute he’s with tells him that all the men with hang-ups always come her way. That said — even if he’s queer, he better pay the money. He flips out and attacks her, but she makes her escape.

We’re then taken to a hippy party that looks like it’s taking place inside Edward Lionheart’s Theater of Blood. There’s weed, there are acoustic guitars, there are bongos, there are dudes with neckerchiefs, there are motorcycles. Truly, there’s something for everyone. But after leading on two men, Carol just walks out into the mud. They try and chase her, but she makes her escape into the foggy night. We hear her footsteps through the swamp as she walks, exhausted and covered in mud. What better time for our white-masked killer to return? We see glimpses of him through the fog and then he is gone. Whereas in past films Martino ignored the murder scenes instead of story, here the violence is extended, placing the killer and his actions in full view. After killing the girl, he rubs mud all over her body before stabbing her eyes — again intercut with the baby doll imagery. Her blood leaks into the mud as the score dies down.

This scene really feels like what the first two Friday the 13th movies were trying to achieve, but of course several years before they were made.

A police detective is in front of the art class, showing images not of art, but of the crime scene. A piece of cloth has been found under the fingernails of one of the murdered students, Flo. And that same scarf was found on Carol’s body. It’s their duty to report seeing anyone who wore this scarf to the police, who want to cooperate with the students who normally riot and throw rocks at them.

Two of the men in the class — Peter and George — were the last two people to be seen with Carol, the ones who she turned down at the party. Meanwhile, Stefano continues to stalk Jane. The music in this film is so forward-leaning — tones play when the killer shows or during moments of tension.

A man calls Daniela and tells her that if she ever tells where she saw the red and black scarf, she’s dead. Fearing for her life, she tells her uncle, who lends his country home to her and her friends so that they can get away from the city while the killer is at large.

Oh yeah — I forgot the pervy scarf salesman, who the police are leaning on. Right after talking to the police inspector, he calls someone and asks for money to buy his silence. Whoever it is, they bought the scarf from him and wouldn’t want anyone else to know. They’ll also get out of town and head to the country. Coincidence? I think not!

Stefano is all over Dani, telling her that he needs her. She wants nothing to do with him. When she stares at him, she remembers seeing him wear the red scarf. She escapes — slamming the door in his face. She tells Jane that she remembers seeing him wear the scarf — and never again — the day Flo died. The whole time, the creepy uncle is watching the two girls. Jane offers to speak to Stefano, then meet the girls at the vacation home.

The street vendor is flush with cash, creeping along in the dark. A car starts to follow him. We see the black-gloved hands again as the car hits its victim again and again, bright red gore pouring all over the screen.

Jane goes to speak to Stefano, finding only strange baby dolls and letters to Dani asking her to love him and remember the promise that she made as a little girl. Jane is surprised by Stefano’s grandmother, who tells her that he left town.

The other girls are asleep on the train as someone watches them. A strange man enters their train car and sits down.

The camerawork in this movie feels as predatory as the perverts and killers that exist within it. Speaking of pervs, when the girls arrive in the countryside, the local men pretty much lose their minds, particularly over Ursula (Carla Brait, the man wrestling dancer from The Case of the Bloody Iris). She and Katia make out as a peeping tom watches, only for the killer to show up and off the leering man. There’s an amazing scene of the killer dumping the pervert into a well, shot underwater and staring upward as the body falls toward the lens.

Man, every man in this movie is scum. They’re either frightened boys or perverts wanting one chance to knock up a woman or scarred from past sexual encounters. None of them are positive, as even the uncle who gives Dani the villa seems way too interested in her. Every man is a predator at worst and a leering pervert at best.

Jane hurts her ankle when she gets overly excited about breakfast. A doctor arrives — the mysterious man from the train — and he gives her a pill, which knocks her out.

The girls go sunbathing while Jane recovers. Dani thinks she sees Stefano — complete with the red scarf — watching them. They return home and drink champagne, which Jane uses to wash down her sleeping pills.

A few minutes later, the door rings. It’s Stefano — the girls all scream — but he’s dead — the girls scream again — and the killer is behind him, holding the red scarf — now scream even louder! Instead of showing us the murders, Martino switches form, cutting to a ringing bell and Stefano being buried.

Jane wakes up, asking where her breakfast is. She’s obviously slept late as a result of the pills. She walks around the apartment, looking for Dani, Ursula and Katia, only to find a mess. Tossed chairs, bottles of beer and every single one of her friends murdered. Suzy Kendall is amazing in this scene, caught between fear and nausea. Unlike so many wooden giallo performances, she’s actually believable.

She hides as the killer comes back, forced to stay quiet and watch as he saws her friends into pieces. Even the ordinary world routine of the milkman arriving cannot stop the butchering of her friends, with her trapped just feet away.

This final act is completely unexpected, as up until now, the film had played by the rules of the giallo, the large number of victims versus a large number of red herrings.

In fact, this film is so packed with red herrings, even the cast had no idea who the killer was. Martino wouldn’t tell them who it was, so each of the actresses had her own theory as to who the killer was. And in the original script, the killer survived.

Now, instead of that traditional giallo structure as I mentioned above, it is the last survivor — a near prototype for the final girl — against a killer. Throw in that Julie can’t move well due to her leg and Martino has set up quite the suspenseful coda.

Trapped in the house, Julie tries to signal with a mirror, using Morse code. But it totally misses the heroic doctor’s sight. He places a call, but it doesn’t seem like it’s to Julie. She looks out the window and sees the killer coming back.

It turns out that the killer was the professor, who saw a childhood friend die trying to reach for a doll. He compares the other kills to dolls, with only Julie as a flesh and blood person. Everyone else was a bitch or played games with him or blackmailed him. He hacked Ursula and Katia to pieces like dolls as a result. Dani saw him. Carol may have seen him. And he killed Stefano when he saw him in the village. Death, he says, is the best keeper of secrets and then he sees Julie as a doll and tries to hang her. She’s saved at the last second by the doctor.

They battle into a farmhouse, across the yard and to a similar rock where we saw the younger professor watch his friend die. We hear a screen and have no idea who has been killed — but luckily for Jane, the doctor survives.  He discusses whether fate or providence had kept him in town, where he could save her. Perhaps it was written in the stars. Julie replies that Franz, the professor, would have been a realist and called it a necessity. Franz is dead and the dreamers live on.

The more times that I’ve watched this film, the more that I appreciate it and how it flips the genre conventions on their head and moves toward more of a slasher, with many of the giallo elements feeling tacked on somewhat to stay within the expected pieces of the form. A real clue that it’s really a slasher? The killings are more important than who the killer is.

Who are we to doubt the movie that Carlo Ponti brought us after Dr. Zhivago?

The Arrow Video 4K UHD release of Torso has a new 4K restoration by Arrow Films from the original camera negative. It has audio commentary by Kat Ellinger, author of All the Colours of Sergio Martino; interviews with Sergio Martino, Luc Merenda, Ernesto Gastaldi, Federica Martino and Mikel J. Koven, author of La Dolce Morte: Vernacular Cinema and the Italian Giallo Film. There’s also footage of the 2017 Abertoir International Horror Festival Q&A with Sergio Martino, alternate opening and closing credits from the US release, Italian and English theatrical trailers, a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Adam Rabalais and an illustrated collector’s booklet featuring writing on the film by Adrian Smith and Howard Hughes. You can get it from MVD.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: Bat Pussy (1973)

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Bat Pussy was found in the storeroom of the Paris Adult Movie Theatre in Memphis, Tennessee in the mid-1990s John Michael McCarthy (Damselvis, Daughter of Helvis) and let loose on the masses — well, the maniacs that like to watch strange adult films, like you and me — by Something Weird Video.

There are no credits. No one knew who made it. No one has any idea who the actors in it are. What they do know is that this is a movie where quality is damned, where the dialogue is seemingly written by aliens or creatures from another dimension, and the sex that does happen feels like it’s barely successful.

In Gotham City, Buddy and Sam are having sex after he gets inspired by an issue of Screw magazine. Now, the movie has been set up to show them doing some frickle-frackle, but mostly they shout obscenities at each other as if they were Peter J. Haskett and Raymond Huffman screaming “Shut up, little man!” instead of lovers.

This is an example of the dialogue:

Buddy: Hey! Hey! Put a dick right there in your god-damned mouth! That’s what you gotta do! Tickle your god-damned tonsils! Tickle your god-damned tonsils on that mother fucker, while, see. You don’t know how to suck a dick, do you? Hey! You ain’t answered yet!

Sam: How can I answer with a mouth full of dick?

This is topped by her saying, “Hey, lemme tell you something!” and farting on him.

Wait, this is a Batman parody?

Meanwhile…

Bat Pussy’s Secret Warehouse Hideout is where Dora Dildo is waiting for her “twat to twitch,” letting her know that someone is going to shoot a dirty movie in her Gotham City. She changes into her Bat Pussy outfit, jumps on a Space Hopper and bounces across town.

We cut back occasionally to Buddy and Sam, who keep on arguing while he struggles to get erect.

Buddy: I read my horoscope today.

Sam: What did it say, fuck you?

Buddy: My horoscope says I’m supposed to fuck you in the nose, in the ears, in the mouth, and in the pussy.

Sam: My horoscope said to get another man.

Buddy: I’ll shoot that motherfucker!

Finally, Bat Pussy arrives, gets naked and joins in with our redhead freckled lumpy couple. Buddy proclaims, “Batwoman!” until Sam corrects him. They have the most awkward threeway you’ve ever seen and I hope you haven’t seen this much. This is both the greatest and worst movie you’ve ever seen, but if you can endure it, you can do anything. I believe so much in you.

CANNON MONTH 3: Beyond Atlantis (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

I was so loud while watching this movie that my wife had to come to check on me. The sheer delight had overtaken me when East Eddie (Sid Haig) appeared in a movie where gigantic-eyed Atlantean people attempted to keep their undersea world alive thanks to a new queen named Syrene (Leigh Christian), who must constantly sire new children, as decreed by her adopted father Nereus (George Nader).

Eddie is part of a group trying to farm pearls for money which includes what could be the exploitation movies made in the Philippines version of The Avengers: Manuel the Barracuda (Vic Díaz), Logan (John Ashley) and Vic Mathias (Patrick Wayne).

Producer Ashley had the idea that this would be a science fiction version of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which is a big idea, while Wayne would only be in the film if it was a family-friendly movie, but it’s also about rebuilding the DNA of a dying world of interbred bug-eyed merpeople, which is a fun juxtaposition.

The underwater scenes are gorgeous and this has way better production values than many movies made in the Philippines. Yet if it had more exploitation — a fact that Ashley believed — I think it would be a more exciting movie.

This was released by Dimension Pictures in 1973 and rereleased by 21st Century.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Love Witch (1973)

Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Directed by Mort Shore, whose only other credit is having the footage from this film being stolen and used within The Confessions of Linda LovelaceThe Love Witch is actually the movie inside this movie, as a Southern court presided over by Harry Reems (who is also the district attorney, the defense attorney and the sheriff) tries to determine whether or not that film — about women on a yacht with several boorish men — is obscene.

This was produced by Leonard Kirtman (director of Carnival of Blood), Phil Parisi, Morton Schwartz (the director of The Zodiac Murders), Louis “Butchie” Peraino (who ran Bryanston Pictures which owned Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as well as the producer of The Devil’s Rain as James V. Cullen, Legacy of Satan as Lou Parrish and oh yeah, an alleged associate of the Colombo crime family and one of 43 people indicted in 1980 as part of the FBI MIPORN pornography investigation) and Shore.

The Love Witch is a boat and the women include Ann Marshall, Linda Del Toro, Cathy Parker, Ami Nitrate and Francine Baker and they hook up with Marc Brock and Robert Sargent. Of the women, only Marshall was in another film, the Sean Cunningham directed Case of the Full Moon Murders.

I love that there’s a performer named Ami Nitrate.

This is kind of boring, other than Reems having fun, but still feels more honest than the movie that took its name, Anna Biller’s The Love Witch.

CANNON MONTH 3: Terminal Island (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Terminal Island has been created as an off-shore island prison after the abolition of the death penalty by the U.S. Supreme Court. Now, first degree murderers are sent there to spend the rest of their lives battling to remain alive in what has become a lawless place. Kind of like Escape from New York only eight years earlier or No Escape but two decades before.

Carmen (Ena Hartman) is dropped off at Terminal Island by the last guards she’ll see. Prisoners are stuck on the island until they die, which could be any minute the way things are here. There, she meets Dr. Milford (Tom Selleck), who was sentenced there for a mercy killing and joins the camp of Bobby (Sean Kenney) and Monk (Roger E. Mosley, working with Selleck years before Magnum P.I.).

As the male prisoners just keep killing one another, the women work in the fields by day and service them at night. Carmen is joined by the revolutionary firebrand Lee (Marta Kristen), the sex-loving Joy (Phyllis Davis) and the silent Bunny (Barbara Leigh).

A.J. (Don Marshall) and Cornell (Ford Clay) start their own camp and steal some of the women. Carmen ends up with A.J. while another man, Dylan (Clyde Ventura) tries to assault Joy. She responds by later covering his privates with honey and setting bees loose near him.

Lee teaches everyone how to use weapons and together, the men and women of this rebel camp decide to go after Bobby. In the final battle, nearly everyone is killed, other than Dr. Milford, who decides to stay instead of returning with the guards; Bunny, who gets her voice back and Monk, who is blinded.

Director Stephanie Rothman made this instead of The Big Doll House, saying “I would be in control of how the subject matter was treated, and while I had to put in the usual elements of sex and violence, I also could introduce ideas about how prisoners were treated, and how they could treat each other, that were not necessarily in these other films. I didn’t have to turn it into what most of these other films were, which was a cartoon.”

She also avoided having a rape scene. “In a film like Terminal Island, practically the whole film involves violence because the subject matter is violent people. I accepted that. I recognized that if I was going to make films, and I was going to make them for the market, I was making them for it. I wanted to make films very much and that’s what I needed to do. What I needed to do was try to refine that and give it some meaning beyond the violence itself, or beyond the nudity itself. In that sense, I tried very hard to not make it exploitative.”

I love that the women and the men in this end up having equal agency by the end. While this is exploitation, Rothman is a great director and turned in something here that’s better than the assignment. It’s an idea that takes advantage of its budget, with an outdoor location and simple effects working for a great concept.

You can watch this on Tubi.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Devil’s Wedding Night (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Supposedly, The Devil’s Wedding Night (AKA Full Moon of the Virgins) was all Mark Damon’s idea. After being in House of Usher, Damon had moved to Italy and appeared in movies like Black Sabbath and Johnny Yuma.

Perhaps this idea was the start of his producing career, which was more successful than his acting job. Damon was planning on selling the movie an American production company. Luigi Batzella (Nude for SatanThe Beast In Heat) was picked to direct, but most people believe that Joe D’Amato stepped in and finished the film.

I’m a firm believer in this theory because there’s a moment near the end of this movie where an otherworldly Countess Dolingen De Vries rises from a bathtub of blood and fog and writhes near nude on the screen and somehow going beyond the confines of the screen to destroy my mind. I generally try my best not to turn reviews of movies with atrractive women into male gaze spectacles, but Rosalba Neri is absoutely iconic in this moment, a perfect scene that is never discussed nearly enough.

There’s also a magic vampire ring of the Nibelungen, which is gigantic costume jewelery and therefore better than any Hollywood baubles, village girls with sacred amulets of Pazuzu (yes, really), five virgins getting sacrificed all at once in an express line of bloodletting magic, three different twist endings in a row, tripped out Dr. Who looking tunnel moments, D’Amato billing himself as Michael Holloway and going absolutely wlld capturing every inch of womanly curves and an incredible setting, the Castello Piccolomini Balsorano, the same place Lady FrankensteinBloody Pit of HorrorCrypt of the VampireThe Lickerish Quartet, The Blade MasterSister EmanuelleThe Bloodsucker Leads the DanceThe Reincarnation of Isabel, Farfallon, Pensiero d’amoreLady Barbara7 Golden Women Against Two 07: Treasure HuntC’è un fantasma nel mio lettoBaby Love and Put Your Devil Into My Hell were all shot at.

Plus, Xiro Papas, the monster of Frankenstein 80, plays a vampiric giant.

If you’re a fan of the harder side of Hammer, then allow this female vampire to obsess you as well.

CANNON MONTH 3: Cub Tiger From Kwang Tung (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

This movie has so many names, but that’s because it was released both before and after Jackie Chan became a big star in Hong Kong in Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow and Drunken Master. In 1979, a version with new inserts and a Jackie stand-in showed up in Hong Kong. This goes by names like Little Tiger of CantonTen Fingers of Death and after it was sold to producer Dick Randall, he dubbed and repackaged it as Master with Cracked Fingers. He sold to 21st Century who released it in 1981 as Snake Fist Ninja.

Hsiao Hu (Jackie Chan) has been forbidden to fight by order of his foster father (Tien Feng). However, he’s been training with a beggar known as “The Man Who Isn’t There” (Yuen Siu Tien, in new footage where he’s playing the same role as Drunken Master) and soon learns that his real father was murdered when protecting the people. However, all that fighting back causes the gang to kill his adopted patriarch and now Hsiao Hu has two reasons to get a pound of flesh from these criminals.

If you bought cheap VHS back in the day, you probably got this remixed Jackie movie along with Fantasy Mission Force.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON MONTH 3: Way of the Tiger (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Director Li Kuan-Chang also made The Cub Tiger from Kwangtung, which was rereleased as The Master With Cracked Fingers after Jackie Chan became a bigger deal. This rips off Fist of Fury and The Big Boss while trying to make you think its a Bruce Lee movie.

It stars Tong Lung, who spends more time running than fighting in this, but to paraphrase the words of MXC, “He’s not running from, he’s running to.” This has him fighting the Japanese who are invading China, much like the aforementioned Bruce Lee movies. Otherwise, it’s not your normal Bruceploitation. It’s more just a kung fu movie brought to the U.S. to cash in on the martial arts craze of the early 70s.

This was brought to the U.S. by 21st Century, who renamed it Challenge the Dragon. They also licensed it to Continental Video.

You can watch this on YouTube.

CANNON MONTH 3: The Awaken Punch (1973)

EDITOR’S NOTE: As the journey through Cannon continues, this week we’re exploring the films of 21st Century Film Corporation, which would be the company that Menahem Golan would take over after Cannon. Formed by Tom Ward and Art Schweitzer in 1971 (or 1976, there are some disputed expert opinions), 21st Century had a great logo and released some wild stuff.

Cheung Da Gong (Henry Yu Young) is a journeyman martial artist, sometimes fighting on stage, other times as a bodyguard or someone who protects shopkeepers. The death of his father brings him back home to work on the farm. He refuses to sell it to criminal Mr. Wong (Tien Fang), who gets his men to burn it down, killing his mother and sister. As you can imagine, the grief makes him get revenge. Then he gets arrested and the police say, “You should have left retribution to the law.”

This is a downer.

Also released as Fury of the Black Belt, this was directed by Lung-Hsiang Fang. Woo-Ping Yuen coordinated the action and a young Jackie Chan even shows up, but you may not spot him. He has a mustache!

It’s a very serviceable revenge film, even if I dislike that it ends with an arrest. I think if the mob burns down your family, legally you should be able to destroy everyone.

You can watch this on Tubi.

The Sizzlin’ Something Weird Summer Challenge 2024: The Night of the Cat (1973)

Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video (August 25 – 31) Welcome to the wonderfully wacky world of Johnny Legend’s Untamed Video! Take a walk on the wild side with troublesome teenagers, sleazy sex kittens, way-out hippies, country bumpkins, big bad bikers, Mexican wrestlers, and every other variety of social deviant you can think of.

A Carolinas regional wonder by one-time director Jim Cinque, this is what happens when our blonde heroine — is her name Bev or Beth, because the audio in this is as bad as you want it to be — takes a few karate classes and puts on a black wig to avenge her sister, killed by her pimp Mr. Demmins.

So she’s kind of like a cat woman, but the movie doesn’t go so far as to challenge copyrights. Instead, she mostly battles a larger gentleman by the name of Doug. Now, the pimp supposedly has a fear of cats, but this never comes up after its mentioned once, which is very unlike Batman’s origin where a bat crashes through a rich man with PTSD’s window and he says, “You know, instead of trying to get to the root cause of crime, like systemic poverty, I’m just going to dress up in black and beat up street punks.”

I kind of love that they said that this movie had a $100,000 budget, which is around $600,000 in today’s money. Did all of that money go to hire Nick Dennis, who somehow went from SpartacusEast of Eden and A Streetcar Named Desire to being in films like this?

Let me tell you how weird this movie is. We never see our heroine dress up in her costume. She shows up in it after a few scenes and we are just to assume that it is her. This movie doesn’t have plot holes in that it just asks you to write your own story so that it all makes more sense.

The poster, however, is amazing.