EDITOR’S NOTE: Doctor Detroit was on USA Up All Night on January 1, 1994; July 8, 1995; August 10, 1996.

I have no idea why my parents let me watch this on HBO, but I thought Doctor Detroit was a pirate. No idea what a pimp was.

Well, a pimp named Smooth Walker (Howard Hesseman) needs to get out of town, as Mom (Kate Murtaugh) has lost her patience with him. He invents a new pimp, Doctor Detroit and convinces Professor Clifford Skridlow (Dan Aykroyd) to take up this character. A night with all of Smooth’s girls — Monica (Donna Dixon), Jasmine (Lydia Lei), Karen (Fran Drescher) and Thelma (Lynn Whitfield) — convinces him to take the role, despite his needing to focus on getting a new endowment from wealthy CEO Harmon Rauseh (Andrew Duggan).

Directed by Michael Pressman (The Great Texas Dynamite Chase, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze) and written by Bruce Jay Friedman (Stir Crazy), Carl Gottlieb (Jaws) and Robert Boris (who directed Steele Justice), this movie is good because of the efforts of Akyroyd, in his first movie — and first solo lead — since the death of John Belushi. There’s also a James Brown cameo and the promise of a sequel that never got made, Doctor Detroit II: The Wrath of Mom.

Donna Dixon and Akyroyd married soon after making this.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Back to the Future Part II was on USA Up All Night on January 16, 1998.

According to Wikipedia: “Director Robert Zemeckis said that initially, a sequel was not planned for the first film, but its huge box office success led to the conception of a second installment. He later agreed to do a sequel, but only if Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd returned as well.”

That’s BS. The sequel was set up at the end of the first movie!

Most of the original cast agreed to return, but a major stumbling block arose when negotiating Crispin Glover’s fee to come back as George McFly. When it became clear that he would not return, the role was rewritten so that George is dead in 1985, and reused footage and an actor in make-up would fill in. We’ll get back to that.

It took two years to build the set, and this film and the third movie were shot at the same time (or at least worked on simultaneously).

Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) comes back to get Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) and his girlfriend Jennifer (Elisabeth Shue) in an attempt to fix the future. If Marty Jr. (also Fox) is allowed to be part of a crime with Griff Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson), things will go wrong for the entire family. The problem is that as they fix this, Bigg (also Wilson) steals a sports almanac and becomes Donald Trump, taking over the world, killing Marty’s father, George, and marrying his mom, Lorraine (Lea Thimpson).

This gets dark. Super dark. But just when it seems like everything has worked out back in 1955 — everything is repeated — the DeLorean disappears. It looks like all is lost when, in one of my favorite scenes, Joe Flaherty appears as a Western Union man, having had a telegram for decades to give to Marty at this exact moment. Marty goes back to see Doc Brown, having just left, all to set up the last movie.

Back to Glover.

According to an interview with Howard Stern, the highest offer he got was for $125,000, less than half of what the other returning cast members were paid. The actor felt that the movie’s message was incorrect. The characters were successful at the end of the film because of money, not love.

Zemeckis went beyond using old scenes to shoot new footage of actor Jeffrey Weissman, who wore prosthetics including a false chin, nose, and cheekbones. Weissman would tell Glover that the molds that were created from his face to make the aging prosthetics in the first film were reused to make the prosthetics for Weissman. Glover filed a lawsuit against the producers as they neither owned his likeness nor had permission to use it. Today, thanks to Glover, Screen Actors Guild collective bargaining agreements stipulate that producers and actors are prohibited from using such methods to reproduce the likeness of other actors. The precedent he set is being upheld in the digital aagee as well

Glover wasn’t the only actor not to return. Claudia Wells, who played Marty’s girlfriend Jennifer, was dealing with her mother’s cancer. She was replaced by Elisabeth Shue and even erased from past footage shown in the film.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Army of Darkness was on USA Up All Night on October 24, 1997.

Army of Darkness was probably the last movie that I couldn’t wait to see. It felt like it was delayed forever as Universal wanted a PG-13 and got an NC-17; they finally got an R. That’s after they demanded a new ending where Ash ended up in a better place — Raimi said, “Actually, I kind of like the fact that there are two endings, that in one alternate universe Bruce is screwed, and in another universe he’s some cheesy hero.” — and the director needed $3 million to finish the movie. Universal was not willing to give him the money and delayed its release due to a dispute with producer Dino De Laurentiis over the rights to Hannibal Lecter. This moved the release from summer to near Valentine’s Day. As you might imagine, this did better on cable and video than in theaters, even though I found the one place showing it in Butler, PA.

At the end of Evil Dead II, Ash went back in time. And that’s where he starts, captured by Lord Arthur’s (Marcus Gilbert) soldiers and due to be sacrificed in a pit of Deadites. After surviving, he frees Duke Henry the Red (Richard Grove), meets the Wise Man (Ian Abercrombie), falls for Sheila (Embeth Davidtz), and retrieves his shotgun and chainsaw. All he has to do is find the Necronomicon and say, “Klaatu barada nikto.”

However, as always, Ash is a moron.

He screws up and unleashes the Army of Darkness, led by Bill Moseley and an evil version of Ash, which he must battle with his limited understanding of warfare.

After winning the battle, Ash is to read a passage from the Necronomicon and swallow six drops of potion so that he can sleep and wake up in his own time. He drinks seven and wakes up at the end of the world. Or he would have, if Universal didn’t make the new ending where Ash protects S-Mart — Ted Raimi works there — from a Deadite, saying “Hail to the king, baby” before kissing a co-worker (Angela Featherstone).

Between the miniature Ash, the look of the Deadites and the stop-motion, this had taken Evil Dead from its horrific origins into mainstream comedy, even if no one wanted to see it in theaters.

This has some great alternate titles. In Argentina, it was Noche alucinante 2: el ejército de las tinieblas (Amazing Night 2: Army of Darkness). Brazil? Crazy Night 3. In Mexico, it was The Devil’s Awakening 3 and Shadow Warrior. Best of all of these is Kyaputen sûpâmâketto, the Japanese name, which translates as Captain Supermarket.

According to Sam Raimi in The Evil Dead Companion by Bill Warren, Charles Napier was initially slated to play Ash’s boss in S-Mart, but his role was ultimately cut. Likewise, Bridget Fonda was scheduled to have more screen time, as her scenes were added in the reshoots.

Also: Genius always steals. Bruno Mattei’s The Tomb outright lifted scenes of skeletons rising from their graves from this movie, as well as footage from the first two Indiana Jones movies and the 1999 edition of The Mummy. 

EDITOR’S NOTE: Alien was on USA Up All Night on November 17, 1995 and December 28, 1996.

What else can I say about Alien that so many others have already said?

Directed by Ridley Scott and written by Dan O’Bannon, based on a story by O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett, Alien influenced just as many movies as Star Wars.

The designs of H. R. Giger, Ron Cobb and Chris Foss took what Lucas started — the future didn’t have to be clean and in working order — and took it further, while the story shared that space wouldn’t be like a comic book or movie serial. It’d be just more hard work for a gigantic corporation, and death would not be dignified.

It also has one of the best taglines ever: “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

For all that Alien influenced, the DNA of this movie comes from many places:

Queen of Blood: Astronauts respond to a distress call and take an alien on board that slowly kills them off, one by one. Its director, Curtis Harrington, said, “Ridley’s film is like a greatly enhanced, expensive and elaborate version of Queen of Blood.”

Planet of the Vampires: Mario Bava’s movie features a crash landing, where the disembodied inhabitants of an alien planet possess the crew of a rescue ship and take over their bodies. There’s a scene where the crew examines an alien ship and discovers the gigantic remains of the long-dead inhabitants of this planet, which is 100% stolen by Alien, regardless of what Dan O’Bannon and Ridley Scott said otherwise.

It! The Terror from Beyond Space: This 1958 black and white horror film — about the sole survivor of a crashed ship being rescued and slowly killing the crew of another vessel — is incredibly close to the ideas in Alien.

But no matter. This remix succeeds and has the crew of the Nostromo — Captain Dallas (Tom Skeritt), executive officer Kane (John Hurt), warrant officer Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), navigator Lambert (Veronica Cartwright, who was also in The Birds and Invasion of the Body Snatchers), science officer Ash (Ian Holm), and engineers Parker (Yaphet Kotto) and Brett (Harry Dean Stanton), along with the ship cat Jonesy — have answered a distress call and end up bringing back an alien attached to Kane’s face.

The scene that results, where an alien bursts from Kane’s chest, shocked audiences and is still perfect today. That’s all you need to know: these aliens are perfect killing machines that can’t be reasoned with; they live to kill. This is a haunted house in space, in some ways, but also a chase.

I love that this movie led to a toy that no parent wanted their children to have, as well as a series of films that, well, are one good and the rest bad. But you know, I show up for all of them, because the memory of what this movie is gets me every time. This is the ultimate movie monster in one of the greatest horror films ever made. It’s just that simple.

Note: Thanks to Andrew Chamen for pointing out a typo I made!

Sept 22-28 Chuck Vincent Week: No one did it like Chuck! He’s the unsung king of Up All Night comedy, a queer director making the straightest romcoms but throwing in muscle studs and drag queens. His films explore the concept of romance from almost every angle – he was deeply passionate about love.

T. B. Dumore (Nicholas Saunders), the owner of Beaver Bras, gets his ad executive, Albert Zack (Chris Lemmon, Just Before Dawn, Thunder In Paradise), to create a new campaign: they need five famous women to wear their intimates so that people know they’re fashionable. Albert is the one who has to make it happen. He goes after an actress (Corinne Alphen, ex of Ken Wahl and now a pro tarot card reader) who is in the middle of a zombie movie; a disco singer named Debbie Winter (Marilyn Joi, Cleopatra Schwartz!) brings him to the dance floor; wealthy Contessa Bazzini (Carole Davis,  Piranha II) leads him to an orgy with a neon sign that exclaims “THE FUCK IS ON.” And then he dresses as a Yellow Peril villain to meet the First Daughter Lisa Foster (Teresa Ganzel, The Toy). Luckily, Albert has the help of Holly Fox (Olivia Pascal, Bloody Moon).

This was Chuck Vincent’s second try at mainstream after American Tickler. He directed it with German director Sigi Krämer; it was written by producer Wolfgang von Schiber, Rick Marx (who co-wrote Joe Franklin’s autobiography, Doom Asylum, and numerous films), Ian Shaw (who composed music for countless softcore films), and Vincent.

This also has Ron Jeremy and American adult star — not the British singer — Samantha Fox as reporters and roles for Dolly Dollar (not a porn star, a German actress), Pat Finnegan (AKA adult actress Patricia Dale), Jennifer Richards (Madusa in TerrorVision), Michelle Mais (the voice of Eebee the Evil Bong), Jack Wrangler (Lucifer in The Devil In Miss Jones Part II), Kurt Mann (Wanda Whips Wall Street), “Clown Prince of Porn” Bobby Astyr, an early role for Dan Lauria as a Secret Service man, Jake Teague (who did adult and Cannibal Ferox), Lou Leccese (who was C.H.U.D.), Juliet Graham (Bloodsucking Freaks, Vixens of Kung Fu, Miss Ohio in Emanuelle Around the World), pro soccer goalie Sepp Maier and  Lynette Sheldon (Let My Puppets Come).

Cinematographer Larry Revene shot Night Visions, Fright Housemanyts, and Marilyn Chambers’ softcore movies, including Deep Throat II, Raw Talent, the Roger Watkins-directed Corruption, Charlton Heston Presents the Bible, and several of Vincent’s movies, as well as directed Wanda Whips Wall Street.

Not a great movie, but a fun one. And the cast, right?

EDITOR’S NOTE: You Can’t Hurry Love was on USA Up All Night on June 28, 1991.

Video dating is a way of learning a lot about yourself, if we follow this film. Eddie (David Packer) got left at the altar and moved to LA. His cousin Skip (Scott McGinnis) gives him a car, a place to live and a job with Peter Newcomb (David Leisure), who sends him to work for his combat shock-addled brother Tony (Anthony Geary). As he hands out ads on the beach, Eddie decides to try video dating, which is run by Peggy (Bridget Fonda).

He claims to be a director, so his first date is with an actress who wants to be Madonna. Her father (Charles Grodin) tells him to make sure and wear a condom. As you can imagine, things don’t go well. Neither does trying to date rock girls, like Rhonda (Kristy McNichol), who nearly shoots him with a crossbow. And Monique (Merete Van Kamp) wants to have sex in public with him while his parents are at dinner.

As you can imagine, Eddie realizes that love isn’t found in this way and asks Peggy out.

Six years before this was made, Packer was a witness to the murder of Dominique Dunne, who was strangled to death by her ex-boyfriend, John Sweeney, while Packer was at her home for a rehearsal. He called the police and later found Sweeney kneeling over Dunne’s unconscious body. Dunne died from her injuries days later, and while Sweeney was convicted of voluntary manslaughter, the judge and others felt the crime was murder.

Cinematographer John Schwartzman also shot “Video Valentino,” the short film on which this movie is based, for director Richard Martini. Martini promised Schwartzman that if the short ever became a movie, he would hire him to shoot it. He lived up to the claim, but the completion bond company wouldn’t approve both a first-time director and a first-time cinematographer. Schwartzman asked Peter Lyons Collister, who had prior feature experience, to co-shoot the movie with him.

You can watch this on Tubi.