JESS FRANCO MONTH: Robinson and His Tempestuous Slaves (1972)

Mr. Robinson (I just had a mental breakdown because I reconized Yehuda Barkan, the Israeli-born comedian and director of a Cannon film that never came to America, The Big Tease, is in the movie!) is tired of the married life with kids. He thinks that he’s a descendent of that book character and not just a simple phamarcist and ends up on a jungle island with three women: Samantha (Anne Libert, The Queen of the Night, not to quote Dio, but from A Virgin Among the Living Dead), Linda (oh man, my world’s collide again because that’s Andrea Rau, Ilona from Daughters of Darkness!) and Peper (Ingeborg Steinbach from the Schoolgirl Report movies and if you read that and paused and say, “Ah yes, Schoolgirl Report, you’re a pervert.” and then we will laughing with one another and not at like old friends should). He gets there, because this is a Jess Franco movie, thanks to a rich porn star jewel thief which is like, being President of the Jess Franco Cinematic Universe (also, friend, if you thought, “Oh yes, the JFCU.” thank you, I am writing this while high and maybe we are speaking through time, who can say, other than this 10mg of hard THC candy that just kicked in).

There’s also a talking chimp, Howard Vernon as a comical cannibal, a Franco cameo as a director, a triggering ending where the mean wife comes to the island and discovers what Trent Renzor really meant about “Happiness In Slavery,” a script by Ken Globus (another Cannon connection, he did second unit on Menahem’s Operation Thunderbolt and the pre-Golan and Globus Cannon release The Passover Plot and man, writing this movie is like Jim Garrison level connections because he also wrote the English language translations for the Lemon Popsicle sequel Going Steady) and Artur Brauner (who produced tons of Franco’s films and also wrote…man, make it stop! He wrote Cannon’s The Rose Garden, as well as Death Occurred Last NightThe Vengeance of Doctor Mabuse and X312: Flight to Hell).

Really, this movie kind of blew my mind. Thanks for reading and being there.

Oh yeah and it’s really not good. It’s not set in a real jungle, everything is very lad’s mag humor and Jess feels just there for it. But whatever. I’m still glad it exists.

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