Captain Maximus Powers (B&S About Movies mainstay Eric Roberts) and co-pilot Mike Saunders (Charlie Schlatter, 16 years after 18 Again!) have crash-landed with a planeful of beauty pageant winners. The island they’re on? Well, it has a monster on it called Jurassic Pork — a gigantic pig — and Wahlberg-era Planet of the Apes who are making their own Ark.
This also has Playboy’s Fiftieth Anniversary Playmate Colleen Shannon, Miss Puerto Rico 1998 Joyce Giraud, Allie Moss, Janna Giacoppo, Popi Ardissone (Vampyre Femmes), Blythe Metz (Jacqueline Hyde), Baywatch’s Brande Roderick, Price Is Right model Gabrielle Tuite, Stuart Pankin as Noah, Evan “Joe Millionaire” Marriott, a Pope John Paul the Second impersonator and cameos from Pat Morita and Bernie Kopell from Love Boat.
Wait — so why is this article running during a week of music movies? Read on.
That’s because Michael Jackson — yes, the real one, not an effect or someone in makeup — appears as Agent MJ of the Vatican, who appears as a hologram out of a droid. All of his scenes were shot in his Neverland Ranch home and his appearance is why this movie went unreleased for so long.
How was this movie made? Why was this movie made? Why would Michael Jackson appear in what is essentially a Scary Movie level movie about a reality dating show?
Who can say? All I know is that I’ve watched it. Experience it. And decided to tell you about it. It’s not good, trust me. But it’s definitely something to talk about.