2025 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge 8: The Devil Conspiracy (2022)

8. HOLY WEDNESDAY: …And on the 8th day the Physical Media God watches a Christploitation flick.

Directed by Nathan Frankowski, written by Ed Alan, and filmed in Prague, The Devil Conspiracy is wild because it attempts to be both an action movie and a religious film, but ultimately becomes over-the-top with CGI, leaving the viewer blown away, as it’s unclear who this is for.

It’s for me.

Back in the days when angels fought in Heaven, St. Michael chained Lucifer in Hell. Now, a biotech company steals the Shroud of Turin in order to clone Lucifer. Their army kills Father Marconi (Joe Doyle), whose body is soon taken over by St. Michael in order to stop the end of the world from happening. Their plan is to find fallen women and use them to have a baby that the devil will possess, all while fallen angels teach St. Michael how to stop this, all while protecting Laura (Alice Orr-Ewing), the mother of the soon-to-be devil baby.

The main bad girl’s name?

Liz (Eveline Hall).

Yes, this movie is absolutely ridiculous in all the best of ways, and I wish they’d make so many more in a series of these films. Get this: Only the infant Christ could stand to be possessed by Lucifer, unlike weak humans who burn out when filled with the dark one. They’ve also created clones of Vivaldi and Michelangelo, which they auction off, and we simply ignore that this is happening because, in the grand scheme of this plot, it’s such a small thing in the face of the end times of all that is.

Also: Laura drinks an entire jug of bleach and lives.

Common Sense Media said: “Parents need to know that The Devil Conspiracy is a graphic fantasy/horror/thriller about a plot by devil worshippers to create a new baby Jesus and bring hell to Earth. Violence is intense and often bloody. There’s lots of fighting, shooting, beheading, slicing, stabbing, bloody wounds, jump scares, demons, other scary stuff, and more. Sporadic strong language includes uses of “f–k,” “motherf—-r,” “s–t,” “bitch,” “goddamn,” “whore,” etc. There’s some brief, inappropriate flirting, a woman wears fishnet stockings, and a childbirth scene is depicted. It’s preposterous and poorly made, but some viewers may be entertained in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.”

Their review reads like a Joe Bob Drive-In Total: “Women are kidnapped and roughly handled; they’re shown panicking and terrified. One woman is physically violated (a fertilized egg is forcibly inserted into her uterus). Brief, strong images of children in peril. Severed head, beheadings. The head is split in half. Lots of dead bodies. Someone is stabbed. Guns and shooting; one person is shot in the head, with blood spatter. Bloody wounds. Choking, gasping. Character shoots a bird in a tree. Fighting. Head-slamming. Body-slamming. Head-butting. Face-stomping, with strong gore. Vomiting on someone’s face. People are attacking guards with homemade weapons. Demon chained by the neck. Jump-scares. Brief scary/creepy stuff. Scary dream about a demon baby. Character drinks bleach, with screaming, vomiting. Explosions. Violence depicted in paintings, artworks. Mention of rape.”

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Smoking Causes Coughing (2022)

Sept 1-7 John Waters Best of the Year Week: To be fair, these movies aren’t ALL funny, but JOHN WATERS is funny. He’s become more of a writer and public commentator these days. Still, he helps keep the arthouse from taking itself too seriously with his annual top-ten lists, while celebrating the comically serious.

Tobacco Force — Benzene (Gilles Lellouche), Mathanol (Vincent Lacoste), Nicotine (Anaïs Demoustier), Mercure (Jean-Pascal Zadi as Mercure and Ammoniaque (Oulaya Amamra) — have just blown a giant turtle to pieces with their cancer attack, covering themselves with gore, when they get a call from their commander, Chief Didier (Alain Chabat), who is pretty much a rat. He wants them to go to a retreat for a week to improve their teamwork, because Lézardin (Benoit Poelvoorde) is coming to take over the planet.

So yes — a sentai show about a team who uses the powers of tobacco to destroy evil, even having a robot — Norbert 500 — who drives their van and helps them clean themselves off when they get messy.

As they bond, the team tells stories to one another, such as a woman whose thinking helmet turns her into a slasher or what happens when a man gets his foot stuck in a wood chipper. None of these stories have an ending and neither does this movie, as a new robot — Norbert 1200, sent to replace the suicidal Norbert 500 — arrives to help them defeat Lézardin. While waiting for the robot to start a program, Chief Didier keeps calling to tell them that the issue has resolved itself, as the bad guy’s family has killed him. There’s also a talking barracuda who gets grilled.

This was directed, written, shot and edited by Quentin Dupieux, who also made Rubber. It’s delightful, just a weird movie that hangs out with you, always changing until the end.

John Waters said, “Can a movie be both stupid and effete yet unironic? Only the French can pull that off, and this moronic auteur of ignoramuses does it again. Brilliant performances and dumbbell dialogue equal a superhero movie for idiots that surpasses all the tedium of Hollywood blockbusters.”

THIRD WINDOW BLU RAY RELEASE: New Religion (2022)

New Religion (2022): Miyabi (Kaho Seto) has lost her daughter when she falls from the balcony, which puts her in a dark place, working as an escort in a basement somewhere with two other women. Sure, she has a new guy, but one of her co-workers — Aiwaza (Daiki Nunami) — loses her mind and kills a whole bunch of people with a knife.

One of Aiwaza’s prize clients — Oka (Satoshi Oka) — now needs someone to take care of his needs, so Miyabi takes over. His needs? He takes photos of women, slowly, strangely and in ways that make them feel like they’re being dissected. Yes, that’s strange. But what’s weird is that his house is either always pitch black or blindingly red. Strange enough? What if he had no vocal cords and now spoke through the sound system of his home at body-rattling volume? And what if, with each photo that Oka takes, Miyabi gets closer to seeing her dead daughter?

Also, none of this could be happening. Or all of it.

Directed and written by Keishi Kondo, this is not a movie to go into hoping for a straight-up horror film. But for those willing to journey toward its heart of darkness, there’s something strange and wonderful here.

Neu Mirrors (2025): Neu Mirrors is a spin-off short film that attempts to answer certain unanswered questions of I and begins just after a scene in the previous film.”

Aizawa wakes up in a strange hotel room as a voice calls him from his earphone. Aizawa notices a man in a white shirt in the room with a photo book at his feet. There are the faces of many strangers and his own face printed on it.

Things don’t get any less weird from there.

This film takes on blue instead of red as its primary color. I love that it can be seen as an expansion or meditation on the past film or entirely on its own. Either way, director and writer Keishi Kondo is a force that creates otherworldly art.

Extras include an interview with the director, behind-the-scenes footage, outtakes, audio commentary on the film, an early concept version of the movie, a crowdfunding teaser, a trailer, an international trailer and a slipcase and reversible sleeves with original artwork for both films. You can buy this from Terra Cotta.

MILL CREEK BOX SET RELEASE: Documentary Now! (2015-2022)

Whether you believe that this is a series in its fiftieth season or a mockumentary show created by Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Seth Meyers, and Rhys Thomas, you just have to watch it. Through four seasons, all hosted by Helen Mirren, you will meet the sisters who live in “Sandy Passage,” which is totally Grey Gardens; experience the VICE-sorta “DRONEZ: The Hunt for El Chingon,” the Errol Morris parody “The Eye Doesn’t Lie,” “Gentle & Soft: The Story of the Blue Jean Committee, Parts 1 & 2,” which reminds me of how Hader is obsessed with how Eagles play soft music yet swear and tried to kill one another at times; “Final Transmission,” which somehow gets in a Talking Heads, The Band and Tom Waits parody all at the same time; a Robert Evans parody; a pisstake on Marina Abramović; a multi-Herzog doc; dodgeball with rocks and so much more.

In the book that comes with the box set, Armisen said, “I remember hoping that someone somewhere would find this show way in the future, without context, and then take it seriously.”

That’s why it works so well.

Plus, you get contributions by John Mulaney, Tim Robinson, Mike O’Brien, Cameron Crowe, Chuck Klosterman, Peter Bogdanovich, Faye Dunaway, Mia Farrow, Peter Fonda, Anne Hathaway, Owen Wilson, Michael Keaton, Cate Blanchett, Mr. Brainwash, Alexander Skarsgard, Tom Jones and so, so many more people. It’s really something how rich this show was and how high the quality stayed for all four seasons. It’s something like SCTV and Mr. Show that I will keep coming back to.

That’s why I’m so excited that this box set has come out. There are so many jokes and moments that you need to just keep watching these shows and they demand more than just one viewing. This is as perfect as comedy gets these days.

The Mill Creek box set of Documentary Now! has 2 hours of bonus features, including an IFC Emmy panel discussion, behind the scenes footage, deleted scenes, trailers and promos. It also comes with a 28 page book and 8 mini posters. You can get it from Deep Discount.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Catnado (2022)

June 23-29 Cat Week: Cats! They’re earth’s funniest creatures (sorry chimps, you’re psychos).

Why did I watch this? Well, look at the directors and you can pick out the ones I would be obsessed by: Curtis Everitt, Donald Farmer, Alaine Huntington, Blair Kelly, James M. Myers, Melvin Pittman, Tim Ritter, Jerry Williams and Logan Winton.

That’s right, Farmer and Ritter.

I mean, even on the line that describes it on IMDB, it doesn’t even make the effort: It’s like Sharknado, but with cats.

It’s also an anthology as so much microbudget horror seems to be these days. I mean, cats do abuse a priest in it, so there’s that. I imagine there;s a YouTube category for that. I do have a weakness for stuff like this, usually if it has a Ouija board or is in Amityville or has a shark, but I’m trying to do this cat movie challenge and how many Garfield movies can one man watch?

I expected nothing from this and was awarded in abundence.

The cover looks nice, the actual cartoon isn’t all that horrible, and cats are always fun to watch. There, I’ve said a few nice things. At least everyone got paid.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Hotel Underground (2021)

I have a friend who loves James Storm so much that whenever someone complains, he always sends them a picture of him that says, “Sorry about your damn luck.” Even people in our friend group who have no idea who he is—a star for TNA Wrestling for some time—love him now.

In this, Storm plays former world champion Tommy Majic, who someone wants to see fight again, so they kidnap his wife Cindy (Tracey Birdsall). There’s also Suzi (Finnish rock star and stuntwoman Jessica Wolff), who was planning on a marriage of convenience to a rich man, breaking the heart of her fiancé, before men kidnap them and her friend from Japan, who has come to see her get married, Akira Fujiyama (Kaori Kawabuchi). They’re all now in Hotel Underground — they even kidnapped her mom (Christa Billich) — a place that is both an underground fight club and also a place where a man named Dr. Butcher (Big Bad Ralph) cuts people up and also pops out as if he were a character in a dark ride. Oh — there’s also Debi (Australian rock star and pro wrestler Nicole Sharrock), who wants to kill men who abuse women.

This is a movie made with plenty of pro wrestlers and stuntpeople, like Jessica Wolf and Erika Reid. Director Steve Ravic has worked with the same crew — and many of the same actors — on several of his films. In this, he’s making something with flashbacks, weird color patterns and layered edits. It’s kind of wild and also feels like it could have been a VCA movie from the 80s, quality-wise, just without sex. There are so many stories going on, sometimes all at once, but this isn’t something you see on streaming and think it will be the finest in cinema. Enjoy it for what it is — an underground fight club populated by pro wrestlers with issues. I feel like I have lived this.

You can watch this on Tubi.

APRIL MOVIE THON 4: 2025 Armageddon (2022)

April 22: Earth Day Ends Here — Instead of celebrating a holiday created by a murderer, share an end-of-the-world disaster movie with us. You can also take care of the planet while you’re writing.

When they were kids, Madolyn and Quinn watched Snakes on a Train, as their grandmother was fooled by The Asylum and rented the wrong movie. Instead of being upset, they bond over mockbusters before growing up to be Lieutenant Commander Madoyln Webb (Jhey Castles) and Dr. Quinn Ramsey (Lindsey Marie Wilson). Even though they are no longer close, they quickly realize that the monsters attacking Earth in 2025 are all from the movies they watched when they were young.

The threat comes from aliens who have misinterpreted Asylum films as real-life mythology and are 3D printing the monsters to invade Earth. Great idea, but as usual for these movies from this studio, well, it’s an Asylum movie.

That said, Michael Paré is in it.

Directed by Michael Su, this was based on a story by The Asylum’s effects artists, Tammy Klein and Glenn Campbell, and written by Marc Gottlieb. It gives you the robots of Transmorphers and Atlantic Rim, a Sharknado, Mega Shark, Crocosaurus, koalas from Zoombies, multiple-headed sharks, a giant octopus, Mega Piranha, Mega Boa, Mecha Shark…everything that the studio still had effects of and could easily re-use the CGI.

But hey — it’s an end-of-the-world movie, set in 2025, not even about 2025.

You can watch this on Tubi.

TUBI ORIGINAL: Aisha (2022)

Aisha Osagie (Letitia Wright, Black Panther) is a Nigerian girl seeking asylum in Ireland. As you can imagine, she’s not treated well by anyone and is seen as less than nothing. Luckily, she has a good lawyer in Peter Flood (Loran Cranitch) and starts a friendship with Conor Healy (Josh O’Connor, Challengers).

Aisha may have a sad existence, but it’s better than the violence that she’s left behind, as her father and brother were both killed, and her mom has gone into hiding. She, much like so many of the asylum seekers that she befriends, can be taken away at any time, which means their lives start to feel almost meaningless.

Director and writer Frank Berry has put together a good movie that has flown under the radar and ended up on Tubi. It has so much to say about the world- the country, if you’re in the U.S.- that we’re living in today. It ends in a totally anticlimactic way, but even that makes so much sense, and it seems like it has to be that way.

You can watch this on Tubi.

TUBI ORIGINAL: Lights, Camera, Murder: Scream (2022)

Directed by Adam Meyer, this film claims that Scream was based on the real serial killer Danny Rolling, also known as the Gainesville Ripper, who murdered Florida college students Christina P. Powell, Sonya Larson, Christa Leight Hoyt, Tracy Inez Paules and Manuel R. Toboda during a four-day period in 1990. He decapitated one and set the bodies up for people to find much like a slasher villain.

Kevin Williamson, the writer of Wes Craven’s movie,  watched an episode of ABC News’ Turning Point and wrote Woodsboro Murders, which changed its name to the title we know these days.

Rolling may have had multiple personalities, which were the result of abuse from his police officer father. He carried that abuse to his wife and son before getting divorced, being arrested for raping a woman who looked just like his ex-wife and going to jail numerous times for robbery. By the 90s, he’d go on to kill Julie Grissom, her eight-year-old nephew and her 55-year-old father before shooting his own father in the stomach and head. Somehow, his dad lived, but lost an eye.

After killing five women and abusing their bodies in August 1990, he was arrested for robbing a Winn-Dixie. Cops found him in jail, identified by one of his teeth that had been extracted while incarcerated. He pled not guilty and even wrote a book with his future fiancee, journalist Sondra London, titled The Making of a Serial Killer.

By 1994, however, he pled guilty and was executed in 2006, not before singing to the 47 people who came to watch him die. They cut his mic off and then his life.

How much of Williamson and Craven’s film comes from this? It was more an inspiration. But hey — we have a Tubi Original about it, so you can watch that.

You can watch this on Tubi.

TUBI ORIGINAL: Hazard (2022)

Noah Hazard (Dimitri “Vegas” Thivaios) may love his girlfriend Lea (Jennifer Heylen) and their daughter Zita (Mila Rooms), but the true love of his life is his gold Lexus. However, he soon puts everyone in danger by helping his cousin Carlos (Jeroen Perceval) pick up Kludde (Frank Lammers) from prison and immediately go on a run to steal drugs.

Somehow this leads to a man having sex with Noah’s car, a criminal kidnapping his daughter, crazy stunts through the streets of Antwerp, this never leaves the inside of the car, which you would think limits the film, but thanks to animation and just plain strangeness, you never feel trapped.

Directed by Jonas Govaerts (Cub) and written by Trent Haaga (68 Kill), this is an example of a Tubi Original that moves to the top of the heap. If this is what it takes to get experimental foreign films to America, so be it, because I have no idea where else Hazard would fit in. It’s well-shot, the soundtrack is amazing — Thivaois is a DJ — and even has a strong message by the close. It’s in a world that is our own but not quite; it’s like a video game come to life.

You can watch this on Tubi.