ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Emily Fear is a librarian by day, professional wrestling lover and accordion player in the band Bitter Whiskers by night. You can catch her as the co-host of Grit and Glitter on PWTorch and read her blog all about intergender wrestling, Boy Girl Party. She’s also recently conducted a class on the role of women in horror films.

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” – Margaret Atwood

The opening scene of Black Christmas intercuts shots of shadowy, conspiratorial hallways and the whispered oaths of men with the much less formal, more boisterous and loving revelries of a sorority house. In this home of women, there are drinks and “more cheese, bitches!” and music and a tender phone call between roommates implying the gift-giving of a vibrator.

The recipient of this thoughtful present is walking home late from the library, headed to a relative’s for the Christmas break. Walking alone in a dark campus emptied of others, she encounters two simultaneously jarring appearances: Ominous and threatening DMs from an anonymous account and a man, staring down at his phone, walking behind her.

She gets her keys out of her pocket and puts them between her fingers, a kind of makeshift Wolverine claw defense that so many of us know so well. It will not save her.

So begins Sophia Takal’s and April Wolfe’s staunchly feminist reimagining of the 1974 slasher classic Black Christmas, Bob Clark’s ode to the women who suffer because of the cruelty of men, be it in its most brutal, insane manifestation or in its more benign, condescending forms. The original film has been celebrated for its striking visuals, its wrenching tension and never-ending sense of dread and its performances, but in more recent years, the film has also seen a resurgence through feminist film theory, with many of these critics praising the implicit feminist themes in the movie.

Rather than strictly adhere to the original premise, Takal and Wolfe take those implicit themes and make them the core of the film. This Black Christmas is centered around the sorority sisters and fraternity brothers of Hawthorne College, which is just about to shut down for Winter Break. Riley (Imogen Poots) is a senior and MKE sister, still trying to recover years later from a sexual assault by AKO’s former fraternity president, Brian – who is back to observe the fraternity’s annual holiday talent show, which Riley’s sisters Kris, Marty, Jesse & Helena happen to be performing in.

Kris (Aleyse Shannon) is fighting her own battles, including convincing the college to remove the bust of the school’s founder, the infamously bigoted Calvin Hawthorne (“He owned slaves. IN THE NORTH.”) and petitioning to have Professor Gelson (Cary Elwes, perfectly balancing slimy and authoritarian) fired for failing to diversify his literature course beyond the canon of dead white men.

Kris is ardent about her campaigns, perhaps to an overwhelming extent as even her sisters are keen to distance themselves from some of her more passionate screeds. But when Helena has to leave the AKO party early, it is Kris that convinces Riley to reclaim her space and join the girls in the choreographed talent show number – which is actually, despite its sexy Santa trappings, a barbed parody shaming and ridiculing the fraternity’s rape culture, specifically directed toward Riley’s attacker.

Video of the performance goes viral, sisters start disappearing and, as Riley, Kris, Marty and Jesse prepare for a holiday dinner at their otherwise vacated sorority house, the looming threat of violence that these women live under becomes a direct siege, with an invasion of robed, masked men come to exterminate them through whatever means handy, be it a string of Christmas lights, a bow and arrow, or unimaginable physical power. Is that power sourced from something even more dark and sinister than insane rage or thirst for revenge? Well, the movie tells you pretty much from the start that it is.

Takal and Wolfe add a heavy dose of supernatural conspiracy to the original’s slasher concept and its effectiveness may vary for viewers, many of whom may be expecting the satire to still play more straightforward with the violence. However, in a horde of slasher movies each attempting to outdo the other ones in ostentatious displays of over-the-top gore, there’s something revelatory in a horror film that maintains tension without the need for constant blood and guts.

What will likely be harder for some of traditional horror audience to swallow is the intensely explicit feminist themes of the movie. Riley, Kris and their sisters are not hapless victims being picked off one by one, nor are they likable, plucky “Final Girls.” Rather, they are a flawed but bound army of resistance against an evil patriarchal force bent on eliminating whatever women cannot be forced to submit to its power. What the movie sacrifices in subtly, it makes up for in moments of rousing rebellion, or in the smaller moments of joyful, lived-in exchanges between characters, like when a scattered sorority sister begs Riley for a pad because she’s misplaced her Diva Cup. (“How do you lose a Diva Cup?” “With abandon!”)

Poots proves her mettle as a suspense thriller heroine once again, with Shannon an able and engaging support presence. The women’s performances overall fare better than their male co-stars who, Elwes aside, mostly blur together in a homogenous Caucasian blur of privilege and sniveling misogyny. Landon (Caleb Eberhardt) is more wholly defined – and in a movie about raging against injustices of supernatural extent, has maybe my favorite explosive moment when he sees what the way the irresponsible frat bros have destroyed his sound mixer – but still lacks depth in shading, which is particularly interesting when you consider he’s the only non-white male character in the movie. How privilege and power differ for him in contrast to his white cis male counterparts needn’t have been explored to great depth, but touching on it would have been a welcome note of intersection between the struggle against sexism and struggle against racism.

This Black Christmas is sure to be divisive for audiences, but if you’re into the idea of a suspense-filled horror satire birthed from the #MeToo moment, this is a very enjoyable hour and a half at the movies.

When members of Joe’s therapy group start dying under mysterious circumstances, Detective Harris is forced to reopen a cold case. Her only lead: Father William – the group therapy leader who seems to know more than what is in his police statements.

This comes from Eduardo Castrillo, whose film Worth we covered last year.

The sale copy for this reads: “In the tradition of The Exorcist and End of Days comes a paranormal whodunnit that pits a detective, priest and photographer against unexplainable evil.” Well, certainly these were movies and this is a movie as well.

Tom Sizemore stars as the priest and…well, he’s trying. Right? And hey there’s Miguel A. Núnez Jr., who was Spider in Return of the Living Dead and Dee Jay in Street Fighter. That’s probably the biggest selling point of the film to me.

If you’re streaming along and want to see a demonic zombie film with Tom Sizemore, well, I think there may be more than one option. But one of those is The Pining, which you watch for free on Amazon Prime.

DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us by its PR team. That has no bearing on our review.

Yeah, I have a weakness for Anna Kendrick films. I might come on here and praise Joe D’Amoto and Ruggero Deodato, but put on a movie where Anna is singing or triumphing against people who think she isn’t worthwhile and I’m right there beaming. I can admit it. I’m not afraid.

When Noelle Kringle (Kendrick) was a little girl, she grew up with a very special father: Santa. Now, five months after he’s passed on, Noelle’s older brother Nick (Bill Hader) must step into the role.

As Nick begins worrying if he can handle it, Noelle tells him to take a vacation. The only problem is he doesn’t come days before Christmas and the senior elves — Michael Gross is one of them — appoint her cousin Gabriel (Billy Eichner) has to take the job of being Santa.

To save the holiday — yes, this is the theme of every single holiday movie — Noelle must go to Phoenix to find her brother. Luckily, she has the help of her nanny Polly (Shirley MacLaine) and a cute baby reindeer named Snowcone.

Kingsley Ben-Adir is in this as a detective, as well as Julie Hagerty as Mrs. Claus (the woman never seems to age) and the always funny Ron Funches as Mortimer, a singing elf.

Writer and director Marc Lawrence is the man who made both Miss Congeniality movies, as well as Two Weeks Notice, Music and Lyrics and  Did You Hear About the Morgans? Basically, this entire movie was made for my wife.

This is one of the first films available on Disney+. You know, for when you’re not watching Star Wars movies. It’s cute and with a G rating, certainly one you can share with the kids this holiday season.

5 Galaxies has five different science fiction stories in one film. Each segment is directed by a different creative talent, including Nelson Lee, Kristen Hilkert, Amir Reichart, Vitaly Verlov and Marc-Henri Boulier. It was originally released in 2018 as A.I. Tales. If any of the films feel disjointed, blame the lack of a narrative device to hold them all together and that many of them were short films released before they were collected here.

Seed: Directed by Nelson Lee, an actor who has appeared in several films such as Disney’s new live action Mulan, this story is all about a man undergoing a combination birthday party and living funeral, all so an overpopulated society can keep on surviving, ala Logan’s Run. Pom Klementieff, who plays Mantis in the Marvel movies, shows up here.

IN/FINITE: This is the story of Jane, who decides to leave the Earth and her family behind as part of the Mars One Astronaut program. It’s directed by Kristen Hilkert and co-written by its star Ashlee Mundy.

Phoenix 9: This short was originally made by in 2014 and is directed by Amir Reichart. A post-apocalyptic tale, it was shot in the Glamis Dunes in California’s Imperial Valley, which was a location used to create Tatooine in the original Star Wars.

Redux: Originally made in 2015, this segment features Eric Roberts and is all about a scientist attempting to send a mission back in time before he is killed. It’s directed by Vitaly Verlov, who often works in visual effects.

New York 2150: This is the pilot episode of the New York 2150 series, which was written and directed by Harry Assouline.

This is, as most modern portmanteaus are, a mixed bag. There are some interesting ideas, but I prefer Amicus style anthology movies that at least are moving toward one subject or conclusion.

5 Galaxies is available on demand and DVD from Uncork’d Entertainment.

DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us by its PR company. That has no bearing on our review.

The Dove Foundation exists to “encourage and promote the creation, production, distribution and consumption of wholesome family entertainment.” They select movies that are family-friendly and endorse them as being Dove approved.

This movie may be the first one we’ve featured — and probably will ever feature — that is Dove approved.

The League of Legend Keepers : Shadow is about a family of archaeologists who find a missing pendant that is being sought by an evil spirit. Once all five of the pendants are brought together, the shadows from the past will be unleashed. Will Sophie be able to save her family and her town from the shadows?

Starring and co-written by award-winning young actress Isabella Blake-Thomas (TV’s Once Upon A Time), and directed by Elizabeth Blake-Thomas, The Legend Keepers : Shadows stars Richard Tyson from Kindergarten Cop, Eternal Code and Death Kiss, as well as Jake Brennan (Richie Rich from the 2015 TV version).

Kid-friendly adventure films really aren’t my bag, but if you have little ones at home over the holiday break and want something fun (and safe) to watch, this is a good pick.

The League of Legend Keepers : Shadows is available on demand and on from Uncork’d Entertainment.

You can learn more at the film’s official Facebook page.

Comic books had several decades before the dark side of heroics — remember the grim and gritty eighies? — became a big deal. There have been comics like Watchmen, MiracleMan and Rick Veitch’s Maximortal that showed exactly what would happen if superheroes were either not raised properly or left unchecked.

Brightburn feels really close to those last two books, but allows superhero movies to finally find their dark side.

Produced by James Gunn (Guardians of the Galaxy, Slither) and written by his cousin Mark and brother Brian, Brightburn is all about Brandon Breyer (ah, an alliterative nickname, well done comics fans), who is really an alien who crash landed in a Kansas town where his adoptive parents Tori (Elizabeth Banks) and Kyle (David Denman) have tried to raise him as normally as possible. Then again, there’s that spaceship he crash landed in, hidden in the barn, that keeps calling to him.

Brandon has turned into an overachiever in school, which means that he’s shunned by the other kids, except for a girl named Caitlyn. However, his nascent puberty and realitization that his powers make him superior to humanity mean that things won’t end happily for anyone involved.

This movie ended up being way better than I had hoped, moving into more horror movie than superheroic effort. The scenes of Brandon’s abilities being used on normal flesh and blood humans are incredibly startling. There’s also a glass to the eye scene that would have made Lucio Fulci proud.

If the school that Brandon attends looks familiar, that’s because it’s Patrick Henry High School in Stockbridge, Georgia, the same school where seasons 1 and 2 of Stranger Things were filmed.

In the end credits, Michael Rooker plays a YouTube conspiracy theorist named the Big T. He shows what is basically a dark version of the Justice League, with a sea creature instead of Aquaman, a witch with ropes who could be Wonder Woman, an alien being and even the Crimson Bolt, who was Rainn Wilson’s character in James Gunn’s movie Super.

Brightburn is an intriguing take on superhero movies. Just be prepared — this has more gore than nearly every movie we’ve seen this year.

Three movies into the final part of what is being called the Skywalker Saga and I have to confess: worse than not knowing anything about these new characters — Poe Dameron, Finn and Rey — I honestly don’t care about them. They’re ciphers that we only know the barest of things about. Why does Finn have such an affinity for his friends? Why should we care a lick about Poe when he’s proven to be too headstrong and willing to leave people behind, yet has nothing redeeming to make up for it? And Rey has every single skill of the Jedi near-instantly, almost a way too perfect character to be true.

Don’t tell me I have to read the other books or watch the shows or do my research. Don’t tell me that the old films in the Star Wars saga didn’t come out as often or perhaps we cared too much about them. I sat — well, slept, I’ll be perfectly honest — through this too loud and too much installment and I have to tell you my most honest review: Yeah, alright.

I don’t go to blockbusters to walk away saying, “Yeah, alright.”

Obviously, everything after this will contain massive spoilers. You have been warned.

The first critical error the film makes is by telling us that a secret message has caused a stir in the galaxy: the Emperor is alive. You know, instead of a scroll, perhaps this event — probably the most important thing that’s happened in all three of these post Return of the Jedi films, could have been shown to us so we could grasp just how mindblowing it is. Nope. It’s in words on the screen. The dead speak! This is lazy filmmaking.

Kylo Ren (Adam Driver, who isn’t howling in a bar or eating ass in this one) obtains a Sith Wayfinder device and travels to the planet Exegol, where the Emperor is recharging. It turns out that everything evil in the past few films has come from Palpatine, including Snoke who is just a clone. Snoke is the most infuriating character in these films, another character who really has no motivation and no reason to exist other than being yet another Star Wars villain set up to be an undefeatable villain only to, you know, by cut in half. See: Darth Maul, General Grievous, Count Dooku.

So the Emperor does what has never been done before. He just plain conjures up a million or so Star Destroyers on a planet that has constant darkness and lightning. He tells Kylo to find Rey, who is studying to be a Jedi with General Leia Organa Solo (Carrie Fisher), who is more Force-sensitive than a Jedi, you know, until this movie, which has a CGI cut scene that looks like, well, a video game cut scene that shows her training with Luke and realizing that she’s going to die and not complete her journey but someone else will. Because man, Star Wars is kind of like Catholicism for people who’d rather have Carlos Casteneda instead of John the Baptist.

There’s also a spy in the First Order, a subplot that changes nothing in the film other than to remind you that General Hux and Ben Solo probably had a tempestuous affair at one point and there’s a thin line between love and hate.

Rey, Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, BB-8 and C-3PO head out for Passanna to meet Lando Calrissian while R2-D2 stays with Leia in a military base. Soon, Kylo Ben Solo and the Knights of Ren show up just as Rey discovers a Sith dagger than C-3PO’s programming forbids him to read. Why? Is it because he was built by Anakin Skywalker? Nah — it’s just another dangling “We’re going to kill off another beloved character” tease and even when they wipe out the golden droid’s memory, it comes back so quickly and easily, you wonder why they even teased this moment of sadness.

I also have no idea why the Knights of Ren are important other than they will make cool looking toys and fat dudes will dress like them and bump into me at conventions.

Speaking of teasing the death of a major character — Rey uses Force Lightning to accidentally kill Chewbacca, who died way back in the book Vector Prime before the books were no longer part of the real Universe. But yeah, Chewbacca survives anyway. Seriously, they should have called this movie Star Wars: Let’s Fuck with Chewbacca. The dude gets tortured, stripped, Rey uses his gun, one of his best friends dies and oh yeah, he had to be in this movie.

Zorii Bliss (Keri Russell, who did Felicity with J.J. Abrams) is in this too. She’s a masked smuggler who had something of a relationship at one point with Poe but they never kissed, which is pretty much par for Star Wars romance. She is not Zam Wesell, so don’t get that confused. Honestly, her scene about wanting to leave behind the planet Kijimi is about as emotionally resonant as this movie gets.

Turns out that Chewbacca is still alive, so there’s a failed rescue mission on a Star Destroyer that leads to a nice scene where Rey and Kylo have a lightsaber battle between their two worlds. That’s when we learn that Rey is Palpatine’s granddaughter, who tried to King Herrod her as a child, as he feared her power.

So hey, why don’t we go back to Endor. Do we have to? Yes, we do. That’s where we meet a whole bunch of other Stormtroopers who got tired of missing every shot and took off their suits and became dudes who ride yaks. Their leader, Jannah, is not Enfys Nest from Solo: A Star Wars Story, despite similar animal mounts and markings. She and Finn quickly become friends but there’s not even a hint of romance.

Also: remember when Rose Tico was such a big deal in the last movie? Yeah, neither do the filmmakers.

There’s a cool scene where the second Death Star is in the giant black waves of Endor and Kylo and Rey have another lightsaber battle. Remember when lightsaber battles were rad and you couldn’t wait for them, way back before Yoda zipped all around doing backflips and suddenly, you wondered how and why lightsabers could be boring? Yeah.

Man, anyways, Leia dies reaching out through the Force to her son, who gets impaled by Rey but then healed by her before she runs to the Emperor’s world to kill the old man, because you know, that’s what he wants. He came back from the dead so the child he sent away because he feared she would kill him can kill him. Motivations are super important in Star Wars.

Nearly everyone who Hasbro will sell to idiots like me dies. Star Wars has a fetish for hands getting chopped off, British accents, wipe transitions and killing off fat spaceship pilots.

Luckily, Rey and Kylo fight back, but then we learn another motivation for the Emperor: he wanted to leech their youth and become strong again. So, if Rey had just killed him, did this second plan even matter? Well, he’s every Sith and Rey ends up being every Jedi and they battle and she ends up killing him. However, because she turns his Force lightning against him, she isn’t killing him like he wanted and this killing is OK because Star Wars.

We end up back on Tatooine where Rey goes to hide the last two lightsabers and claim the name of Skywalker. Then we see Leia looking like the Virgin Mary and Luke looking like some dude who’d go to a comic convention to meet Mark Hamill as ghosts.

Question: Remember when it was a big deal that Qui-Gon Jinn didn’t turn into a Force spirit and disappear and we were gonna get answers on that one? Yeah. Well, both Leia — not a Jedi — and Kylo Ben Solo disappear when they die. Of course, he kisses Rey first. And his dad shows up and calls back the “I know” line because this movie is fan service from frame one, bringing back holo chess when it’s not sledgehammering plot points and deus ex machine into your feeble brainstem.

This movie is a lot like sugary cereal. Sugary cereal is real good, except for how you feel sick after eating multiple bowls.

Also: I kind of hate that new green robot D-O who literally talks like a Donald Trump tweet, saying “Sad!” when a scene is upsetting. We get it. We know it’s sad. You don’t have to tell us.

The movie also feels like one that should pause and flash: CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! Like the tie-fighter parked next to an x-wing. We get it. We get the symbolism. Or when Wedge Antilles shows up, that kind of stuff is only for dudes like me that knew the names and call signs of every pilot. And yes, Wedge is Red Two. I was also a virgin until well into my twenties, thank you very much.

So what did I like about the movie? I dug those yak creatures that they rode on the deck of the Star Destroyers and yes, I know they’re called orbaks but I’m going to keep on calling them yaks. And I adored Lando basically picking up Jannah and saying, “Let’s find out where you’re from.” You know he’s making her crosseyed in the back of the Millennium Falcon right now while Nien Nunb wonders why there’s a sock on the door. I also liked the little dude named Babu Frik who wiped out C-3PO’s mind. And I kinda dug the kintsugi look of Kylo Ren’s new mask.

Yeah, it was also nice that we saw the first same sex kiss in Star Wars between Commander D’acy and an unnamed character that will surely get a name and a Hasbro San Diego Comic-Con two-pack release that will sell for many times the original price on eBay.

Look — I’m not going to tell you what to like and be a gatekeeper. Love what you love, enjoy what you enjoy and spend your money where you want. That said, I spent a good chunk of my life loving Star Wars and know more about Dengar than many of the extended family members. I know — and care — next to nothing about anything in this film. There are people who are going to go see it a few hundred times and get the sugar rush that this film is and love it because it’s Star Wars. Again, being a fan of the saga is a lot like being Catholic — you know the motions, you go through them but after a while, you question why you just don’t feel the same after Mass.

I certainly didn’t hate this movie. But I certainly didn’t like it. A movie that costs this much and has this much behind it should inspire more reaction than this. I want to feel something, I want my eyes to well up with emotion and I want to feel like I’ve witnessed modern mythology. Instead, I feel like I just sat in a chair for two and a half hours and watched some bad fan fiction come to life.

But hey — if you liked it, good for you. Maybe I’m the problem.

CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE: Keri Russel was in JJ’s Felicity. Jennifer Garner was in JJ’s Alias. Jim Sloss, who loves both of these things and people, set me straight.

When a gang of outlaws attacks a small homestead in the middle of nowhere, killing a husband and wife before kidnapping their teenage daughter, the law has to come down hard on them. After the criminals get lost, they find their way to Eminence Hill, a town run by a group of deeply religious men and women.

Welcome to, well, Eminence Hill, which is directed by Robert Conway, who has directed three different Krampus themed films: Krampus: The Reckoning, Krampus Unleashed and Krampus Origins.

This movie is packed with stars. There’s Barry Corbin, Harv from Critters 2 and perhaps better known to normal folks for being in No Country for Old Men. Dominique Swain, who was in the 1997 version of Lolita and Face/Off, as well as recently reviewed films like Blood Craft and The 6th Friend. Even Brinke Stevens shows up!

Probably the name that will get most people looking for this movie is Lance Henriksen, whose resume contains such stand-outs as Hard Target, Aliens, Near Dark, Pumpkinhead, Stone Cold and many, many more.

He’s only in it for a few moments, but come on. If you’re reading this site, you know all manner of films that relied on that one name to get the movie made and sold, an actor who barely shows up in the actual film.

If you’re looking for a modern take on a western, Eminence Hill is available on demand and on DVD from Uncork’d Entertainment.

DISCLAIMER: This movie was sent to us by its PR department but that has no impact on our review.

A group of friends is torn apart when they become part of the most dangerous game — two hunters who hunt humans for profit. They’re given ten minutes to hide and then the real hunt begins.

American Hunt was being filmed when Blumhouse began the casting process for The Hunt, which was infamously cancelled and has been shelved indefinitely in the wake of today’s political climate. Then again, that was a $15 million dollar studio film and this is a direct to streaming film. American Hunt is the only one of the two that you can actually see. For now.

This film was directed by Aaron Mirtes, who was behind such films as Curse of the Nun and Clowntergeist.

It’s more of a backwoods slasher than a highly politicized action thriller, despite the PR campaign to sell it. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth a watch.

American Hunt is available on demand and on DVD from High Octane Pictures.

DISCLAIMER: We were sent this movie by its PR agency. That has no bearing on our review.

Wrinkles the Clown is an unidentified performance artist from Naples, Florida, who is supposedly an angry homeless man who hires himself out to parents who need him to frighten their children into behaving properly. He first appeared in a 2015 YouTube video where he crawled out from under a girl’s bed. He’s also appeared in other videos, terrorizing motorists and ruining birthday parties.

Since then, stickers bearing his face and a telephone number began appearing around Florida, with the number soon became a rite of passage for children around the United States. Now, there’s a documentary all about this clown and how parents are either using or abusing his abilities.

In 2019, Wrinkles agreed to allow a documentary crew to follow him in his daily life and explain his philosophy. He’s an elderly man who lives in a van that spends most of his days and nights fishing, drinking and going to strip clubs. There’s no logic or ideology behind Wrinkles, only money.

Or is there? By the end of the documentary, it is revealed that the man the crew has been following is an actor named D.B. Lambert, who has been hired by the real Wrinkles to portray his secret identity. Now blurred out, the real Wrinkles shows how the viral videos were made and that they were all created with actors. 

Filmmaker Cary Longchamps was the man that the Naples Daily News has discovered helped start the Wrinkles viral videos. Is he Wrinkles? No one is sure. The idea that an old clown is devoted to scaring children is the kind of urban legend and boogeyman that some parents need to keep their kids in line, which is either bad parenting or just trying to escape the pressure of having kids. The film takes no real stand.